My Heart Doth Wander

Chapter 6 : Starving

Mothers are trails on stars in the night

Fathers are black holes that suck up the light

That's the memory I found on the fringe

Along with the memory of the pain you lived in.

"Hello" – Poe

Two days blossomed and withered. A young hapless girl, barely 20 years of age, found herself in a place of perpetual darkness: Robotropolis.

She ran in a panic, trying to escape it, as if all the hounds of hell were snapping at her heels.

They weren't.

A troop of five SWATbots was.

Breakfast that morning was fruit, bread and eggs. The Freedom Fighters sat around one of the wooden tables outside, leisurely talking and planning the day's events. They mostly consisted of relaxation and games.

Everyone was startled, leaping out their seats, as out of nowhere, a sleek brown falcon glided down and landed atop the table, balancing delicately on top of the fruit salad bowl.

No one knew quite what to do. Geoffrey cried, "Blimey! Git outta here!" He waved his magenta beret at the bird, but it merely blinked. Antoine shrieked. Bunnie pointed to the falcon's leg, where a rolled parchment was tied.

"Look, it's a message from someone!"

The falcon cocked its head, eyeing her squarely. A shriek came from its curving beak, acknowledging her words.

"Well, we'd better look at it then, eh?" The rabbot extended her metal arm cautiously towards the falcon. It didn't move, so drawing in a breath, she put forth her flesh hand too and quickly untied the paper. When the threads were unbound, the bird shrieked again and sailed back into the sky, and out of view over the trees.

"What's it say?" Everyone stared expectantly at Bunnie. She unrolled the parchment and scanned it.

"Greetings, Freedom Fighters

Your liege, King Maximillion, has informed us of Robotnik's downfall. We come to bring praise to your fierce warriors. It is also time, we believe, to take back the city that is rightfully yours. We shall be arriving soon.' It's signed, 'Chieftain Lupe and the Wolf Pack."

"Oh yay, Lupe!" Dulcy clapped her hands. Tails looked excited. The dragon and fox had made friends with some of the younger wolf pack members.

Sally was less enthused. She took the paper from Bunnie and reread it. "They want to fight? Already?"

"That's like them," said Geoffrey approvingly.

"It's been a week," Sonic agreed. "Ole Snootly is gonna think we're goin' soft."

Geoffrey laughed. "The brat is probably pissin' himself worrying when we'll come back!"

Sally frowned. "Don't underestimate him, anyone," Her gaze was focused most specifically on Sonic and Geoffrey, the two most brash Freedom Fighters. "Remember, not only does he have Casssar, but Snively has proved that he seriously lacks morals."

"We already knew that," said Bunnie.

"Yes...but we...we never thought he was capable of...well..." She was tired of thinking about it, "We never thought he was capable of that sort of...murder."

"We'll take him down," the skunk said calmly, picking up his plate.

Sally nodded and after helping clean up the table, she, Bunnie, and Sonic decided to go down to the Great River to fish and relax. There was not much preparations to be done for the Wolf Pack's arrival. They tended to bring tents and sleep outside; they preferred it.

The grass was green and fresh, and the skies were clear. The blustering wind from the previous days had died down to allow the sun's warmth to seep into the still air.

They caught fish and Sally watched them struggle, dying, suffocating. She wanted to throw them back and let them go free. But she kept thinking 'food, food...we need extra food.'

Food. Food for thought.

Robotnik had been so easy to take down. It didn't seem right, for evil to crumble like dust. But he had left his marks behind...he had left his influence. He had left an heir.

'I have to feed,' she thought.

She had questions starving to be answered. Thoughts to sort.

'I'll have to go to Cu, later. To talk.'

In the meantime, she jerked back on her line, reeling in a glistening silver fish, and bringing it to lay on the emerald ground. It writhed. So easy to die.

Maybe evil could die that easy, too.

Casssar went down to the command room that fine smoggy morning with a craving. She had woken up quite hungry...for more than one thing.

She beheld Snively with a slight curl of her lip.

Black Flower did not seem like he would fulfill either hunger today. Her hungers... one of the stomach, churning, growling. She wanted to feast. But Snively hadn't been eating lately. The terrors in his sleep cast shadows around his eyes, put him off his food. His little pale face was darkened with a heavy scowl, bony body sprawled in the throne. He didn't blink to the sight of her.

