Summary: Ron's going to marry an American Muggle!?!?!? Hermione secretly in love with Ron and trying to break up the wedding!?!?!? Harry's gay and with Neville!?!?!? Based on the movie starring Julia Roberts, which I am watching now.
DISCLAIMER: Let's face it. I don't own jack squat lol. The plot belongs to everyone associated with My Best Friend's Wedding and the characters all belong to J.K Rowling (lucky I would buy them off of her if I could) HAPPY READING!! R/R!
The next day Hermione and Harry ran through the bustling crowds of London to get to the airport. Hermione looked wind-whipped and tired.
"Are you alright?" Harry asked, slowing his pace as it came into view.
"My best friend is about to ruin his life, what do you think?"
"No, he's about to ruin yours."
"Same difference, if you're in love with someone, it's your duty to save them from themselves."
"You have a real philosophy of life," Harry said, sarcastically.
"It's called the Law of Love, asshole."
"Boy, isn't someone a bitch this morning?" Harry said. Then he added more gently, "Look why don't we get a drink? You can write him and tell him you'll be a little la--"
Hermione cut him off, "No! I'm a very busy girl! I have four days to break up a wedding, steal the bride's fellow, and I haven't a clue as to how to do so!" She looked up at him and added, "He adored me for twelve God damn years!"
"I can see why."
"She's known him for maybe five seconds! Plus, she has billions of dollars, plus she's apparently perfect, so don't go feeling sorry for Miss Pre-Teen Texas!" She sighed and her tone softened and Harry could hear the hurt in her voice as she said, "And don't go feeling sorry for me, you don't know me that well. You're only my friend."
"I've been your friend since we were 11, Hermione. I think that's more then just a friend."
Hermione sighed, tears filling her eyes, "You're right. I'm sorry Harry. I'm making a big mistake, huh?"
Harry shrugged, "Maybe you'll learn something, you don't know."
Harry reached down and held her hand tightly. She glanced down at it and looked back up at him, "I'm going to bring him back. Against all odds, because if I don't..." She laced her fingers through his, "I'll have to live with it forever."
She looked up in his shining green eyes and said, "And at my wedding, I'll be the only bride with a best man." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. She began walking through the doors to the airport before she realized Harry wasn't following her. She turned around and said, "Aren't you invited?"
Harry nodded. "I have to work, and Ron knows it, but since I'm one of the groomsmen, I'll be there for the rehearsal and the big day."
Hermione nodded and continued walking, lugging all of her bags.
Hours later, Hermione got off of the plane and entered Pittsburgh International Airport, looking around for Ron. Then she spotted him. Tall, broad shouldered, reddish hair brushed back neatly, the same grin he had since she first met him. His brown eyes met with her own brown ones and she began running to him, dropping all of her luggage behind her. He ran toward her as well. She met his arms and he swept her up and spun her around, laughing. She pressed her cheek against his, excited to see him. He put her down and kissed the tip of her nose, still holding her in an embrace. He said, "Can you believe I'm really going to do this?"
Hermione laughed, still gazing into his eyes and said, "Not hardly."
He beamed and turned around. She followed his gaze and there she was: Kimberly Wallace, her competition. She was small and slender, a body to die for. Her face was striking, not at all perky and vapid, but lovely and interesting. And, worst of all, intelligent.
She walked toward them, her eyes on Hermione and she smiled and Ron pulled away from Hermione just before Kim threw her arms around her. Hermione was taken by surprise and slowly hugged her back. Kim laughed and said, "This just makes everything so perfect! All I've heard from the day Ron and I started talking was Hermione this and Hermione that..."
"Well, we are..."
"I think the best part of marrying him, is meeting you. I've never had a sister."
Hermione smiled at her.
Kim squeezed Hermione's hand and they gathered her things and made their way to the parking lot.
She was rich. Kim was tearing down the highway in her Mercedes, proving that she was a dashing, confident driver. Hermione was riding shotgun, her curly, brown hair flying, turning it into a total wreck. Ron was happily lounging in the backseats. The roar of the wind made it impossible for him to hear the girls' conversation.
Kim glanced at Hermione. "My heart is in my throat here and I have this monstrous favor to ask of you..."
"You need a few dollars?" Hermione commented.
Kim glanced over again, while going eighty miles an hour. The look she gave Hermione was a bittersweet look. "Dry. Just like he said."
Her eyes were admiring and regretful at the same time. Hermione was confused and expressed it, "Excuse me?"
"I can be quick," Kim explained. "I can even be funny..."
Hermione shook her head. Kim was such an endearing kid.
"But, I can't be dry," she continued.
Hermione was slightly concerned. "Can you please watch the road?"
"See? Dry. It's all in how you deliver." She turned her eyes back on the highway. "Anyway, this is a very presumptuous and burdensome fav--
Hermione interrupted again. "--You want a menage on your wedding night?"
Kim quickly replied, "No, that wouldn't be burdensome."
