Hey everyone. OK so I was sitting here and this idea just came to me. So I decided to write it down and Yes…a one-shot. Hope everyone likes it.
Disclaimer: Don't own Yugi-oh or any of its character.
Ok so you can take this chapter two different ways. Light yaoi or a brotherly relationship. I had intended on it being the second but whatever you guys want to think.
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Hiding behind a Smile
By: TinyClownBean1
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Am I doing something wrong? Does anyone care? No they all look at me with accusing eyes pretending I'm not here. Why me? I hate it and everything I am. I am bad I'm not good and maybe I shouldn't be. Suicide is wrong and I could never take a life let alone mine. Everything was fine. I used to be happy. When I was little everything was fine but slowly I was broken and I can't figure out why.
My family they don't notice, they think I cry because the stress I put on myself to make straight A's. But I don't cry for those retarded things. I am much deeper than anyone can see and it hurts knowing that no one can see. They see my smiling face and assume everything is alright, but its not and only I know why.
Tears they cloud my vision. They drench my soul and dampen my heart. I can't take it any more. I just want to end it all. I am supposed to be the strong one. The one that all my friends come to for advice, but I don't get how I can solve their problems when I can't even handle my own.
It hurts so bad knowing that I am the shoulder they cry on. But who can I turn to for my tears? No one so I drench my own clothes with my weakness. I want someone to hold me and tell me everything will be alright. To whisper kind things and help suppress all of my childish fears, but when I look for someone nothing is all I see. When can I start living my life? When will people start to see me?
Never. I know that is the answer as I lay here on the floor, my poor broken body so still and my spirit broken and torn. I close my chocolate orbs as my tears stream down without any feeling. I am numb. I am hated and no one can see. I scream from the inside to break this damn mask. I am not carefree and I have a weakness, but no one ever asks.
I speak and yet no one hears. I cry and no one sees. Why can't my friends see through my mask to the real me? I need help and I know it. But no one is here to comfort me. I have no one and I am lost. However, there is nothing and no one here. I am lost in an endless sea of torturous emotions that have finally caught up to me. Why now and why here? Was I destined to be alone?
It all screams soap opera. I know as I close my burning eyes. I can't stand it that I am so weak. Why can't I be loved? Everyone else is happy, but me I'm all alone. Why can't I have someone to have and call my own? Tears stream down my pale and yet slightly flushed face. Everything it hurts so badly. Why am I in this pain? I did nothing to myself and yet my body screams and burns.
The world is not fair and it screams 'Life is a bitch' but still I smile and continue on. Well this is the end I can no longer walk and everything is going black. I can't figure out why when I did nothing but sit here crying on the cold wooden floor. My dad he is not home. The same as always and a good thing too, he would probably just suggest a day off of school. Like that would help dull the ache in my tired body.
I am but a teenager and it hurts so bad to think. Why me? Why here? Why this moment in time? The only answer I can seem to see is why not me? I mean who would suspect a crying child behind the happy mask. No one and I can't see why. Shouldn't they care? Why can't someone hold me?
No friends and no life. I was destined to die. It hurts so bad as I sit here and cry. I hate my weakness and everything I am why can't I forget it and move on. The pain it is too real and I could never put it aside. It has been building for many years behind my little smile. My soft British accent is humiliating to me now. I hate it and myself. Why couldn't I be stronger?
A presence lingers in the room as I feel my yami approach. He always thought I was a baby why not let him see me at my worst? He comes closer and I listen to the sound of his footsteps. They are nearing, but I begin to drown them out. He doesn't even know I exist none of them do. From Yugi to Tea they don't care and I have accepted that. They come crying to me and I am strong until they leave. Once gone I shut down and drown it all in sleep.
My own little haven where everything is right, my dreams they give me strength I eagerly welcome. The footsteps they have stopped but I can't seem to look up. My eyes are hazed over as I look through my glazed orbs. I can't make out anything, I don't care anymore. I take in a shuddering breath and continue looking into space. I never wanted anyone to see, but I guess this is the real me.
"Hikari," his voice was so callous and cold. I shivered but remained eyes unfocused and not caring about the world. This was my time I only needed a little longer. I just wanted to sit here all alone crying for all of eternity. No one would notice or care. No one ever does. My silver hair clings gently to my back as my empty eyes gaze across the floor. It's no use I still can not see anything. I just want to be left alone.
I know that is not true as I sit there arms around my slim waist. It hurts so much to be alone. All I want is for someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. But, no I am always the one telling other people and I comfort them, when I am the one who needs it the most.
I blink a few times in an attempt to clear my vision, but the tears keep falling. I can't control them any longer, they finally escaped. Why did my yami have to be here to watch me at my worst? He already thought I couldn't sink any lower. He hates me, but I don't mind at least its better than being ignored.
