My Heart Doth Wander
Chapter 4 : They All Have to Die
I am, I will
So no longer will I
Lay down, play dead
Play your doe in the headlights,
Locked down and terrified
Your deer in the headlights
Shot down and horrified
When push comes to pull comes to shove
Comes to step around this self-destructing dance
That never would've ended till I rose,
I roared aloud here
I will, I am.
"Rose" – A Perfect Circle
From the dreaming mind – ensnared in sleep – of Snively Kintobar, Tyrant of Robotropolis
I stayed in the throne as long as I could. Even after Casssar finally left and went to bed. She cast me this long look before she left. I could see her brow crinkled under her dark fur. She was worried about me. Casssar wasn't the type to show her concern outright. Kind of like me...
I wanted to tell her, you know, I wanted to whimper and curl in her arms, and beg her to hold me while I slept. But I've shown too much weakness in front of her already. I feel...I feel...like I can reveal myself to her...and yet...I don't want to divulge TOO much. She is to see me as a lover, a friend, a confidant. But not a needy child.
I can fight him off. He's DEAD.
He sent his blasted spirit into my dreams. I know he did, because Julian couldn't STAND to see me happy. He has to crush my joy underfoot, stomp it, break it. He was always so skilled at destroying things...
You CAN'T break me NOW, Julian, you fucking DEAD bastard.
I threw this taunt into the mirror, staring at my reflection. Eyes glinted back at me. Cold. They always looked cold, throwing my defenses outwards, a ring of ice surrounding me. It kept some people out. Others...Julian...they took an icepick and smashed through it.
But you CAN'T get me NOW.
I smiled a cruel lopsided grin and turned my back on the mirror.
The lights flickered off, and I slid under the black blanket, the sheets cool on my body. Yes, this would be a beautiful slumber, a time to refresh the body.
I wondered why then...why my heart was pounding so hard.
...darkness. I'm engulfed in darkness.
No, NO!
My voice sounds like a squeal. A little piggy ripe for the slaughter.
There's an odd numb pain in my chest, like someone has just stuck a knife there, and the shock is still hovering over. ...The pain will spill through any minute. I can smell something...strong and rich...and gagging...the smell of
Liquid copper....
Blood.
The pain hits me like a sledgehammer and I screa-
-m Light floods over suddenly, searing my eyes. The only reminder of the previous pain is a dull ache.
I blink.
I'm in a large room, metal-plated, but the harsh surface is softened by tendrils of ribbons, colorful hanging banners, and balloons. Sparkling confetti is strewn across the floor and floating lazily in the air. I breathe in; the air is pleasant with the smell of cake and fresh fruit.
Is this a celebration then? A table against the wall is laden with food and a bowl of punch. I find myself clad in a suit (quite sharp-looking, if I do say). The guests of this party are odd shadowy figures...I can make out a tuxedo here, and a sequined evening gown there...but the faces are hidden...like obscured behind smoke. I frown...and then my eyes catch the one substantial being.
Casssar. She is moving towards me. Wearing a floor-length red dress, her black hair piled atop her head. A few loose tendrils fall to frame her face.
My heart leaps into my throat and my brow sweats...I blush...there is a swelling inside these dress pants...an agitated, elated gasp for the sight of her. She is beyond beautiful, my Queen...she rips apart clichés of dark goddesses, because SHE is the one true embodiment of the term.
"For you," she purrs, a sweeping arm indicating the room. "For your glory, Black Flower. We celebrate you. You killed your Master Fear. How many of us can say we've done such a feat?"
A man is lurking behind her, and he drapes an arm across her shoulder. He is an ermine like her, but white-furred. He whispers into her ear and I strain to catch the mummered flow of words. I am abashed by the phrases I catch. "...filthy little whore..."
A tear drips down her cheek.
I realize his identity. Her father! I wish I could kill him! I tense my legs to lunge...and blink...and he is gone. A smile spreads over Casssar's lips.
"Yes...you killed your greatest fear, Castdecass. HIM." She waves airily to the guests and I eye them, feeling a weird knot in my stomach, like I might vomit. She clasps me by the arm and leads me to the refreshment table. "Let us drink...to celebrate your victory."
There is something off-putting about her smile. Stale...rotten, somehow...but this is Cass. She dips a ladle into the bowl of punch and prepares a glass. She hands the heavy crystal mug to me. The punch is a deep crimson color, and I see my face distorted as I examine it. Cass's hand touches my arm. She raises her glass.
"A toast..."
We clink the glasses. I tilt it to my mouth, swallow the drink...it is thick and so pungent that I nearly gag. It tastes...like...
"...to the little murderer."
...death? I cough.
I jerk my head up and stare at Casssar. She is grinning, cruelly, her mouth smeared with the liquid. It's dripping down her chin and onto her breasts. I can see, behind her, some of the guests coming into focus...
There is Sally and Sonic. They are kissing, and one of his hands is deliberately pouring the punch onto her dress, staining the white fabric scarlet.
