Chapter One: Ashes in the Valley of the End

"Pick it up, pick it all up. And start again. You've got a second chance, you could go home, escape it all... It's just irrelevant." – Medicine; Daughter (A/N: Music will be provided throughout as a soundtrack for this work. You're welcome to enjoy it or leave it)

KAKASHI HAD LEARNED many things over the years, had even prided himself on his reasoning and on his ability to formulate strategies and carry them out. Yet all this information, all the various tidbits and minutia that he had gathered, pointed to a singular, grim conclusion. His life had been savaged and the fleshier, healthy portions had been ripped away by the ravages of war. He was a hypocrite in every sense of the word.

He was lower than trash. Kakashi was not leaving his teammates behind. Instead, he was completely forsaking his ideals. To wallow. It was only for a few moments—moments were all he had—but his complete inability to fight at the moment had overwhelmed him. The self-loathing and pity wasn't entirely misplaced, but the self-degradation would do little to quell the battle that continued to rage on, with or without him.

He supposed he was inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, anyway. He'd failed the Genin team he'd been assigned all those years ago and in the end he'd also failed the ANBU troops he was assigned to lead. He was no longer that commander of death as he had been in his youth. He'd tried his best but it was for naught. The men and women he'd been assigned to lead lay slaughtered at the hands of Naruto's sworn enemies and the various minions and allies of that horrid group.

Kakashi shifted his weight onto the ball of his right foot as he watched the battle below. From his perch on Hashirama's head, he had quite the view. Akatsuki hadn't succeeded in collecting all of the bijuu, but they'd managed to gather the help of the other villages to conquer Konoha. They had forced the villages into submission with force, though Iwa had limped along willingly enough. Kakashi was sure that some of the villages had been scared into submission, electing to survive the wrath of Akatsuki's vision, but that knowledge gave him no peace. All of the previous battles had been horrendous. The sound of hundreds of ninja dragging in their last ragged breaths in one droning death rattle was something he had hoped would fade with time. He wondered if there would indeed be time for it to fade. If there was, would that choking, gurgling leave him? Or would it always remain in the background, that droning gasp for life? The imagery… this he knew would never leave him. The pain of the moment was planted in his chest like a bitter root.

Precious Lee had been one of the first to parish. His death was quick but that didn't make it any less valiant. Not even Kakashi could have escaped the vicious flurry of ninjutsu that crashed down on the young man. The masochist in him knew that he should have body-substituted with the boy to give him a chance to keep fighting. Lee had taken down two hundred of the enemy forces before dying to protect the Hokage. It had been a most personal loss for Kakashi, who respected both Lee and Gai for their constant perseverance. Gai had been furious. Kakashi remembered the ripple of chakra that had roared across the clearing, the sound of guttural pain that had scarred the air. His friend had killed the offending party faster than Kakashi even thought possible.

Kakashi ground his teeth as he recalled the yawning expanse of death he'd witnessed. Each atrocity was recorded with startling alacrity through his pilfered sharingan eye. He saw every cut with perfect, analytical precision. He knew which arteries had been sliced and how deeply. He absently remembered how blood had trickled past Kiba's lips as his body gave way. Kakashi wondered how he himself would appear as he died. Not nearly as heroic, he surmised. The aching pain in his chest bloomed.

The deaths had collected in a myriad of ways until nearly everyone was gone. Watching them die and being unable to join had surely been the worst part. Fighting side by side with them to ensure their safety… he knew he had failed. Each and every time… he had failed. There were just so many of the enemy and so little of them.

The sound of battle was still full in his ears. Konoha was gone and yet the fighting continued. For what? Kakashi watched as Naruto clashed with the remaining ninja. By now only the strongest were left. How ironic that he remained. Kakashi was too injured to fight further. Death was imminent. He could have stayed to fight but Naruto would have only died faster trying to protect him. He at least owed his student the satisfaction of taking out as many of the crooked men as possible. The Hokage's job was to protect the village, even if only the idea of it remained.

A large explosive detonated in the background as Kakashi watched after his student. Naruto's own ability has surpassed him long ago. Minato would have been proud of the man he'd become.

