My Heart Doth Wander
Chapter 28 : I Know I Died
See my eyes, they carry your reflection
Watch my lips and hear the words I'm telling you
Give your trust to me and look into my heart
And show me – show me what you're doing.
So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling.
What you feel is what I feel for you.
Take me hand, and if I'm lying to you
I'll always be alone if I'm lying to you.
Take your time, if I'm lying to you.
I know you'll find that you believe me.
You believe me.
"Take My Hand" – Dido
After breakfast at Bunnie's house, Sally suggested the midday fire and the idea was greeted with enthusiasm.
"That sounds way past cool."
"Roasted veggies..." Bunnie giggled. "Mah oh mah, talkin' about food after Ah just stuffed mah face, for shame!"
They were genuinely eager, not just comforting or pacifying her. But of course, she didn't need that now. She was the leader again. She was the Princess. She was Sally again.
"Ok, let's meet around 2:00," she said. "And we'll get a great fire going."
"And have leaf fights," said Sonic.
"And have leaf fights," she agreed.
Sonic shot off for his daily 'training' (goofing off), Tails skipped away to find Nadie. Bunnie went to tend her garden and Geoffrey took up a fishing pole.
Sally went to her hut. It was messy; she had neglected it for weeks. She was emptying a vase of dead flowers, sweeping the dry petals off the table, when there was a knock on the door.
"Come in!"
Booted feet stepped in, a sweeping cloak brushed the floor. Sally saw these first, because she had dropped a petal and it wafted down to the newcomer's feet. Her stomach folded in half and her throat tightened. Oh boy. She didn't know what to expect.
"Good morning, Sally." It was her father.
"Hi daddy." She dropped the petals in the trash, brushing her hair from her eyes.
"I hear Lupe is doing well," he said.
She put the empty vase back on the table, then picked it up. Then she set it down again. "Yeah," she uttered finally.
"I spoke to her." He nodded. "She looks quite good."
"Um daddy..." she launched into her defense before he'd finished speaking. "I just got the thought because...well...and I had to do it...Nobody saw me..."
He lifted a hand for silence. "She remembers your voice, how it rang like a bell. She said it was like a doorway opened. She went through it and woke up on the pool shore with you."
"She doesn't remember the cave?"
He didn't smile, but his eyes were warm. "No."
"Well then-"
"Sally, why didn't you come to me about this?"
"I didn't think...I wasn't thinking..." She wasn't sorry, not really. "Sorry."
The door was still open and he backed out of the open entrance. He was framed between the inside and out. He was between decisions? Indecisive as what to think about her choice?
'I don't care...it was still right.' Her thoughts were defiant.
He looked at her squarely before leaving. Right in the eyes...and he smiled. "I'm proud of what you did, Sally."
From the mind of Sonic, Mobius's most way past cool hedgehog!
I finished my daily training, which can really work up the ole hedgehog sweat! It wasn't 2:00 yet, but I dashed over to the fire...seems like I'm always early or late for everything. But I wasn't the only one; Sally was already there. And there was someone else with her.
"Uncle Chuck!" I exclaimed.
"Hey Sonny!" He patted my shoulder. "Good to see ya, m'boy!"
"It's always good to see you, unc."
The fire had just been started and it was small. When St. Stink came over, he could get it going real good. That was his only other use other than blabbing his big mouth and being smelly. I smirked.
Sally seemed to know what I was thinking; she shook her head.
"How are things going in Robotropolis?"
Unc shrugged. "There isn't much activity. It's strange to say...but it's rather boring around there lately."
"Sweet, you can come here, then," I said.
"Oh, I don't know...you never know when he'll get some 'brilliant' idea," Unc snorted. "Unpredictability runs in that family."
"I think he's done with brilliant ideas for a while."
We both looked at Sally. I raised an eyebrow.
"Maybe you're right," said Unc. "He seemed much more riled when Casssar was around. Maybe she fed his insanity."
Sally looked away, like she knew something we didn't. I knew she did, but I didn't want to pry. Oh well...Sally always knew more than I did. She was always in the loop.
"What do you mean 'when she was around'?" I frowned. "Isn't she still?"
"She left him, or at least, I'm pretty sure she did. I haven't seen her around."
"Puh. No wonder...I don't know what she saw in him... though she's a creep too."
Sally seemed surprised. "Why would she leave him? Those two were close."
"Maybe Croissant found some other freak to go after."
"That's Casssar, Sonic!"