Her other hunger...she licked her lips. Hunger for flesh, for heat. She had been wanting to share pleasure with him for a long while now.

He lifted his eyes, glaring.

She sighed, a hand clasped to a hip. She did not want to starve today.

A hard sway was put into those full hips; she strode to the throne and stood before him, tall, black, sensual...eyes hooded. Glinting with smoke and lust.

Snively eyed her. His gaze lingered on her lips, as her tongue snuck out to swipe, then traveled over her body. "You're looking...nice...today, Cass."

"Ah. Glad you noticed, Cast." His skin was cold as she touched a finger to his cheek. He did not nuzzle her hand today.

She voiced that aloud. "It's a bit cold in here... Between us."

He jolted back in the throne, casting her a reproachful look. "There's...too...too much to think of. I...I can't seem to fit anything else in my mind. And certainly..." He grabbed her hand sharply by the wrist as it traveled down his stomach. "No room for things like THIS."

"Think about what?" Her teeth bared and she wrenched her hand away. "There is NOTHING to be thought of!" She whirled around, gesturing at the Command room. "Everything here is under control. The city is fine."

Snively grunted. "You don't have to worry, Cass. You don't see what I see."

She turned back, and a hand shot forward, grinding knuckles into his ribs. The day they'd killed Robotnik...she had touched his ribs then, and Snively had cringed and cried out. They had been bruised by his master. And now? He only flinched at her sudden movement. The injuries had healed. "Your body is fine and well again, Black Flower! It will be from NOW ON."

"No," he said stubbornly, and he leaned into her hand, so that those hard knuckles dug even further into his flesh. "No...it never lasts...just when I think I'm away from it..."

Her eyes flashed. "Do you WANT it? Do you MISS it?" And she dropped her hand to his leg, curving claws dug in through pants and broke flesh. He let out a screaming yelp, nearly jumping out of the throne to evade her.

Her hand snapped back, and she smirked. Beautiful red was seeping to stain the gray fabric. She wanted to tear off his pants and lick the blood away. A feast...

"You BITCH!" One small hand balled into a fist. Her smirk darkened into a leer...and he dropped his hand back to his side. "You think I MISS that treatment? You're more disturbed then I thought."

She laughed outright. "Yes...that's correct."

He stared at the glowing red lights across the room. A shudder racked his thin hungry body.

"I can't feel the pleasure, Cass."

"Oh?" She titled her head. Two hands settled on his knees. She fed pleasuring magic through his skin. Snively's eyes widened and a gasp tumbled from him. He clenched his hands over hers, lower lip trembling. "Oh!" He squeaked.

She smiled, Oh yes, he could FEEL that alright. She could too...beautiful dark magic that made the heart race...the flesh harden...the breath quicken...the wetness slicken... A tongue traced her fangs hungrily, staring intently into his pale eyes. Her hunger was worse than ever. She watched his hands, floating up as if by their own accord, shaking so badly, start undoing the clasps of his shirt.

She smiled at the fair strip of skin appearing. "Ah yes, that's it...give into it." There was always someone trying to coax him into submission. But she couldn't resist. This was a rich raw feeling and she wanted to bask in it: the wonderment of wanting to cause someone immeasurable pleasure instead of pain.

If only he would let her. But Snively was being difficult, pushing her hands away to break the spell. He was panting slightly, and his eyes were gleaming, but there was a stubborn twist to his lips. "Stop Cass. I'm not in the mood!"

She eyed the front of his pants with a nasty smirk. "Your body says differently..."

"The body is weak," he hissed.

She laughed outright; Snively looked most displeased. He did not like to be mocked. "You sound like..." But she trailed off, not wanting to bring up the remembrance of his kin...but those words reminded her of the things he'd told her. The things his Uncle had ranted about.

His expression blackened and she tried to divert his attention, to drive his foul mood away. A hand dropped into his lap, trailing magic like static electricity. Groping. He was lost for the moment, his eyes glazing. A slight whimper escaped him. But he resisted again, planting a foot into her chest, shoving hard.

She fell back onto her rear and scowled up at him.

"I told you," he was breathless, "I don't WANT that RIGHT NOW, CASS!"

"Afraid to be weak?" Her voice was a snake-slither. Hissing, sly.

"No..." He looked around the room, piercing eyes searching out every dark corner. "I just have to stay alert. Vigilant."

