Disclaimer: I do not own SG-1 or their robot duplicates. cries
Liss: Ok, recap: SG-1 and their robot doubles are having a wrestling/boxing/fighting match against each other. So far, the Jack and Daniel matches have been draws, and the Sam match turned out to be a tie. Now it's the Teal'c's turn. Also, the Jacks have taken over the loudspeaker box. So far the announcer has been missing… Robot Daniel is being trained by a robot-loving nerd while Original Daniel is being trained by a stalkerish fangirl.
So, without further ado, here it is! Real O'Neill chapter 5! Teal'c vs. Teal'c!
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Teal'c and Teal'c stepped to the center and waited for the bell to ring. Nothing happened. They stared at each other. Sam and Sam looked at them, waiting for something to happen. Nothing.
Two minutes later, still nothing.
"Uh, Teal'c? Shouldn't you start?" Sam called.
"The signal for us to begin has not sounded Majorcarter. It would be unwise for us to start."
"Should we not begin anyway, thus ending our time further?" Teal'c said to himself.
" I do not agree."
"Indeed."
Robotic Sam whacked herself in the chest, creating a loud BANG. "There, is that signal good enough?!" Teal'c and Teal'c bowed.
"Well this should be interesting," Ferretti said, peering at them. "They're so good, it'll finally be an even match. Maybe some REAL fighting'll happen for once tonight." But Ferretti was dearly wrong.
Teal'c and Teal'c stood there. One punched the other in the face. The other punched back. Their feet were planted in the ground and they blankly stared the whole time.
-fifteen minutes later-
PUNCH.
Stare.
PUNCH.
Stare.
PUNCH.
Stare.
"Is it done yet?" Sam asked.
"I've counted my money ten times so far." Ferretti sighed. "I'm sorry, eleven. One…two…three…"
---
Jack was busy cleaning up the destroyed booth when Harlan entered with Jack's head.
"Colonel O'Neill! So nice to see you again!" Harlan said happily, bowing. Jack stared at him. Harlan hesitated. "Well, I have come to fix…you." He chuckled at his joke. Jack stared again. The robot head stared up at him too.
"Will you just attach me?" he asked, annoyed. Harlan stopped giggling. Jack lifted up his robot double's body while Harlan secured the head. After some tinkering, Robot Jack shook his head. "Wow that was weird."
"Glad to see you're back," Original Jack said. "Now can we please get back to the match? Teal'c and Teal'c are fighting, and it's not pretty."
"Oooh!" Jack said excitedly, running to the window, hoping to see some action. His face fell. "Wow. They need help."
---
"Seven…eight…nine…ten. Good," Freakazoid said. Daniel set the dumbbells down on the stand above the bench and hoisted himself into a sitting position. He wiped himself with his rag.
"Alright. Let's try some tai-bo," Freakazoid said, putting on some workout music.
"There's still a moon over Miami
And I know this is love hangin' in the air
This could be the night
The night of all nights
If we just take our time
Oh I know we'll find
There's still a moon over Miami…"
"Oops…wrong tape," Freakazoid said quickly, blushing bright red. Daniel eyed him suspiciously. He switched the tape. A real workout song came on. "Ok! Ready? Five, six, seven, eight! Step, step, step, kick! Step, step, step, kick! Good!"
---
Daniel leaned against the bag, breathing heavily.
"Nice. Now curl-ups," Jade Panther said, giving him a 160 lb. hand-size dumbbell. Daniel picked it up and started working. Jade Panther silently pulled out a camera and quickly snapped a few pictures of Daniel's biceps.
"Uh…what're you doing?" Daniel asked, looking at her strangely.
"Just…seeing what your muscles look like now… When we're done I'll take another picture…and we'll see how much you've improved!" she smiled.
"Oh…" Daniel eyed her suspiciously and went back to his curl-ups.
"Phew. This'll go great on my website," Jade Panther said, grinning down at her camera.
---
"Colonels, can you PLEASE make them stop!" Sam yelled up to the speaker. She looked fearfully across the ring to her robot double. Her eye was twitching and her head was steaming.
"So…boring…"
Jack looked out the window. "Jeez, and she thinks THIS is boring." He rang the bell. Teal'c and Teal'c stopped fighting and bowed to each other.
"It seems to be a draw."
"Indeed."
Teal'c and Teal'c bowed and went back to their respective sides. Sam and Sam didn't even look at them out of sheer embarrassment. But Teal'c and Teal'c didn't notice.
Original Sam put her head in her hands. "This is not going well. We're all each equally matched! How can we win?"
Over on the robot side, Bot Sam was wondering the same thing. "This is stupid. We should just leave."
In the seats, the audience was getting restless.
"BOO!"
"YOU FIGHT LIKE MY GRANNY!"
"BEEEP BOP BEEEP BO!"
Garbage and various mechanical parts were thrown at the SG teams.
"You have to do something! I'm losing money here!" Ferretti yelled over the noise, ducking as a large hot dog sailed over his head.
"I don't think we can do anything!" Sam cried back, her face twisting in disgust as Coke splashed her shirt.
"AAAAUUUGGGHH!" A loud yell broke through the growing noise. "I GOT CHEESED!" Robot Sam's eyes started to twitch as the hot melted cheese dripped down her face.