"I know..." I grinned. "It's just fun to say 'Croissant'."
Sally stared into the fire. "I don't think she's what made him crazy. But still... maybe we can come to peace now."
"Peace with Snively?" I scoffed. "Yeah right, Sal!"
"No, really!" She said. "I'm serious, Sonic."
Unc chuckled.
"What are you, crazy?" I laughed along with him. "That dork won't just give in."
She smiled. "Like Uncle Chuck said, unpredictability runs in the family, right?"
I laughed again. "Yeah. But I don't think Sniv-nose is that unpredictable."
"Maybe he will..." She said it all mysterious and cryptic. She was so silly sometimes.
"Suurrrre..."
She punched me lightly in the arm. "Laugh if you want, Sonic Hedgehog, but stranger things have happened."
"As strange as St. John?" I snickered. The stinkbomb was heading our way. He had a basket of fish with him.
"Sonic!" She scolded.
"I'll be nice..."
She rolled her eyes.
I rubbed my hands together. "C'mon slo-mos, I can't wait for a leaf fight!"
"Bah, so you can cheat, eh mate?"
What a loser. I stuck my tongue out at Geoff. "How can you cheat at a leaf fight?"
He set down the basket of fish. "Oh I dunno...I suppose you'd find some way."
"Now, boys."
"Me?" I exclaimed. "When Stinky's the one coming along and calling me a cheater?"
"Both of you, knock it off." Sally's voice was stern, but she was smiling. I got a sudden cold chill, all over. Not because it was creepy or anything. It was that thing...where you've been someplace before. Deja-vu? Some silly Overlander word. But yeah...it was like the old days, before Robotnik was dead...like the old Sally and me and St. Stink, just how it used to be. Our friends were coming up now, laughing and talking. It was like none of the bad stuff these past few months had ever happened.
But it had. Sally had told me, a long time ago, that things needed to be remembered... even bad things. Bad things like Robotnik. And I understood why, suddenly. Because in order to appreciate the good things...in order to really love them and be grateful... you have to remember the times when things weren't good...when there wasn't love.
I grinned. Things had changed around here. But I think now, it's definitely a change for the better.
The midday fire roared high. People and food had gathered around it. The smell of roast corn and fish wafted through the air.
Tails could smell it, all the way down near the Power Ring pool. His nose wiggled and his mouth began to water. His fingers plucked at fat red strawberries, dropping them into a nearby basket.
"Nadie!" He called. "I think we have enough...let's go! I'm hungry!"
He circled around the pool when he couldn't find her nearby. He saw her through the foliage, putting her ear up to the cliff wall. Her eyes were screwed closed as if in deep concentration.
"Nadie!" He pounced out of the leaves, startling her. "C'mon, let's go!"
She nodded. They walked and she snuck a berry from his basket, her sharp white teeth digging into the red green-dotted flesh. "You have great power in your village," she said.
He glanced back. "It's just an old cliff." He switched the basket to the other arm, teasingly, as she reached for another berry. "Ohhh...but I've heard stuff...like Shamans can get power from rocks and plants and stuff."
"Very true." She darted around him, lightning-quick, and snatched another berry.
"Hey!"
She giggled and bit into it, sending a squirt of juice right onto his chin. He wiped it off, laughing as he scolded. "Save some for the others!"
"But yes, it IS true," she continued, her face becoming very solemn. It made him laugh again. "We can sense the life-force of Nature. I suppose that's what this is. It IS a very old rock, very wise I imagine."
"Can you hear like...voices in it, or anything cool like that?"
"Well..." She squinted; a shaft of sunlight had broken through the dwindling leaves and struck her in the eyes. "Maybe fully-fledged Shamans can, but from what I've felt...you get more of a 'feeling'. Like an emotion. I've heard that, in the trees by the Dark City...you can get a very strong feeling of sadness there..."
"I can believe that! The poor trees are all dying over there!"
She nodded. "It IS very sad."
"So...what feeling do you get from the cliff?"
She smiled. "It feels...very warm. It feels...safe. It feels like a mother."
"Wow..." He stared back at the mottled gray and brown rock. "That sounds really nice."
"It is!" She flung her arm forward, pointing at the fire. "Oh, look, Tails!!"
Sally was pulling back her stick to examine her ear of roasting corn, when she heard Nadie's cheerful shout. She looked up.
The Wolf Pack was approaching. And with them, walking arm-in-arm with Thunderhill for support, was Lupe. They settled around the fire.