How boring. A wicked gleam came to her eye. She could force him. Oh yes...she could ensnare him in magic, render him helpless in enchanted bindings. She could force him to feel tormented ecstasy, and he would beg her too, he would plead for her never to stop. Her fingers flexed, she caught his eyes with hers, smoky olive-green mirrors, and his body tensed.

"So what then? You intend to sit here all day, mulling?" The tingles of enslaving sorcery ruffled those long black digits; her smirk darkened with cruel and lustful intent.

Snively cast her a look, and it was such an odd thing...some sort of accepting weariness, like he knew of her cruelty and was just...willing to give in to it... It triggered a painful chord in her.

She remembered that look, she'd seen it reflected in someone else's eyes so many times, so many years ago. It made her insides shiver.

A woman...crouched on the floor, staring up with those eyes, and the man leering over her. Casssar's father. His face was hard-cut and handsome. His body, so firm, and his hands, clenched into fists at his side, so hard and punishing. He liked to use force.

And the woman...the mother... stared up with zombie-eyes...eyes of dead acceptance to the pain and fear...

Her hand relaxed and the evilness faded from her eyes. She stared down at the floor. "Very well, Black Flower." She looked back up at him; Snively was eyeing her cautiously, the odd look fading away. "I just fear...a rift between us."

His expression softened. "There isn't going to be any rift, Cass. I just...have some things to sort out." His face was so vulnerable, so honest. Almost innocent. She imagined he could – and had – used that face to manipulate. And it was working on her, soothing her.

He stared at her, probing, gauging the distance to jump. He knew it was too far to fall. He knew he'd end up broken either way. Staying quiet, or jumping screaming, but maybe broken on the ground he'd find his release?

"Today...is the day my mother died." He uttered in a flat low voice.

Casssar eyed his hands, they were wrung together, like two pale spiders fighting to the death. She moved closer, putting her chin on his bent leg, like a puppy. He had resisted lust but now she offered comfort. Snively's eyes...they were dry. A frozen lake on the verge of melting. Ice starting to crack.

"Ah, I am sorry, " she mummered, and she truly was. She knew well the pain of a mother's death.

"I want to think of her..." He raised his eyes heavenward, blinking, "Just her. But HE keeps creeping in. He always ruined EVERYTHING."

He said it bitterly, but it was a different sort of bitterness than the one that attached itself to all speech of his Uncle. Different somehow. She couldn't tell why, or how, but it was. "Your father?" She said, cautiously.

That full lower lip twisted, his eyebrows knit downward. "Yes. –That- bastard."

"Has he died too?"

"Yes...I think so. At least, I heard he did."

She ran a hand up his side, tenderly.

He did not seem comforted. "Whenever I think of...how she died, I think of him...automatically. Because it was all tied together..." He bit his lip hard, hard enough for a rivulet of blood to trickle down his chin. He shunted back hard in the chair, trying to curl into himself.

Like in the shower. He was going lost again. Casssar wanted to grab him, shake him out of it. She kept her hand on his shirt, gripping harder, so he could feel her...so he could know she was there.

"Please tell me, Black Flower..."

Breathing hard, he raised his head. His eyes were glittering. The ice had cracked and the water underneath was welling up, dripping down his cheeks. "No...no Cass. I don't want..." he gulped. "To say anymore."

But she was immensely curious. "How was it tied together?"

Snively swiped at his tears. His teeth bared, and he hissed. Suddenly furious. "She was sick, Cass. Sick since I was born."

She was quiet. Inviting him to continue. She wasn't going to force him, not when he was this volatile.

"And there were other things too," he sneered, leaning back in the throne. His eyes were still leaking, but his face was twisted in a snarl. "I didn't look like my other siblings. Oh, I wasn't as 'smart' as them, he said. Oh, I was a worthless whiny disappointment." He leaned his smooth bald head on one hand, his lip stuck out in a bitter pout. "He hated me for that."

"Poor Cast," Casssar mummered.

"It wasn't enough to hate me. He had to hurt me..." He sighed heavily. More tears dripped down his face, like a sudden flood unleashed. That lip began trembling; he curled up.

"Yes, Cast, but that's over-"

"He blamed ME!" Snively sat up, slamming his fist down onto the metal throne. "He fucking blamed ME all those years! Do you know how that made me feel? To think I was the cause, all the time, to think I was the one killing her?!"

