My Heart Doth Wander
Chapter 17 : Laying Blame
This place is old, it feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine but the engine doesn't turn
It smells of cheap wine and cigarettes
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
I sail on, I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere in between these city walls and dying dreams
I think her death it must be killing me.
"One Headlight" – The Wallflowers
"We got to get back home," said Sonic. "Can't stick around today."
Geoffrey, his eyes haunted, but his mouth a sneer, retorted: "And miss Snively's big surrender? C'mon man."
"He isn't going to surrender after this!" Sonic yelled, unnecessarily, considering he was only two feet from the skunk. "Why would he surrender when he won the battle?!"
Sally dug her nails into the throbbing burn wound. It hurt so bad that she saw white flashes. But her mind cleared. "Sonic. You're going to have to take Lupe and Bernard, you'll have to get them to Dr Quack as fast as you can."
"I...I can't carry them both."
She stared wildly back and forth between wolf and dog, the head wound and the missing arm. What was worse? What was more life-threatening? She couldn't decide, she wasn't a doctor. She didn't know...a wild thought came to her...of roboticization, turning their bodies into a prison but saving their life...
"Uncle Chuck," she said. "He knows medicine."
Sonic nodded fiercely. "He can handle Bernard...but I don't think he could help Lupe..."
She turned, eyes stabbing through Geoffrey, burning him more severely than a laser blast was capable, "Take Bernard and get to Uncle Chuck. You have to hurry...and don't make any unnecessary stops. Geoffrey, understand?"
"Yes ma'am."
She watched grimly as the skunk scooped Bernard onto his shoulder. The dog's eyes were wide-open, vacant. Geoffrey cast a cautious look outwards, and then, without a goodbye, fled from their safe haven.
"Ah hope they make it ok," Bunnie's voice was hushed. Ross was huddled beside the rabbot, staring at Lupe. Her lower lip was trembling so hard Sally thought it might fall off. "It's a regular war zone out there, sugah."
"I know..." The squirrel bit her own lip, blinking. "Sonic...you should go now. While the coast seems clear..."
Thunderhill, still cradling the Chieftain, running his hands over her Mohawk, seemed reluctant to part from his wolven queen. His gruff voice was shaking. "You be careful with her, hedgehog, or you'll suffer even worse than her..." Those eyes, gleaming dangerously, suddenly darted away, staring at something outside. Sally felt a sick prickle in her stomach...
SWATbots again? Geoffrey, saying it was too late for Bernard? What? What?
She turned...
There was a silvery orb floating outside the pipes and it entered. Everyone froze. The orb twirled around, revealing a glass dome on the side and from this dome light began to glow and stream outwards, dazzling their eyes until an image began to appear. A holograph.
He came to them, stepping towards in the ethereal white haze, like some fallen angel or avenging ghost. That skin, blinding white, phantoms strands of hair ghosting his head, and the eyes as empty and cold as the Artic Ocean, as deep as sinking down into the trenches, down beyond all life and love...but light...light there was in a lantern-fish, shining from the depths. Just enough light to show the horrors of the darkness around.
"Greetings, Freedom Fighters..." Snively's voice was alight with mirth, tilting his head at them. His lips pouted as he looked at Sonic, who was tense, his quills quivering, murder on his face. "It sounded like you were having so much fun...but it doesn't look like it. Hmmm? It's always fun until someone..." His eyes darted to Lupe and the lips twisted into a sneer. "Gets hurt."
Sally charged forward, whipping her arm through the holograph. "Why did you do this, Snively?! Why'd you have to do this!? You sick bastard!"
The image reformed. The holographic man was laughing, arms crossed over his chest. He shook his head disapprovingly. "Did you think this was a game?"
She stood, trembling, tears rising hot in her eyes. She thought her skin would bubble away from the intense heat within. She couldn't contain such anger.
"Did you think this was a game?" he repeated, sneering softly.
In the distance, shocking as a sudden thunderclap, came a series of loud explosions and then the sound of something very large crashing to the ground. The earth trembled under their feet and the Freedom Fighters shot frightened glances to each other. The holograph trembled and Snively's eyes had gone wide; he was looking off to the side, perhaps observing the monitors in the Command Center.
Sally finally found the willpower to sneer. Daring him.
Then he looked back, white teeth exposed in a snarl. His eyes were glaciers to sink her ships of Hope. Not that any remained, afire they were, burning and descending down to the trenches.