"Do you mind if we share this flame?"
"Not at all, Madam Lupe," Geoffrey answered. "I imagine we couldn't be more honored."
"Ya'll got that right, sugah."
"You look great, Lup!"
"Thank you, Sonic." Lupe smiled gently, her eyes lingering on Sally. The squirrel blushed and thrust her corn back into the fire. "You have all been so very kind to me. I am forever indebted to you."
Sally shook her head. "You don't owe us anything, Lupe... we're all Freedom Fighters. We're all family here."
"Thank you, Sally. It truly touches me to hear that..." The wolf put a slender hand to her chest, her head bowed.
Sally felt a bit uncomfortable; all eyes were suddenly on her. But not for long; someone else joined the group and was greeted...the eyes moved to Dr. Quack as the duck plopped down by Tails and Nadie.
"Ah there's the girl who steals my patients from the hospital." He filched a berry from Tails' basket, keenly eyeing Sally. "You certainly gave me a fright, young lady."
"Sorry."
"No, no...it all turned out for the best. But...out of curiosity, why did you bring her down to the pool?"
"There is power there," Nadie said.
It took great effort for Sally to keep her body relaxed. It wanted to tighten up... it wanted to curl away from Nadie. Cu had said the kid didn't know about the Source! Maybe Cu had been wrong...
"The old cliff...the trees...the water," the child was elaborating.
"I did feel a great energy," said Lupe. "It was warm earth energy...and it was Sally's own light."
Tails stared at Sally. "Maybe Aunt Sally is a Shaman too!"
"That is very possible," said Lupe. "Perhaps you should look into the training."
Her body had gone a little rigid after all. Now it slumped fully into a relaxed state. She drew her corn back from the fire; it was burnt nearly black. Sonic laughed at it. She tossed it aside and took a new ear. "Maybe I will...but I really don't think I..."
Everyone was staring again. Oh boy.
She cleared her throat. "Well...maybe I do have some powers...that I was unaware of..." She managed a smile. "That would explain some things, wouldn't it?"
Dear Journal,
Well, I suppose telling the people I might have Shamanic powers is an alright alternative to telling them about the Source (which I 'can't' do anyway). Though it might be tricky if they want me to start healing people on the spot or divining somebody's thoughts or something. Having powers is not easy, I tell you! It's even trickier when you don't really have powers and people think you do!
But Shaman has a nice ring to it. Shamaness? Shaman-Princess Sally?
It's better than 'witch'. That just makes me feel guilty. Guilty and dirty, like some old crone with baby's blood caked under her claws and strange body parts hanging from her kitchen ceiling.
It's better than 'savior' too. That did make me smile. But it's much too pretentious. I mean, seriously! I might have saved Lupe, but due to me...so many more Freedom Fighters have been killed or roboticized...
I can't let that bring me down though. They had their choice. They didn't have to come along to fight. Yes, I should have been better...I should have been... but they still came...they still came despite the risks. I can't take responsibility for everyone's choices anymore.
After I said that business about 'possibly having Shamanic powers' Geoffrey had that weird smug smile on his face again. He caught my eye across the fire. It might've been a trick due to the flame's dancing, but I swear I saw him wink.
What am I going to do about that boy...?
"So Geoffrey..."
The fire had died out and everyone had gone away. Dinner was being held at the café, but Sally was so stuffed with corn and fish and a tomato sandwich (from Quack) that she couldn't fathom eating another bite. It made her stomach hurt to even think about food.
She stared at the embers. They would glow hot and bright long after the fire was gone. It made her think of Snively suddenly. He was the embers to Robotnik's roaring inferno. So small and yet he could still scorch and burn. 'If he's even aglow anymore,' she mused. 'After finding out Robotnik's dead and Casssar leaving him? Who knows what's going on in that man's head now?'
Maybe she would pay him another visit... but probably not.
"Yeah, luv?" The skunk was cleaning up; picking up the scraps of corn husks and silk, and small fish bones, and tossing them onto the embers.
She hesitated, then sighed. "How do you know?"
He looked up, his headfur dangling into his eyes, hiding them. All she could see was his mouth, opening in question.
She threw a stray bone into the fire, silent.
He shook the headfur free. She looked over at him.
"Know what, luv?"
He winked.