Reflexively, Kakashi looked away when Naruto shrieked in pain. It was not a sound borne out of physical pain. Kakashi forced himself to look and noticed his other student. Blood spilled like wine. The pain in his chest hardened and he was sure that any moment it would break, that something had to break. She was careening through the air, shock painted across her features.

Kakashi pushed chakra into his feet and lurched into the air. He caught her that way, suspended in the air with her head supported by the bend of his elbow. Her eyes were heavy on his skin and he struggled to land with the same grace as he had caught her.

"Kakashi-sensei…" Sakura smiled gently, tears carving paths through the grimy soot covering her cheeks. "I—" 'I thought you were dead.' She didn't have to say it.

"Shh… Save your strength," Kakashi pleaded. He pushed his hitai-ate back up from where it was slipping back down over his eye. 'I'd rather it be me.' "You need to get better so you can help Naruto-kun, ne?"

She smiled sadly. His tone had been so desperate. She repressed the urge to wheeze, feeling the warmth of her blood soaking through the material of her shirt. Her breath caught, a slight gurgle in her throat, when she realized his hand was moving towards his mask. "What… Sensei?"

Kakashi sucked in a shuddering breath as she tilted her head to the side in confusion. Did she not notice that her blood was collecting in the corners of her mouth? "I thought you might want to—" he exhaled and it sounded like he'd been punched in the stomach "to see, before—"

A racking sob escaped him. Ninja were not supposed to cry. He couldn't make himself say it. The words just wouldn't come out. Sakura smiled, gentle as always, reaching up with the last bit of her strength to touch his cheek.

"Don't cry, Kaka-sensei. Ninja don't cry."

He chuckled thickly, brushing the bloodied hair from her face. "Liar. You're crying, too."

"Tears of happiness are okay, remember?" she whispered. Kakashi scrunched his eyes shut, ashamed of himself. He wanted to beg her to hold on, to keep fighting. She was ready to go—probably glad to go after fighting for so long. "Thank you, Kakashi-sensei."

"For what?" he retorted, fiercely, his eyes boring into hers. "I haven't done a single thing I should have. I wasted it all— I wasted it. I should have done so much more."

Sakura smiled at him, blinking her big green eyes at him slowly. "But I know you will."

She died with that infernally serene smile on her face, leaving him no opportunity to inquire as to how she knew he'd fix things. Kakashi's voice was no longer his own and he could do little to contain the screams of loss. He'd known they would die. There was a world of difference between knowledge and experience. Experience ached and quivered with its rawness. He had experienced the death of many a comrade in war. None had ached like this—this was a hot poker to the eye.

The sounds of battle were narrowing in on him. Kakashi slowly turned his body around, every move sending ripples of pain through him. His time was nearing, as was Naruto's. He could feel the distinct ripple of the Kyuubi's chakra as it cut through the air. Even then, it was not enough. Naruto's strangled cry was loud, jarring. His body slammed into the ground, a crunching shock that Kakashi felt as much as he heard.

Kakashi forced himself to move, fighting against death every step of the way. His body was ready to give out, but he was not—not until he saw Naruto. There were words to be had.

The enemy ninja had disappeared, though Kakashi did not know why or even care why they had gone. It was not important. He gasped in pain as he collapsed onto the ground next to Naruto.

Naruto coughed and it sounded wet. The blood was already pooling in his lungs. Kakashi drew on the last dregs of his strength to pull Naruto into his lap. The boy peeled his lips back in a cheeky smile. "You look like shit, Kakashi-sensei. Sakura thought you were dead…"

"I couldn't hang around to fight with you. I was worried you'd overextend yourself trying to protect me," he whispered.

"Yeah well… I guess this makes up for it," chuckled Naruto, wincing as his ribs protested. "Never thought I'd see the day… You'd have found a girlfriend sooner if you didn't stay all covered up, ya know."

Kakashi hadn't even realized his face was still out. His chuckle devolved into a sob and he wept bitterly. "Naruto… this wasn't how this was supposed to end. I… I failed you and I'm sorry I didn't do more—"

"Ne, it's okay, Kakashi. I just wish I could have protected my precious people. I failed." Naruto smiled up at him, eyes watery and voice sad. "We both could have done a lot differently, ne?"

