Think of Me

Disclaimer: I still do not own any part of the show CSI… I'll let you know when I do… but don't count on that ever happening... only in my dreams D

Description: Focused on Sara and her dealing with everything that's been going on. Stuff about her past. OOCness (because I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be having the conversation she has with Grissom in Ch2) slight GSR maybe D happy ending?

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Reflections

Although it was December, the weather wasn't very cold. All Sara wore out of her apartment was a short sleeved shirt with a light jacket over top and some worn jeans. She got into her car and started the drive over to the lab for another night on the Graveyard Shift. She sighed, another day of her life had gone by and all she had done was slept, ate, and gone to work; what kind of a life is that? Greg was young and he went out, had dates, and had friends. Warrick and Nick watched football on Sunday. She only knew that because she had to go over Warrick's place once to grab some papers for a case. Of course, even Catherine had a normal life. The only other person besides her that didn't have a social life was Grissom. Sara wasn't sure why, but she took a liking to him. She only wished he would have given her a chance two years ago when she had asked him to dinner. Ever since that night and another case about a year after that, things between her and Grissom had changed….

Both of them knew their feelings for each other. Grissom knew that Sara felt something for him and inside he knew that he felt something for her, but he was just too afraid to chance a relationship with someone he cared about. Sara knew that Grissom had some feeling towards her, or at least he did at one time. Right now, though, she wasn't sure. She barely talked to him and when she did, it was about work and the cases they were investigating. Lately, she felt better keeping her thoughts and feelings to herself and as she would sit alone in the lab, working on something, she'd just view everyone else from inside her head, as if she weren't there, but just someone watching through a window.

Nobody knew it, but the last case they had worked on had brought back childhood fears and nightmarish memories. She remembered her mother's case and being sent around to different houses with other kids of all ages. Perhaps that was what made her so secluded. For years she hadn't any friends and when she finally did, she would be separated from them and then the process would start over. So she started confiding in books and learning. Books didn't disappear and as long as she needed, the unlearned information would help focus her mind on other things besides her life. Finally, one day, she was out of the system and finally living her own life, without anyone there to keep her from living it to the fullest. But she couldn't live her life to the fullest. Her life was now her work and that was all. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to get close to anyone, for fear that they would be taken away from her and she'd suffer once more.

Moving to Las Vegas changed all that. There was something about Grissom when she first met him in California that made her let her guard down. Finally she opened up to the whole team and she felt like she was part of a family again. But Grissom let her down and at first it was like the end of the world again. Every time he pushed her away, he would think and then let her think that he needed her and that everyone else did, too. So that's why she stayed in Las Vegas for five years, five rough years, but still five years.

Lately, she had thought of giving up again, but where would she go? Would she move back to California and hope to somehow pick up on life at where she'd left off. But, then again, did she ever really have a life there or did it start when she came to Las Vegas? She had no real friends, not like she did here and all she worried about was her job. If she was living, it sure wasn't to the fullest. She remembered herself. The only place in public she went on her own time was to the food store and if she didn't need food to survive than she wouldn't have left her house outside of work. She never loved or was loved.

That changed when she came to Las Vegas. People cared about her, even though it took a while to gain their trusts, afterwards they became her first family. She was sure that if she moved away, all of that would be lost. If she gave up now, how long would it take her to get to where she had been? It could take years to make new friends, lifelong friends like she had made here. No, she couldn't leave Las Vegas.

But could she stay? So much had happened in the past five years. Could she handle any more of it?

She would have to and if all else failed and she still wasn't happy, she would have to face the person she was most afraid of confronting; Gil Grissom.