"What...what...is this stuff?" I whimper...because my stomach feels like its on fire, and a line is burning down my throat. It's...I throw down the cup in panic, and it shatters onto the floor. The liquid bubbles when it touches the metal...like acid. It's...
"Julian's BLOOD."
I sputter, spitting out the contents in my mouth.
Casssar drops her glass alongside mine, in a deliberate mimic. "Don't think I can SAVE you." ...A shriek escapes her and she melts into a puddle of black sludge. I whimper and kneel down, grabbing at it, but it burns my fingers...
Sonic and Sally throw back their heads and laugh.
"How does it taste? You filthy little killer. You ungrateful little maggot." Sally is standing above me, suddenly. She grabs me by the throat and lifts me. I can't breathe! Her claws are puncturing my skin and I feel the blood ooze. She slams me down onto the table and lifts the punch bowl up.
I try to roll away, but two more Freedom Fighters, the French fox and the two-tailed boy are suddenly there, holding me down.
With a horrific hissing sound, the punch sloshes out of the bowl....Sally empties the entire contents onto me...and I...
SCREAM....
Oh, Gods...NO, it's burning me...
It's EATING...
Sonic is still laughing...he has come to stand by the table. Sally's dress is completely red, and dripping, and they are kissing with the blood dripping down from their mouths...
"THE GUEST OF HONOR!" Sally howls suddenly, and laughing, she and Sonic walk over to a curtain on the far corner of the room. I, screaming, writhing, my skin boiling, turn my head to see.
"He came...just for you..." Sally's cobalt eyes lock with mine. "We brought HIM ALIVE just for YOU."
Sonic rips away the curtain, and it falls.
I get a hand free, and strike the boy. He stumbles backwards. Clawing and biting, I wrench my way free of the French Fox... I snatch up the cake knife from the table and jam it into his throat.
He collapses with a spew of blood from his mouth.
I don't care. I have to get away! My eyes are burning agony. I'm blinking tears, snot dripping from my nose, my skin blistering from where HIS blood touched it...NO. NO. NO. I scream so hard that I could snap vocal cords.
From behind the curtain he lurches like a drunk. His sightless eyes are latched on me, his mouth gaped open, teeth cracked and broken off into points. I scramble backwards, but my foot slips in something slick and I fall down upon my rear. It is the puddled remains of Casssar.
I stagger to my feet, sobbing, eyes blurred in terror... he is near enough now to smell his putrid breath, and see the rotting ragged wounds upon him, infested with insects. A hissing laugh escapes his throat. "How pleasant to see you again...Nephew..." His voice is thick, like speaking through oatmeal. A maggot wiggles past his tongue and falls upon the floor... he pays it no heed. A rusted and mud-caked robotic arm reaches for me.
I turn to flee...I can outrun him...PLEASE...
My arms are seized by Sonic and yanked roughly behind my back...the pain is excruciating. My blurred vision is cleared as tears drop.
Uncle begins to laugh, a horrid strangled sound...the bugs fall like spit from his mouth.
"No...NO...god...Let me GO!" My voice...a little piggy ready to be executed...
The French Fox has pulled the knife from his throat and stands holding it, grinning. The blood gushes in a torrent down his shirt. But I don't watch him for long...My vision turns back to HIM...as that robotic arm grabs me by the collar, and lifts me up. Just like old times...but he is DEAD!
I cry as his hand descends upon my chest, stroking me...oozing onto me. It burns...GOD...it's burning me...I wiggle...but he won't let go.
"Did you MISS me...Snively?" His breath washes over me, and I nearly die there.
"No, Julian...please..."
"Please what? You MURDERED me, you deceitful WORM." He holds out his flesh hand...the glove eaten away and the bone showing through. The French Fox glides to him and places the cake knife into the massive palm.
Julian turns his gaze back to me. "But I'll return your gift, dear boy...over and over...because they'll keep bringing you back...for ME..."
His hand clutches the knife and I try to wiggle free...screaming until my throat bleeds, but I can't escape...and the knife plunges forward and into my body...
It hurts...
I die.
I die with Julian's eyes blazing into mine...and his laugh...
Ripping my head apart...
I wake up crying blood.
Casssar was half-awake, her eyes locked on the ceiling. Light was shifting across it, morning sunlight...and the fact that it played there was amazing to her. The clouds outside must have shifted, finally. She thought this could be a good omen.
But so often things thought to be good turned sour. In her experience, anyway.
Maybe it was a revelation. The shedding of light upon something dark?
She wasn't sure if she wanted to uncover the shadows...maybe they were better left alone.
But she watched in wonderment, anyway.
From the intercom speaker on her wall, came a rasping voice, cooing, to my room...HURRY...Cass!"
She groaned and tried to ignore him, but her Black Flower was insistent.
"CASS, HURRY!"
Something was wrong in his tone...something off. He was on the edge. She could almost feel his heart in her chest, thumping madly...she could taste the salt of his sweat.
