Disclaimer: for the 48th time, I don't own Digimon…
I've updated!!!! W00t! after such a long time, I finally found the inspiration to write this chapter. and it's nice and long too! 9 pages according to Microsoft™ Word :D yay!
I'd like to thank all my reviewers for being so patient, and for reviewing my fic with such beautiful and inspirational reviews. I always love to sign into my email and find emails entitled Review Alert!' (as im sure a lot of you also like ) Thank you all so much!! your reviews are what keep me writing.
Thank you :)
The lyrics at the beginning of the fic are from the song 'Emotion Sickness' by Silverchair. The lyrics belong to them and their respective record companies etc.
-::Never Let Go, Chapter 48: c r y ::-
On my knees I'm…On my knees I'm praying…
On my knees I'm…
On my knees I'm praying…
…
Distorted eyes…
When everything is clearly dying...
"T.K and Kari…"
"Matt…help me…Matt…help…"
"…sitting in a tree… "
"Tai? Can you hear me? Answer me! Please!"
"…K-I-S-S…"
"WAKE UP TAI!!! DON'T LEAVE ME!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!!! NO!!!""…I-N-G…"
"No…Tai…why'd you leave me…?"
"Yeh, right. Whatcha gonna do Kari?"
"May I present to you…
my master…
the lord of this world…
Dagomon."
…I am alone…
…All alone…
/Why suffer so much pain? Come with me…/
/Fall to darkness…/
…
"Tai! Kari!"
I jump slightly, startled out of my reverie of…what…? I struggle to remember what was plaguing my thoughts that left me in a cold sweat. Cold sweat? What was it?
"Oh Tai…"
My eyes widen as I realise someone had entered the room and was currently holding my brother. I blink, ignoring the dissipating cold feeling that had taken over during my…was it even a dream?
"Kari, are you ok?" Sora's gentle voice floats past my ears, nearly evading my attention. I turn towards her, hoping the bleary state of my eyes would disappear, and nod slowly. Sora gives me a critical look, but ignores my apparently obvious lie and turns her attention back to something else.
My world comes crashing back down as I realise where I am, and in the most painful of seconds, the past twenty minutes relive themselves in my suddenly unstable mind. All prior thoughts disappear as I turn my full attention to Tai, the feeling of panic once again settling in.
"Tai, it's Sora, are you ok?" Sora delicately asks, running her hand gently down his cheek.
My breathing stops.
Too much…
It's too much…
Please make it stop!
I jump slightly, blinking rapidly as my eyes burn from too much time without blinking. I look around dazedly, half-heartedly registering my surroundings.
Sora's house.
Well, Sora's balcony to be more precise.
I close my eyes to enjoy the breeze, breathing deeply to try to control my quickened heartbeat. Judging by the position of the sun, or lack thereof, I've been sitting here, at a loss to the world, for an hour. Remembering, rather painfully, the day's full events. I tense slightly as I remember…Tai. I turn slowly towards the glass doors that lead inside, distantly hoping to see him. All I see is Sora leaning on the kitchen counter, head in her hands. Her emotional turmoil fails to register in my dazed mind, and I slowly turn back to staring out into the darkening sky.
…Tears form at the corners of my eyes as I watch my brother trying to maintain his strong façade…
…"Stop it!" he shrieks, pulling away from my touch. "Stop trying to make me feel better with lies!"…
…"I traded my best friend's life for…for a pizza."…
I let out a choked cry as a violent tremor rips through my body, fuelled by raw, pent-up emotions of fear, helplessness and guilt. A cry of pain escapes my lips as my chest constricts and a painful coughing fit engulfs me. I double over in pain as the agonizing coughs continue to come, ravaging my throat and leaving my lungs feeling like they are on fire. I cry out again, tears streaming down my cheeks as I recognise the red liquid once again dribbling from my mouth. In the two seconds after, within which I desperately gasp for breath, I hear Sora crying out.
"No more! Please make it stop!"
I cry harder as her mantra reaches my ears, my coughs becoming more violent with the added stress. Each second agonizingly crawls by, each time I gasp for breath becomes harder, and each tear burns my eyes mercilessly. My body shakes ferociously as it struggles to cope. Just as I feel darkness creep over me, I hear the door being flung open, and a warm…something…draped around me, followed by two strong arms. My mind is too hazy to comprehend who or what is around me. My body continues to convulse as I somehow feel myself being lifted off the ground and a soft voice reaching my ears.
"Shh…"
My coughing calms down, my body somehow automatically relaxing with the warmth of the stranger's arms. I feel myself being placed on something soft, and a cool hand placed on my forehead.
"Shit…" I hear the person mumble. My slightly clearer mind begins to slowly register the voice. I open my eyes slightly, wincing as my eyes try to focus.
"J…Jyou…?" I asks, my voice rising in pitch as my chest and throat flare with pain.
"Yeh it's me Kari," the voice answers, caressing my cheek calmingly. One last cough emerges, and I collapse forward, unable to hold myself up any longer. Jyou quickly catches me, and helps to prop me up again. My head screams in pain as it is moved, and I begin to cry.