From the mind of Geoffrey St. John, Mr. All-Knowing
My father was a solider. He served the Acorn Kingdom all his life, just like his father before him. He was proud to defend such an honorable establishment. He passed this pride onto me, and I've tried to serve with the same dignity that he did.
But I botched it...I messed up. I did stupid things. I still do. My father always said I had a bit of immaturity in me that can't be shaken out. It shows in the way I quarrel with Sonic. (I can't help it though...the insolent bloke!) It showed in the way I pursued Sally.
'But every man has flaws,' my father said, 'So I accept you as you are, son.'
I miss my father. He's a robot now. Seeing Sonic's Uncle gives me hope that one day I might hear my father talk again. He had so many little quotes...some he garnered from books and conversation and some he made up himself.
He was speaking about Overlanders one time...and I remember one quote quite clearly.
"It takes a small man to believe this big world should revolve around him; and it takes a very large man indeed to realize he has to share this small planet with everyone."
So dad's homemade quotes weren't always really catchy...and sometimes they didn't even make sense. But understood this one. It reminded me solely of one person.
Robotnik.
The firepit was littered with fish bones and other stuff. I picked them up, throwing them onto the hot embers, watching them curl and wither in the heat. The bones blackened. This is the place Robotnik's fat lard-ass body burned. I wonder if bits of his ash still float up and stick to our food.
Robotnik might've been a fat huge git...but he was a really small man. He was like my dad's quote. Robotnik was so stupid and inferior, and he knew it. That's why he had to get rid of everyone... he wanted to be the only bloke left on the planet. He wanted it to revolve around him. If he could have that...then maybe he would be important. Maybe he would become a big man.
But Robotnik failed. He died.
I died too. I know I did. I can see snippets of it in my dreams. I was out in the woods...and Sally was there...and Snively. I was so angry; I was almost evil. I hurt her. I don't know what it was all about. It doesn't really matter. I just know...that I died.
It could be just a dream, but I really don't think it is.
I looked over at Sally. She was asking me a question.
"How did you know?"
I'm glad that person died, because I don't want to be a man who tries to hurt her. How could anyone dream to hurt her?
I died; when I woke up I was different somehow. I fell in love with her more deeply than ever; but she didn't know that. It's because I gave up on romantically pursuing her, so she assumed I lost interest. I didn't lose interest...I lost intent. I can feel something I couldn't feel before...and that's her love for Sonic.
I don't know what she sees in that pincushion, but I do know she loves him, and for now, she doesn't want to give him up. Out of my love for her, I must respect that. I WILL respect that.
The thing is, after I died... I felt a connection to Sally. I could...see into her. I could feel her deepest feelings. When she was feeling strong sadness...I felt it. I felt her despair like a knife to the gut. I even could feel some of her thoughts. She thought about Snively a lot. Like I have a connection to her she has a connection to him. Don't ask me how.
I felt the LIGHT. She went to the Light all the time. I could feel it on her when she emerged...and I could feel the trail the light left behind. It led all the way to the cliff wall. I heard Tails and Nadie one day, talking, and the wolf cub spoke about the cliff wall. She said there was power there. I knew she was right...and I knew I had not been imagining it.
The light... it was what had killed me. It was protecting Sally. It was her friend.
It cleansed me.
Like it has cleansed Sally...
Like it has brought back Lupe.
Oh yes...after I died...I fell ever so deeply in love with Sally and her light...
I knew everything about her...
I knew everything all along.
This is definitely a change...
But I guess it's a change for the better.
The End...for now.
A/N: Well, since the story took so long to write (and read, I imagine) I get a long A/N to wrap up! YAY!
First, thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. :D You guys rock! ;P
Second, I hope nobody is disappointed or let down by the ending events of this story. I am actually a bit disappointed with how it turned out...I don't think I did a very good job in ending it. But keep in mind, this is a series and there will be more to come! (Hopefully O.o)
Third, a quick note on the title: In the original outline for the story, Snively was going to go completely crazy and Casssar was going to leave him in frustration, hence her heart 'wandering away'. That didn't happen, but I liked the title too much to change it ;)
Fourth, and last, I swear!! Now that story is over, you can all REVIEW NOW!! YES YOU! Hahahaa. No, honestly, your reviews mean a LOT to me. It lets me know people have read this, and believe me, not knowing if people have read your work or not kind of sucks. XD I'll take anything; critiques, flames, questions, praise XD, and hey, if there's something you'd like to see happen in a future story, or a loose end you think need to be wrapped up, let me know!
And that's it for now!
---Ali )