Hermione studied her delicate, angular profile. It was turning out to be very hard to hate this girl.
She cleared her throat. "My classmate Angelique shattered her pelvis table dancing in Cancun on Speing Break." She looked over with the sweetest smile on her face. "Be my maid of honor?"
Hermione just blinked in response. Apparently, Ron heard this part of the conversation. "You can't believe what it'd cost to bring in a temp, 'Mione."
Hermione glared back at him. "Um...how about promoting a bridesmaid? Like someone you've known for at least forty-five minutes."
Kim cut off a huge semi, who blasted his horn. Kim fearless, oblivious, and analytical. "Well, my only other bridesmaids are my cousin, who I wouldn't like to have at all, and Ginny, who doesn't think she can handle the pressure."
Hermione laughed slightly at how surreal this was. She turned around and said, "Who is your best man and groomsmen?"
"My best man is Harry and my groomsmen are Seamus, Dean, the vengeful man sluts."
Hermione raised an eyebrow and Ron laughed. "I mean Fred and George."
"Oh."
"So, this means I have four days to make you my new best friend," Kim said.
Hermione looked back at Kim, who added, "And since, thanks to Ron, I know everything about you, including intimate facts that I'm mortified to have heard, but too envious to forget. It's time for you to get to know me."
Hermione smiled and made a mental note to kill Ron.
"It's time to force yourself to get personal." Kim added.
"Sounds like a plan," Hermione smiled.
Hermione stood uncomfortably in a flowing lavender gown with Kim sitting on a loveseat watching the seamstress fit for a perfect fit.
"If you'd prefer the daffodil..." Susan started.
"No! This one is beautiful, but I thought the bridesmaids all had to wear the same dresses," Hermione said.
"Not you, you wouldn't be comfortable if you weren't distinctive," Kim said, standing up.
Hermione chuckled, uncomfortable. "What else did he tell you?"
"Well, you hate weddings, you never go..."
"Yeah."
"You're not up for anything conventional, or popularly assumed to be female priorities. Including marriage, or romance, or even..."
Hermione said quietly, "Even love?"
Kim looked up in Hermione's brown eyes and nodded.
"That's why Ron and I were a wrong fit from the start."
"He said that, too," Kim commented fixing the sleeve on the dress. "Well, I thought I was like you, and proud to be it. Until I met rumbled, smelly old Ron." She paused and looked as though she was bringing some memory to the front of her mind and added, "And then I found I was just a sentimental schmuck. Like all those flighty nitwits I'd always pitied."
She leaned forward so they would look each other in the eye, "Funny world, huh?"
Hermione nodded and as she started to step down to get something out of her bag she heard a loud rip. She glanced down at a large rip in the dress. She glanced at Kim who said, "Don't worry, we can fix that in a zip." Kim unzipped the dress and Hermione, in such a rush to get it off, fell and ripped the dress even more.
Kim sighed and said, "Just don't move." In one swift movement Kim helped Hermione out of the dress, leaving Hermione there in her underwear.
"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Hermione asked, sitting down on the loveseat.
"Just my bridal shower. And Ron has to meet our dads and the groomsmen for a 1:30 football game," Kim said, opening the door. "Other then that...no." And with that, she left and closed the door.
A little later she heard a knock on the door. She was lying on the loveseat, still in her underwear trying to get in contact with Harry.
"Come in, shut the--" she stopped short when she saw Ron come in holding her lavender dress.
"Door," she finished grabbing her coat and trying to untangle it so she could cover herself with it.
Ron was laughing at her sudden embarrassment and said, "Should I turn around or something?"
Still trying to untangle the coat she said, "Ron, I'm in my underwear!"
He put the dress down and reached over to get the coat. He untangled it simply and said, "'Mione, I've seen you a lot more naked than that."
She took her coat and held it in front of her saying slowly, "Well, things are...different...now."
Ron nodded, sadly and said, "I guess they are. I leave with two thoughts in my mind." He walked to the door and had his hand on the handle when he turned around and said, "You are still a very beautiful girl."
She looked up in his shining brown eyes and saw him looking into her brown ones.
"What's the second tho--"
He cut her off and simply said, "Mirrors." In a flash, he was gone.
Her eyes narrowed in confusion before she turned around and saw the mirrors reflecting six different views of her uncovered backside.
"Shit," she mumbled.
"So, where is your honeymoon?" Hermione asked as she and Kim walked to an elevator in a hotel.
"It all depends on the next four Cannons matches," Kim said, as she pushed the button.
"So, either way you are looking at 50 degrees Fahrenheit and your choice of Embassy Suites."
"It's his career, I'm being supportive. Look, I've been everywhere, I've seen the world. I've laid on a beach. I want to be with the man I love. That's what makes it a honeymoon. End of story. Okay?"
"I'm just saying he's lucky," Hermione replied as they stepped into the empty elevator. Kim hit the penthouse button and looked at her with a look signaling for her to go on.
