A/N: I know, I'm an evil, cruel, sadistic cow for making you wait. So much has happened though. My father has been having affairs since I was about three, my parents are divorcing, dad's in prison, I'm failing at school and I have huge motherloads of assignments. I'm not making this up! Even though it does sound like a bad T.V. drama.
Here it is! The product of a stretched imagination. I'm so sorry once again!
Check for Monty Python references!
2
Ginny was in a sour mood for the rest of the month. She stomped across the school grounds. There was so much anger inside her that she felt she would explode.
One of the reasons was Malfoy, and the other reason was Vlad and Kate. They were dating now, and she had no one else to hang around with. They never did any of the fun things they used to do, and if they did, it was Vlad and Kate that did it. They were so absorbed with each other that they didn't notice Ginny was becoming bitter and hateful towards them.
Malfoy's classes became increasingly difficult and he kept giving them more and more homework. He snapped at them during class and barked out orders and instructions. He was particularly cruel to Ginny, taking points off Gryffindor for stupid reasons. "Ten points from Gryffindor for breathing Weasley." And "Twenty points off Gryffindor for having red hair."
Ginny and Professor Malfoy were the two most avoided people at Hogwarts. People stayed at least three feet away from them and when they accidentally met in the halls, they would glare at each other, then turn and go the other way.
Vlad and Kate were tired of seeing their friends like this, and decided it was time for them to step in.
One night, while Ginny sulked by the fire, Vlad and Kate were sitting next to each other, holding hands and looking smitten.
Ginny glanced at them and scowled. She was angry at their happiness and love, but she'd never admit it to herself.
"Do you have to do that here?" She snapped. "It's disgusting the way you two are always kissing and touching! It's gross!" Ginny stood up and pounded up the stairs.
"Do you think she's being snotty because of us?" Vlad asked.
"I think so. You see, Ginny's never been good at making friends. You were an exception; she was very cheerful that day. But after second year the only friend she had was me, and I never had anything better to do than be with her. Now that I have you," She squeezed his hand in hers. "She's feeling lonely."
"What do you think we should do?" Vlad asked.
"Ginny's used to always having someone with her and to talk to, to share secrets with and the like. But I can't do that for her anymore, because I like you too much. We can spend time with her, but not as much as she really needs."
"So what do you suggest?"
"I think Ginny needs a boyfriend." She said.
Vlad was silent for a moment.
"Who?" he asked.
"Well, she needs someone of equal intelligence, equally stubborn so she can learn she can't always get her way, He needs to be cute, for sure."
"Tall? Blonde? Gray eyes? Older? At Hogwarts? Goes by the name of 'Draco Malfoy? Love, you just described Malfoy."
Kate smiled.
"I know."
Vlad and Kate had planned to go alone for the next Hogsmeade Weekend, but now they opted to arrange a forced meeting between Draco and Ginny.
Vlad went to Malfoy after classes and invited him along.
"I'm bringing you a blind date. Don't worry, she isn't ugly, and she isn't blind, she isn't an accountant either." Vlad chuckled, but Malfoy scowled.
"I loathe set ups."
"You'll like this one, she's exactly your type."
"No…"
"Malfoy." Vlad said threateningly. "If you don't come, I'll spread a nasty rumor about you."
"You can't. You don't know anything that would embarrass me." The Professor smirked and folded his arms.
"I know that you sing musicals in the shower. Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Les Miserables, Cats, Pirates of Penzance, The Mikado…you sing a very bad falsetto. I swear, I think I heard glass tinkle."
"Shut up!" Malfoy looked to see if anyone else was listening. "Alright, I'll come to your stupid little tea party. But if you tell anyone, I'll personally gut you with a spoon!"
Kate also talked to Ginny.
"Ginny. You're going on a blind date with me and Vlad. You aren't saying no, and there's no way out of it. Comprendé?"
"Yes. What time?"
"One P.M."
"Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm killing myself at twelve."
"You aren't getting out of this. You're coming, even if I have to drag you and chain you to your seat. And you'll be civil too, no more stomping and scowls."
