Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, nor are the lines of dialogue and sequences from the episode Ouroboros. Rest of the story is.
Spoilers/Continuity: through Season 4, spoilers for Ouroboros (Season 2)
Author's Notes: Done for the Starry Night Secret Santa Fic Challenge, my attempt at combining two requests (1. Tyr/Trance pairing, angst or adventure, and 3. Trance-centric, angst, spoilers for Ouroboros).
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Swirl, spin, ride the whirlwind.
Knowing when the drumming stops,
There'll be no second dance.
Ulatempa Poetess, "Rhythms" CY 9825
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Trance stood in her quarters on the Maru, looking around the room at the mementos she would soon be leaving behind in an effort to make a brighter future for the rest of the universe. In the six years since the moment in time she would be going back to, so many things had happened. Both to her, and to the crew of the long-since destroyed Andromeda Ascendant.
She and Beka were the only two left now, though Beka wasn't what she had been. More machine than human, the other woman had only made it this long because of the replacement parts she had begun to collect with alarming frequency when she lost an eye four and half years before. The Maru, baring many more battle scars than either of the two women, was their residence, though neither of them called it home anymore.
Harper had been the first one to die, Tyr fulfilling his promise to kill the engineer when the Magog larvae in his gut started to eat their way out of him. Distraught at the death of the young human who despite all Tyr's efforts to the contrary had become his friend, Tyr had gone to see his son soon afterward. Because of his distraction and heavy heart, Tyr had not noticed he was being followed until it was too late, and Tamerlane and Oma were killed by the Genites.
It was because of Tyr's guilt in not being able to save Harper and his son that he had become even more protective of Trance. He had seen her as just as young and innocent as the young reincarnate of Drago Museveni and the Andromeda's deceased wiseass. So when, months later, Trance started going through the Change that would result in her mature adult form, Tyr had been the one to help her. Holding and soothing her when she was in pain, sitting up with her and telling her stories when she couldn't sleep, and teaching her to fight when she expressed an interest. With times getting more dark and dangerous every day, Tyr hadn't stopped teaching her until his own death.
Because the Maru had been her home much longer than the Andromeda, Trance had spent her time in her room on the Maru during the Change. Tyr spent so much time with her that many of his things found their way there as well.
When the full force of the Dragans had attacked the Andromeda, Rommie had been destroyed and Dylan had been taken prisoner to be sold to Pish. Tyr had been the one to carry Trance's injured form to the Maru and convince Beka to leave before they, too, could be blown apart like the already crippled Andromeda shortly was. There had been nothing they could do to save Dylan, and he had been killed in an 'accident' during his transfer from the courts of the Collector-controlled Commonwealth to a hard-labor planet to which he had been sentenced for treason.
Most of Tyr's things had still been in Trance's room, and both of them were lonely, so her room became theirs. For the first year, they slept curled into each other without anything more to it. But one night Trance was watching the Nietzschean who had become her best friend and protector and suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to kiss him. She had done so gently, finding his lips soft but firm.
The soft touch had woken Tyr, and when she blushed, he smiled knowingly. The kiss that followed that smile was the first of countless kisses he initiated after that night. Two months after they had acknowledged to each other that they were a couple, Tyr had told her that he loved her, and she had joyously returned his words of love. Because of everything they had seen happen and the danger they continued to be in, they decided not to have children. Tyr didn't want to lose another child, and Trance knew it wouldn't be fair to bring a baby into the life they lived.
When Tyr had given his life for hers in a simple, fatal mugging on a supply run, Trance had sometimes wished they hadn't made that decision. If they'd had a child, the Anasazi line would have continued and she would have had a part of Tyr to cherish forever. For months afterward, Trance had holed herself up in her room, trying desperately to hold on to the memories of his scent, his taste, the way she felt safe and loved when he held her tightly to him. When she realized that the time when one of the tesseracts from the Sinti orbit encounter was approaching, she began to run through possibilities in her mind. But none of the ones that resulted in a better universe paired her with Tyr. The circumstances that had led to the darkness she currently lived in had also been the circumstances that brought she and Tyr close. It wouldn't happen again.
She had considered for a long time simply warning her younger self to make sure certain things didn't happen. But eventually she had admitted to herself that there wouldn't be enough time and the best chance was for her to go back herself, even knowing it would mean seeing Tyr and not being able to be with him. She had to keep reminding herself that her suffering was insignificant when held against the greater good.
Trance sat down on her bed, the bed that had felt much too big for the past year without him here to share it with. She bowed her head in an effort to stem the tears that threatened, one of her dreadlocks falling into her field of vision. Trance reached up and gently touched the twisted section of hair.