"Takes one woman in a billion to put up with his array of shit. The guy is a one-man festival of idiosyncrasies. You've been introduced to the symphonic range of..."
"His snoring? Yeah, he says it's worse then ever. That snaffle one?"
Hermione laughed and imitated the snore. Kim nodded and said, "Now it sorta has this phlegm rattle behind it." The elevator stopped at the second floor and picked up a family just as Kim imitated the snore, ignoring that they came in. The family looked at each other like Hermione and Kim were insane.
"Guess what," she added. "Ear plugs work."
"Oh, how about..." Hermione started.
"Cigars in bed? I broke him of that habit, but the bathroom's a swamp, he wears tennis shoes to dinner, tells the same admittedly funny jokes three hundred times. He loves action movies, and kareoke bars for God's sake, and I can't carry a tune..."
"Uh-huh..."
"He reads over my shoulder, can't keep track of the money he spends..."
The elevator bell rang and the family stumbled out as Kim kept going, "He sucks soup through his front teeth."
Hermione held up a finger, saying, "That's a trademark move, don't touch it."
Kim smiled and added, her fingers lightly brushing her lips, "But he sure can kiss."
"It's been awhile, so I'll take your word for it." Hermione laughed, uncomfortable.
"After two weeks of cataloging all his faults, I made a command decision that changed the rest of my life." She reached over and hit the EMERGENCY STOP button and the elevator halted with a jolt.
"I threw the list away. He's not a balance sheet. So many wonderful qualities, so many faults. He's Ron. And loving him means loving all of him."
Hermione cleared her throat and began pacing the small space. "Do you get nervous in small confined spaces?"
"So, it's sweet of you to be protective..."
"Let me rephrase that..."
"But nothing ever could, ever did, give me a moment's pause about this marriage..."
"Do you get hysterical in small confined spaces?"
"Except one."
Hermione stopped pacing and looked into Kim's eyes. "Oh yeah?"
Kim nodded and said, "You."
That really made Hermione stop and listen.
"You'll always be there. In his mind, the perfect creature he loved for all those years."
Hermione began pacing again and said, "Well, perfection can get wearing after a while."
"I'm not joking. I had to face up to all my competitive drives, and believe me, I've got 'em."
"No."
"And the answer was so simple."
"I was gonna predict that."
"You win."
Hermione stopped once again and blinked. "Excuse me?"
"You're enshrined in his heart and memory. Unassailable. Which works out great."
Hermione looked in her eyes. "I've missed a step."
"He's got you on a pedestal, and me in his arms."
Hermione smiled and pulled the Emergency Stop button out so furiously it fell into her hand.
"Oh no, we're trapped!"
"Her--" Kim started.
"No, this happened to me once, almost, it was excruciating!" Hermione began hitting every button she could. She looked up and said, "There's a panel up there! You could boost me..." She began ripping her shoes off continuing, "You know how little air is in one of these things? I've seen statistics! Once you're trapped between floors..."
Kim tapped her and pointed to the top. PH was highlighted. They reached the penthouse.
"Then the door is stuck!" cried Hermione, picking up her shoe banging it against the door. Kim smirked and pushed the Door Open button. The door opened and the shoe flew out of her hand in between three stunning women, two with blonde hair like Kim's and the other with long red hair. She recognized one of them to be Ginny.
"My God, it's the bride and the woman she'll never live up to," said one of the blondes, helping her up.
"That would be us," muttered Kim.
"Did she say the wrong thing again? It is so in character!" Ginny said, hugging Hermione. Hermione held out her hand to the other girls and said, "I'm Hermione Granger..."
"I'd be Kim's cousin Mandy! Have you sized up the groomsmen yet? As the M of H you get the first pick. Just don't take Seamus, he's Ginny's and Dean is mine."
Kim murmured in Herione's ear, "Don't worry we arranged for you to be with Harry." Hermione smiled her thanks.
"Is this Ron's Hermione?" asked a voice from behind them. Hermione whirled around a saw a woman taller than Kim, but with her hair and angelic features.
She held out her hand and said, "I'm Isabelle Wallace and my handsome new son scarcely did you any justice." She guided her away from Ginny and Mandy and the other two bridesmaids who were walking toward them. "Now my husband says to send you to the football stadium so you can hang with Ron and experience his obsession first hand, but first. You have to meet a lot of really old women. That is, if you absorbed enough gushing over the opposite sex." With that she glared at Mandy.
"What did I do? I only gushed about three guys!" Mandy yelled, indignant.
Hermione was leaning against the back of the seat a cell phone in hand. "DESPERATE TIMES! Harry, are you the...I don't know...hit men...No, I did not mean Sirius...unless...No! Harry, the girl is impossibly impregnable! Even I want her to get the guy...Tell him the what? The truth?..." She shook her head. "That desperate, may I never get."
A/N: See it's easier to write this one cuz I am using the script (which doesn't belong to be so PLEASE don't sue me) which makes it fun! R/R chappie 3 should be up soon!