Stalker! Letters From a Bighead

Chapter Three: James

Written By: PinkyTheSnowman (The Snowman)

Disclaimer: I don't own it. Neither does the penguin. We swear!

--------------------------------------------James H. Potter---------------------------------------------

23 Godric's Hollow

Marauder HQ

July 31, 1977

To: Madam Lily Evans

From: Sir James Potter

Dear Lily,

Where did "Mr" come from? That's my dad... But, then again, I suppose it's better than plain old "Potter". Mr. Potter sounds much more dignified... Probably why people don't call me that very often, unless you count McGonagall.

You are very welcome, it was a pleasure to share my summer with you. And of course they were charming, they were mine. If you didn't want to hear it, you wouldn't have read it. So there, ha! And homework is for people that need help with the work, thanks. I think it's an honor to have people running for cover around you. I like explosive people. I seem to remember that one time that people ran away from you, darling, when you were shouting at me for hexing Snape.

I know, it is rather a shock. My own mum didn't believe me. In fact, she thought I had stolen Remus's, or something. You know it isn't good when your own mother thinks that... But then again, it's part of the Marauder code. I have too opened a book. I was reading Quidditch through the Ages just yesterday. And for your information, every other book that I have opened bit me. And it hurt. Or maybe Sirius just hexed them all. So you understand why I don't open books.

I don't constantly flirt with you, Lily, just most of the time. I am responsible; you've seen how many pranks I've taken responsibility for. My grades are always good; I seem to remember you yelling at me for never studying yet getting good OWLs anyways. Professional manner? Professional flirt, maybe. Acting mature? Mature is not in my vocabulary, sorry. And you're Head Girl as well! You realize Heads get their own dorms? How cool is that? Sadly, they're connected at the bathroom... And on the younger student note, they always look up to me, are you kidding? I'm about three feet taller than them!

Oh no you aren't, you are NOT giving out detentions to my friends just because they ask some girl out that they like. That's cruel and unusual punishment, that is. And I am much more charming than Sirius, thank you. He has manners like a dog. And, for your information, Mel is probably head-over-heels in love with Sirius, just like the other girls who aren't obsessed with me, of course. Excuse me, the dungbomb thing did work. For a minute.

Remus? No comment... Oh, and he said 'hello' and 'congrats'. Just about it.

Well, you did bother. And now I'm bothered. Sheesh, Lily. You act like my mum, except, well, more yelly-ish, if that's even a word. You're probably going to respond and tell me that yellyish means bogies in Bulgarian, or some other language. Or that it means nothing at all. But I don't really want to go into more detail about your need to correct people, no matter how sweet you may be. Ah, well, every flower has thorns, including lilies, I suppose. My head isn't all that big, you'd be surprised. You have a bigger one. And, if you really must know, I'm not going to ruin my future. McGonagall told me during career discussion that I was a very gifted boy that no doubt would find a suitable form of work. So there. Your darling teacher said so herself.

My mother does embarrass me, thank you very much. You should have been there, that time she tried to drag me to that underwear store... Ooh, let's not go there. If you really want to know, you can ask her yourself. I will not undignify myself telling that horrible story. I suppose she can be sweet, but still, it's different when she's your mum. Of course we're related, I can be just as sweet as she can if I wanted to be. Which is pretty much never, but you know what I mean. Oh, and she said that you're a darling (which I of course already knew), and that of course you can stay... Wait. Hold it. You're staying with all your friends...? Excellent!

Well, if you didn't read the post script, then you shouldn't know that it was ridiculous. However, you apparently did know. So you must have read it. And if you had chosen to ignore it, then you wouldn't have written to me about it. My powers of interpretation are unmatched. And I don't really feel like leaving you alone, you need somebody normal to talk to instead of your sister, who just got married, according to my mum. She was rather happy about it. Enclose a picture for her, will you? And I don't give up, you should know by now, considering that you've told me a million times, and each time, I ignore it. I'm not that arrogant... You should meet Carver McMillan. Bit of an airhead, really. Oh really? Well, describing and imagination never hurt anybody. What about Valentine's Day weekend, then?

Yours,

James H. Potter

P.S. Fine. I will. But only for you, since you demanded. My mother wanted the same thing...

P.P.S. I will call you whatever I want, Lily darling. I am your friend, what are you talking about? And besides, it wouldn't be good for two people that have to share the same bathroom for a year to not like each other...

---------------------------I Love Lily Evans and She Darn Well Knows It ----------------------