key:
regular = happening
italics = Anakin is thinking
(parenthesis) (=) ("the voice")
Chapter one. breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, Breathe out.
(Nobody cares.)
Breathe in, Breathe out.
(She hates you.)
Breathe in, Breathe out.
(she's gone now.)
Breathe in, Breathe out.
(she-)
would you shut up.
Breathe in, breathe out.
calm. peacefulness and cal-
(she left you.)
ignore it. calm. peacefulness and cal-
(she hates you.)
Breathe
in,
breathe
out.
(it hurts, doesn't it?)
BREATHE IN BREATHE-
(She left you. she hates you. she's...
gone.)
Shut.
up.
now.
(She's gone. she's never coming back.)
Breathe.
in.
Breathe.
out.
calm.
peace.
find it.
(she's gone. she hates you. she's never coming back. there's only pain.)
"Anakin, you in there?" Obi Wans words are drowned out.
breathe in. breathe out.
"There you are, Anakin, we have been summoned by the council." Anakin doesn't hear him.
breathe in. breathe out.
"Anakin?"
Breathe in. breathe-
(She doesn't care.)
Anakin's breath hitched.
Yes, she did.
(no, she didn't)
"no..." Anakin whispered. "She cared."
(you're all alone now.)
"Anakin, I get your mad, but do you really have to ignore me, muttering under your breath?"
Breathe in, breathe out.
YES. I AM PERFECTLY CALM.
BREATHE IN
BREATHE OUT
IN
OUT
IN
OUT
IN
OUT
IN-
"ANAKIN!"
Anakins head snapped up, eyes flying open. "Obi Wan?" he said confused, "what is it?"
"You were breathing really loud and panicky-" Obi Wan cut himself off. "Anakin, are you alright?"
maybe if everything didn't hurt so much.
maybe if he wasn't screaming on the inside.
(Maybe if she wasn't gone)Anakin ignored the voice.
Maybe if everything didn't seem so much like a dream-
he would've laughed...
he probably should've faked it.
it was a silly question, "was he alright?" Anakin would've rolled his eyes.
no, he wasn't alright.
but he never was alright.
not when he was a slave.
not when he left his mother.
not when he came to courisant.
not when he was a padawan having nightmares.
not when his mother died.
not when dooku cut off his arm.
or when he electrocuted him
or when the council sent him to Zgerria
or when Obi Wan faked his death.
he wasn't alright when Ahsoka left.
(Or when Padme divorced and left you.)
shut up.
he's never been "Alright."
but no, compared to usual, he's not "alright" at all. it's just that he's gotten rather good a hiding it.
(or so you think) Anakin ignored "the voice"
Anakij suddenly realized he hadn't answered Obi Wans question. "Yeah."he said. "I'm alright."
Anakin hoped Obi Wan didn't catch the fact it took him ten seconds to answer.