Kakashi smiled wistfully and sobbed. "So much."

"Kakashi-sensei… Thanks for being there for Sakura. I—I know it hurts but just close your eyes. Lay down and close your eyes. We're almost done, you know." Naruto's words cut like a slice between the ribs. Kakashi brushed Naruto's hair away from his hitai-ate covered forehead and pressed a kiss to the smooth metal.

"You deserved more, Naruto-kun. More than anyone ever gave you."

Kakashi twisted, turning to plop down on the ground next to Naruto. He wheezed as his mind finally allowed his body to submit to the stress placed upon it. His chin pitched upward, his neck no longer able to support the weight of his head.

Naruto lazily turned to him. "Sensei… if you could do it all again, what would you do differently?"

Kakashi smiled lightly, studying the formations in the dark clouds above. He tilted his head to the side to look at Naruto out of the side of his eye. "Everything… I'd save everyone I possibly could. Especially you. Don't tell Sakura-chan but you were my favourite."

Naruto giggled until he choked on the blood that was leaking into his throat and lungs. "I knew it! Which is good, considering what I'm about to do…"

Kakashi looked down to the left, forming a double chin as he tried to study Naruto's face. He found no discerning details to explain what Naruto meant. In fact, the young man's breathing stopped and his heart-beat slowed to a near non-existent pulse. Kakashi felt the crushing pressure within his chest break and his world gave way to black, deafening darkness. His will to survive evaporated. Without it, his world crashed down around him and the darkness consumed him. He accepted it wholeheartedly, wondering what Hell would look like.

His previous notions paled in comparison.

"Sorrow found me when I was young. Sorrow waited, sorrow won." –Sorrow; The National

PAIN CONSUMED EVERY aspect of his being. His body was being ripped from him. His mind was fracturing, the pain of staying intact causing subtle breaks in the carefully composed walls and compartments he'd built into his mind over the years. All of his memories coursed through him but he remained in the darkness.

Sparks in the abyss gave birth to a greater image. He could see Naruto's body as he lay lifeless on the ground. 'If you could do it all again, what would you do differently?" Naruto's disembodied voice echoed hollowly in the background as Kakashi watched the scene begin to rewind. Naruto was slammed into the ground again and again and again. He watched as Naruto lifted off of the ground, the memory playing itself backwards. Naruto's question was garbled, the words coming out in reverse.

He hadn't even been there for this part of the fight. Kakashi could feel himself sucking an anguished gasp into his lungs as he watched Sakura's body catapulted through the air by the tremendous force of one of Deidara's devilish "art" bombs. So much suffering… even as he watched the torrential onslaught of painful images, Kakashi couldn't help but wonder how and why he was seeing these things. This was not the same vantage point from which he viewed his student's abuse…

His confusion evaporated just as suddenly and he was seeing things that he remembered again. Sakura's tear-streaked, soot-covered face as she told him not to cry… the feel of her hand on his cheek… the smell of Naruto's burnt hair as he watched the life fade from his eyes… it still hurt to see. It hurt more to watch this time because he knew it was coming but he couldn't force himself to look away.

Kakashi's depression lifted for a moment as the scenes disappeared but it returned full force when he saw his beloved village razed to the ground. Scenes of deaths that he didn't even recall witnessing but had remembered hearing about flashed before him, some more gruesome than others, but each one painful to watch. Kakashi could feel the whispers of tears on his cheeks as he watched Gai's passing. It was long, drawn out and completely honorable. Gai did his utmost to protect Naruto.

After accomplishing the superhuman feat of opening the gates, he charged, evading the many swipes of the large cleaver of a sword, even laughing at Kisame's surprise expression. Then Kisame had stabbed forward with his massive sword. It easily cut through Gai's stomach, exciting the other side of his body. Gai's momentum propelled him forward. With the last of his energy, Gai used two kunai to effectively decapitate the dreaded ninja. "Ah, the passion of youth… Naruto! Like a phoenix, you must rise above my ashes with the power of your youth!" Naruto promised that he would. Gai slowly bled to death as Naruto ran off to seek vengeance for his fallen comrade.

