My Heart Doth Wander
Chapter 14 : You'll Make it Through
Fire
The sun is well asleep The moon is high above
Fire grows from the east
How is this hate so deep? Leads us all so blindly, killing, killing
Fools are we
If hate's the gate to peace – Then this is the last stop.
"The Last Stop" – Dave Matthews Band
The autumn sunlight barely penetrated the smog cover of Robotropolis, but the cool breeze managed to worm its way in. Casssar had gone outside to take a stroll, finding the air more pleasant than usual. The light wind blew the stinging smog-air from her eyes and freshened her lungs.
'It would be a good thing,' she thought, 'to bring Black Flower out here today.'
Maybe she would bring him further out, perhaps they could go to the little stream where she and him had spoken so long ago. The first time he had snuck out of the city...while still employed to Robotnik...he had snuck out to see her.
Maybe not. It would remind him of his Uncle.
But right now, where was he? He was sitting in the very place that cruel man had sat, in the very same place where his tormentor had held power for so many years.
"So maybe yes, maybe I shall drag him along, kicking and screaming." She nodded at a robot sentry; it stared blankly back.
It was odd though, the power that Black Flower possessed over her. No other man had. The power of affection...she could never break him, could never force him to her will entirely. Her love prevented her from hurting him that severely. Any other person who resisted her commands...she could punish mercilessly. Almost numbly. But him...
Yes. She would bring him out into the light and let his skin, like grass too long under rocks, flourish and color...and warm. Because he was so cold...he had to feel. They had to feel together.
She retired reluctantly from cool open streets to the stuffy interior of the Command Center and its panels of gleaming metal walls. She was tempted, whenever walking down corridors, to splash them with magical color, much like she did her fur. But she wouldn't turn them black. Maybe purple or blue or even blood red. But that would drive Black Flower mad.
Into the Main Control room she went, her eyes flitting instantly to the center of the room. She knew he would be there. He never seemed to leave. Had to watch the surveillance monitors. 'Constant vigilance' he'd said.
He sprawled in the throne in the same manner as always, legs bent up on the seat, one arm propped on the rest, his head cocked into that hand. The silvery sheen of sweat was on his forehead and upper lip and his eyes were furious, roiled blue lanterns. Fueled by hate...hate and the love for death...the want of it.
She noticed he was wearing something new today. A crown. A thin sliver of dark polished metal across his brow. Studded by one, two, three, daisy-flowers, very delicately wrought upon the metal. But a strange shape were they, not smooth rounded petals, but spikes.
It looked more like a crown of thorns, or barbed wire. Like it would bleed him any second. She sighed.
He didn't look at her, but he spoke. "Admiring it, yes? I decided...if I'm a King...I need a crown. I was thinking of bastardizing King Acorn's – that would be sure to antagonize ole' Sally – but the design didn't look quite as good as this." His eyes slipped to her. He wasn't smiling, even though his voice was lilted with mad mirth. "Where have you been, Cass?"
She didn't want to come nearer; she was loathe to hear the ranting from his mouth, and the way an ocean of ice would boil and start to thrash in his eyes. It was like watching the slow devouring of a soul before her eyes. He thought his rages and mad ideas made him more alive. She knew it was the opposite. It smothered him.
"I've been out. In the air. The open."
He tsked. "It isn't safe out there..."
"Who would I run into? Your uncle?" She mocked, but she was tired of his brooding. "I think I could handle him, Black Flower!"
His eyes gleamed. "So did everyone else..."
"Enough of this tiresome topic." She grunted and sat down backwards in the wheeled chair by the console.
He was silent, gazing at the floor. Eyes blurring out of focus.
"What is on your mind?" she pried, not sure she wanted to hear the answer. But the silence was deafening. She wanted to smash it to pieces.
He let out a long 'hmmmm' sound, his finger pressing into his lower lip, brow furrowed. "There's something different in my mind. I feel like...I have something loose inside me, like a power that I could harness. It's like electricity, Cass, it's turning windmills...it's making me feel odd. I want to control it." He gave her a pointed look, as if she held the answer to his odd feelings.
