Sam was slightly shaking as she turned the key in the door. Pushing the heavy wood open she looked in carefully.
"Jack?" She called softly. It was late and he could have gone to bed already. The telltale sign he was awake was the soft glow from the lamp by the sofa. Sam moved towards the light but was stopped dead in her tracks. The hair was similar to her own, but slightly darker, the soft relaxed features of the face showed Sam the person was in a deep sleep. She moved closer, she had to wake them up or they would be cursing their back in the morning. Sam stopped and picked up the small pile of photos that had fallen to the floor so they would not get damaged. Kneeling down, Sam shook the woman's shoulder lightly.
"Sara." Sam said loud enough to stir her. Sara's eyes flew open and she had a slightly confused expression on her face.
"Sara?" Sam said again.
"Hello..." Sara said cautiously.
"Oh you probably don't remember me, we met a few years ago my name is..."
"Sam, I know." Sara said sitting up again. "Sorry, I know this must look bad."
"Stop." Sam said. "I understand. Is he around?"
"He went up to the roof. That was about two hours ago." Sara said.
"Should I just leave him?" Sam asked.
"No, he's had enough time to brood." Sara said with a sad smile.
"I can leave if you two need time..."
"Don't be silly Sam this is your home. Jack filled me in on the last few months. I'm happy for you, both of you." Sara said.
"That means a lot." Sam replied.
"You have made him so happy, I'm glad he's finally found some peace." Sara continued.
" I'm not sure if he'll ever find that."
"In time, he needs to forgive himself, and you may help him do that. I should get going. Tell him I said good bye."
Sam waved Sara off and decided it was now or never. She made her way around to the side of the house and slowly climbed the ladder that hung on the wall. As she reached the top she saw him sitting in the middle, looking into his telescope.
With out saying anything she pulled up a second seat and sat next to him. Jack didn't move, until Sam reached out and put her hand on his thigh, rubbing it lightly. Jack jerked back slightly and looked at Sam. Sam could almost see his brain computing that it was her next to him and not Sara.
"Sam." He whispered taking her hand and kissing it.
"Hi." She said back softly.
"When did you get back?" He asked.
"Just now. I managed to finish up some things early so I got away early. Sara said to say good bye."
"Oh Sam, she was here because she wanted some pictures to copy, she lost some negatives and..."
"Jack stop, it's ok. Do you want to talk?" Sam asked scooting closer and clasping both his hands in hers.
"There's nothing to say." Jack said holding back tears.
"Tell me about him."
"I can't."
"Well then tell me about something else. Just please don't shut down on me, I'm meant to be the person that gets to see you in a weak moment and help you through it."
"I don't need a shrink."
"I'm trying to be a friend."
"Well as a friend, respect that there is nothing for me to say."
"The fact you have had this locked inside you for 9 years says otherwise."
"There's nothing to say, my son would have turned 18 today but instead is dead because of me."
"Jack!"
"No! This is what you wanted Sam, me to unload. Well that's it, I killed my son!"
"STOP IT! You self deprecating, ignorant bastard!" Jack's mouth fell open slightly. "I can't pretend to know the full extent of this. I don't know what it is like to lose a child, but I do know what it is like to lose someone you love. And spending 9 years beating yourself up is not going to change anything."
"You're right. You DON'T know what it is like to lose a child."
"Think about my father Jack. Do you think he didn't curse himself for being late to pick up my mother? He was crazy with guilt and grief. But he finally realised Jack, some things happen. They hurt, you'd give your right arm to change them, but in the end, you're stronger because of them." Jack had turned his back on Sam by now, and risking everything she walked up and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek to his back. She felt him stiffen then relax more.
"Sam, nothing you can say can change the way I feel." Jack murmured.
"You've held this for so long Jack, Charlie would hate to think that he was making you this unhappy. He wouldn't blame you, he knows what a good man you are." Jack turned in her grasp and wrapped his arms around her tightly, his face pressed tightly against her neck.
"I miss him." Jack said softly.
"I know baby."
"I don't deserve you." He mumbled again moving to kiss her lightly.
"Yes you do. And so much more. I want to give you what you deserve Jack."
"What?" Jack asked confused.
"A second chance Jack. I want you to have everything you deserve. With me, if you'll have me?" Sam said cautiously. Jack was shocked at the change in her demeanor and posture. She had gone from facing off with him, to shaking before him like a child.
"Samantha Carter, was that a proposal?" Jack asked.
"Not likely." Sam scoffed. "I want at least three carats on my finger and you on your knees for that." She said kissing him again. Jack smiled and began to walk them both to the ladder.
"Three carats hey?"