A/N: This is an updated for the people who wanted an...update on this I guess. There is nothing new with this but I'm rewriting it in multi-chapter form with much more detail and possibly finishing this after your numerous requests. Let me know if this is worth of continuing on and possibly...why?
Disclaimer:: Don't own Shaman King. If you want the original copy of this fan fiction, e-mail me.
Heartbroken Itako
When opportunity finally knocked she found she was too nervous to say so. It was days before the Shaman Fight and she was lost with how to admit herself. Certainly others whispered behind her that it was the outrageous, violent fiancée but in reality, she only found herself just as shy as Tamao.
She contemplated the thought over as she took her seat in the cold, summer grass while gazing at the whimsical, blue skies. The sun held a lonesome gaze over the silent, peaceful graveyard, the only place where shamans did not have to fear. Her thoughts which were previously drifted on the calm taste of the atmosphere slowly retreated to the boy whom she cared of so much it made her heart ache to even think.
She debated whether or not to admit her feelings tomorrow. Quickly, she changed her mind to some time today. Perhaps a time during dinner would be the best. However, everything must be in place. Everything had to be fine. The notion of setting up her emotions made her heart tremble. It was nothing like her, the almighty, violent itako, to fall weakly to such a simple emotion.
It doesn't matter whether or not he's my fiancée, she repeated the thought to herself. It irritated her even more of the situation she found herself in. 'He needs to know how I feel. If he rejects me, would I be just another girl to him? A student in his class? A former student of his family's shrine?'
Memories of Izumo long ago appeared to not have soothed her anxiety. He had reassured her he had cared for her. How reliable was a ten year old boy's vow of love anyway? Sure there were many heart warming stories of childhood lovers reuniting but how well would this sort of fiction play in reality?
Everyday, I can almost feel him drifting away from me. Does he need me anymore now that he has new friends? Is my training worth anything to him?
It made her tired of thinking about the boy. In fact, thinking of him made her want to scream.
What if he found someone else by now, she asked herself. 'Tamao, maybe? She is so kind to everyone. She constantly watches out for Yoh. She's young, hard-working, and in a few years, I may have competition. Of course she's merely a fan but a noticeable one...'
Don't think about it, the itako stopped herself. 'I have every confidence in Yoh. Why should I fear for him?' Anna thought long and hard about this for a while. 'Is it because he's thought for himself now?' She scolded herself again for such an emotionally unstable argument. The itako got to her feet and gazed around the courtyard as if she had expected love to spring up and she was ready to catch it.
She straightened her posture and took a long, deep breath from the mental stress building within her.
"Inevitable." Anna whispered. "I'll have to tell him eventually." She cleared her throat and practiced of what she knew to recite. "Yoh. Can I speak to you for a moment?" she thought silently. "No. Not it."
She shook her head and imagined of another scenario. "Yoh? I need to tell you something." More like it, but not enough, she rejected. "Yoh. We need to talk." The itako nodded. "Act like herself. He knows who you are." She told herself. "...so why do I feel like this?"
I can be wrong, she whispered. I expected him to be one way the entire time.
Not long after, dinner pounced behind her before she knew what to agree on. It was just like any other dinner, yet this time it was going to be different. 'From this point on, Yoh and I will treat each other as husband and wife.'
"These noodles taste weird!" Manta complained.
"Shut up, runt." Anna whispered coolly as she bit down on some chicken.
"Anna, stop that. Manta was only remarking. They're not that bad, right, Manta?" Yoh mentioned almost bitterly. She froze for a moment starting at Yoh like she had never seen him before. Was this the first time he's done that or was it merely her never noticing before? Anna broke the gaze and resumed her eating.
Tamao, who sat amongst them, observed the potential quarrel dissolve immediately. It was to her surprise that she had never seen Yoh scolded Anna like that ever.
Anna interrupted the silence as she slammed the rice blow against the table. Her heart raced quickly for something to occur. 'What do I have to hide? We're already engaged, right? It should be that hard to say three words. Right?' She shook her head slightly. There was the problem. 'I feel like every other person who wants to grab Yoh's attention. I don't feel we're serious even though we're engaged.'
Manta and Tamao, both, began to take notice of Anna's troubled look. Manta finished his scoop of noodles and was prepared to point something out but after seeing Anna's icy, subzero glare, he kept his mouth shut. Tamao seemed to have understood what was going to happen. One didn't need to be a psychologist to know what was going on.