She pursed her lips. "You DID have contact with the Source. It is a bit unsettling for minds unfamiliar with magic." She smiled. "Or so I've heard...since magic has been with me since I was a young child. I don't think I have ever NOT known its presence...even when it was dormant in me."
"Ah." Snively sat up straight, his lean body jutting forward towards her. Blue light danced in his eyes. "Do you think...I could possible be...magically inclined, like you? Cass? That I could learn it?" He giggled at the thought.
"No," she said, immediately. He looked displeased with the answer, flopping back into a slouch. His prying gaze was on her, and she stared him down, undaunted.
"I don't think you're telling me the truth." His mouth twisted into a sour pout. Then he jabbed a long finger at her. "I wonder if Cu Chulainne would tell me..."
Cass's hackles went on end and she hissed. "Do NOT be thinking that, Black Flower! Cu Chulainne is OUR enemy!" Oh...she could brush off Sally and the Freedom Fighters...they were nothing to her. But Cu...?
Cu had revealed the reasons behind her father's madness. But Cu had never tried to stop it. It had tracked down Sally so Sally could save her father from madness. But had it ever bothered to track down Casssar and her mother, when they were in such peril?! She seethed, her fingers curling into her palms, sharp claws cutting.
"YOUR enemy," Snively was correcting. "All it ever did to me was...oh, let's see..." He ticked off each offense on his fingers, "Take away my hair, let me get killed by Sally, erased my memory of Knothole...and oh, let's not forget...it tried to 'cleanse' my evil mind." He smirked. "And Sally...she was the one who stopped that, eh? I imagine she gets a thrill out of Freedom Fighting...gets her kicks from being leader. Maybe I should bring that up next time I see her. She'll be delighted I found out her secret."
Casssar rolled her eyes. "But I thought you were going to kill her, Cast, not converse."
He snickered again. "Yes, you're right. Cu is the enemy. And Sally and Sonic...and the lot of them. Next time, I'll tell her, and then I'll KILL her. I'll put her head on a pike so they'll all see her mistake. She should've let Cu do its Spring Cleaning on me..." He stood upright in the throne suddenly, with his arm outstretched as if holding an imaginary flag. "Then she wouldn't be DEAD from a futile fight with I, Lord Snively the Great, Supreme Master of Robotropolis!!" His voice rose to a mad cackle.
Casssar stared. Then she fell on the floor, convulsing in laughter.
The leaves were falling.
One day's time to the mission, and the dusk was setting in too soon.
Sally Acorn was fretting, fretting, fretting.
She paced by the pool side, her hair tangled and her eyelids drooping. She was so tired. Up all night worrying. Uncle Chuck had sent them a message: 'Snively's up to something. He's expecting an attack. I can't tell you what, because he hasn't saved any information into the computer AND he hasn't said anything to his girlfriend. So, be careful...'
Just flipping great. She yawned. She would have to get some herbal tea from Bunnie before bed tonight. So she could sleep, gather strength for the morrow's mission.
"What's eatin ya up, luv?"
"Oh Geoffrey!" She pushed her hair from her eyes and smiled; an attempt to look cheerful.
He saw through it. "Now luv...there's no use worrying about tomorrow."
"I'm not," she said.
He gave her a patronizing smile.
"I can't help it," she said. "I worry about every mission."
"Well luv, it's gonna go how it's gonna go. No use thinkin' on it." He rolled his eyes. "We sure weren't in any trouble last time."
She let out an angry sigh. "I don't know how many times I have to say it. Just because he didn't do anything that time-"
"Yeah, yeah, darling. I know. But we got all the advantages."
She was taken aback by the look he threw her, some kind of acknowledging, pointed stare, like he was prying right into her secret mind. And his words... "We've got power on our side."