It's too much…make it all stop…please…
Desperate thoughts flood my mind, blocking out Jyou and his attempts to calm me down. However, before I can completely succumb to them, a calming, cold cloth is placed on my burning forehead. Exhaustion sets in, and my hysterics end.
"Kari, can you drink this?" Jyou's voice comes. I crack my eyes open and vaguely make out a glass. He holds the glass to my lips and helps me to drink, the bitter taste barely registering.
mmmm….maomringo..rnnnn…
All my thoughts are slurred as I succumb to sleep, pain forgotten.
: w i s h i n g : f o r : y o u : l i g h t : o f : m y : l i f e :
I moan lightly, cursed consciousness returning.
Cursed? Why is it cursed?
I groan lightly as I try to remember the answer to my own question.
…"Stop trying to make me feel better with lies!"…
I gasp, ripping my eyes open to forget the memory. I wince slightly as the light stabs my eyes, squinting around the room to try to distinguish my surroundings. As my vision completely returns, I find myself on the couch in Sora's living room, alone. A shiver runs through me as fear surfaces in my mind.
"Hello?" I attempt to say, my voice hoarse and dying out at the end. I swallow thickly, trying to calm the burning sensation in my throat. A door opens, and I turn around to find myself staring at Jyou, a relieved look upon his face. The fear disappears.
"Ahh…finally, you're awake," he says cheerily, walking around the couch to kneel before me. "How do you feel?"
I place my hand on my neck and whisper, "My throat hurts."
Jyou nods and walks towards the kitchen, returning seconds later with a glass of water, three tablets and a throat lozenge.
"Here, take these," he instructs, placing the tablets in my hands, "and after you're done, just take the lozenge. The tablets are what your doctor prescribed, and a painkiller for any pain." Jyou smiles warmly.
"Thank you," I mouth, not risking to hurt my throat anymore by attempting to speak. I take the tablets, enjoying the cold water running down my pained throat, and begin sucking on the lozenge.
"Jyou…is she ok?" comes a tentative voice. I turn around slowly, my head heating up at the simple movement, and find a bleary-eyed Sora half-hiding behind the doorframe. She freezes as our eyes meet.
"Oh Kari…" she mumbles, tears forming in her eyes. She pushes off from the doorway and runs over to me, wrapping her arms around me and sobbing onto my shoulder.
"I-I'm s-s-so s-sor-ry…" she stutters, her breath hitching as her tears fall down her cheeks. I gently wrap my arms back around her, slightly confused as to why she was sorry. I rub her back methodically, trying to calm her down.
"I-I just c-couldn't…I'm such a terrible person!" she cries, completely dissolving into tears. "I…I should've come t-to help…" she continues, her voice rising in pitch as her voice is laden with guilt.
What is she talking abou--
"Y-you w-were coughing so…so bad…"
My eyes widen as realisation sets in. A slightly blurred mental image of her holding her face in her hands and her screaming mantra suddenly arises in my mind. Along with that comes a painful stab to my heart.
She's in such pain…because of me! Because I can't look after Tai…and because I'm so weak…oh…no…
WHY AM I SUCH A BURDEN?!
I snap back to reality as I feel Sora pull away from me. I stare into her watery brown eyes, seeing the pain she was feeling inside. My heart breaks.
Useless…
Utterly useless…
A burden…
And who wants a burden? Who puts her friends through psychological trauma?
Who can't even look after her own brother?
Or even look after the one she loves…?
"It's not your fault," I whisper, my voice still not working. Sora blinks, confused. I suppress the pained shiver that was about to run down my spine.
"B-but…I'm the one who left you on the balcony!" she cries in protest, convinced she was in the wrong. I shake my head, tears threatening to escape as the inescapable reality shoots me point blank through the heart.
"I'm the one who should be apologising," I begin hoarsely. "It's my fault that I couldn't look after Tai. It's my fault that you're so…hurt emotionally." Tears stroll down my cheeks. "You've done so much for me, and all I've done is let you down by always getting sick and not looking after Tai properly." My breathing begins to hitch slightly. "After all these times you guys and Tai have…looked after me…and the one time I get the chance to look after you and pay you back for your kindness, I screw up!" Sobs are now racking my body as I struggle to continue. "S-so I'm s-sorry that I-I've bee-been such a burden!" I collapse into tears, sobbing freely into my hands. I can feel Sora's shock, even as I feel my chest constrict and a coughing fit come on. As the first cough escapes my lips, I feel Sora and Jyou jump into action, helping me to sit up and telling me to calm down, breathe deeply…
…"for a pizza…"…
…Tai…don't leave me…
…please?
Pressing a cold cloth to my head, Sora whispers calming words into my ear as I breathe deeply to calm down after the coughing fit. I shake involuntarily, a cold sensation washing over me as my forehead still burns. I turn my eyes wearily towards her, wanting to ask the question I know will hurt her.
"Tai?"
Sora freezes, stock still. I shiver slightly as I hear the water running freely in the background, signifying Jyou's frozen stature. My heart freezes as I fear the worst.