Tyr had been the one to convince her to let her hair grow long. And when she had complained that it took too much time to deal with every morning, he had sat her down and manipulated the strands until they were all in easily manageable locks like his. She had been more than grateful when they both realized that night that they enjoyed the sensation of each other's hair dragging across bare skin.
The clomping sound of heavy feet on the Maru's floors and the gentle whirring of mechanized parts signaled Beka's arrival, and Trance pulled herself out of her memories. She stood, making sure as she did so that her weapons were securely in place. Trance would never forget the lessons Tyr had taught her.
Never leave yourself vulnerable to attack, she could hear him admonishing her.
"We're almost there," the bio-mech Captain said. "But there is heavy Kalderan activity in that sector."
"It doesn't matter," Trance said. "This is our only chance to change things."
Beka lifted one mechanical arm and stared at for a minute, as if trying to remember what it had been like to be completely human. Trance knew the other woman wasn't happy about risking the Maru for something that had no guarantee of working.
"You'll make sure I don't end up like this?" Beka asked quietly.
"I'll do my best," Trance answered softly.
"Prepare to be boarded," Beka said before turning to go back to the bridge.
Trance moved quickly through the Maru to the spot she knew she had to be in when the tesseract event occurred. Ten minutes later, the Maru's alarms signaled that the Kalderans had indeed boarded the cargo vessel. Trance tensed in anticipation when the Kalderans appeared in the room just before she felt the shift that signified the Maru was now at least partially in the past.
Trance moved forward to engage the Kalderans as Beka came to stand in the doorway behind her. Trance did a flip over one of them so that she could fight and see Beka at the same time.
"Some of the Kalderans have gotten off the Maru and are in the hangar," Beka reported, her human eye sizing up the Kalderans Trance was fighting.
"Go," Trance ordered as she ducked a blaster shot. She stood and pulled her blades, ready to put her fighting skills to full use. She grinned malevolently, "I'll take care of these ones."
Beka inclined her head slightly, and with a whir of her servos, she was gone. Trance concentrated on fighting the Kalderans, but several minutes later when the Beka and Trance from the past came into the same room, she knew. To impress upon her younger self how much things had changed without having to waste time they didn't have talking about it, Trance executed several impressive moves, such as balancing on the walkway railing as she fought. She killed the last Kalderan in the room by cutting its head off.
After answering a few short questions, Trance watched her purple-self walk through the tesseract and silently wished the girl luck. And with the Kalderans onboard the Maru, which she had been silently able to communicate, and none of the fighting skills red-gold Trance had, purple Trance would need all the luck she could get. Trance could only hope her younger self really did understand that this sacrifice had to be made. Of course, if everything worked out, that future would cease to exist and her younger self would simply be incorporated back into their Sun.
"Where'd she go?" Beka asked in a voice meant to threaten.
Trance almost smiled at hearing the concern in the still-beautiful Beka Valentine's voice. But they really didn't have time to walk through explanations. The tesseracts were growing worse by the second. They had to get to the machine and stop it, or trading places with herself would have been for nothing.
"She didn't go anywhere," Trance answered. "She grew up. She's me. Let's go."
Trance should have known better than to think it would be that easy.
Beka demanded to know what was going on.
Trance sighed and said, "Beka, if I tell you everything...it would be very dangerous for me, for you, for everyone, but please believe me." She paused and considered her next words carefully. "I can't make things go right, not exactly, but I do know how they can go wrong because I've been there, and believe me you do not want to live that future. No one does."
After a bit more cajoling on Trance's side and a threat from Beka if she discovered that Trance was lying, the two were off through a tesseract. Trance led the way, trying not to let nostalgia slow her as they moved through the Andromeda. If things went well, there would be plenty of time for her to reacquaint herself with the warship. They found themselves in a corridor and came face to face with Harper and the Perseid Rekeeb.
Trance told Harper to trust and follow her. With a bit of grumbling that she ignored, Harper conceded to let her lead the way. Trance got them to the machine shop just as Rommie and Dylan arrived. A debate began on whether to destroy the machine to save the Perseid scientist Hohne's life and undo everything that had happened that day or to use it to take out Harper's eggs, his only chance of surviving the Magog larvae inside him.
"The tesseracts," Trance explained, "they've created a warp in space-time. One which allows paradox. What we do here will reshape reality as we know it. It can change the future or the past."
And because of what I am, Trance thought to herself, I will be stuck here no matter what.
Reekeb lifted the gun that had been slack in his hand and pointed it at everyone.
"Destroy the machine and bring Hohne back, or I will kill you all and destroy the machine myself." Rekeeb had a slightly hysterical note in his voice as he finished, "I have the gun. You have to do what I say."