Mmm. Divine. She enjoyed his fear, sometimes. Alive, it made him...flush-faced and shining wide eyes. Vulnerable and so easy to crush...
She gritted her teeth as feet hit the cold floor.
No. He was not one to be broken. She was a mender now...
Not to follow in HIS footsteps...
His...uncle...?
Or her...father...
And she snarled and stamped out of the room, head tossing like an angry bull, her thick locks snapping around her face.
"I will NEVER be like that BEAST."
"Casss..."
She went down long cold hallways, with her thoughts sleepy but warm. He was fooling with her...feigning distress only to lead her into a soft bed and dimmed lights and wet kissing lips.
She wanted to believe that, to indulge in the fire-fly glow of his darkness and not the other dark... The dark of her past and the impending madness hinted at in Snively's voice. He WAS just TEASING her, she thought hopefully.
She reached his room. The door slid open for her and she entered.
She could smell the panicked fluttering in his veins. It was ghosting him. He was sitting on his bed, his knees drawn up to his chest, but draped forward over them, looking predatory, and disturbed. There was blood beading up from scratches on his arms, like he had a furious itch he couldn't get rid of...like he was trying to scratch something off his skin...
He was afraid, but his fear was not turning him into a simpering coward. It was making him into the caged and cornered beast. He grinned at the sight of her, his eyes gleaming. "Oh Casss...I'm so glad you came..."
Casssar took a few steps towards the bed; Snively slid off, his skinny form nearly nude. It was hot in Robotropolis at this time of year, Summer's edge, and he only slept in his briefs. She had a feeling he hadn't called her here to remove them, not now.... No. He hadn't been teasing.
"Come here, Cass...I have something to tell you...But not in here." He grimaced and rubbed viciously at his arms with short ragged nails. "Come here." He snatched her arm roughly and yanked her towards his bathroom.
"What is on your mind, Black Flower?" She raised a quizzical eyebrow as he turned the shower on, hot, the steam swiftly dampening the air. It felt unpleasantly humid on her fur.
Seemingly unmindful of his underwear, the small man stepped into the shower and pressed himself into the corner, eyeing her madly. "I had a dream..."
She decided if she was to be in here, she might as well bathe herself as well. A long black leg stepped onto the tiled shower floor, and its mate soon followed. She let the water beat down on her, flattening her fur to her body, gushing into her eyes.
Kinky. She grinned at him impishly, wishing he would shed his odd mood and join her in a little fun...but he remained where he was. The water was dripping in a steady line off his pointed nose. "They're going to bring him back."
She picked up his bottle of body soap and squirted some at him. It hit his stomach, foaming into whiteness, obscuring the scars that HE had caused. He blinked, but only from the water getting in his eyes. Nonplussed, she set the bottle down, her lip curled. "They are NOT going to do that, Snively-" She always spoke his 'real' name when wanting to catch his attention- "Why would they WANT him back? How would they bring back?"
"Cu Chulainne."
"Don't be ridiculous. Cu Chulainne could never be swayed into bringing back such a vile man." She smiled suddenly. "I imagine Cu wouldn't bring me back either."
"It brought ME back," said Snively sourly.
"I'm worse than you..." She thrust her face into his, strangely desiring to grab his head and smash it into the wall, and watch the blood mingle with water down his pouty lips. She would lick it off...
He didn't argue, but his expression was hardly agreeable. She kept smiling and without warning he curled into the corner, sinking to the floor. A few whimpering cries escaped him. "They will...they WILL!" A childish sobbing met her ears next and she was half-tempted to kick him...the other half wanted to embrace her Black Flower until his ribs cracked.
"Stop IT," she said sharply. "Cast, you are acting like a fool!"
He fumbled for the bottle, ignoring her, and began to furiously scrub the soap onto his arms and chest, and all over, raking his skin until he drew blood. "I can't get it OFF me...IT BURNS...it BURNS!"
"What burns?" The water didn't feel THAT hot.
"HIS BLOOD." He looked up with gritted teeth. "It's STILL on me. I can feel it...Cass...like little burning spots on my skin...like it's fucking DESTROYING me."
"You are letting it!" She batted angrily at the water. "You are letting him HAUNT you."
"Oh yes, Cass. He won't go away. I try, you know. I try to get rid of him." He dug a fingernail into one his slender arms. "Maybe if I just rip it all off....get rid of the parts the blood touched..."
She didn't say anything, because she couldn't think of a response. So she just stared at him, her hair lying in limp tendrils around her face. It made her head feel incredibly heavy.
He stood up rather suddenly, startling her, and leaned his face upwards, artic blue eyes bored into hers. One slender finger pressed into her lip, and then he cradled her face, a seriousness settling over his features. "I've figured it out, though, Casssar. What to do..."
"What would that be...?" Her voice was a whisper.
The water hissed around them. For seconds. A minute. She was nearly choking on the thick steam.
"They all have to die."