Summary: Ron's going to marry an American Muggle!?!?!? Hermione secretly in love with Ron and trying to break up the wedding!?!?!? Harry's gay and with Neville!?!?!? Based on the movie starring Julia Roberts, which I am watching now.

DISCLAIMER: Let's face it. I don't own jack squat lol. The plot belongs to everyone associated with My Best Friend's Wedding and the characters all belong to J.K Rowling (lucky I would buy them off of her if I could) HAPPY READING!! R/R!

Harry sat at the head of the table watching some of his friends, Neville, and some of their family arguing. An owl flew in and dropped a scarlet letter on his lap. He groaned and knew it was a Howler from Hermione. He opened it and her voice echoed throughout the dining room.

"HARRY!? ANSWER THIS DAMMIT! SHE DOUBLE-CROSSED ME! THE LITTLE TWERP GROVELED!"

Harry listened as the rest tried to ignore it.

"SHE IS SO WRONG FOR HIM! RON AND I ARE THE SAME PERSON! SELF-ABOSORBED, IMPERFECT, AND VAUGELY LOVABLE! I'M OUT OF HOPE, I'M OUT OF TIME, I'M COMPLETELY OUT OF SNEAKY IDEAS! I'VE COME TO THE END OF MY RAPIDLY FRAYING ROPE!"

Everyone was silent and listening to Hermione's voice yell out of the letter.

"HARRY, YOU HAVE GOT TO THINK OF SOMETHING!

It went silent and Harry blinked before saying, "Anyone want coffee?"

The next morning Hermione lay on her hotel bed sleeping and she heard a soft knock on the door, which instantly became a loud banging. She got up and opened the door to see Harry on the other side. She screamed and he screamed back. She clapped, giddy, and flung her arms around his neck, she said adoringly, "Harry!"

"This is very Marcel Marceau."

Hermione touched her face and screamed. A purple facemask was plastered on her face and she frantically tried pulling it off. Harry grabbed her arms and said, "Now relax, relax, we don't want your face coming off with it too!"

He walked in the room and looked around as he guided her to the bathroom. "What a hideous room. Oh God," he said his eyes settling on the small pile of bottles and wrappers. "Death by mini-bar. How glamorous."

She stopped him and turned to face him, "You flew all the way here over night. You hate to fly."

"I have to get back this evening. We have this thing with Neville's family in the mountains, but Ron knows about that."

Hermione put her hand on her hip, "You're butting in?"

"Mmm."

Hermione stood still in the bathroom as Harry wiped her face with a cloth wiping all of the purple goo off of her face. She said, "What I mean when I say she's annoyingly perfect is there's nothing annoying about her perfection. It is...it is vulnerable and endearing. And that is annoying as shit."

"Ah, and you like her." Harry smirked.

"Don't smirk, you remind me of Draco, but yes. If I didn't have to hate her, I'd adore her."

She walked out of the bathroom and Harry leaned against the doorway watching her.

"This is my whole life's happiness, I have to be ruthless. He was in love with me everyday for twelve years. I can make him happier than she can! Yes I am breaking her heart in the short run, but really, really, doing her a gigantic favor. She would be so miserable tagging along after this insensitive doofus."

She sat down on her bed and Harry sat down next to her and asked, "Do you really love him or is this just about winning? Seriously, Hermione."

She looked at him and said, "In the beginning it was mostly this prior claim. He belonged to me, but now...when I'm with him..." Hermione fell backwards as in bliss and continued, "He's just so wonderful! I mean, how come I never knew that when I could've had him?"

Harry fell backwards next to her and said, "It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy."

She started laughing with him and then it turned into laughing to fight back the tears and she said, "Harry, believe me, if he was feeling, what I'm feeling then he'd know exactly how I feel. It's horrible."

Harry sucked his teeth and Hermione glanced at him. "What?" she asked.

"Just tell him you love him."

Hermione groaned and began to sit up, but Harry grabbed her ponytail and pulled her back saying, "Hermione, tell him..." He paused trying to think of the perfect way to say something so important. "Tell him you loved him for twelve years, but you were afraid of love. Yeah tell him you were afraid of love, afraid of needing."

"Needing what?"

"To belong to someone."

She sighed deeply and Harry said, "We all are, sweetheart. I'm sorry about that. Tell him..." He paused thinking again and said, "Tell him this is the worst, cruelest, dumbest moment to do this to him, but there it is. He's got to choose."

"Tell him the actual truth?"

"Well, not the actual truth...highlights."

Harry and Hermione started laughing and she said, "Oh, Harry."

Hermione and Harry walked into the tux shop where Ron was getting fitted. Harry hugged her and whispered, "Good luck!" in her ear. She nodded and walked to Ron.

"Good morning," he said.

"Ron, I have to talk to you."

"You don't like the suit?"

Hermione surveyed it and said, "Actually no, but that's not what I wanted to talk about."