There were so many deaths. Naruto, Sakura, Gai, Lee, Kiba, Shikamaru, Ino. All dead. Every single person he could think of was dead. Even the Sunagakure ninja that Gaara had sent and accompanied to aid Konoha were dead. Even the Sand Siblings themselves had perished in an effort to defend their beloved friend. Nothing remained. Akatsuki had won, even without stealing Naruto's bijuu.

Kakashi wilted as his mind began to rewind, playing through various painful images. Was he really so wretched? Is this what his eternity was to be – reliving his failings as a human? He lost count of how many friends and loved ones were violently slaughtered before him. He hadn't known there were even that many people he had such affection for. How strange that he'd felt so alone for so much of that time. At long last, he was eye to eye with Obito and then the boy was whisked away. He felt the clutches of death around him.

Throughout all of it—the deaths and deprived imagery—he felt as though his body was being torn apart in increments and then rammed back together again. It was like being compressed and torn apart simultaneously. If he wasn't dead already, he was sure the massive overload of pain stimuli would have friend his brain.

After what felt like an eternity the world went black. Peace. Finally, Kakashi exhaled miserably, wishing that he could just be at peace again. It'd been so long… The sound of a chair scraping against the dry hardwood floor roused him from his pensive state. Odd. Kakashi strained to hear more sounds but gathered nothing useful. Something was wrong with his hearing. He was dead though, so he supposed he couldn't do much in the way of controlling his senses.

Did he have a body? Kakashi struggled to regain situational awareness. He couldn't tell if he was lying down, sitting up, or even present. Kakashi wanted to scream. He was surprised when the sound of a thin, wailing cry pierced the air. The ugly sound did little for the pounding and throbbing sensation coursing through his entire body. He could only describe it as the worst hangover he'd ever experienced.

'That's odd,' he mused, almost forgoing his anger. He was so bogged down with fatigue that it was hard for him to remain coherent. When he felt a pair of overly large hands grip his shoulders, he didn't object. Was he being gripped by a demon? Was he facing his judgment?

"Kakashi-kun, wake up. You're having a nightmare…" commanded a comforting, gravely voice. Kakashi winced when his world was flooded with light. That voice…

That face. Oh, no. 'God, tell me this isn't happening.' Kakashi was panicking internally as he looked down at himself. His form was miniscule.

"Was taking that stupid test worth it if you're going to wake up every night having terrible dreams, hmm?" Kakashi whimpered at the sound of the voice. It'd been so long.

"Tou-san?" Kakashi couldn't trust his senses. Surely this wasn't real. Sakumo blinked in confusion, noticing his boy's surprise at seeing him. He tilted his head to the side, letting out an 'oof!' of surprise when Kakashi's tiny frame latched onto him. The boy's death grip actually hurt. He was only six, but already a Chunin and had a terribly strong grip.

"Are you alright?"

"I had a bad dream. I dreamed that you died and everyone else died." Kakashi didn't care if this was a bizarre illusion before he passed over to the other side. He'd already forgiven his father for committing suicide. Throughout his life, it was something he had considered rather frequently but put off for one reason or another. He wished things had been different.

Sakumo gave Kakashi a gentle squeeze before pulling back to grin lazily. "Shinme, I'm not going anywhere." A gentle smiled formed on Kakashi's lips at the sound of his old nickname. It meant 'bud,' referencing his family's long history of farming. Sometimes his father would call him 'me' for sprout, but Sakumo knew that Kakashi was embarrassed by it and used it expressly for that reason.

"I know I'm supposed to be a big kid now, but… can I sleep in your bed tonight? Just this once?" Kakashi bit his lip, wondering what Naruto would say if he could see the state that the thirty-two year old was in now. He repressed the sadness that pressed down on him, crushing down on his chest like a weight. Sakumo nodded drowsily, flipping Kakashi up onto his shoulder too quickly for Kakashi to protest.

Kakashi chuckled as his father carried him into the room that Kakashi had begun to avoid after his father's death. Sakumo plopped down on the bed and Kakashi rolled off of his shoulder and onto the mattress. He was so tired… the sensation was rippling through his body like an invasive current. He rolled onto his side and studied his father. The lines of his face were gentle, though his body was solid as a shinobi's body should be. Kakashi poked him in the ribs, smiling wryly as the ninja jolted back away. Ninja were trained to fall asleep on command. Sakumo rolled onto his side and gazed at Kakashi who bore a neutral expression.