The sound of Magog Swarm ships punching into the Andromeda's hull were suddenly heard, and Dylan used the distraction to disarm Rekeeb. The doors to the machine shop slid open to allow Tyr entrance. The Magog behind him made it just inside the doorway before every armed person in the room was shooting at them.
"Did I come at a bad time?" Tyr asked.
Dylan smirked at the Nietzschean's sarcasm, "No, I'd say you came at a very, very good time."
The Magog were successfully pushed back and the machine shop door slid shut. Everyone remained tense with the sound of the Magog trying to break through the door a constant backdrop. There wasn't much time left to make a choice. Trance waited silently as Harper made his decision to save the Perseid Hohne known.
"Harper..." the sounds of the Magog so close by and the strain on Dylan's face made his silent pause heavy with meaning. "If we destroy this machine, you know what I'm going to have to do."
"What someone will have to do," Tyr corrected, reminding them all that he had made a promise and Nietzscheans kept their promises, no matter how much he didn't want to have to.
In that moment, Trance knew she had to take the choice away from the others. Not only would she save Harper's life, but Tyr's as well. Maybe not from death, but definitely from the guilt that had lain heavy on his heart from the day he'd had to pull the trigger of a blaster aimed at Harper's head as the engineer lay unconscious from the pain of the Magog larvae eating their way out of his body. She stepped forward and pushed the activation button on the tesseract machine.
She watched, numb inside, as the machine destroyed the Magog larvae, along with the circumstances that had led to her initial bonding with Tyr.
"What have you done?" Dylan asked, first to find his voice.
Trance said flatly, "I saved Harper's life."
And destroyed any chance for my own happiness, she thought.
Later, after the machine had been dismantled and Sinti had been told of Hohne's death, Trance walked with Dylan to obs deck. There was another presence in the room, but Dylan didn't notice and Trance didn't bring it to his attention.
Dylan turned to study her. Trance waited silently for his perusal to end. When it did, Dylan told her he wasn't sure if he should let her remain on the ship. Trance was almost tempted by the thought. There were so many bad memories associated with the Andromeda. But how much harder would it be living with the good memories on the Maru? Then Dylan asked her why she had saved Harper.
"For the one reason that matters," she answered. "Because Hohne was a stranger and Harper is my friend."
Dylan sighed and stood. "Other than the look, I'd say the biggest change in you is that you're honest now."
Trance kept her gaze steady on his until he wished her good evening and turned away. When Dylan had been gone for a few minutes, Tyr came out from behind one of the larger plants in the corner of the room. Trance silently watched him walk closer until he was five feet from her.
"You knew I was there," he remarked.
Although Tyr's comment did not require an answer, Trance nodded.
Her hands were squeezed into tight fists to stop herself from reaching out to him. She wanted to throw herself into his arms and kiss his generous mouth, but she didn't. If it didn't hurt so much, the thought of how he might react would have made her smile. But what they'd had would never be, and being this close to him and not being able to do anything about it was the worst kind of torture.
The look in Tyr's eyes told Trance that he wanted to ask her something. Softly, Trance asked Andromeda to engage privacy mode.
"You did tell Dylan the truth, but not the whole truth," the Nietzschean observed.
"The less he knows now the better," Trance said. "When it is time, I will help guide the choices he makes, try to make things turn out differently than they did."
"And for the rest of us?" Tyr asked with deceptive calm.
Knowing that the plans he had, plans that would have been obliterated by a series of events that had been triggered by Harper's death in her own past, would take him away from the Andromeda before too long… away from her… Trance hesitated.
But she owed her Tyr too much to hold back information this Tyr needed to hear. She stepped closer to him.
"Tamerlane isn't as safe as you think he is," Trance said. "Be careful, or the Drago vine will wither and die."
Tyr's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. His hand moved slowly but with obvious meaning to the blaster strapped to his powerful thigh. He opened his mouth to speak, but Trance preempted him.
"In my past, you saved my life. Your secrets are safe with me."
"Make sure it stays that way," Tyr snarled with deadly promise.
He stalked from the room. Trance wistfully watched his retreating form.
"Always, my love," she whispered.
Releasing a heavy sigh, Trance issued the command that disengaged privacy mode and turned to stare out of the wall-sized window of obs deck. She had done what she knew she must, even if it had annihilated her relationship with the love of her life. Her only consolation on that score was that Tyr would most likely leave the Andromeda before too long, and she wouldn't have to see him everyday.
Because seeing him everyday and not being able to touch him, to hold and kiss him, would eventually destroy even her reserves of hope. And she already knew there would be no second chance at romance for the two of them.
The End.