"I never liked that fucking statue, anyway."
"Give it up, Snootly! You don't have a freaking chance! You think we're going to stop?! You think this is gonna bring us down!?" Sonic waved a hands towards Lupe. "FOR HER, we'll KEEP fighting you!"
A hard frown was marring Bunnie's face. "Why are ya'll taking the same path as Robotnik? Why are ya throwing your life away?" She was always trying to be understanding. She was always advocating for redemption.
Sally didn't think he could ever change, nor did she want him to. She wanted him to stay rotten and sick, so she could feel justified when she took her dagger and drove it into his heart...
Thus, his answer did not surprise her, though it seemed to pain Bunnie. The rabbot didn't know him like Sally did. "Did you think I was just a foot solider, following orders with no choice?" A hideous little snicker escaped him. "I wanted what he wanted...I wanted you to suffer. I enjoyed it." His eyes shot from rabbot to squirrel, burrowing hard into Sally. "This is YOUR punishment for misjudging me, Princess. Your punishment for bringing back the dead!"
Bafflement. "What?"
He continued, oblivious to the confusion on her face. "I don't see him with you. He must be dead already, crawling off like the maggot he is." He spat onto the floor. "I killed him twice now. TWICE NOW."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're crazy!" cried Ross, her face streaked with tears. "You're a lunatic! SHUT UP!" She threw a handful of sand at the holograph and it fizzled. Reforming, it charged right up to Ross, thrusting that sharp nose into her face, the edges of the face blurring as it touched hers.
"Don't worry, little girl, you won't have to hear me much longer." He stepped back, raising a coy hand to his mouth. "There's about 50 SWATbots heading your way right now. I imagine they won't be long."
"Sally." Sonic hissed into her ear. "Do you want me to fight them or...or..."
"Take Lupe," she replied. "Take her now."
"But Sal..."
"Go NOW, Sonic!"
The hedgehog didn't argue. Thunderhill relinquished the body of the Chieftain. Sonic drew forth the Power Ring from his pack and it glowed bright, infusing him with energy. They were thrown backwards in a blast of wind and stinging sand as he raced away. Sally watched him go, squinting her eyes as he disappeared. It felt like a piece of her soul was being ripped away along with him. She whirled back to the snickering holograph.
"Awww...I guess he'll live for a little while longer. Too bad he left you all to die..."
Sally felt something in her...some kind of...illuminating...like light on the verge of breaking through storm clouds. She felt almost like Cu was with her... surging through her veins; that odd feeling of being possessed but willingly so. Power.
Dear Journal...I think I'm going insane...She stepped forward, bringing herself only inches from the holograph. It crackled like static electricity, making her fur stand on end. Snively stared back at her, mouth still twisted and mocking, those horrible frost-bite eyes glittering. If he was really there, she thought she might thrust two fingers forward and jab them into his sockets, blinding those azure lights forever.
He's already blind.
"Let them go, Snively. Let them go.""Why should I?"
"Let them go." She couldn't think of anything else to say. She swelled with her desperation for these people around her. He could kill her, if he would just come out, she would battle to the death with him.
"You brought him here, do you think I could forgive you for that?" Snively scowled, but some of the mocking lines were easing off his face. He looked suddenly vulnerable.
Dear Journal...I don't know what happened. I kept saying 'let them go,' over and over. Bunnie was looking at me like I was mad and Ross kept crying and crying... I could smell blood, you know, and scorched flesh from my own shoulder, wafting up to me. It's all I could...feel...was death...and how much I would sacrifice to stop Death from getting them. Snively was death at that moment and I couldn't look away from him.
He wouldn't look away from me, either, and I felt something so strange. Like we were connected again, but this time he wasn't dominating my mind with his darkness. This time...I was the one casting a shadow upon him and he was skittering backwards, trying to evade it, to gain some distance from me. I thought I could see a bottom to his eyes, and there was black sand and twisted curls of seaweed. More strange...and scary...was the skeletons of ships and bodies... I didn't want to look at those, Journal, because it made me think he was only mortal after all...and he had all the pain and regrets of anyone else.
NO. He was just weak and scared! That's why he retreated. Something softened in his face and he hissed.
"You'd better run now, precious Sally..." his voice was a snake-hiss, deceiving in its malice. He was letting us go.
The next words he spoke were utterly serious, free of any outright threats or boasting. But they were filled with such dripping hate, such scathing contempt, that they could be nothing BUT a threat. "Never try to bring HIM back again, Sally. NEVER."