Once again, suspicions arose in her. Did he know? "We've got Sonic," she said, because he was infuriating her, and she wanted to return the favor.
His eyes darkened. "Nah. I don't mean power in some high speed feet and a bunch of bad jokes. I mean real power."
She scoffed, trying to brush him off, as nonchalantly as swiping a fly. "You're not talking about the whole 'witch' thing, are you, Geoffrey?"
He laughed. "Oh...maybe..." He checked his watch. "Gotta scoot. I promised Bernard I'd teach 'em some stealth moves."
She watched him disappear down the path, her brow furrowed. Then she pivoted around on her heel, so she was facing the power ring pool and the rock wall behind it. She stared across the water, at the place where the door lay hidden behind the thick foliage.
'Has Geoffrey been in there...has he talked to It?'
Dear Journal...I'm sick of the deceit. Let tomorrow bring victory. Let tomorrow bring the end of the lies and the hate. And the whispers...and the...
Let me live free again, tomorrow.
"Today is the day," said Bernard over the breakfast table. "Today is the day we come out of hiding and take back our home! Mobotropolis!"
The villagers around him cheered. They were wearing all manner of clothes that they thought were 'Freedom-Fighter-ish"; goggles, shoulder belts, big clompy boots. And they were armed, pockets filled with explosives and even a laser pistol or two.
"On the day of victory, we will no longer be in hiding! We will be out fighting...fighting for what we LOVE! Fighting for Freedom!"
More cheers.
Sally left in the middle of Bernard's prattle. The speech was supposed to be elevating, inspiring. It left a lemon-sour taste in her mouth. She'd given such speeches before; only now did she see them as naivety.
Death was always bound to conquer before Life did, hate too, and fear. It was likely they all would succumb to it – never see the day when Life, Love and Hope turned the tides. It wasn't that she didn't believe in them. They were forces very real and very powerful. Maybe too powerful for weak mortal minds. Perhaps that's how darkness always found a way in...it crept in through the chinks and gaps in the mortal soul, broken by trying to contain those good forces.
"Maybe that's why we never win. Maybe we're just not worth those things yet. Maybe we just are too WEAK to fuel them, to keep them going. What do you think?"
"I think you should focus on today, darling. Questions of Life will always be there, begging to be answered...and quite frankly..." King Acorn stood on the threshold of his hut, his hand about to close the door. "The answers are probably not to be found in this existence. Only when you leave life can you see the wholeness of it. When you're out there, you can look back and see the picture made complete, instead of just one tiny piece."
"So what, then? You don't have any opinion?"
He bent down and kissed the top of her head. "Be careful out there."
"I will..." she said, trying to keep the frustration from her voice, her body tensed against her father's embrace. "We'll win."
It sounded like a complete lie.
She headed for the cave. Nobody was down at the pool; everyone was in the village, preparing for the mission, or observing.
'Hope is a crutch for the foolish,' her mind had said.
'Life is a bother,' Snively had said.
It was all so dark, so dark, but ringing with truth she couldn't deny.
But she saw blue flowers creeping along the rocks of the cave wall, and she pictured Sonic.
'Your dream is gonna be real, real soon!'
Sonic. She could be bothered to live for Sonic. She could think of him and WANT to endure. She could think of the end of the War and want nothing more than to live forever, through depression and elation, as long as she was alive!
'It might all be too powerful for me to hold. Hope. Life. Love. Light. Beauty. Happiness. It might be too much. I might be too weak.'
She entered the cave and there was Cu, hovering above the Source, a ball of warm soothing light.
'But I have to try. I am a Fighter. My whole life. I've fought against darkness and death...and the hopeless...and the impossible. I fight, I win, but I lose everyday. Time ticks by.'
-Don't fret away the time you have left.- The Light intoned.
And Sally took it...she took all the black haze from her mind and she threw it away. She drew in a huge breath and blew until she was dizzy...she blew the smoke away.
"Ok," she said. "Any thoughts?"
