This is my first Kingdom Hearts fan fiction, so you have my sincere apologies if it's no good. This contains Sora/Riku shounen-ai gayness, severe weirdness and randomness, and a bit of making fun of Kairi… ness.
I don't really need a disclaimer, because if I owned it, why would I write fan fiction for it?
It was a bright, beautiful day on Destiny Island, and everything was just peachy!!! It was so peachy, in fact, that Riku was unusually perky. He jumped out of his bed and ran outside to bask in the sun!
But then he realized he was still naked and ran back in the house. Yes, Riku sleeps in the nude. He has an unusual fear of pyjamas…
After getting his clothes on and such, he, again, ran outside to bask in the sun!
He soon realized, though, that basking in the sun was not as fun as most made it out to be. So, he decided to sit in a tree and muse over what to do.
It only took him about seven seconds of musing to realize, however, that he hadn't had any breakfast. Thus, he jumped out of the tree…
… and yelped in pain because he landed flat on his posterior. He attempted to stand up, but, again, yelped in pain.
"Oh, this is just great…" he cursed aloud.
Just then, he heard a familiar voice yell, "Hey Riku! Come here and help us!"
It was, of course, everyone's favourite hero named Sora… Sora! And no, he isn't schizophrenic, because Kairi was there too.
It appeared to Riku, from his position; that they were building some sort of sand castle. Ah, how Riku loved sand castles… well, not really.
"Sorry," he yelled back to them, "I-"
Yet Selphie bouncing on to the scene cut his reply short. "Riku?" she asked, "Are you okay? I heard something and…" she gasped, "Oh my god! Did you fall out of the tree???"
Trying to sound like it was just a little fall, but he was perfectly fine, Riku replied coolly, "Yeah, just a little fall, but I'm perfectly fine."
All worries disappeared from the hyper lass' face. "Oh, okay then!" she smiled, "Let's go help Sora and Kairi build a sand castle!"
He was about to protest, but then remembered he had to act like he was in good health. Lifting up his knee a bit, Riku tried to get up… but then screamed and fell down again.
Selphie's eyes widened in horror as she realized what had happened. Well… actually, she started to laugh hysterically. Same thing.
"Hey you guys!" she called out after she stopped laughing, while receiving dirty looks from Riku, "Mr. Ego's broken his butt!"
The two others rushed over from their sand castle to inspect the predicament their friend was in.
Sora looked at Riku, then at the tree. Then at Riku, then at the tree. And then… he burst into an uproarious laughter as well. Kairi, on the other hand, look concerned. "It's not funny," she said, "Riku could be in real trouble…"
However, because I am displeased with her kindness… I will now mentally smite her.
A cold wave of… um, coldness came over Kairi.
"What's wrong?" Sora inquired.
The girl stared into space, before nervously replying, "I… don't know… I just feel that somewhere… someone just mentally smoted me…"
But because that is a very odd thing to say, and smoted isn't even a word… everyone ignored her and got back to Riku.
He began to shake his head and force a laugh, while reassuring, "No, you've got it all wrong. I'm fine." Riku's attempts to be suave were fruitless, however, and evidently, not all that reassuring, seeing as how his effort to stand up had made him fall and scream…. yet again.
"Oh my god!" Kairi cried, "I think he really did break his butt!"
"MY BUTT IS FINE!!!" Riku screamed.
Yes it is… Sora thought… then slapped himself in his mind.
"Look," Riku huffed, "I must have just sprained my tailbone or something. You can't break your butt."
"Oh, but you can, Riku!" came a voice from… Sora's pants?
The other three all began to stare at the boy's lower half… which made him feel uncomfortable, to say the least. "What are you all looking at?" He demanded.
Kairi blinked in confusion, Riku's face went red, while Selphie simply squealed, "You're pants are talking!"
"… what?" was all Sora could think of. Then… he realized what was going on. He stuck his hand down his pants, as Riku suppressed his eyes from popping out, and pulled out… JIMINY CRICKET!!!
"WHAT THE CENSORED!?" the brown haired boy screamed as he threw the bug away, "WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY PANTS!?"
Trying to redeem himself, the cricket answered, "But Sora… I thought we were pals!"
"PALS DON'T HANG AROUND IN EACH OTHERS PANTS!!!" Sora screamed again, while Riku turned a disturbingly bright shade of red. No, he thought, must not let Sora catch on…
"But you always let me stay in you're clothes before…" Jiminy winced, as Sora began to fume.
"Now listen…" the boy began, "I let you stay in my shirt pocket. My SHIRT POCKET. I never said you could stay in my PANTS. Near my-"
But poor Sora was cut off by Riku's nose bleeding everywhere and fainting in happiness. Our ever-oblivious friends, though, just figured it was due to his buttocks injury, and continued to glare menacingly at the talking insect.
"-knee!" Sora finished off. I guess that wasn't the ligament Riku had in mind… but he's fainted right now so we don't really care.
"Sora, I can explain! See, I couldn't find Pinocchio anywhere, and I needed a place to go so-"
Glaring with the scariest glare that was ever… glared, Sora threw the little bug into the ocean. Where he DROWNED!!! MUA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!!
Yes, I don't like Jiminy Cricket.
Anyway….
Both Selphie and Kairi stared at their irate friend. They were both relatively frightened, as you can imagine, so Kairi mumbled something about going to play dolls and the two ran off.
Sora was beginning to calm down a bit, and he sat down beside Riku. And that's when the question came up. What was he going to do with him? The boy couldn't very well leave his friend there. After all, he couldn't walk! And if a broken butt causes people's noses to bleed, that would just make matters worse.
… although our hero hadn't the foggiest clue that Riku was really just experiencing PURE NASAL ECSTASY!!!
So, Sora decided that the best option would be to pick up his bosom-buddy and carry him back to his place.
Oh, the suspense! What will happen next?