The problem is, I didn't know what he was talking about.
"Let's go," said Bunnie.
And we left.
Two hands pressed into the mattress on either side of her, but Casssar did not awaken until the stereotypical sleeping beauty moment; a pair of lips pressed to hers. She opened her eyes to see Snively leaning over her, a soft smile curving his mouth. He kissed her again before laying by her side, curling warm against her.
"He's gone, Cass. He's dead again."
"I know," she whispered.
"I bet...when I sleep...he won't be there anymore..."
"Let's see..." said Cass, closing her eyes and drifting away.
"Eat, Sally, please," said Sonic.
"I have eaten." She stared pointedly at the crust of toast on her plate. "I've eaten."
"That was nothing, Sal, here." He offered half of his chilidog. The meat slipped out of the torn bun and plopped onto the table. She gave him a baleful look.
"Sal, c'mon, you gotta eat, you-"
"Lupe is in a coma. And Dr. Quack doesn't think she's going to come out of it."
"I know...I heard." He ate a bit of chilidog almost tentatively. "But you gotta be positive, Lupe is a tough tough lad-"
"You heard about Bernard too?" Her voice was pure ice.
"Yeah..." Sonic's voice was rapidly losing its confidence. Bernard had died just as Geoffrey had arrived at Chuck's hideout. They had tried to bring him back, but it was too late. Too much blood loss. Ross had burst into tears at the bonfire when Geoffrey came back, weary and blood-splattered, to inform them. No one else had said anything, but thoughts were displayed clearly in eyes. To Sally, they seemed to say she had failed again.
"Then you'll know why I don't feel like sitting here stuffing my face!" She snapped and stood, shoving roughly away from the table.
"Sal, Sal, wait!" He scrabbled after her. "Are you blaming me for this?!"
She whirled around. "No, Sonic, of course not. No."
"You should. I was just as much a part of it as you were."
She stared at him.
"If you're to blame, then I am too."
They were standing sandwiched between an empty table and a table seated with villagers. They were blatantly eavesdropping, waiting for her answer. She felt judged and damned. She deserved it, too.
But she wasn't the only one. Their whole movement had damned them. Their whole ambition. "We all are," she gave a long pointed look to the table, then to Sonic. "We ALL are."
He gazed after her, wringing his hands at his sides as she disappeared out the café door. The villagers behind were starting to babble and he pivoted to face them. "You all shut up. Don't even say ANYTHING about her."
"We weren't," said one.
"We are saying...Snively is to blame. He's the one."
"Yeah," said Sonic. "Yeah." He left without a backwards glance.
-Bam- Tails' fist jammed into the training dummy. -Bam- Again. Again. His eyes were fierce and his teeth set in a snarl. "Can't let him get away with this." -Bam- "I'll go in there myself and beat him!"
Nadie sat cross-legged under a nearby tree, large orange eyes watching him. "You are not strong enough."
He stopped punching long enough to glare over at her. "Yeah, what do you know? You could come with me. Use your magic on him."
"I don't have that type of magic."
"He hurt her. Aren't you mad? Aren't you mad at all?!"
"No."
He stared at her, unbelieving.
"Lupe is a wise mother. She is strong. She will live."
He abandoned the dummy. "Wait...you're a healer! Can't you help her?"
"She is beyond my reach...my powers aren't that strong." Her voice was quietly sorrowful and Tails was compelled to throw his arms around her.
"It'll...It'll be ok," he said, only half-believing it.
"Yes, it will."
And suddenly, he didn't feel so angry anymore.
Tails' anger had subsided, but the anger in the village was on the rise. It ranged from the cold icy hell that was Sally's feelings of internal and external hate, and the reception of the villagers to the Freedom Fighters, a muttered word or cold turned shoulder at their presence – to the volcanic Hades that was Thunderhill's rages at Dr Quack and Sonic's loud outbursts to counteract the villagers. The fire and ice storms surged and swelled until not one soul in Knothole was unaffected by the maelstrom.
Dear Journal, everywhere I turn, there is more hate and loudness. More blame. I can't walk anywhere without seeing it. It has never been this bad before. Never before was hope raised that high and never before was it shattered so hard.
She walked from her hut the morning of the third day to the café and witnessed exactly five accounts of animosity.