"Me?" Ginny looked offended. "Stomp and scowl? How could that thought ever have crossed your mind."
"Ginny, dear, you made a first year wet their trousers when you glared at him."
"So? It's not my fault they think I'm part Harpy."
"They have good reason to." Kate patted Ginny on the shoulder. "Please come Ginny. This guy is so hot, sometimes I wish he was my boyfriend."
When the day came, Ginny wondered if she could get away with wearing a plain, modest dress and sandals, with maybe big dorky glasses.
But Kate would know what she was doing and she'd have to change into more attractive clothes.
With a sigh, Ginny grudgingly put on a black shirt and a denim skirt. After contemplating on either boots or sandals, she chose her black lace-up boots.
'All I need now,' she thought. 'Is plum lipstick and a minimum of five piercings.'
She brushed her hair and let it fall straight down her back. Ginny looked at the clock and saw the little hand pointing to twelve, and the big hand nearly pointing to the five.
Kate was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.
"Gee, you look nice!"
Ginny glared darkly at Kate.
"That wasn't the idea."
"Oh stop pouting and straighten up, you look fat."
"Thank you very much." Ginny stood a little straighter though.
"C'mon, we'll talk as we go. You know, the funniest thing happened to Vlad and I the other day." Kate had started walking so Ginny followed.
"We were in a closet…"
"And, pray, what were you doing there?" Ginny asked, smirking.
"Well, erm." Kate blushed rose pink.
"Okay, go on."
"Yeah, like I said, we were in the closet and Vlad yelped. I asked what was the matter and he stated rubbing his bottom. When we looked a little later we saw this huge…"
Don't you hate it when that happens? You hear something interesting and then you can't hear the rest? Sort of like me, updating.
Ginny decided she didn't want or need to know what the big something was, so she started thinking about the blind date victims; her and the other boy.
Vlad and Malfoy were at the Three Broomsticks already. Vlad was eagerly awaiting Kate and Ginny. Malfoy was sulking and staring at the empty Butterbeer mug in front of him. Damn, he was thirsty.
He also needed the toilet.
"Excuse me, I have to go to the men's room." He said, and stood.
"Okay, but don't escape through the window. On the way back, get us four drinks."
Malfoy nodded and walked away. "Wash your hands!"
Vlad smirked and leant back.
Fun, fun, fun!
Ginny and Kate entered the considerably warmer tavern and Kate pulled Ginny along to where Vlad sat alone. Ginny hoped her 'date' hadn't made it.
"Where is he?" Asked Kate.
"He went to the little boy's room." Vlad said. Kate and Ginny sat down.
"I hope you haven't gotten me a total dweeb." Ginny said.
"Oh, he's not a dweeb…" Vlad began.
"Hey Ginny!" Now there was a voice no one expected.
Harry Potter came over and sat down in Malfoy's chair. Vlad groaned and rolled his eyes.
"Oh, hello Harry." Ginny said. "What are you doing here?"
"I've come to do some work for Dumbledore." It was such an obvious lie. "What are you doing?"
"I've been set up on a blind date for no particular reason at all, other than that all my friends are sadists." Harry smiled. He must have used some beauty charms, Ginny thought, he's less spotty now.
"Well, I better get going before…"
"Potter." It wasn't a greeting or an insult.
"Malfoy." Harry scowled.
"Weasley." Malfoy sneered at Ginny.
"Malfoy." She returned the gesture.
"This is getting silly." Vlad said.
Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley fixed Vlad with a stare so cold he would have transfigured into an ice cube if he wasn't so hot from blushing.
"I'm leaving." Malfoy, Ginny and Harry said at the same time. They all turned in different directions, but Malfoy and Ginny were grabbed, pulled down onto the chairs and made to sit there.
"Both of you will stay here until we're finished." Kate said, an unusual firmness in her voice.
"But-" Ginny began.
"No, You will stay here and be civil."
Ginny scowled and folded her arms. There was no escaping this sticky situation. All she could do was sit here and sulk.
No! She wasn't sulking, she was being…
Oh, alright, I am sulking, but I have a right to! It's not my fault Malfoy's an egotistical pig. Probably not his either, I'm pretty sure he was raised that way.