"Eh? Was I snoring?"

Kakashi giggled in spite of himself and then frowned. This body wasn't used to being a lazy, emotionless tool. He smoothed out his features and then shook his head 'no.' "Do you… no matter what happens, I love you. I just needed to tell you that."

Sakumo smiled and tilted his chin forward thoughtfully. "I love you too, ya persistent little guy. Was your dream really that bad? You haven't willingly said you loved me in two years."

"Shinobi are to be in control of their emotions at all time," recited Kakashi. He'd stuck to that after his mother had died. His father's death had cemented that even further into his head, especially due to the circumstances behind the man's suicide. "But I just…. I realize that I don't say it enough and I don't want to ever regret that I didn't tell you enough. If you die…"

"You know, I expected to hear you say that when you got married, or when you have your first great loss. Not at two-thirty in the morning when you're six years old. I don't know if this maturity of yours is a blessing or not." Sakumo wrapped him a hug, then sighed drowsily. A strange ache was beginning to form in Kakashi's body. "Your mother would be so proud of you, even if you are an emotionally stunted weirdo."

"I pour my heart out to you and you're making fun of me?"

"All because I love you. Now get to sleep, shinme, I have a mission in the morning and you have group training."

Kakashi closed his eyes, curling into his father's side. 'Ugh. At least this isn't real. Minato-sensei's training was also incredibly rough.' The discomfort in his limbs felt almost unbearable.

Eventually, the sounds of his father's deep breaths lulled him into sleep, or perhaps it was death. He was pleased that there were no dreams to disturb him, only darkness. He highly anticipated that he was to experience something disturbing after this strange, gentle reprieve.

[.-_-.]

KAKASHI WAS WRONG. It was one of the rare times that he was completely and utterly wrong—usually he had at least an indication to his guesses, but this time there was no such thing. He was just wrong. This was evident as fact when the near-comatose boy was awoken by a flurry of kunai.

Kakashi's younger body wasn't as adept at sensory perception, but his mind was still as sharp as it had always been. Being paranoid had some perks. He rolled out of bed without a sound, leaving the kunai to pierce the headboard. He muttered a string of expletives and his father cut him off with a backhand before he could finish the vulgar phrase.

"What have I told you about your language?!"

"I don't remember!" snapped Kakashi, trying to gather his bearings. The world was spinning. "Dammit, I thought this wasn't—"

He broke off, realizing that he couldn't go spouting on about how he thought he'd been dreaming or experiencing some weird illusion the night before. He'd already had a hellish migraine before being back-handed with enough force to send him flying. To top it off, his body was still aching terribly. The pain was almost crippling. His father, an experienced Jonin, picked up on the strange phrasing. "Didn't think what?"

Kakashi paled, his mind reeling as he tried to come up with a coherent response. The problem was that he couldn't and his head ached so terribly he couldn't think properly. If he had indeed time-traveled, why in the hell had he come back to this point? What was so significant about this time?

"I…" The pain in his head spiked dangerously. "Oh." A dark haze fizzled around the edges of his vision and he crumpled to the floor. His vision swam and his body lay paralyzed. He felt his father's strong arms wrap around him, and in a moment a thumb was holding his incredibly normal eye, non-sharingan eye open. His father's worried face loomed blurrily before him.

Static formed at the edges of his vision and he knew he was about to succumb. He tried dimly to apologize, wondering if this was a dream or some sort of pitiful stop in the afterlife before he descended into hell.

"This old goat with beard of Grey, he turns his leather gripped cane. Those times you clapped and called for quite, they've come to hold you. Ain't that nice?" Cocoa Hooves; Glass Animal

CRUEL VISIONS OF war filtered through his mind, intermingling with nightmarish hospital dreams and the sound of loud voices barking back and forth above him. His entire existence felt like static. The afterlife was not turning out the way he would have expected.

Kakashi could feel himself tumbling and yanked his eyes open, realizing he was being manhandled. It occurred to him suddenly that he was being devoured by demons and he lurched, trying to free himself from their attack. His vision came into focus and he realized that hell looked a lot like a hospital room.