1. Geoffrey, whirling to confront a group of villagers (among them those who had denied defacing Sally's hut) "You gotta problem, mate? You wanna take it up with me?" He shoved one of them. They didn't back down; one even raised a garden shovel to the skunk."As a matter of fact, we do!" She had walked by without a comment.
2. A wolf pup snarling at Tails. "Because of YOUR leaders, OURS is hurt! We don't want to play with you – go away!" But another pup had stepped up and cuffed him across the face."Leave him be. Garato Lupe knew the dangers....if she hadn't gone we would be dishonored. Why don't YOU go away?" A scuffle between the pack pups had broken up but Sally had kept walking.
3. A particularly annoying teenager followed her several steps, chanting: "Witch, witch, you should've used your powers. Why didn't you, huh?"She turned slowly. "I suggest you back off...or I might be inclined to turn you into a toad!" She leaned into his face. "It would definitely improve your appearance." He had sputtered, broken her gaze and ran off without another word.
4. Ross and another villager were in a row as Sally passed. Ross was weeping. "Why'd you have to go? Think you were some big shots like the Freedom Fighters? They'd still be alive.""We just wanted to help..." Ross wept.
"That's what you get, for trying to be a hero, when you're a nobody! You all should've stayed here, like we always did-"
"You guys are cowards!" The crying girl finally had lashed out, startling Sally who was nearly out of earshot. "You would hide here your whole lives! At least Bernard died fighting, instead of cowering under a rock!"
The villager watched, stunned, as Ross stormed off, wiping her eyes. A small smile came to Sally's face...and she didn't know why.
But the fifth was the worst, somehow. The fifth made Sally open her mouth.
As she reached the firepit, she noticed Uncle Chuck had arrived from the city. He was beset by friends of Bernard's (most of which had stayed behind, so how dare they judge, she thought disdainfully) and they were yelling at him. The elder hedgehog raised his hands amiably, trying to bow out of the situation but they surrounded him.
"Why didn't you save him?! You're a doctor – a scientist! How come you didn't save him?!"
"He's a robot filth. In league with Robotnik."
"Yeah...we know who you're really spying on... US!"
"Snively's little spy...why don't you go running back to your Furless trash!"
Chuck frowned, but his voice stayed its usual gentle tone. "I tried, friends, but he was already gone...Geoffrey and I tried all we could. I'm sorry."
"You liar! You wanted him to die!" A stick was raised threateningly and Sally charged forward.
"HEY! How DARE you!?" She wrenched the stick away from the man's hand; he grunted in surprise. "How DARE you judge this man, when he has done NOTHING but risk his life to help us?! What do you know? You stay here all day, you do nothing to fight Robotnik, how DARE you criticize?" She threw the stick violently into the firepit.
"How can you trust a robot?"
"He's no different than us...he's a victim of Robotnik. Damn you!" She cried. "He has suffered more than any of you will know!"
"Maybe you're in league with him too, Witch!"
"What's going on?" Sonic's voice popped in like a firecracker, and the blue hedgehog seemed to magically appear by their sides. "Unc?! What are you people talking about? Back off him!"
"They're blaming Charles..." Sally's voice shook with anger. "Blaming him for Bernard."
Every quill on Sonic's back stood rigid; his eyes burned hotter than the embers behind them. "What is wrong with you people...Unc tried to save him!"
"He was already gone," said Chuck, "And as much as I'd like...I can't resurrect people, I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do."
"Maybe it's a good thing he wasn't alive, you would've just dragged him off to be roboticized anyway!"
"Who said that?!" Sonic shoved through the group, finding the culprit and his gloved hand grabbed the man roughly around the throat. "You're gonna regret that, buddy!"
"Sonny, No!" Chuck leapt forward but before he could touch Sonic another hand interjected, a tan hand bearing a royal signet ring. The group gasped and stepped back; Sonic let the man go without a word.
"Your Majesty!" sputtered a villager while the King looked over them disapprovingly.
"What's going on here? And everywhere?" He motioned at the village, frowning heavily. "I wake to nothing but squabbling and childish quarrels...after some of your companions have just died! Is this any way to honor their deaths?! I am ashamed of this behavior!"
"They were blaming Chuck..." Sonic's voice was small and tight. "Said it was his fault Bernard died..."
The King's eyes were daggers as he swept them over the villagers; they flinched. "I think it's high time for a village meeting. Sally, Sonic...get everyone out here. At once."
"Yes Daddy..."
"Right away, Highness..."