"All right, but hang on," he walked over to his coat and pulled a small velvet box out of his pocket and handed it to Hermione.

"What's this?" she asked.

"The ring."

"Why are you giving it to me?"

"Because Harry's not here yet and I don't trust Fred or George with it."

"Ron, I--"

"Please? I mean, you're basically the best man anyway."

She sighed and he said, "Open it."

She opened it up to see a silver wedding band and he asked, "Do you think she'll like it?"

She sucked in her breath and mumbled, "She'll love it."

"What is it then?"

"Well...We've known each other for what? 20 years? Well, not that long, that's a long time."

Ron laughed and nodded.

"And in that time we've grown close, very close. Do you know what I mean by close?"

"I think so."

"OK, good. So do I."

"Sometimes...Um, sometimes people think they know how they feel about each other, but they don't until, until they do." Hermione smiled meekly and added, "I have a point." She cleared her throat. "The question is, Ron, am I getting to it..."

"Why don't you? Whatever it is you have to say can't be that big a deal."

"Ron, 'Big deal' is a relative term."

"Hermi--"

They heard a thump and looked up to see Harry putting a manikin upright and smiling sheepishly.

Ron squinted, "Is that Harry?"

"Yeah."

"What's he doing here? You working this weekend?"

"No. He's here to be with me."

Ron looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because he's my friend. H-He's my good friend, my best friend these days."

"Oh."

"Well, you've been so busy."

"So, wait...All of this has been about Harry?"

Hermione looked back at him and nodded.

Ron and Hermione began walking towards Harry and Ron said, "I-I'm speechless, mate!"

Harry laughed and said, "Well, that's Hermione."

"Congratulations," they said in unison.

Harry looked between Ron and Hermione and said, "What?"

Hermione cleared her throat and said, "I told him, puppy. I mean if we're engaged we really shouldn't be ashamed of it. He's running back to Surrey in a moment to get his stuff. He just came in for a few hours to...uh....to...uh...fuck me."

Harry still looked frantic and laughed, nervously, saying, "Takes a few hours."

They walked outside. Ron was in front of them and Harry had his arm around Hermione. Ron glanced back and they smiled. When he turned back around Hermione whispered, "Give me your ring."

"No!"

"Give it to me!"

"No! You ca--"

"Harry. When you ask a girl to marry you, you have to give an engagement ring."

"No!" He groaned and pulled his ring off and handed it to her, mumbling, "I can't believe you're doing this to me! I've come all this way to help you for this! You're insane!"

Hermione looked in his eyes and said, "Please for one day find me irresistible."

They all piled into a cab and she noticed Ron kept looking at them and she asked, "Is something wrong?"

Ron cleared his throat and said, "Well, uh, I guess it's just after our 5th year, it always seemed...seemed like...um...it sounded like Harry was--"

Harry interrupted, "Gay?"

"Actually, yes."

Hermione and Harry started laughing and Ron joined in, slowly.

"Common misconception," Harry said.

Hermione nodded and said, "It is, because Harry likes to pretend that he's gay!"

"Uh, and why would you do that?"

"Oh, I find it attracts the good women." Harry winked.

Hermione nodded and said, "Indeed! Yes! Worked for me! Big time!"

They reached the church where Ron and Kim were planning their wedding. Harry looked around and said, "Oh my god. Race you to the altar."

Hermione said, "Underplay."

"Got it. Hey! I'm Hermione's fiancée! Just in time for a quick preconjugal visit, if you catch my drift."

"I do," replied the old man Harry was talking to.

"You're going to humiliate me, aren't you?"

"Only if I can."

"Just one thing stay away from--"

She was going to say Kim, who ran up the aisle screaming and flung herself into Harry's arms shouting, "What! Harry! Oh my God! Oh my God! I don't know why I'm so carried away! It's so...so..."

Harry said, "Against God's plan?"

"No! Oh, God no! Wonderful! It's wonderful!" She turned around and shouted, "Mom! Mom! Mom!"

Kim's mother trotted up the aisle saying, "What? What?

"You have to meet Harry!"

Harry took her hand and said, "And you must be...Kimmy's little sister?"

"Oh," Isabelle replied, adoring Harry more by the second.

"He's Hermione's fiancee! They're gonna get married!" squealed Kim.

Her mother gasped and said, "No."

Harry laughed and said, "Yes!"

Mandy ran up and said, "What's going on?"

"Hermione's getting married!"

"Oh!!!"

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Ginny asked.

Harry said, "I wanted to! I wanted to shout it from the rooftops but Hermione said, 'No, Pumpkin, no. Let's not take the attention away from Kimmy. Dear, sweet, adorable, chocolate-covered Kimmy.' Those were her very words."

Kim gasped and held her heart, "I think I'm gonna cry."

"So do I..." Hermione laughed.

"Harry, this is so sweet of you to come to the rehearsal early! You must stay for lunch!"

Hermione shook her head and said, "No, no, no, no! Absolutely no--"

Harry interrupted her. "Love to! Love the bag, love the shoes, love everything! Love to!"

