Only A Smiling Fool
Summary: After the fighting is done, the ties that bond them as friends begin to strain. Kuwabara, affected the most, finds loneliness to be his only companion. Will the other 3 be able to help him in time before he resorts to other forms of comfort? Eventual yaoi
Disclaimer: I don't own Yuu Yuu Hakusho, if I did.. ::standard reply to that::
This is my first Yuu Yuu Hakusho fic, I hope that you like it. Its gonna be a yaoi so if you are not too fond of that, well, then you probably wont like this.
I like angst-y stuff so in no way will it be lacking, BUT I wont forget humor and romance and stuff! ehehe
'kay, on with chapter 1!
Chapter 1: Phone Calls----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Its not like he could help it anymore considering everything that had happened over the years.
The fighting was over and that brought a lot of other things to a close. He rarely saw most of the people he had hung out with, even the gang he had at school had dispelled. Kurama was constantly busy with school, determined to get into one of the best colleges in the country; Yusuke, not big on studying, was busy girl chasing, Keiko being the girl. Hiei, well, Hiei was Hiei, he was always off doing god knows what with his time.
As for the others, he rarely saw Botan around. Yukina was gone from his life, much to his great displeasure, even though he knew, despite her kind ways, that it was probably never meant to be anyways.
Shizuru on the other hand he saw, but she had work and plenty of it at that.
Each day he found himself growing more and more lonely. He tried to find a few people to talk to, to hang out with, but they all thought he was creepy. His tall looming figure, his bright unnatural orange hair.
Then there was his face.
He knew he wasn't anything to look at, but he thought that there would be someone out there able to look past that. He was hoping that there was enough kindness in a person's heart to look past his face at first meeting or at least long enough for him to show them that there was more to Kazuma Kuwabara than what he looked like.
He had a kind, loyal, and honest heart. He thought that this was enough to base a friendship on and he didn't understand why others couldn't feel the same way.
Was he really that different?
He found himself troubled with this thought. He couldn't stop himself from being consumed with the thought of being rejected no matter who he was or how he acted.
He was always going to be different. There was nothing he could do to make people like him.
Yusuke liked him he guessed. He had cried when he thought he had died when he was fighting against Toguro.
Well, there was one friend for his list.
Kurama seemed to like him. Kurama was such a nice person, but then, what if he was only pretending only to be nice..?
No, that wasn't true and he knew it.
So he had two friends.
Yukina was his friend. She seemed to be very understanding and non-judgmental.
Three friends.
He always had Eikichi by his side too, despite not being human or demon, but a cat.
Four.
Botan. He guessed he could call her a friend.
Five.
Even though Shizuru was his sister, she was also a friend.
So there were six people who he gave the title of friend so far.
Keiko was nice.
Seven.
He began listing every person who he had ever known to be kind to him for more than one day.
He did this everyday, count the people, it may have made him feel selfish for doubting that someone cared, but he always felt better afterwards knowing there was someone out there he could possibly count on.
As he went on with his list, he wouldn't feel so lonely after all. Each name held a pleasant memory tied to it. Just thinking of these things made it feel that they were not as far away as they seemed.
Just as his list was starting to grow, he would always would reach its end. He didn't like the thought of reaching an end, so he felt he had to go through every name again, making sure he hadn't forgotten anyone.
He would smile and laugh at the memories, thinking joyfully, but he knew that no matter what he did..
He was lying.
He wasn't happy, he was lonely.
Every thought that passed through his head, the longing for a friend near by, tore into him, ripping him deep inside. It was hell each day to try to be thankful for the friends he had, telling himself that they were there, they were near by, told himself they were only busy and that they thought about him everyday. He told himself that they wanted him around, that they would think about calling him, inviting him to the beach or to just hang out.
He told himself to be patient, to wait.
So he waited. Everyday by the phone he waited for hours. He knew it was pathetic, the epitome of pathetic, but it pacified his pain.
He would wait, a full blown smile on his face, the constant lie swarming and bouncing around in his head.
'Today's the day they will call. Today I will go shopping with Yukina. I'll go study with Kurama. I'll go to the arcade with Yusuke.'
But everyday, he sat in silence.
The phone never rang. Never. Not even telemarketers called.
But he never stopped smiling. To stop even momentarily would bring pain. Unimaginable pain in his heart.
He was fine with waiting. Sometimes Eikichi would come and sit with him. They would wait together.
An orange haired lonely idiot and his pet cat asleep on his lap waiting for a call that would never come.
One day he had been studying for a test when his sister came home from work early. She had stopped by a store downtown and had bought a mirror. She had knocked on her little brother's door asking him to help her hang it on the wall.
They hung it together in the living room.
The next day, as he sat waiting for his friends to call, he finally saw the truth.
He saw that idiot in the mirror. He saw that stupid smile and cringed.
Then he realized one thing. He hated himself. He hated that boy in the mirror. He knew that no one liked that boy and he saw how ugly he was and he hated it. Detested it.
No longer did he wait for someone to call because he knew..
No one.. would ever call.
To be continued…
End of Chapter 1So, what did you guys think? I know that not a lot of people like Kuwabara (I personally don't know why, hehe)
Anyways, please review! It'd mean so much to me! Thank you for reading, later! Hehe
PS: I have chapter 2 already written and part of chapter 3 so if I get enough reviews (not saying I wont post it if I get just 1 ) I'll post faster! Hehe (just wanna know you like it)
Aera-chan