Malfoy was thinking something along the same lines, but with more explicit words. He scowled at the wooden table as if it were the cause of his current predicament.
"So, Draco, did you get the drinks?"
"No."
"Could you please get them?"
"No way!" Ginny exclaimed. "He'll probably poison me!"
"Now, why would I waste a tablespoon of Asphodel on you?" Malfoy scowled.
"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Ginny retorted.
"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Malfoy scowled and leaned halfway across the table.
"Why don't you tell me?" Ginny met him. She felt a thrill pass through. She loved this!
"Now who's the chicken? Think of a decent insult, Weasley." Malfoy smirked, Gods, he loved fighting with Ginny.
"Okay; Your mother was a hamster, and you're father smelt of elderberries!" She had no idea where that came from.
"Empty-headed animal food trough wiper!" Malfoy smirked wider.
"I unclog my nose to you, you son of a window-dresser!"
"I wave my private parts at your aunties, you brightly-colored, mealy-templed, cranberry-smelling, electric donkey-bottom biters!"
Vlad and Kate dared not to interrupt, it looked like Malfoy and Ginny were having fun, and, oddly enough, getting along.
"Tiny-brained wiper of other people's bottoms!" Ginny was smiling now.
"Llama!"
"Badger!"
"Wombat!" Malfoy smiled.
"Oh, I give up!" Ginny let out a chuckle.
"Nice to see you two are getting on." Vlad said. Malfoy and Ginny remembered themselves, and then folded their arms and looked somewhere else.
"I'll get the drinks." Malfoy stood and went to the bar. He came back with four drinks and passed them out.
Ginny would have refused the drink if she weren't so darn thirsty. She drunk a third of it in less than five seconds, and they were pretty big tankards.
"Slow down there, Weasley," Malfoy smirked as he sipped the beverage. "No one's going to take it from you."
"We wouldn't dare." Vlad said. Kate kicked him under the table.
"What's the matter Vlad?" Malfoy smiled. "Did the monster under the table bite your-Ow! That wasn't fair."
Kate looked innocent.
There was silence for the next few moments.
"I'm doing a gig here in a week." Vlad said.
"Cool." Ginny said and yawned.
"Well, this is nice isn't it?" Kate said.
"Is there some ulterior motive here?" asked Ginny.
"What?" Vlad and Kate made blank faces. "No, we wouldn't do that to you, Gin."
"Oh yes you would." Malfoy put in.
"Us?" Kate looked horrified. "No, we're just-"
"Conniving little matchmakers?" Ginny suggested.
"You took the words right out of my mouth, Weasley." Malfoy smirked.
Ginny faked a shudder.
"Bad mental picture Malfoy."
"Really?" Malfoy smirked at her. "I would have thought it made you blush."
"Flobberworm dung." She hissed.
"Scum between my toes."
"Narcissistic, empty headed toad!" Ginny fumed, you could practically see steam coming out her ears. Draco thought she never looked more beautiful. He was at a loss for words so he stood up.
"I didn't come here to be insulted. I never wanted to come in the first place." He slammed two Sickles on the table and stormed away. Ginny's words had struck him deep and he didn't think he could stand to be near her again.
Vlad and Kate sat in the Library that night, pondering what had gone wrong. They sat for a long while, trying to think of anything they could do that would bring their two friends together.
"Maybe if we lock them in a room for a couple of days…" Kate shrugged. Vlad shook his head.
"They need to know about each other's good personal qualities." Silence fell onto their table and they mournfully looked down at the blank parchments in front of them.
"They already like each other!" Vlad said loudly.
"Shh!" Madam Pince hissed.
"They already like each other." He hissed. "But they're too stubborn to admit it! At the dance they were even dancing together, they went outside but then Ginny ran back in again in tears!"
"I remember!" Kate said.
"All we need is for Draco to say he's sorry for whatever he did, and then they might get back together."
"How are we going to do that?" asked Kate. Vlad was silent for a moment.
"Who do we know is crazy about Ginny and hates Draco Malfoy?" Vlad smirked. Realization dawned on Kate.