The demons looked a lot like medical ninjas. He groaned at the irony of it and tried to wrench himself free. His body felt so weak against them. As he tugged, he noticed just how puny his arms looked in the hands of the medical ninja. The brown-haired young man looked confused as he fought back.

"Hatake, we're going to need you to calm down," the medical ninja ground out through gritted teeth.

Kakashi paused, only just then realizing that he was letting out an infantile screeching sound. The pain in his body had mysteriously vanished. He could feel the hands of the orderlies holding back, but otherwise he felt strangely numb in the physical.

He was still holding his body still and blinked a few times as he began to collect himself. "I–where am I?"

"Konoha Hospital, brat," came a voice from the right. Kakashi turned to see the craggy face of an old, weather medical-ninja.

"...What day is it? I'm sorry for.. What happened?" Kakashi relaxed completely, letting every part of his body sag as a show of compliance.

"Before we get to that, let's take care of some other things first, shall we?" The brown haired ninja quipped, putting his left hand into a leather cuff at the bedside. "We're going to restrain you for the time being."

Kakashi nodded and lay still as he really didn't have any options. His body was in no condition to fight back. He watched as his miniature body was tied down. Was he truly alive in this body?

"I'm Haruki. This old fart is Seiji-san. Can you tell us your name?"

The man was being a lot gentler than he needed to be; he must have been a decent guy with a soft spot for children. "Hatake Kakashi… What date is it?"

"October 5th." Kakashi gulped. If this was real and he was truly waking up in the past, his dad would be dead by June 13th if he didn't begin to outmaneuver that awful mission. "Do you remember what you were doing before then? What you might have come into contact with?"

"No at all. It's all blurry. Incredibly blurry…. Where is my father?"

"We had to sedate him and have him removed as he was quite emotional when you came to and began to thrash about the way you did. When he isn't out on missions, he's been here with you. You've had a few different visitors."

That struck him dumb for a moment. His dad had always followed the rules to the very letter, except for that horrible day on that horrible mission. His man was a man of logic and reason, as best as Kakashi knew. That was why he had so sternly affixed himself to the ninja code. He had always heard of his father's level-headedness. He supposed that perhaps that level-headedness ended where he was concerned.

"Can I see him? Can you bring him to me?"

Haruki nodded and picked up the chart at the foot of the bed and began to scribble down a few different notes about the current exchange. "I'll get right on that."

Seiji stayed behind to keep him company. He looked severe, but really was a sweet old man. He began to blather on about all the different things that Kakashi had missed while he was out. Kakashi was only half listening to him as he stared at his puny legs.

If he was truly back in this body, before his father had accomplished killing himself, this was not the way he had wanted to return. He hadn't wanted to come back at all. Death was preferable to this fate.

Tears had begun to leak out of his eyes, and before he knew what was happening, Seiji was patting his back and telling him how tough he was. "I know you are a prodigy and a mighty one at that, but I'm sure it's disorienting to wake up like this."

The old man truly had no idea. Kakashi chose not to say anything in response, remembering how sullen he'd been at that age. The door cracked open and his father limped in, looking haggard at best.

Kakashi strained against his restraints, forgetting they were there. "Dad–"

"Come here." Sakumo enveloped his son with a fierce hug. Kakashi felt the tears splashing onto his scalp and then his father began to shake violently. It was a strange moment. Kakashi's hands remained tied to the bed and he endured the hug as though he was in a trance. As his father sobbed into his hair, Kakashi wondered if 251 days was enough time to save the man's life.

Author's Note:

October 24, 2022: A new version! Will I keep up with editing the story? Let's see. Re-reading through this I hated what I had done. So I changed it again. Let's see how this goes. This seems more realistic. I felt trapped with the old story-line before. I am taking this a different direction and I hope that it can go somewhere good. I was reading No Tomorrow by Authorship on Ao3 and felt like I just needed to pick up where I left off with this, even if it meant re-vamping it and doing something entirely different. I felt so encouraged by how he/she/they just didn't care what happened in canon and just made it their own. Go give that story a read, I'm not done but I just think it's excellent.