It was Yoh who at last, noticed the sudden silence and the lack of consuming foods. He gave a confused glance to Manta who in return, didn't look at him. His eyes then shift to Tamao's. A quick glance and she looked away almost embarrassed. She resumed her meal awkwardly.
At last, he settled his eyes on Anna who appeared to be the most distraught out of the three.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.
Should he be concerned about me like I am concerned about him? Anna asked herself.
"Hey, what's wrong? You're not eating." The itako shook her head ignoring his repeated question.
'Should this be how husband and wife consult with one another?' she asked herself.
"Yoh, I have to tell you something." She thought of the words to his reply. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. 'Am I that nervous?' she coughed politely. Her heart pounded in her head giving her a headache from the unstable emotions swimming within her.
"Yoh." Anna finally managed to speak. 'Not how I expected.' Manta and Tamao looked up at Anna in a bewildered stare. She coughed as if trying to spit something out. Anna glared at them as they quickly returned to their sudden, deep interest in their food.
"What is it?" Yoh smiled as he spoke. It was the carefree smile he gave to everyone.
'If he loved someone, how would he look at them? What kind of smile would he give away?'
"I..." she took a deep breath hoping it would encourage her distraught mind. Only three words, she thought. "...bone stuck in my throat." She whispered. She couldn't say it. Her words felt like a rasping murmur. However, her facial expressions must have given away the fact it was not what she had wanted to say. Even Yoh saw that.
Her eyes darted to Tamao's and Manta's. They were at least pretending not to pay attention.
"Is it about Hao?" Yoh asked hinting a nervousness in his voice. Tamao and Manta glanced at Yoh with some interest.
"What does Hao have to do with this?" Tamao asked.
"Nothing." Anna recovered most of her natural tone.
"What is it then?" He asked again, this time in a much more carefree manner.
'Three words.' She reminded herself.
"I—" she paused as she stared at her food. 'Two more words. Almost there.' The itako repeated. "IloveyouYoh."
Tamao, Manta, and Yoh blinked.
"Wasn't that random?" Yoh laughed cheerfully before moving on. Anna froze for a moment staring at her fiancée as he continued his meal joyfully like nothing had ever happened. 'As if nothing happened? He seems happy? Does he feel the same?' The feelings of rejection, despair, anxiety, and hope rushed in a tide of adrenaline through her head all at the same time.
"I meant it, Yoh." Anna bit her lip. Her heart pounded uncontrollably. She could feel her face grow warmer which began to send a sort of shock in her. She had never blushed before. Why now?
"What did you say?" he asked. Tamao and Manta could only stare in wonder.
How could he have missed that? Tamao thought. 'It's not part to interfere but how does Yoh miss something obvious like that?' Manta looked away in hopes that by not looking, the scenario would have just disappeared.
"I said—"
'Anna? Being this sensitive?' Tamao placed a hand on her shoulder for support, but the itako didn't seem to notice.
"I said that I...love you." Anna spoke slowly. Slowly and clearly that the words felt murderous to her. "You?"
This was nothing like the Anna he had met three years ago in Izumo. The cold outer shell that repelled him constantly had now shattered. Yoh's smile seemed to be a glimmering moment of hope for the itako who had waited for a sign for so long.
"We're fiancées, right?" he grinned. Anna blinked in astonishment. Tamao gawked and Manta froze like ice. "Fiancées, then husband and wife. All that marriage and happy stuff. Guy and girl, love each other when they're going to get married." Anna didn't know whether to smile humbly or to sigh in relief. Her breath held thinly in the air.
"I'm sorry, Anna." The solemn voice slowly began to eat away at the dreams she had left. It became a bullet that blew her stomach away. "Although we're fiancées, it doesn't entitle me to loving you."
Tamao gasped and Manta seemed to crack.
Anna stared at the Shaman in horror and disbelief. 'Is that it?' Anna thought. 'He hasn't answered my question yet but why do I feel so...' The itako slammed her fist against the table. The food, the china, the glasses, and the utensils shook from the impact.
"Answer my question, Yoh." Anna muttered doing the best she could to hold back her tears. However, the warm drops of water began to flow from her eyes and released into the open, cold air. She clenched her teeth and attempted to hold herself back from strangling him. "Do you or do you not?"
Yoh took a long look at Anna with his docile, calm, sad eyes but didn't say anything else. She broke his gaze. It almost made her feel ashamed he was staring at her with pity.
"I'm sorry, Anna. I love someone else." He answered slowly." It was all she needed before she had lost control of herself.