Note change in rating. The story is now PG-13.
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He could be there in under two hours, even in the evening traffic.
His pulse began to race as he grew closer with each mile, fighting that queasy feeling of anticipation, rehearsing what he would say to Jordan when he reached her. Nothing sounded right.
It was ridiculous, off to see Jordan. She wasn't his problem anymore. Still, some force pulled him on, and he was powerless to turn the car around. He needed to see her.
He dialed Kristi's number several times on his cell phone but always found himself hitting "clear" rather than "send." He wasn't sure what to say to Kristi, either.
When he had met her, she had seemed so soft and vulnerable. She needed his protection. He could protect her. It's what he did.
He soon learned that the softness masked a steely core. All the eye-batting and constant doubt of her self-worth were coldly calculated. So began the cycle of manipulation and emotional blackmail followed by Woody's inevitable capitulation. But by that time, he was in love with her, or perhaps thought he was.
So, he had proposed. He was not without feeling for her, and they had been dating for almost a year. A proposal was expected of him. It just seemed like the right thing to do.
It hadn't occurred to him at the time, at least not consciously, but marrying someone else seemed a way to exorcise Jordan's ghost from his life forever. He had thought he was over her. Now, he knew simply that she was not to be gotten over.
So here he was. He pulled down the road that led to the beach. The motel where they had stayed some two years before was still there, off to the left. There was a Ford Expedition parked in the lot with an M.E.'s Office parking sticker on the windshield.
He breathed a sigh of relief. She was here after all. She had brought him to this place once after they began dating and used those exact words she had used to Garret. "It's a place I come to clear my head. But I'll share it with you," she had said with a gentle laugh as they walked the beach hand in hand.
He parked his car and got out. The sun was setting. He knew just where she would be.
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She stood on the beach looking at over the water in the twilight. The tide licked at her ankles and her chestnut hair fluttered out behind her in the light salt breeze.
She turned her head slightly at the sound of his approach. "You found me," she said evenly.
He walked down to the water's edge and looked over at her.
"You've got a lot of people back in Boston who are worried about you. What happened today, Jordan?"
She was silent for a moment. Emotion played over her face. "She was pregnant," she said quietly.
"Who was pregnant, Jordan?"
"Nancy Parker. I was about to do an autopsy. Nigel was there hammering away. He just couldn't leave it alone, you know? Like I needed to be reminded of that. I tried not to pay attention. I tried to stick my nose in the file. But I looked down and saw that she was about three weeks pregnant when she died. Her husband didn't know. She probably didn't even know. All of a sudden, I couldn't breathe. I was staring down at the page, and Nigel's voice was nattering in my ear, and I just had to get out of there."
They didn't speak. He walked a few steps away, then suddenly turned to face her.
"When you lost the baby...why did you end things, Jordan?"
She shook her head slowly. "I've been going over that in my head for two years. I'm not sure I know the answer. Everything was going great. And then I found out I was pregnant. I panicked. Me, a mother? I mean, what if I turned out like my own mother? And then just like that, I wasn't pregnant anymore. I felt relieved and guilty and sad all at the same time. And all of a sudden, it wasn't this fun, casual thing anymore. It was real. I couldn't deal with that, so I ran."
"Well, that's the difference between you and me, Jordan. It was never just a fun, casual thing for me," he said with an edge of bitterness in his voice.
"I'm sorry, Woody. I didn't know you felt that way two years ago."
"Would it have made a difference?"
She answered him with silence. And then, finally, "I'd give anything to be able to go back and change things."
"Well, that's just it. You can't change things. We all make decisions, and we've got to live with the consequences." She looked over at him then. His face was dark.
"Are you talking about me or yourself, Woody?" He turned away from her without a response. "This whole Midwestern-values-man-of-your-word thing is reeeeaaal admirable, but don't you think you're taking it too far? If you don't love her..."
He whipped back around to her. "Leave her out of this."
She took a few hesitant steps toward him. "Why did you come here tonight?"
His eyes dropped down to the sand. He had wondered himself. Dr. Macy could have come here to check on her just as easily as he could.
He looked out over the water. The sun was a thin, glowing sliver in the darkening sky.
"I've always loved you, Jordan," he began softly. "Almost since the first minute we met. God knows you've give me enough reasons not to, but I do." He turned to her then with a small, bittersweet smile. It brought hot, stinging tears to her eyes.
"So, what happens now?"
He shrugged sadly. "I go back to Kristi. You go back to Reed."
She opened her mouth to tell him that she had left Reed, probably for good, but she stopped herself.
"I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.....Goodbye, Jordan."
She nodded, couldn't speak. He turned and headed up the beach and disappeared into the blackness. Only then did she begin the slow walk up the beach, not even bothering to put on her shoes as she crossed the rough gravel drive up to the motel.
She blinked her eyes in the dim as she crossed the parking lot. It was Woody, standing uneasily next to her car. She walked to him wordlessly and stood in front of him.
He reached out and slipped his arm around her waist, pulling her toward him. He kissed her then, and she did not resist.
When the kiss broke, he spoke in a rough whisper. "Tell me to go and I'll go."
She shook her head. "I can't make that decision for you."
She backed away from him, never breaking his gaze, and slipped the key into the door to her room. She went inside, leaving the door open, and stood in the middle of the room. Waiting.
It seemed an eternity. She waited for the sound of his footfall or the sound of his car starting and driving away as quickly as possible. Something other than this dreadful silence.
And then he was there, in the doorway. He came inside and closed the door shut behind him.
He crossed to her warily and stroked her cheek. She reached up and took his hand in hers, pulling him in to her. They kissed with the fumbling awkwardness of first-time lovers, but then they quickly fell into the familiarity of each other.
He kissed her just in the hollow above her collar bone, and she let out a familiar little hum of contentment. She waited for him to protest as she unbuttoned his shirt, but he did not.
They eased down onto the bed. She shut her eyes then as he ran a trail of kisses down her neck, her soft belly, and back up to her eager mouth.
He looked down at her, stroking her hair, searching her eyes. She gave him a small nod and pulled him down to her. Even after two years, their bodies fell back into an easy rhythm.
They had passed the point of no return. She closed her eyes and tried to shut all the world but this. It did not matter what would come in the morning. She had this, and the feel of his body next to hers.
Afterwards, they did not speak. She lay in his arms as he hummed softly, as he had always done, until she drifted away into an easy sleep.
She woke sometime after dawn, the warm sense of peace flooding back to her. She stretched drowsily and rolled over.
The other side of the bed was cold and empty. She sat there stunned for a moment and pulled the sheet around her, blinking back the inevitable flow of tears.
She had thought that whatever the new day brought for her and Woody, it wouldn't matter. But as she sat shivering in the early-morning chill, she knew. Yes, it mattered after all.