"Oh n--"
"He's in the office," Sora cuts in, although her tone is not helping ease my anxiety. She lowers her eyes, fearful of something; something I don't know I want to comprehend.
"He won't talk to us…" Jyou continues slowly from the kitchen, sadness laced into his tone. "He doesn't even acknowledge us…"
My heart sinks painfully. I bite back tears, fearing they could send me back into a painful coughing fit.
"Tai…" I whisper, leaning closer into Sora, misery washing over me.
"He'll c--"
The doorbell rings, startling the depressing atmosphere. Sora and I both turn around to face the door as Jyou answers it. My heart races as Jyou's hand turns the doorknob, time seeming to slow, making the wait all the more antagonizing.
"J-Jyou?" comes a familiar voice, laced with urgency and fear.
The door is opened fully as Jyou replies, surprised, "Mrs. Takeshi!"
The tired, worn, small figure of Mrs. Takeshi peers into the apartment over Jyou's shoulder.
"Is…Sora home?" she asks timidly, still trying to peer around Jyou's tall figure.
I hear Sora swallow thickly, trying to calm her own rapid heartbeat, of which I could feel beating in time with my own.
"I-I'm here," she says, her voice quaking ever so slightly. She removes her arms from around me, getting up and making her way to the door. I begin to shake as the atmosphere turns anxious.
"Please, come in," Jyou says, moving to the side and gesturing for her to come in. Mrs. Takeshi takes two steps in, before speaking.
"I-I need to see Tai," she begins as Sora reaches her, her voice shaking slightly. "It's about…Matt."
Sora's hand flies to her mouth at the sound of Matt's name, my heart beginning to race in fear.
Mrs. Takeshi's eyes fall to the floor. "He woke up not twenty minutes ago, in hysterics." Her voice was shaking more obviously now. "He kept crying out for Tai, completely terrified of what had happened to him. The doctors…they…they tried to calm him down, but he…kept fighting back. He…kept screaming…" A sob escapes her lips as tears begin to crawl down her cheeks, her body shaking. An icy feeling washes over me, panic following. I watch with wide eyes as Sora begins to shake, her face panic-stricken too. She suddenly turns and runs towards the office, pounding on the door.
"Tai!" she calls, her voice strained. Jyou comes over to me; somehow reading my mind and helping me get to my feet to get to Sora. Sora pushes open the door just as we reach her, and we peer into the dark room. Sora dashes over to the desk in the corner, kneeling down and peering under it. As my eyes become accustomed to the dark, I recognize the outline of the huddled form of my brother.
"Tai?" Sora asks tentatively, touching his arm gently. No response.
"Tai, Matt needs you," Sora continues, squeezing his arm gently. I cling tighter to Jyou, the sad atmosphere becoming overwhelming.
"No he doesn't," comes a quiet response. I jump slightly at the sound of Tai's voice, as does Sora.
"Tai…" Sora whispers, stroking his arm lightly.
"Please Sora…" Tai whispers, his voice pained. My heart plummets.
"Tai?" comes Mrs. Takeshi's voice. I turn, slightly surprised at the sound of her voice, to find her in the doorway, gazing sadly at the curled figure underneath the table. Tai raises his head at the voice, matching Mrs. Takeshi's sad gaze with one of his own.
"Tai," Mrs. Takeshi begins, unshed tears shining in her eyes, "I won't even begin to understand how much this is hurting you. I know how much you and Matt mean to each other, and this moment in time must be hard for you…" Tears begin to fall down her already tear-stained cheeks. "But please, Matt needs you. You have never failed him before. If you hadn't found him…" Mrs. Takeshi lets one sob free, quickly trying to regain control of her voice after. "He would've died. He's lost, Tai. He's scared. He needs you Tai." Mrs. Takeshi lets a small smile grace her tired face. "He'll also need you to help him move his stuff into my house."
Complete shock falls over the entire room. Wide-eyed and gaping, I turn to Tai to find my expression mirrored on his and Sora's faces.
"W-What?" Tai asks, confused and shocked. Mrs. Takeshi's small smile stays in place.
"I rang the Department of Family Services and told them what…happened." Mrs. Takeshi's smile falters. "I requested to have Yamato put in my care until further notice so he could recover in a…stable environment." She tries to recover her small smile. "So Mr. Ishida is no longer responsible for Matt, and all orders given by him to hospital staff are now void, and Yamato will not be discharged into his care as Mr. Ishida is no longer Matt's legal guardian."
The most unbelievable warmth suddenly spreads through me, my face lighting up with the most relieved, joyful smile. I let out a squeak of happiness as I let go of Jyou and dash over to Sora and Tai, throwing myself on Tai as I arrive, his shocked face turning into one of pure happiness. Sora joins the group hug, laughing blissfully.
Matt's free…He's finally free!
: w i s h i n g : f o r : y o u : l i g h t : o f : m y : l i f e :
yay! Done! Please review and tell me what you think! :)
OH! WAIT! –
1 question:
I don't know whether to up the rating on this fic to 'R' because of the language that's been used, and possibly will continue to be used in the fic. Please tell me if you think this fic should have an 'R' rating. Thanks!
May 2005 bring you every happiness :)
See ya!