My Heart Doth Wander

Chapter 22 : A Talk with Cu

We believe we can change ourselves,

the past can be undone

but we carry on our backs the burdens time always reveals

in the lonely light of morning

in the wound that would not heal

it's the bitter taste of losing everything

I held so dear

Though I've tried, I've fallen.

"Fallen" – Sarah Mclachlan

"It's good to see you eating again." Sonic stood on the pool's edge, skipping stones. Sally was perched on the log, watching the foliage sway across the water. The forest was alight in the fiery hues of autumn. Scarlet, gold, copper and brown had overpowered the green. They would be gathering nuts and berries soon; harvesting the crops before winter. On the breeze she could smell fish smoking.

She nodded absently. Sonic had been quietly elated to see her consuming normal portions of food again. She hadn't kept that sense of peace for long. It faded like the brilliance of a firework. But some traces still flickered in her vision. She was glad of one thing – she felt alive again. It had a dangerous sense of being temporary, like any wrong motion would slip her back into the hole again.

'I want to be on stable ground again,' she wished sadly, watching Sonic stoop to pick up another stone. He flashed his cocky smile before sending the rock skipping across the water. It traversed the pool, disappearing into the bushes along the cliff. Beyond that stone wall was the secret that she kept from him.

'The secret that's ruining our relationship.'

He smiled at her.

'No. You're ruining it.'

'It is. If I could just tell him, he'd understand everything that's happened. It wouldn't be lies upon lies. There shouldn't be lies between us.'

'Truth omitted isn't a lie.'

'It's still wrong.'

'Find a way around it.'

'Why should I?' Her thoughts were tinged with her old ferocity. She hopped off the log.

"I'll see you later, Sonic. I need to go do something."

The setting and characters were the same, but the dialogue and tone had changed. King Acorn, watering can in hand, was out in his garden. The flowers would all be dead soon, but the veggies would hold on longer, and they needed the can's attention. Rain had been scarce.

He turned his head, humming under his breath, to see Sally striding towards him. It was a scene of déjà vu with one exception. Her face was not filled with wrath today.

"Daddy, I'd like to talk."

"Of course, my dear. What about?"

"Our favorite topic," she replied, with a slight frown. "The Source."

He sighed. "If this is concerning Sonic again, then you already know my answer. It hasn't changed."

"Don't you trust him?"

"It isn't an issue of trust." He looked about, lowering his voice. "It's of security. If word of the Source got out, if anyone and everyone was bathing in it...gaining knowledge...muddling it up... The consequences could be dire, you see. The news could spread far away to enemy ears. They could contaminate it, use it power. Snively might hear of it and recover his memory of Knothole."

"Cu wiped his memory."

"He could recall the Source tributary that led him here. It wiped his memory of Knothole alone."

"He wouldn't remember it being outside the cave," she said stubbornly. "Cu has powers. It could maybe...I don't know...bind Sonic to secrecy."

She had to stifle a laugh. The idea of Sonic keeping anyone's dirty little secret was amusing. He was bound to let something slip, not intentionally, but it would come out just the same. Still...Cu could make it impossible for him to even utter a word of it. Maybe his vocal cords would freeze up.

But King Acorn shook his head.

"Oh why not?" She raised her voice in frustration.

"It's not reliable."

"You're doubting Cu's powers?"

"I wouldn't say doubting. I just don't want to leave room for any mishaps."

She sighed loudly. "I can't win, I swear."

"I'm sorry, Sally, but this is a serious issue. Some things have to be scarified for the greater good."

"Yeah," she grunted, "Yeah, yeah. I've heard that one before. I know that one. But Sonic...he...well...I don't want to lie to him."

He sprinkled water on a patch of carrots. "Dear, it isn't lying."

"It isn't telling the truth either." Sullenly, she crossed her arms over her chest, turning her gaze away from him.

"I'm sorry. Maybe someday things will be different."

This answer was not agreeable. The clichéd phrase of appeasement, of instilling some pathetic hope, of trying to lull a person into pacification by promising (but NEVER guaranteeing) their desires at a later point.

Sally Acorn was never one to be appeased so easily. But some battles required time and patience. A slow steady assault to wear down the wall. She would wait then.

"Fine," she said.

He nodded and moved to water a crop of tomatoes. She followed him. "But I do want to know one thing, honestly this time. I deserve to know."

"What is that?"

"Why did you tell Geoffrey?"

He glanced at her, thick regal brows frowning. "I believe we discussed this. I did not inform Geoffrey, in any way, shape or form, of the Source. I swear to you, Sally, that I did not."

He did not take oaths lightly.

"Well, then," she stammered, taken aback. "Hoe does he know? Because he does know!"

He set down the watering can. "Considering recent conversations with him, I believe you're right."

She gasped. "He talked about it?"