-Take caution. He is in a maddened state. He has a great fear of you.-
"Of me?" A sneer formed on the Princess's face. "Good. He should."
-It is not a jest, Sally. He fears you...he fears what you will bring.- The Light seemed to wane, as if concentrating. –I sense he will try to kill again.-
"Really..." How strange it was...the hope she'd thought was futile mere moments ago was now flooding over her. "If he wants to kill me...he won't do it from afar. He won't be able to resist being there in person, letting me see him. Oh...yes, Cu. I know HIM. Maybe the battle IS going to end today..."
-Be careful, Sally.-
"I always am," she replied.
-Shall I accompany you?-
She frowned. "No."
-What is wrong?-
"Has anyone else seen you? Besides me and Daddy? Geoffrey?"
-Geoffrey has never been to this place, aside from when the small one and the dark woman were here. They do not remember that.-
"I know...but...are you sure? Maybe Geoffrey remembered...maybe his memory wasn't wiped enough..."
-I believe not. He has not been here.-
"Well...ok." The frown was still masking her features.
-Shall I accompany you?- The Light queried again.
The response was the same. "No." Sally sneered. "The witch doesn't need her powers. She has her own wits."
-Witch?-
"Yeah. That's what the villagers call me. Because they don't know." She tossed her hair. "I don't care really...but...I just wish I could tell Sonic."
The Light spoke in a maddeningly neutral tone. –The purity of the Source is best protected when less people know of it.-
"But Sonic...we can trust Sonic!" She flared. "I mean....if you can entrust Snively, for goddess's sake-"
-He was my only means to get to you, not my desired one.-
"Bah." She waved a hand dismissively. "Look...I have to go...don't worry about it, Cu. They all think this is going to be a final battle, but it's going to be the same. A glorified raid." She shook her head. "But whatever. If it scares Snively, then good."
She left the cave without a backward glance, ignoring the Light's last warning to be careful.
"Where's Sally?" asked Sonic. "You think she'd be here. Where is she?"
"Gathering up her strength," said Geoffrey, with a strange sort of sneer. Sonic scowled over at him.
"There she is!" cried Tails.
Their auburn-haired leader came striding between the tables of the cafe, waving a hand at the villagers who eyed her, as usual, with a mixture of apprehension and awe. But there was excitement in the air today, too, and hardly anyone was touching their breakfasts.
"Eat up," she commanded, "And quickly. Get food in your bellies, because we most likely aren't going to be back here until later."
"If we're back at all," said Thunderhill with a grunt.
"Can it!" Sonic glared as several villagers gulped and looked nervous. "We'll be back."
Sally didn't seem to be taking her own advice. Sonic slid a warm bowl of oatmeal and a piece of bread over to her. But she stirred the goopy liquid, and nibbled at the bread's crust, looking over the group, nodding, giving faux words of morale.
"C'mon Sal...no one's getting anything down," said Geoffrey, ten minutes later. "Let's just git this mission over with, then we can all have a big feast to celebrate."
"Alright." The Princess stood. "Attention. All people involved in the mission, proceed to the door and to the firepit. We'll gather there, take a roll call, and then leave. If you're not there in five minutes, then expect to be left behind." She cast her stormy gaze onto Geoffrey and Sonic. "C'mon, you two. Let's go."
"Yes m'am," responded the two rivals, promptly jumping to their feet. They, along with several chattering villagers, including Bernard, made their way to the door and outside into the brisk fall air.
Casssar said she didn't have nightmares. She didn't struggle, she didn't whimper, she didn't break. She didn't have to stave off the terrors, because her dreams were a wonderland. Snively had been quite skeptical and as it always was, his cynicism was reality.
He had come to her room to summon her, for she was much later than usual, and he had actually bothered to prepare a breakfast for them.
He stood outside her door, listening to her moan, and he could tell she was asleep because she never sounded that desperate awake.
She was telling someone, a HIM, to stop, telling him it hurt, pleading.
"I'm bleeding...You're breaking my arms! I'm bleeding to death!"