"You mean…?" Kate looked shocked.
"Yes. Harry Potter is going to date Ginny Weasley."
Here it is! The product of a stretched imagination. I'm so sorry once again!
Check for Monty Python references!
2
Ginny was in a sour mood for the rest of the month. She stomped across the school grounds. There was so much anger inside her that she felt she would explode.
One of the reasons was Malfoy, and the other reason was Vlad and Kate. They were dating now, and she had no one else to hang around with. They never did any of the fun things they used to do, and if they did, it was Vlad and Kate that did it. They were so absorbed with each other that they didn't notice Ginny was becoming bitter and hateful towards them.
Malfoy's classes became increasingly difficult and he kept giving them more and more homework. He snapped at them during class and barked out orders and instructions. He was particularly cruel to Ginny, taking points off Gryffindor for stupid reasons. "Ten points from Gryffindor for breathing Weasley." And "Twenty points off Gryffindor for having red hair."
Ginny and Professor Malfoy were the two most avoided people at Hogwarts. People stayed at least three feet away from them and when they accidentally met in the halls, they would glare at each other, then turn and go the other way.
Vlad and Kate were tired of seeing their friends like this, and decided it was time for them to step in.
One night, while Ginny sulked by the fire, Vlad and Kate were sitting next to each other, holding hands and looking smitten.
Ginny glanced at them and scowled. She was angry at their happiness and love, but she'd never admit it to herself.
"Do you have to do that here?" She snapped. "It's disgusting the way you two are always kissing and touching! It's gross!" Ginny stood up and pounded up the stairs.
"Do you think she's being snotty because of us?" Vlad asked.
"I think so. You see, Ginny's never been good at making friends. You were an exception; she was very cheerful that day. But after second year the only friend she had was me, and I never had anything better to do than be with her. Now that I have you," She squeezed his hand in hers. "She's feeling lonely."
"What do you think we should do?" Vlad asked.
"Ginny's used to always having someone with her and to talk to, to share secrets with and the like. But I can't do that for her anymore, because I like you too much. We can spend time with her, but not as much as she really needs."
"So what do you suggest?"
"I think Ginny needs a boyfriend." She said.
Vlad was silent for a moment.
"Who?" he asked.
"Well, she needs someone of equal intelligence, equally stubborn so she can learn she can't always get her way, He needs to be cute, for sure."
"Tall? Blonde? Gray eyes? Older? At Hogwarts? Goes by the name of 'Draco Malfoy? Love, you just described Malfoy."
Kate smiled.
"I know."
Vlad and Kate had planned to go alone for the next Hogsmeade Weekend, but now they opted to arrange a forced meeting between Draco and Ginny.
Vlad went to Malfoy after classes and invited him along.
"I'm bringing you a blind date. Don't worry, she isn't ugly, and she isn't blind, she isn't an accountant either." Vlad chuckled, but Malfoy scowled.
"I loathe set ups."
"You'll like this one, she's exactly your type."
"No…"
"Malfoy." Vlad said threateningly. "If you don't come, I'll spread a nasty rumor about you."
"You can't. You don't know anything that would embarrass me." The Professor smirked and folded his arms.
"I know that you sing musicals in the shower. Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Les Miserables, Cats, Pirates of Penzance, The Mikado…you sing a very bad falsetto. I swear, I think I heard glass tinkle."
"Shut up!" Malfoy looked to see if anyone else was listening. "Alright, I'll come to your stupid little tea party. But if you tell anyone, I'll personally gut you with a spoon!"
Kate also talked to Ginny.
"Ginny. You're going on a blind date with me and Vlad. You aren't saying no, and there's no way out of it. Comprendé?"
"Yes. What time?"
"One P.M."
"Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm killing myself at twelve."
"You aren't getting out of this. You're coming, even if I have to drag you and chain you to your seat. And you'll be civil too, no more stomping and scowls."
"Me?" Ginny looked offended. "Stomp and scowl? How could that thought ever have crossed your mind."
"Ginny, dear, you made a first year wet their trousers when you glared at him."
"So? It's not my fault they think I'm part Harpy."