"For what?"

"FOR HER CANCER!" He screamed, and struggling, he shoved past her, slipping out of the throne. Pacing furiously, his fists clenched at his sides. "And when she died, Cass, he didn't even cry..." His teeth were gnashing; he raised the fisted hands to his head and kneaded them into his temples. "He drank, he drank, and he beat me 'Finally, Finally, SNIVELY, BASTARD, YOU FINALLY SUCKED ALL THE LIFE OUT OF HER! They pulled him off me. He would've killed me. You FUCKING KILLED HER!"

He fell to the floor. "I can't stop hearing-" His sentence aborted; he let out a harrowing scream, nails digging into his temples, gouging the skin.

Casssar stood up, nudging him with her foot. He was starting to whimper and sob now. She stamped her foot down hard. "CAST!"

"No...No, SHUT UP!"

"SNIVELY STOP IT!"

He ceased the screaming, and lay sobbing bitterly, curling into a fetal position. Shaking so badly....it was like poison coursing through him. Black... twisted...so fermented.

She crouched down, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Black Flower, have you told anyone of this before?" She knew he hadn't. Rage filled her, so angry at him...that he would keep such a thing inside! Such a diseased rotting thing locked up, keeping it there, letting it kill him? She shuddered.

He moaned. "Who...who could I tell?"

"You should have screamed of it, Cast." She pulled him upright, clasping her hands to his cheeks. He stared down at the floor, eyes starting to swell red, still oozing wetness. "Radiate your darkness outwards. Never...NEVER stuff it inside."

He lifted only his eyes to look at her; with his down-turned face and pouting lip he looked heartbreaking.

"Scream now." She gave him a little shake. "Yes, Cast, HOWL about it!"

He drew in a deep breath, like he intended to follow her command, but it sputtered out and he moaned. "I've...I've done e-e-enough."

"My poor Cast...my poor Cast..." She hugged him to her, but he began to wiggle.

"I'm fine..."

She was still gazing at him with that sympathetic face, that face imploring him to unburden himself. But he'd already dropped enough crap on her doorstep. No, he 't. "I'm FINE!" He snarled.

The enraged look was plastering itself back on her face. Enraged, determined. "Black Flower, you MUST!" She grabbed his shoulder.

"Dammit!" His voice was shaking, struggling for indifference and strength...blessed numbness. "Leave me be!"

She was insistent...she didn't know why. She couldn't stand for him to keep the poison inside...to keep it in...like she had kept it in as a child...and finally, finally she had begun to rebel. She'd started to scream insanely. She had snapped; and she had went the opposite...instead of taking those dark horrible deeds of her father unto her...and shoving them inside her soul like rusted barbed wire...cutting and tainting her...she had began to talk about it. To scream about it, to throw her pain around like confetti until she was surrounded by the dark falling pieces...but it was only AROUND her now...not INSIDE her anymore. It was like puking up poison, purging it from her body.

She still wasn't right. She knew it. She did know that. But better. Better...and he had to be better too. "Snively," she bellowed, and grabbed him hard by the shoulders again. "Tell everything! Tell it ALL! I won't care if you scream and thrash – just do it, just get it OUT!"

"You sick bitch..." he hissed...and he did thrash, writhing to get out of her grip. "You always want to know the DETAILS, don't you? It's a real turn-on, isn't it?" His eyes were flooding again, but not in sadness or pain anymore. There was just so much livid heat inside him that it was melting his ice exterior.

She opened her mouth to protest, putting her hand on his arm.

Yes, sometimes it was...but not this time.

"Just...just fucking let go, already!" He freed his arm. "JUST GET THE HELL OUT!" A bony finger aimed towards the door.

"Cast, NO!"

"I SAID-"

He was interrupted by the voice of a SWATbot droning over the COM system. "Lord Snively, A prisoner has been captured. Orders to transport to interrogation for questioning?"

Just what he needed. A distraction. Chest heaving, his brow sweating, and his white teeth exposed in a snarl, the small man nodded. "YES!," he was hollering at the walls, "I'll be down in a moment."

"Affirmative, sir."

Snively left the room with his booted feet slamming upon the floor and a cutting glare thrown to Casssar. He left the ermine woman alone in the room, shaking her head...and wishing she had never said a thing.