Disclaimers: Me? Own? Ha! Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, and Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling. I only own the characters who wrote the letters.
Summary: "I have realized that many Harry Potter fans have a problem with me… Since there are so many 'Draco Malfoy Haters' out there, I have decided to open this mail line."
Draco Malfoy has been receiving many hate letters recently, but what is he going to do about it? Well, he decided that he should answer it!
Author Notes: Yes, another one. There were some requests for more, so here you go. This is dedicated to everyone who had reviewed these before. I thank you you guys so much for staying with me.
Such a shame for me to be inside on this bright day just to answer these hate mails regarding how much I 'suck'. I, even admit myself that that is a little sad, but I guess it is better to be answering mails from my very own 'Hate Groupies' than to be with Crabbe and Goyle, who are currently choking down their one-week-old sandwiches hidden under their beds or with Parkinson, who always tries to smother me with kisses from her overly-used pair of lips (if you get what I mean). The thought of it makes me shudder!
Of course, there are more letters that are addressed to me, but I only pick out the ones that really deserve to be made fun of, such as this one that you can read later. It's not so much as I want to insult them, but they are just asking for it. How dare anyone make fun of moi?
Anyway, with not much further ado, again, my answers are in bold and in italics.
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Dear Dorko Malfoil, Even though my eye is twitching, I am going to let it go.
It has come to my intention that you are writing bad stuff back to the people who wrote you letters expressing what they feel about you. And I am expressing on how I feel about them. Of course, now on you too. Have you ever thought that maybe, you deserved it? No, I never thought of that before, but thank you for asking. Or maybe that we live in a world of freedom of speech and are allowed to express our opinions of one another? Then too bad for the world I live in where I don't give a damn with what they think.
There is enough hate in the world around, Then why are you telling me this? Why don't you tell the people who actually started all of this in the first place? The so-called 'Haters' and by insulting the people who made fun of you, you are just making it worst. Please, tell me more, oh wise one! Teach me the way of being an annoying prick! Now, I'm not trying to sound smart You know, a sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind. or mature or anything, but what you are doing is wrong. Whoever told you that my dear, couldn't be even more wrong.
What if I came up to you I wouldn't let you in the first place. and told you, you have an ugly pointy shaped face and wig like hair? I would punch your face so even your mother wouldn't recognize you. And what if I told you that you are way too melodramatic Then I would kick your ass all the way to Bermuda. and nobody cares for your whininess And no one cares for your bossiness. because it is so damn annoying! Because you are a girl with no life, and goes out to bars each night, in hopes that guys would be so drunk to sleep with you.
Oh jeez, now you have gotten me started. Me too. It seems that everything about you bothers me! We do have a lot in common after all. I think the same to you. Your stupid smirk, TRADEMARK smirk if you please. That every girl think is sexy, so if you think it is stupid. You are saying they are stupid too. Who's the hater now? constipated looking sneer It probably looks better than your smile, and the arrogant features, Thank you. Also one out of millions that makes me gorgeous sex god. and God! Please, don't get me started also on your horrible acting skills What are you? A critic too? and how much you are such a drama queen! At least I'm something. What are you? Everything you are not. A girl? My point exactly. Especially, with your 'oh, look at my gorgeous body and handsome face' I am pretty, aren't I? …How self-centred are you? Not including the many that worships the ground I walk on…not very. It's surprising how you even have friends! At least I have friends. Let alone a few. Who are all loyal and takes heed with everything I say. You wish you could be like me. Aw, poor wittle Dwako only has a few fwends Sarcasm won't get you far, you know…Here's 5 cent. Now go buy yourself a few more friends. Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!
I can't believe I am saying all of these things, I can't believe you are still alive after saying all of these things about me which are against everything I believe in. Sucks to be you…seriously. You know what Draco Malfoy? These letters DO belong to you. You know, the thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you right now. Even people who don't like Harry Potter He gets hate mail too? Wow, I never knew that. I bet you wrote to him too, didn't you? and like you better, Who wouldn't? sorry to tell you, but you would STILL get more mails than him. Reality sucks eh? For you, maybe, figuring that you are a loner.
Okay, that was very mean, and I have deep regrets for it I have complete satisfaction, saying all of that to you, even though I still stand firm on what I just said. It's not as if I'm going to push you. I just wanted to prove a point to you that it hurts Aww, poor baby! Did Draco hurt you too? (including the beginning when I called you a "dork"), and that there really isn't any real satisfaction in doing it. Oh how wrong you are. It just makes the other person feel bad No really??? and all you get is a guilty conscience, knowing that you had made someone cry. I feel nothing for anyone.
Anyway, I hope you take this letter as a good thing and not bad. Keep talking, I always yawn when I am interested. It would help you with your personality, Don't worry about my personality. You should worry about yourself more. and I know this really good place where you can go to make it better! I also know a good plastic surgeon too. It would do you good for a nice facial change. You have too many problems…and I'm not just talking about with other people. Either than that, have a good day. You are definitely the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you, but when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
Sincerely yours,
Bea Otch
Nice name. It suits you.
After talking to you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest!
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Mon Dieu! With a letter like that, I definitely need to go steal –I mean borrow one of Potter's letters (because I am sure he has some) to see if it is as bad as mine.
Author Notes: Thank you so much for keeping with my so far (again). I know you guys wanted more so I wrote more, so now, please review and tell me what you think! I would so appreciate it.
I wonder though, if you guys realized that I played with the names of the people,who wrote the letters. If you say it fast together, it is actually a diss to their name too...like this one...since it is a little obvious.