"Hikari," his voice is smoother now. Whether he meant to or not it was missing that edge he normally uses. I notice a soft sigh escape my lips before I even knew what was happening. My glazed vision started to fade as his white tennis shoes came into my vision. He wasn't moving from what I could tell and I wanted so desperately for him to leave. This was something I had to do alone.
I reached for a small box that I kept hidden under the seat of my chair. Why I had taken the chair down with me was beyond my comprehension as I held the little box against my chest. I sat it in front of me and gazed at it as though it would disappear. I was correct as I watched slim pale fingers pick up the little box. I had no strength so allowed him, Bakura, to see the real me.
Slowly my eyes drifted up his lithe form to land on his face. His red brown eyes widen as he opened it. Guess that wasn't what he was expecting. More tears they traveled down my face, but I was long past numb as I watched the change in his face.
Once guarded cold eyes melted as he took out the small piece of paper and read it carefully, I inwardly cringed as he looked from the paper to me. He set it aside gently, something I though he could never be. A gentle Bakura, he wasn't even judging me…
He reached in once more and pulled out a small pen. It was sapphire blue and it reminded me of my friends. They used to, or so I thought, until I drifted away. It wasn't my fault but at the same time I accept the blame. I bought that little pen when I saw it in a shop window. It was something that reminded me of everything I wasn't. Beautiful and rare, it soothing and I still look upon on when I am at my worst. It calms me and I welcome it as that little object is clutched in my hands.
He's frowning now as he places the pen onto of the paper and he grabs the last thing in the box. He picks it up and turns it around so he can see it. Switching it from font to back he holds a photo in his slender hands. His gaze returns to me silently questioning why I would need these things.
A note written by my own hand, a pen so beautiful and never been used, and the photo he is still holding. Why did I need them? I don't really know. He held the photo looking at it a little longer before letting it fall to the floor. I did not move to pick it up, but instead I cried some more.
I can't control this weakness, and its killing me inside. Why can't I be accepted? Why can't I be loved? These tears I hate as they trail down my face. I wipe at the angrily and frown as they just start again. A soft sob escapes my lips as I look into his eyes.
Soft, I don't know why. He doesn't look mad and there is no pity on his features. He is still here and he has not said a comforting word. He is not the one I expected to find me lying here, but all the same I welcome the company. Bakura's long silver hair is suddenly touching my face. I look up and accept the embrace.
Why is he hugging me? Does he really care? My tears they slow as I look at him, my yami. Maybe I'm not alone. What brought about this change in the emotionless tomb robber? Perhaps I was the one judging and not him. I sigh and cling onto him burying my tear stained features into his chest.
So this is what it's like having someone to cry on. I relish the feeling and memorize his looks so that when he pulls away I will be able to keep this memory, and hold it dear for always.
A soft squeak escapes my petal soft lips as he picks me up and carries me. My little box and all my most precious belongings still trapped in that room. A small smile comes to my face as I discover I don't care. Right now I have someone to cry on. Someone who will listen, Bakura, my yami and my dark, he does care whether he shows it all the time or not.
He places me on the emerald green couch and sits right next to me. I curl to his side and he actually allows me. Everything is quiet and no one says a word as he wraps one arm around. My tears they have stopped and I can't believe it happened. Someone was holding me. Someone did care. I smiled slightly as I snuggled into his side. Everything was wonderful; I no longer had to hide.
He used his free hand to gently stroke my hair, it was comforting and I loved him just actually being there. He was my yami and now I was not alone. Maybe he was the person I could call my own. Sleep soon claimed me and for once I did not welcome the change. I wanted forever to sit there, just us.
I awoke a quickly looked around. It couldn't have been a dream. I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes as I brought my head back down. I was alone and he was not around. The soft stepping of my yami brought me back from my daze as he joined me on the couch and handed me a cup.
A smile broke across my saddened features as I hugged him tightly; he never once objected and instead wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me into his lap and watched me with curious eyes as I took one sip of the liquid in my cup. My eyes lit up as I tasted the warm marshmallow filled liquid and took another sip. It was hot chocolate, my absolute favorite. I used to always make it after I had cried. Somehow it soothed me and helped everything to disappear. I was just like my sapphire pen.
I opened my mouth to speak but a gentle finger was place on my lips, silencing anything I had to say before I could even think it. He held me and I was grateful as he watched my every move, it wasn't a dream he really cared.
I set my cocoa down on the oak table in front of me and looked up at my yami. He was mine and he cared. He would be there for me. I smiled and snuggled into his arms loving the warmth he radiated. He brought his head down to rest on mine and I loved every moment. He breathed in and a soft giggle escaped me as I heard him whisper, "Strawberries."
A low chuckle came from behind me and I could feel him laughing too. It felt nice to laugh instead of cry and I will treasure it for always. A relaxed smile was glued on my face and I liked much more than my frown. I think I'll start wearing my smiles instead of just using them to hide my frowns.
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Ok so that's it. I might write a sequel it depends. What do you all think?? Should I or just leave it as it is. You vote. Ok so that's all for now. Later.
Ashes