It made him think of Julian...he felt ill. He had dreamed about the decaying bastard again last night, feeling those fists on him, choking on his Uncle's screamed threats and laughter.
He heard her crying and went in, hastening to wake her. He didn't want her to see it anymore.
'She shouldn't have to relive it like me. She needs to be strong...and happy...she has to stay the same.'
He needed her to be, both selfishly and unselfishly, he needed her constant strength to keep him from going mad. She was his rock to cling to in a hurricane wind.
He turned on the light and gently shook her sleeping form. "Cass...wake up."
She smiled upon seeing his face. "Ahh...good morning."
"You were-" he started, then cut off abruptly, returning the smile. She didn't remember? Had the dream memory fled quickly, leaving only a queasy feel of indigestion in the stomach, a flutter in the heart...her only remembrance of being hunted?
"Your hands smell like food," said Cass, nose twitching.
"I made breakfast." He stroked her arm. "More dehydrated goodness."
"Lovely." She yawned and shrugged off the sheets.
"Come on, then, up with you." He clasped her hand, drawing it to his lips, but not kissing. Casssar smirked at him, one eyebrow raising above those smoky olive eyes.
"My, such fuss over me this morning," she chuckled, standing up. Her fur was mussed, most likely from rolling around in her nightmare state. She smoothed it down, shaking her head. "And I look a sight."
"You look fine...sexy...as usual." This time he did kiss, laying one on her chin, tiptoeing his way up to her lips. Another chuckle escaped her, echoing into his mouth. He laughed too.
"Breakfast?" She pushed him away, not unkindly.
He nodded and they walked down the gleaming metal halls, through the maze of corridors until they arrived at the kitchen and their slightly-cold food.
They ate breakfast in relative silence, with Snively intently observing the ermine's face, her hands. She was so calm, like she hadn't just been hunted a half-hour ago. He could never fathom how she could just shove it down, disregard it. He woke up a shivering wreck after nightly dream grapples with Julian.
Then again, her father was long gone, her dreams ware just dreams. His? His nightmares were becoming reality, bone-chilling truth revealed in that Princess bitch's lapis lazuli eyes and steely voice.
It was so unfair. Shackles had been broken, fists had been turned to dead lumps of meat unable to harm anymore. Robotnik had been slain in brutal ingenious fashion, but the tyrant refused to be buried, or burned, or shipped out to sea...he refused to rest. Robotnik had always said he'd never die...even if his body succumbed to mortality. He was right too...the fat swine had been fucking right.
Casssar was eyeing him over the rim of her cup. He tried to smile at her, but it came out wrong and she shook her head oh-so-subtly, her eyes sparkling, teasing him.
"Darkness clouds your mind again, Black Flower?" She set down the cup, running a finger along the rim.
"As always," he said with faux cheerfulness. And she smirked at that too.
"When they're dead, there'll be plenty of light." He rolled his eyes to the ceiling in an expression of mock rapture. "Maybe the smog clouds will even dissolve. They'll be here any day now. Any day. Today maybe."
"Maybe." Her tone was dismissing.
He sighed and scrapped up the last of the egg on his plate. There was silence again for a time, until Cass grinned and set down her fork.
"Until they do arrive, Black Flower, we should have a little fun."
There was something in her voice that made his heart flutter. He never knew how she did that. Bewitchment, maybe.
"I've a few ideas from my dreams that I'd like to try out on you," she purred.
Her dreams? His eyes widened. He felt like he was about to regurgitate the breakfast he'd just downed.
Bewitchment? No.
The group gathered around the firepit looked eager, anxious, terrified, sick, excited, vulnerable, confident, but above all, they all bore expressions of hope.
Sally wanted to feel good about this; she didn't want to feel like slapping every one of them.
"Are we ready to go?"
There were nods. Sally noticed, that standing among the wolves were the children they'd brought along.