"Not outright. Not at all, actually. Odd little hints...meaningful looks. Not enough for me to accuse him, but enough for me to know that he has knowledge. I didn't want to tell you, because I knew you'd think I had told him." The King's blue eyes were troubled. "So...being that you believed I told him, I know he didn't learn it from you."

"Of course not," she said indignantly. "And nobody saw me go in, I was careful."

"Nobody saw me either."

"Then how does he know?" They eyed each other, perplexed.

"Maybe he regained his memories..."

"I told you, that's impossible!" Sally frowned.

The King shook his head. "I know you are close to Cu, but it can make mistakes, Sally. It isn't perfect."

Her frown deepened. "Well, why don't we go ask Cu then?"

"Very well."

Chieftain Lupe was one of the most gorgeous females Sally had encountered. The wolf maiden lay still in her bed, eyes closed. Around her forehead a white bandage was wrapped; Sally feared she would have another scar to match the one on her cheek.

But what was her beauty worth now...when she was dead to the world? She was merely a work of art, a waxen figure. Soft plush fur of mourning-dove gray, hair of coal strands, streaked with silver. Her perfect body – immobile. The expressive eyes of robin-egg blue – hidden away. But Sally knew she would not see anything of worth in those eyes now. The most important part of this beautiful figurine had been lost.

"What did that child say about her?" She asked quietly to Bunnie. The rabbot was arranging a sprig of freshly-plucked flowers.

"Nadie?" Bunnie said the name with warm affection. Sally could not share that. She did not have the same fondness for the child. The feelings, the hair that prickled on the back of her neck when around the girl...they weren't from dislike. It was discomfort. Fear. For the intuitive girl and her secret-seeing eyes.

'Dangerous around a liar like me.' Sally's thoughts flashed bitter.

"She said Lupe's spirit was...lost and couldn't find its way home," Bunnie spoke tentatively. Sally remembered what had happened the last time they were alone with Lupe. She had coldly left Bunnie, she had spoken hurtful words. She still wasn't sure if she'd meant them or not.

"Maybe ya'll are right." Bunnie stopped fussing with the flowers, staring down at the vase. "Maybe she doesn't want ta come back."

"No," said Sally, though not immediately. She scrutinized her friend closely, her stomach clenched like a fist. Now that her dark clouds had blown over she was seeing shafts of light on the obvious. Her friends were in pain too. But was Bunnie falling further, going into the darkness Sally had just left?

Bunnie had never shown her depressions outwardly. But then...neither had Sally.

"Lupe isn't like that. It was stupid of me to say that."

"Ah know," said Bunnie, and she looked up, a half-smile quirking her lips. "Ah jest wanted ta see what ya would say."

She had been played. Sally frowned. "I'm fine now. Don't worry about me."

"Ya'll had us worried, Sally-girl. We were worried ya'll were thinkin' crazy thangs."

One slip into darkness. It was going to haunt her forever. Were her friends, from this point on, going to treat her as they never had – like she was a fragile thing too delicate to be handled? Were they going to curb criticism that before they would freely give? She couldn't stand the thought.

"I'm sorry, but really Bunnie, I'm alright now. Please don't treat me any differently."

"Ah treat ya'll how ya need to be treated." Bunnie's hand of flesh rose, unconsciously, to her robotic arm. "An' nothin' more than that. Nothin' fake, sugah."

A prickly sense of relief...Bunnie understood. But the others might not.

"Thank you for that...that means a lot." She said. She heard footsteps and turned to see Tails and Nadie, with her father behind them. He was ushering them forward.

"Go go, children...say hello to Lupe," he said warmly, throwing a smile. "And then I suppose it will be your bedtime."

Neither child objected. They offered a handful of flowers each to Bunnie, who arranged them in an empty vase.

"Her favorite flower is one that only grows in the desert," said Nadie solemnly. "It's a beautiful blue, almost like her eyes." She rested a small paw on the Chieftain's larger one. "But she would love these too."

King Acorn touched Sally's arm. She looked over. One of his eyebrows rose, his eyes sidled to Nadie and Tails. They were recounting the days events to the still body.

At this time of night, most people would be around the fire pit. The only people at the pool would be the children, sneaking one more dip before bedtime...and no two children enjoyed the pool more than Nadie and Tails. They were in the clear.

They left with a parting nod to Bunnie. The pool was deserted, but they both stood still on the path to the cliff, silent, listening for several minutes before feeling safe to continue.

Inside the cave, Cu Chulainne was there – constant and serene as always. No matter how charged up or furious she might be, the presence of Cu made her feel lightweight, somehow drained of animosity.

--Greetings, Max and Sally.--

"Hi."

"Good evening, Cu."

--You are feeling better now, Sally.--

"Yes."

--That is good. I believed our last excursion was a failure, but I see it is not entirely so.--

"Uh yes," said the princess quickly, aghast that Cu would mention this, "it certainly wasn't."

