An Uncanny Story of the Power Rangers
It was a sunny afternoon in Angel Grove. Five teenagers were sitting outside Angel Grove High sipping beer and chatting about the upcoming talent contest. Kimberly, Trini, Jason, Billy and Zack were laughing as they discussed how Tommy would be dancing to a Britney Spears song. Before the beginning of this story, it is important that you realize that these teenagers in question were actually Power Rangers, super powerful humans selected by an almighty chunk of head named Zordon. Kimberly was the pink ranger, Trini yellow, Jason red, Billy blue and Zack black.
"Oh Trini, I love your yellow jeans, where did you get them?" Kim, the pink ranger asked.
Trini replied with a chinese smile, "Winners, you should go."
The two girls laughed as Zack got up to put his beer bottle in the trash. Trini quickly jumped up and snatched the bottle.
"That should be recycled silly." Trini said still in a happy tone.
"Oops," Zack who was black replied, "how could I forget?"
Suddenly the bell rang and class was about to start. Jason quickly departed for his English class with Kim while Billy and Zack went to computers. Meanwhile, Trini didn't have class at the moment so she decided to go to the Youth Center, Angel Grove's grooviest juice bar. Trini in her yellow skin and yellow jeans scooped up her things and dashed to meet Ernie, the bartender of the Youth Center.
"Hey Trini, what'll it be?" Ernie asked in his fat body, "some chocolate milk and popcorn?"
"Mmm. Sounds good Ern." Trini said as she took a seat on a spinning stool.
Ernie handed Trini her food and Trini watched the television which was on the bar table. It was a news broadcast about Rita Repulsa, the evil lady who had caused havoc in Angel Grove in the first place. Rita was laughing with her jug shaped hat and then appeared her husband Lord Zedd. Lord Zedd was another evil lord who made life for the power rangers even harder. On the news program, the two were being interviewed by the old woman from 20/20. Questions like, "Rita, why do you get such sexy clothes?" and "Zedd, why don't you name yourself Lord Zee?" were being asked to the two villains.
Trini giggled when suddenly, her watch beeped. Her watch wasn't any ordinary watch. All power rangers had a special telecommunication device which allowed quick teleportation to the command center where they would discuss Power Ranger things. In the command center was where Zordon, the chunk of head told the Rangers what to do. Trini put down her chocolate milk and with a brown mustache on her lips, she went to a quiet place where she cut the cheese. Soon after, she walked to her locker and pressed a button on her watch which turned her into a zooming yellow light.
Meanwhile, in English class, Kim and Jason also got a beep on their watches. Kim told miss Applebee that she was going to go save a child in Africa and the teacher couldn't say no. Jason said he had explosive diarrhea, also a valid excuse to leave class. The two went into the hall and pressed a button on their watch which made them zoom teleport away as well. Zack and Jason who had been typing away in computer class like losers got this signal from Zordon too. They left their seats without saying anything to their teacher and teleported to the command center lastly.
WOOSHHH!!! The Rangers flew high in the sky before landing in the command center. The command center smelt like meat pie often times and today was no different.
"Hello rangers," Zordon began, "please observe the viewing globe."
The viewing globe was a round TV thingy which let the rangers see what evil plans Rita and Lord Zedd were up to. They looked into the viewing globe and saw how the chicken of Kentucky Fried Chicken were slaughtered. It made them hungry. Alpha 5, a robot had to adjust the image due to the fact that it was on the wrong channel. Then appeared gray beings jumping around at the Angel Grove park. Putties. Putties made from Rita and Lord Zedd. Both types were present. Putties and more putties were appearing at the park, terrorizing the flowers and the peaceful atmosphere.
"Whoa man," Zack said, "we gotta do something."
"You think?" Kim said in her usual sarcastic manner.
"Heheh," Chinese Trini laughed as her eyes grew slimmer, "You so funny Kim."
The rangers were about to teleport to the park when Zordon said something.
"Rangers, there is a new evil you must be on the lookout for. A brown power coin has been made by Rita and she is using it to make an evil brown ranger called Matthew. Beware." Zordon warned.
"Yatta yatta." Jason said, "let's rock his world."
