Stalker! Letters From a Bighead
Chapter 4: Lily
Written by: Le Manchot du Destin (the penguin of doom…)
Disclaimer: JKR owns Harry Potter and co, write? Well, I'm not JKR. Neither is Pinky. Well, unless she's got something she hasn't been telling me… (Basically, we don't own any of this…)
..........................................................Lily Marie Evans..........................................................
To: James H. Potter
From: Lily M. Evans
Date: August 1, 1977
Dear James Potter,
I hope you realize how contrary you are. You ask me not to call you "Mr. Potter" and then turn around and refer to yourself as "Sir James Potter." I'm not quite sure what you're playing at with that, but if you're trying to make yourself up as some sort of knight in shining armor, I must say it's making me slightly sick to my stomach. And Potter, you need to get this through your abnormally thick skull: I am no damsel in distress. I'm a highly competent witch, head of my class, and I'm more than capable of hexing you into next week. I wouldn't, as it's against the rules, but I assure you, I could.
Potter, I don't know why you persist in writing, asking me out, sending me singing valentines, and downright annoying me in all of the other inexplicable ways you seem so keen to do. All I can say at this point is what I've been saying for the past seven years. Leave. Me. Be. There is no way I will ever go out with you. So give up.
Now I do realize that you've been ignoring my blatant declarations on this subject for years, but maybe I haven't been clear enough. Firstly, I'd never go out with someone who simply didn't care about school or any of the thousand students and teachers who spend their lives there. School is important, Potter, and you don't seem to have grasped that.
Secondly, I've seen how you and your crowd treat girls. I'm not a possession. I'm a person. End of story.
Thirdly, Potter, I hate to be the one to break the bad news, but you are a masochist. You are a male chauvinist. Simply spoken, you think you're more capable because you're a boy. Sure, you don't say it, and I know that you'll protest when you read this, but Potter, your actions speak for themselves. You treat girls as dolls, playing with them and putting them back on their shelf. Because you don't think they're capable of fending for themselves. That's one of my least favorite things about you. As I said above, I could hex you clean into next week. Don't doubt it for a second.
Next is your attitude. You're stuck up, arrogant, prig who looks down on basically everyone. You're a bully, teaming up with your friends against one person. You cheated on that Charms test last year, and you don't do your homework. And you don't see anything wrong with your behavior. You have no idea how many people you hurt with your pranks, and frankly, I doubt that you even care. The only person you care about is yourself, and you make the fact quite obvious to everyone you meet.
Finally, and this isn't a personality trait, just an observation, a fact. Potter, you don't run in the same circles as I do, you have different values and priorities than I do, and you don't seem to understand what that means. We're different, and while I can see it quite clearly, you don't seem inclined to even look. You don't know me; all you see when you look at me is that I'm that one girl that turned you down. Where most girls have been drooling over your jumbled hair and tall stature for years, I just don't care. So please, forget it. Go back and pull pranks on people, fool around with your friends, and get yourself a girlfriend who cares. Because that's not me.
I'm sorry if anything I've said has been offensive, but I couldn't think of anything else to do. You've been stalking me for years now, and nothing else I've done has made the slightest difference. So please forgive any discourtesy in this letter. When you finish reading, put it down, tear it up, or throw it in the fire. But don't bother replying.
Sincerely,
Lily Marie Evans
PS: Ask your mother when she wants my friends and me to come stay. And send her my love, of course.
PPS: "Yellyish" is not a word. Although it does slightly resemble the archaic Greek phrase—nevermind.
……………………...Keeper of Knowledge and Dangerous Hexes………………………
Thanks to the reviewers, by the by. And Pinky and I got a review the other day which predicted that yellyish was going to be Greek. Which surprised us greatly, as I'd already written this chapter and put that in there…and besides, yellyish is indeed complete nonsense…
So thanks, and please do review…or I'll set Lily on you! (kidding, kidding…or am I?)