"They have good reason to." Kate patted Ginny on the shoulder. "Please come Ginny. This guy is so hot, sometimes I wish he was my boyfriend."
When the day came, Ginny wondered if she could get away with wearing a plain, modest dress and sandals, with maybe big dorky glasses.
But Kate would know what she was doing and she'd have to change into more attractive clothes.
With a sigh, Ginny grudgingly put on a black shirt and a denim skirt. After contemplating on either boots or sandals, she chose her black lace-up boots.
'All I need now,' she thought. 'Is plum lipstick and a minimum of five piercings.'
She brushed her hair and let it fall straight down her back. Ginny looked at the clock and saw the little hand pointing to twelve, and the big hand nearly pointing to the five.
Kate was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.
"Gee, you look nice!"
Ginny glared darkly at Kate.
"That wasn't the idea."
"Oh stop pouting and straighten up, you look fat."
"Thank you very much." Ginny stood a little straighter though.
"C'mon, we'll talk as we go. You know, the funniest thing happened to Vlad and I the other day." Kate had started walking so Ginny followed.
"We were in a closet…"
"And, pray, what were you doing there?" Ginny asked, smirking.
"Well, erm." Kate blushed rose pink.
"Okay, go on."
"Yeah, like I said, we were in the closet and Vlad yelped. I asked what was the matter and he stated rubbing his bottom. When we looked a little later we saw this huge…"
Don't you hate it when that happens? You hear something interesting and then you can't hear the rest? Sort of like me, updating.
Ginny decided she didn't want or need to know what the big something was, so she started thinking about the blind date victims; her and the other boy.
Vlad and Malfoy were at the Three Broomsticks already. Vlad was eagerly awaiting Kate and Ginny. Malfoy was sulking and staring at the empty Butterbeer mug in front of him. Damn, he was thirsty.
He also needed the toilet.
"Excuse me, I have to go to the men's room." He said, and stood.
"Okay, but don't escape through the window. On the way back, get us four drinks."
Malfoy nodded and walked away. "Wash your hands!"
Vlad smirked and leant back.
Fun, fun, fun!
Ginny and Kate entered the considerably warmer tavern and Kate pulled Ginny along to where Vlad sat alone. Ginny hoped her 'date' hadn't made it.
"Where is he?" Asked Kate.
"He went to the little boy's room." Vlad said. Kate and Ginny sat down.
"I hope you haven't gotten me a total dweeb." Ginny said.
"Oh, he's not a dweeb…" Vlad began.
"Hey Ginny!" Now there was a voice no one expected.
Harry Potter came over and sat down in Malfoy's chair. Vlad groaned and rolled his eyes.
"Oh, hello Harry." Ginny said. "What are you doing here?"
"I've come to do some work for Dumbledore." It was such an obvious lie. "What are you doing?"
"I've been set up on a blind date for no particular reason at all, other than that all my friends are sadists." Harry smiled. He must have used some beauty charms, Ginny thought, he's less spotty now.
"Well, I better get going before…"
"Potter." It wasn't a greeting or an insult.
"Malfoy." Harry scowled.
"Weasley." Malfoy sneered at Ginny.
"Malfoy." She returned the gesture.
"This is getting silly." Vlad said.
Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley fixed Vlad with a stare so cold he would have transfigured into an ice cube if he wasn't so hot from blushing.
"I'm leaving." Malfoy, Ginny and Harry said at the same time. They all turned in different directions, but Malfoy and Ginny were grabbed, pulled down onto the chairs and made to sit there.
"Both of you will stay here until we're finished." Kate said, an unusual firmness in her voice.
"But-" Ginny began.
"No, You will stay here and be civil."
Ginny scowled and folded her arms. There was no escaping this sticky situation. All she could do was sit here and sulk.
No! She wasn't sulking, she was being…
Oh, alright, I am sulking, but I have a right to! It's not my fault Malfoy's an egotistical pig. Probably not his either, I'm pretty sure he was raised that way.
Malfoy was thinking something along the same lines, but with more explicit words. He scowled at the wooden table as if it were the cause of his current predicament.