Suddenly, the five rangers pushed buttons on their watches and WOOSH, they appeared at the Angel Grove park where the putties had spotted them. They came running towards them now.
"Uh oh, time to gung ho!" Trini yelled.
"What does gung ho mean?" Billy asked.
Before Trini could answer him, Billy got a clay kick in the face from the first putty.
"AHH!" Billy cried, "my glasses, I can't find my glasses!"
Kimberly set off right away into the fight with the putties. Using her gymnastic skills, she stepped on Billy's glasses and did a cartwheel and a back hand spring onto a play set in the park. The putty followed her up the play set and Kim did a high kick, sending the putty up and head first down a metal slide.
"Catch you on the flip side!" Kim said smiling as she put her thumbs up and did a backflip off the playset, landing accidentally on Zack, rendering him unconscious.
Jason, who thought he was so strong and the leader of the rangers tried to take on two putties at once. He threw a few random punches here and there and managed to kill one Lord Zedd putty by hitting it right in the center "Z" spot. The other putty however shoved a foot deep up Jason's ass, making Jason fall to the grainy sand box.
It was up to Trini now to save Jason.
"Hey putty!" She said happily as if she enjoyed the sight of Jason being down, "try some of my taichi!"
Trini appeared to be light as a rock and attempted a triple axil with a kick. She managed to kick the putty, shoving him deeper into Jason's ass.
"Oopss." Trini giggled holding back a huge laugh.
Kimberly finished off three more putties by slamming their faces on the seesaws and came over to kick the last putty. The putty's head exploded and the rest of its body disappeared. Jason got up from his uncomfortable position and pretended to look cool.
Zack was later taken to a hospital and was released the next day. Billy was forced to wear ugly glasses he got at Costco for half price due to Kim breaking his good pair.
The next day was a Saturday and the five friends went to Tommy's house, the green ranger to watch his talent show performance. In his basement, Tommy cranked up the music of Britney's "Toxic" and the rangers watched in awe as Tommy went for the full monty. However, all of a sudden, putties appeared in Tommy's very own basement! They trashed his CD player and his lamp and his poster of Gwen Stefani. All of it, destroyed. Tommy was so mad, he slipped his pants right back on and yelled to the rangers,
"IT'S MORPHIN TIME!"
They took their positions in line ready to yell out the names of the fierce animals Zordon had given them to command. Zack was first in line, then Kim, Billy, Trini, Jason then Tommy.
"MASTODON!"
"PTERODACTYL!"
"TRICERATOPS!"
"SABERTOOTH TIGER!"
"TYRANNOSAURUS!"
"DRAGONZORD!"
With a blinding rainbow flash, the six rangers appeared fully dressed in their Power Ranger outfits. Tommy anxious for revenge took out his dragon dagger and started chopping off putty heads. Jason, wanting to prove again his leadership abilities took out his power sword and knocked Tommy's lamp off his table accidentally. Trini took out her powerful power daggers and started to slice in a chinese manner. Then was Zack with his black Power Axe which served as an axe and a gun. He chopped two putties to bits and blew up the last one. Billy, trying to be cool, took out his power lance which was too big for the small area. Every time he would try to spin it, it hit the roof and damaged the ceiling. Agile Kimberly was probably the best fighter there as she called upon the power of her power bow which shot precise arrows right through all the "z"s of the putties.
Kaboom, Tommy's basement was done for. All was destroyed, putties and all. Before any had time to react, explosions were heard outside. A shade of brown was seen running around. It was Matthew, the evil brown ranger Zordon was talking about. But Matthew was not alone, he had strange putties with him. These weren't the ordinary Rita or Lord Zedd putties, these were silvery sparkly putties. And that wasn't all, there was another Power Ranger which appeared to be good, who was fighting off the silver putties and the attacking Matthew. He was a ranger with a mask in the shape of a phoenix and his costume was a brilliant shade of oranges. It was an orange ranger.
The six in the basement hurried to Tommy's front lawn and began to help fight the new putties which were unbeatable. Every time they were destroyed, they duplicated. Eventually, the orange ranger said,
"They're too strong guys, let's go to the command center."
"Who are you?" Zack asked
But before an answer came, he was kicked in the face by Matthew and fell unconscious. So all rangers were teleported to the command center except Zack who was beaten by the silver putties and the brown ranger Matthew.