"What excursion?" questioned the king, eyeballing the ball of light. Seconds later, Sally felt the weight of his eyes on her.

"The excursion...into the..." She fumbled for words, feverishly searching out something for help. She stared at the glowing Source pool. That was it! "Into the Source! I came to bathe in it a few nights ago and it really helped."

He frowned, locking her in that stare – the one that could make even a hardened liar confess to his wrongdoings.

"Cu didn't know if it would help or not, RIGHT CU?" She said forcefully. She directed her thoughts towards the entity. 'Say YES, Cu. I don't need to be at odds with my father right now!'

--That is right.-- The light-ball finally responded, after weighing the consequences of telling a lie. It must've decided Sally's well-being was more important. The squirrel maiden sighed under her breath, relieved.

"It does have amazing properties. And a great power. Which is why word of it can't get out-"

"Yeah," she interrupted. "I know."

--Is there a problem? The both of you rarely come in together.—

"There is," confirmed the King. "We believe another person knows of the Source."

The light glowed brighter. –The young one? She has a power of sense. She can feel me through the walls.—

"Nadie?" asked Sally, with an involuntary shiver.

--I do not know her name. Only that she is young and very bright.—

"It's Nadie. She's a young Shaman. What does she know, exactly?"

-I do not think she knows anything. She can only sense that there is power here. That is all. She does not know of the Source, I am certain.—

"Whew."

The King nodded. "That's a relief. But we aren't speaking of her. There's another."

"Geoffrey. We think he knows."

--I have wiped his memory. –

"Does that always work?"

--It always has.—

"There's no...loopholes?"

--I can erase any memory I choose. It will not prevent future memories from being stored, but any memories he retained during the erasing are gone.—

"So, if he were to see the Source again, he could remember it?"

--Yes.—

"Well, has he?"

--He has not been here.—

"Are you sure?"

--I would know. I am sure.—

"But he knows."

-How do you know this?-

"He's said it. Not in so many words, but enough that we know he knows."

-Perhaps he is intuitive. Perhaps he can sense me.-

Sally laughed. "No way! Geoffrey doesn't have...that sort of thing. He's just a...a common man!"

"If he senses you, wouldn't you be aware?" asked the king. "You sense Nadie, why not Geoffrey?"

--It is true that I can sense the life-force of many. How shall I explain? It is like sounds. The loudest ones impose upon you, demand attention, while the softer ones can be overlooked. Some beings are very loud in my sight, others are just a whisper. He is there, but he is overshadowed.-

"Can you just focus on him?"

The entity dimmed, then flickered back to full brightness. –He does seem to have some knowledge. I know of him because he bathed in the Source. He lost his knowledge of this place when I took his memories. But somehow, he has gained some back.—

King Acorn looked stricken. "The villagers...will they regain their memories?"

-No.-

"How are you so sure?!" cried the king.

-They will not. The skunk has a special sense. The others do not. Not even Nadie has the sense he has. But Geoffrey is not the type to tell everyone. He will obey your command if you order him to silence.—

The king pondered. "You're right. He would."

"I wonder why..." Sally mused on Geoffrey's 'sense'. She opened her mouth to voice the question she'd meant to ask Cu before – 'What about Snively and I? Do we have a connection?'

But King Acorn was there. He didn't know about all the things between she and Snively. She preferred it that way. That was one secret she didn't even want to divulge to Sonic.

-I do not know. But there is no danger from him. That I can sense.-

"Thank you, Cu," said King Acorn. "I will tell Geoffrey, indirectly, to keep quiet."

"Indirectly is good," agreed Sally. Just in case Geoffrey didn't know.

But she knew he did. It was the matter of HOW though. She knew it would nag her mind like an unreachable persistent itch.

"That will be all," concluded the King in his ever-formal manner, giving a slight bow to the entity. "Goodnight, Cu." He was nearly to the door when he realized Sally was not with him. She was still standing at the Source's edge.

"Are you coming, Sally?"

"Yeah, but I-"

'Would like a word with Cu. To ask it about Snively. But I already know what it will say. It's the after-effects, it's his fingerprint on my soul, and that's all.'

Anyway, she had nearly shoved the little gnat's presence from her mind. It was foolishness to be inviting him back in. "Yeah," she said, smiling. "I'm ready. Night Cu."

-Goodbye.- The entity glowed softly. -The way is clear. There is no one outside.-

"When are you going to talk to Geoffrey?" Sally asked as they strode back towards the village. The leaves swayed gently above and the pleasant scent of the camp fire drifted to them.

"Tomorrow perhaps." He patted her shoulder affectionately. "Goodnight, my dear."

He parted ways from her and she stood for a moment in the darkness, alienated from the companionship of the bonfire. She hadn't joined her friends there in many days.

Tonight, she did.