"Are they coming too?" she asked Lupe, with a sickening feeling in her gut. She didn't have authority over the wolves if they wanted to drag their young into danger.
To her relief, Lupe shook her head. "Just seeing us off."
The young Shaman cub, Nadie, was eyeing Sally keenly, with that invasive child scrutiny. Sally could not read everything in the autumn-orange eyes, but there was admiration. As the group gathered to leave, talking loudly to cover any fear and doubt, Nadie approached Sally and touched her arm.
She was strangely imposing, this child. Those searching eyes, dangling feather earrings and beads, mouse skulls braided into the thick dark plaits of hair. "You'll make it through," she said solemnly. "You have a powerful spirit guide."
Around them, Bernard and the other villagers stared. Sally heard whispers. Her cheeks flamed.
'What do you sense?!' Sally wanted to grab the child and shake her, scold her for bringing the villager's suspicions fore-front again. ...
And for reading into her without being asked. Prickling, echoing in the back of her mind, behind the anger, were the words: 'Make it through? Make it through what?'
"Thanks," she mumbled.
Nadie smiled.
They trudged to the wasteland. The closer they got, with each step closing the gap between idyllic Knothole and the dread Robotropolis, the villager's enthusiasm began to ebb.
'Dear Journal...it's not like it was a surprise. I told Daddy they shouldn't have come. They've been hiding in Knothole forever. Some of them rarely ventured out of the boundaries. And trek to the dark city, enter it? It was never an entertained notion.
But now, in what they believe to be the last fight, the grand finale...now they want to come out, fight and be glorified. Now, when they had never shown an interest before.
Geoffrey's proud of them, touched by their willingness to risk their lives, even though he doesn't show it. Sonic is scornful, reluctant, but supportive. I'm staunch against it. Insulted, maybe.
Back to the present, though, Journal. Back to the wasteland. Where the fear started to kick in.'
'You'll make it through,' Nadie had said. Sally looked at the crumbling confidences around her. It was disheartening. Annoying. But she'd make it through. Of course.
So now they drew closer to the city itself. The place of nightmares and dread. The place that Sally hated, but yet...she did not fear the city itself. The tainted buildings, the dead streets, the desolation...the corruption of her childhood haven? She didn't fear it. The others...they were beginning to tremble. Some of them had never even set foot here. It was overwhelming them, choking them with the horridness of it all.
Sonic looked bored. Geoffrey looked anxious to start destroying things. They weren't scared either, or shocked.
The Freedom Fighters had become immune to the tragic sight of the city. It barely even registered as a gasp or a shiver up the spine now. It was so strange, thought Sally, so very strange to see the reactions of the villagers, the normal, the expected reactions!
They really shouldn't have come.
(But don't worry, you'll make it through.)
They crouched behind the junk piles on the edge of SWATbot Factory 3. It was one of the lesser secured factories.
"Are we ready?" asked Sally. "Ready to split up?"
Geoffrey nodded. Thunderhill smiled viciously. "I've been ready...waiting for this all day." They intoned over each other. Sonic smiled widely, choosing to boast with a nonchalant attitude and a breezy wave of his hand. "Bring it on, Sal."
"I won't be the one bringing it," she said, swiveling her head to eye the towering egg-shaped Command Center perched in the center of the city. The most imposing building of them all. One of the villagers turned away swiftly after gazing upon its vile glory.
"I'm scared," she said.
"Scared? Scared?!" Another villager cuffed her soundly in the arm. "You can't be friggin scared, Ross! What the hell is the matter-"
"It's ok to be scared," said Sally. "Just don't let it get in the way."
"Emotions are energy," added Lupe, in her smooth soothing voice. "Energy can control or it can be controlled."
Ross nodded shakily, clenching her hands into fists at her sides. "O-ok. I'm uh...I'm ready."
(You'll make it through, Sally.)
She looked at the Command Center; she looked at Ross's fists. She looked at how the hackles stood up on the back of the female's neck. She looked at how Bernard's eyes were flitting about.
(But will they?)