Once arrived at the command center, the orange ranger removed his mask. It was Mickey! A boy from Angel Grove High.
"Oh my god!" Trini said chinesilly, "Mickey, when did you become a Power Ranger?"
"Today!" Mickey answered, "Zordon told me that Zack was going to die and he needed a replacement."
Jason looked to Zordon and asked, "how did you know Zack would die?"
Zordon coughed and said, "observe the viewing globe."
The viewing globe showed Zack being clobbered by a mountain of silver putties. All you could hear was Zack crying out "AHH! Guys! I can't take em! Help guys! Kim, Jason, Trini, Billy? Where are you? AGHH!" Splats of blood were then noticeable and the brown ranger stole Zack's power morpher, removed the Mastodon coin and absorbed the energy.
"You see," Zordon said, "I knew Zack was going to die because I have a big head and I can see all!"
This didn't really answer much but it was a good enough answer. Mickey was shaking the hands of all the rangers and chatting about how cool they were. Mickey was then sent on a quest to find the shell shocker flower which would turn the silver putties beatable.
"Catch you on the flip side!" Mickey said as he back flipped out of the command center somehow and went off for the Shell Shocker Flowers.
"That's so cool," Kim said, "Mickey is the coolest ranger ever."
"No he's not." Egotistic Jason said, "I am."
Trini laughed and later died of a heart attack.
"Hmmm..." Zordon began, "it's a good thing I saw this coming. Say hello to Jessica, the new Yellow ranger!"
A beam of yellow light appeared and voila, Jessica Swei appeared, another teen from Angel Grove, also a good friend of Mickey.
"OH MY GOD!" Billy yelled, "Jessica, how are you? You're a Power Ranger?"
"Duh, I'm kind of dressed in the yellow outfit and all." Jessica said.
Kimberly laughed and gave Jessica a high five before Jessica said,
"Catch you on the flip side!" And did a back flip out of the command center somehow.
"Where did she go?" Jason asked Zordon.
"She's going to find the Brown Dog Dung to take away Matthew's powers." Zordon said.
Jason found this quite funny and Alpha 5 stabbed him with a shard of glass. Jason died with red ranger blood pouring out of him.
"Ayaiyaiyaiyai!" Alpha cried, "what a mess!"
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" Kimberly asked shocked.
"Well," Zordon began, "Tessa really wanted to be a power ranger so I couldn't say no."
Thus, a new streak of red light entered the command center and Tessa, also friends with Jessica and Mickey appeared.
"TESSA!" Billy yelled, "I was wondering why you weren't in computers today."
After a short conversation, Tessa did a back flip out of the command center somehow and said,
"Catch you on the flip side!"
"Tessa is off to leap to unleash Ivan Ooze." Zordon said
"WHY?" Kimberly asked shocked, "we spent a whole movie killing him!"
"Well, Rita and Lord Zedd are the only bad guys left so I figured you could use a bigger challenge." Zordon said.
"Whatever." Kim said in disgust, "Catch you on the flip side!"
Kimberly back flipped out of the command center somehow and never returned again. It is said that she took a career in making CTV shows.
"Billy, it looks like you're the only ranger left." Alpha 5 said.
"Forget that." Billy said as he pulled out his power gun and shot himself in the head.
"Alpha, it looks like no rangers are here anymore. We need more teenagers. Locate some for me Alpha." Zordon said calmly.
"Ayaiyaiyaiyai!" Alpha yelled, "Catch you on the flip side!"
Alpha was never seen again as he did a back flip out of the command center somehow. It is said that Alpha got a job at Radio Shack. As for Tessa, Jessica and Mickey; Mickey got bored looking for flowers and finished his years in school. Jessica could not stand to touch Dog Dung and got a job at a karaoke bar. Tessa accidentally leapt to her doom. Rita died of old age and Lord Zedd fell off his balcony. Matthew's brown powers were lost during a power failure and somehow this affected his powers. Ivan Ooze was released and he melted due to overexposure to the sun. Zordon's tube got dusty and lead Zordon to go insane. He was put to death by a mountain climber who fell upon the command center.
As for all of you who have just wasted your time reading this story....
I'll Catch you on the flip side!