---
"Oh no! It's sinking into her system! She will short-circuit soon! We must do something!" Harlan cried from the speaker's booth. Jack and Jack peered out the window.
"Maybe some music'll help," Jack suggested as he stifled a laugh. He popped in a CD. Nothing happened in the stadium below.
"Well, it was worth a try," he shrugged.
---
Sam rushed over to the robot side and tried to mop up her robotic double. Unfortunately she only made things worse. Robot Sam was starting to spark.
"Oh dear!" C3PO exclaimed, watching the spectacle below. "Look at that! Someone should do something, R2!" R2 flashed his light and beeped a little.
"What?! No, of course I don't mean me! I meant you, R2! You're programmed for this sort of thing!" C3PO said, crossing his legs and robotically huffing. R2 rolled his light but enjoyed annoying 3PO. He continued to taunt him.
"Stop that! What are you doing?!" C3PO cried as R2D2 shot his suction cup onto C3PO's head and pulled him. C3PO slowly stood up at the suction pulled him down the row past a few robots, which were all too busy throwing nuts and bolts to notice him.
"R2, now I mean it! Stop it this instant!"
In the ring, Teal'c and Teal'c's eyes froze. They slowly rotated towards the sound. Their eyes caught sight of a tall and slim gold robot slowly walking across the row.
A girlish squeal pierced the noise.
"OH MY GOD NO WAY! IT'S C3PO! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!"
Faster than you can say 'Indeed', Teal'c and Teal'c had jumped over the sides of the ring, taken the stairs three at a time, and glomped C3PO. "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!"
---
Jack and Jack were rolling on the floor, laughing their asses off at the sight of the two Teal'c's screaming like rabid fangirls.
"Oh, jeez," Jack said, wiping a tear away.
"It's the simple things in life you treasure," Bot Jack said. They both looked at each other. "NEVER GIVE UP; NEVER SURRENDER!"
---
Through all the screaming, squealing, chucking, and laughing, Harlan had made his way down to the ring to try to help Robot Sam. It would have been a nice gesture, had Bot Sam not been sparking in a radius of 5 feet. All Harlan and Sam could do was stare helplessly as the robot became consumed in blue sparks.
Eventually the sparks calmed down and Robot Sam collapsed in a heap on the floor of the ring. Sam knelt down and tried to see what she could to do fix her double while Harlan went about his usual hovering.
Suddenly the lights went out. The audience fell silent for a moment, then people started to scream.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
"WE'RE GOING TO DIE!"
"LET'S ALL SCREAM LIKE IDIOTS BECAUSE THE LIGHTS WENT OUT!"
A spotlight shined on the entrance to the stadium on the Original's side. Colored lights flickered randomly and fog machines started.
---
Up in the announcer's booth, Jack and Jack were watching the doors with a puzzled look.
"Uh, Colonel O'Neill?" An assistant poked his head into the door.
"Yes?" they both said. The assistant paused for a moment, then handed Original Jack a piece of paper.
"This is from the managers."
"What managers?" The assistant shrugged and shut the door.
"What does it say?" Bot Jack asked. Jack stared down at it.
"Oh, fer cryin' out loud."
---
Down on the floor, people were holding their breath, anxious about what was to come through those doors. Even Teal'c and Teal'c stopped jumping up and down to watch.
"Ladies and gentlebots," Jack's voice said over the loudspeaker, "May I introduce to you, back for his second time tonight, the Keeper of the Tales, the Master of the Knowledge, the King of Dorkdom, my favorite nerd, Dr. DANIEL JACKSOOOON!"
The doors burst open and into the stadium stepped Daniel, wearing a white robe and black shorts. His determined eyes stared ahead as he strolled down the red carpet towards the ring . Jade Panther followed behind him, slapping hands and raking in support from the cheering audience. Suddenly, music blared to add to the effect. Well, that was its intention. Or was it…?
"I'm too sexy for my shirt
Too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts"
Jade Panther and Daniel glared up at the Jacks while they waved innocently and giggled back to him.
"Good one," Robot Jack said. "Ok, my turn."
The audience's attention had turned to the robot doors, expecting the same thing.
"And now, the challenger, the All-Knowing Space Monkey, the Sneezing Brainiac, the Robotic Muffler (I wish), and the most annoying robot you've ever met, ROBOOOOOT DANIELLLL!"
The doors opened and Bot Daniel marched into the stadium, looking encouraged and slightly annoyed, wearing a black robe and red shorts. He and Freakazoid, who was trailing behind and rallying up the crowds, stuck their tongues out at the announcer's booth. Then Daniel started striding to the ring where his double and opponent stood waiting for him. As is predicted, the song Bot Jack chose to play was not a bit more pleasing than the one Original Jack chose.
"Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee
Lousy with virginity
Won't go to bed till I'm legally wed
I can't, I'm Sandra Dee"
Daniel and Daniel gave each other the death glare across the ring and mouthed various "intimidating" phrases, such as "You're going down" and "Don't mess with me, buddy"— none of which served their purpose.
"Oh god," said the Sams.
"Oh my," said Harlan.
"Oh yea!" said the Jacks.
"OH YAY!" exclaimed the Teal'c's.
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Liss: Well it's finally out. Do you love me now? puppy eyes Make sure you give a niiiice long review and maybe I'll post the next one soon. Ciao!