"So, Draco, did you get the drinks?"
"No."
"Could you please get them?"
"No way!" Ginny exclaimed. "He'll probably poison me!"
"Now, why would I waste a tablespoon of Asphodel on you?" Malfoy scowled.
"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Ginny retorted.
"I don't know, why don't you tell me?" Malfoy scowled and leaned halfway across the table.
"Why don't you tell me?" Ginny met him. She felt a thrill pass through. She loved this!
"Now who's the chicken? Think of a decent insult, Weasley." Malfoy smirked, Gods, he loved fighting with Ginny.
"Okay; Your mother was a hamster, and you're father smelt of elderberries!" She had no idea where that came from.
"Empty-headed animal food trough wiper!" Malfoy smirked wider.
"I unclog my nose to you, you son of a window-dresser!"
"I wave my private parts at your aunties, you brightly-colored, mealy-templed, cranberry-smelling, electric donkey-bottom biters!"
Vlad and Kate dared not to interrupt, it looked like Malfoy and Ginny were having fun, and, oddly enough, getting along.
"Tiny-brained wiper of other people's bottoms!" Ginny was smiling now.
"Llama!"
"Badger!"
"Wombat!" Malfoy smiled.
"Oh, I give up!" Ginny let out a chuckle.
"Nice to see you two are getting on." Vlad said. Malfoy and Ginny remembered themselves, and then folded their arms and looked somewhere else.
"I'll get the drinks." Malfoy stood and went to the bar. He came back with four drinks and passed them out.
Ginny would have refused the drink if she weren't so darn thirsty. She drunk a third of it in less than five seconds, and they were pretty big tankards.
"Slow down there, Weasley," Malfoy smirked as he sipped the beverage. "No one's going to take it from you."
"We wouldn't dare." Vlad said. Kate kicked him under the table.
"What's the matter Vlad?" Malfoy smiled. "Did the monster under the table bite your-Ow! That wasn't fair."
Kate looked innocent.
There was silence for the next few moments.
"I'm doing a gig here in a week." Vlad said.
"Cool." Ginny said and yawned.
"Well, this is nice isn't it?" Kate said.
"Is there some ulterior motive here?" asked Ginny.
"What?" Vlad and Kate made blank faces. "No, we wouldn't do that to you, Gin."
"Oh yes you would." Malfoy put in.
"Us?" Kate looked horrified. "No, we're just-"
"Conniving little matchmakers?" Ginny suggested.
"You took the words right out of my mouth, Weasley." Malfoy smirked.
Ginny faked a shudder.
"Bad mental picture Malfoy."
"Really?" Malfoy smirked at her. "I would have thought it made you blush."
"Flobberworm dung." She hissed.
"Scum between my toes."
"Narcissistic, empty headed toad!" Ginny fumed, you could practically see steam coming out her ears. Draco thought she never looked more beautiful. He was at a loss for words so he stood up.
"I didn't come here to be insulted. I never wanted to come in the first place." He slammed two Sickles on the table and stormed away. Ginny's words had struck him deep and he didn't think he could stand to be near her again.
Vlad and Kate sat in the Library that night, pondering what had gone wrong. They sat for a long while, trying to think of anything they could do that would bring their two friends together.
"Maybe if we lock them in a room for a couple of days…" Kate shrugged. Vlad shook his head.
"They need to know about each other's good personal qualities." Silence fell onto their table and they mournfully looked down at the blank parchments in front of them.
"They already like each other!" Vlad said loudly.
"Shh!" Madam Pince hissed.
"They already like each other." He hissed. "But they're too stubborn to admit it! At the dance they were even dancing together, they went outside but then Ginny ran back in again in tears!"
"I remember!" Kate said.
"All we need is for Draco to say he's sorry for whatever he did, and then they might get back together."
"How are we going to do that?" asked Kate. Vlad was silent for a moment.
"Who do we know is crazy about Ginny and hates Draco Malfoy?" Vlad smirked. Realization dawned on Kate.
"You mean…?" Kate looked shocked.
"Yes. Harry Potter is going to date Ginny Weasley."