Isabelle Wallace smiled and said, "Thank you."

"Darling, what about you're flight?"

"Cancelled!"

During lunch, Kim reached over the table and said, "I can tell you this now, but I was really worried about you."

"About me?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah. I mean all the stories Ron told me were hilarious, but I mean all those broken relationships all those men? It must've hurt going through all those guys and never finding the right one."

Harry said, "Hurt? She couldn't sit down for seven years until she met teensy weensy me."

They laughed and Kim continued, "And all the while the man of your dreams was right in front of you."

Hermione looked up at Ron and Harry whispered, "She's talking about me."

Kim's mom ate a bite of her salad and said, "Oh, Harry?"

"Yes, darling?"

"How did you and Hermione meet?"

"Actually we met in school, and he's my editor," Hermione said.

"Yes, but Pookie! We met long before the editor thing and not long after school! It's actually a very romantic story. Would you like to tell it, Sweet Pea?"

"No, it's private."

Harry smiled. "Not anymore. I first met Hermione, obviously at school, but after that we lost contact with each other. Until we were perhaps 19, then I saw her in a mental institution."

Everyone exchanged looks that obviously said 'She was where?'

Harry continued, "She was there visiting some French chef she drove insane with a bad review and I was there visiting Dionne Warwick."

Mrs. Wallace interrupted and said, "Dionne Warwick?"

"Well yes. He thought he was Dionne Warwick."

Ginny piped up, "Who is Dionne Warwick?"

"A very talented Muggle singer, dear," Mr. Weasley said.

Harry continued, "So, there I was with Dionne, who's real name, by the way, is Jerry, having one hell of a sing song. Then, suddenly, breezing through the doors of the electric shock therapy room, a vision..." Harry glanced at Hermione. "...In pink."

Ron raised an eyebrow and said, "Pink? You don't wear pink."

Harry replied, "Oh, she does, Ron. Sometimes she does wear pink."

Hermione sighed. "Harry..."

"You do."

She nodded reluctantly. "I do."

"I said to Dionne, 'Dionne, who is this vision?' and she said, "Qu'est-ce que c'est cette vision?" Surely she must be the understudy to some Broadway star."

"Harry..."

"I mean look at her skin! Who does her hair?"

"Harry, please..."

"And in that moment I knew..."

Hermione interrupted. "OK, we don't all have to know what he knew!"

They all began arguing and shouted, "Yes we do!"

Ron said, hastily, looking slightly angry, "I'm very curious."

"They do. I knew that someday we would end up like this. Like some glittering Doris Day-Rock Hudson extravaganza! I said to Dionne, 'I am in love. Could this siren love me? Are the gods kind?' and Dionne turned to me and opened her lovely eyes and said..." he trailed off.

After a long pause Ginny asked, "What did she say?"

Harry smiled and began singing, "The moment I wake up..."

Kim started laughing and her mother said, fondly, "Oh."

Harry continued, "Before I put on my make-up."

Mrs. Weasley and Mrs. Wallace sang, "I say a little prayer for you!"

He smiled and continued, "While combing my hair now." He began acting it out as he sung. "And wondering what dress to wear now."

Ginny and Mandy sang, "I say a little prayer for you!"

With that the whole group, with the exception of Hermione who was looking around shocked and Ron who looked angry they began singing, "Forever and ever you'll stay in my heart and I will love you! Forever and ever we never will part oh how I love you! Together, forever, that's how it must be to live without you..."

Mr. Weasley and Mr. Wallace sang low, "Would only mean heartbreak for me."

They laughed and they next thing they knew the whole restaurant joined in and a waiter began playing the piano, as Harry continued, "I run for the bus, dear. While riding I think of us, dear."

Everyone, including other customers, sang, "I say a little prayer for you!"

Everyone sang it (well, except for Hermione, who looked embarrassed), except for Ron, who looked jealous and angry.

Harry over looked it and continued singing, "At work I just take time. And all through my coffee break time."

Everyone sang in the restaurant except for two people (Guess who.), "I say a little prayer for you! Forever and ever you'll stay in my heart and I will love you! Forever and ever we never will part oh how I love you! Together, forever, that's how it must be to live without you would only mean heartbreak for me!"

Harry began singing his solo, "My darling believe me..."

Ginny and Mandy said in the background lightly, "Believe him."

Harry continued, "For me there is no one but you."

Some clapped as Harry held the 'no' and Ron and Hermione looked in slightly shocked that Harry could sing so well as Ginny and Mandy sang, "Answer his prayer."

"Say you love me too..."

"Answer his prayer now, baby."

The group began singing, "Forever and ever you'll stay in my heart and I will love you! Forever and ever we never will part oh how I love you!"

Kim kissed Ron and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley kissed as Mr. and Mrs. Wallace hugged. Ron smiled but, looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Together, forever, that's how it must be to live without you would only mean heartbreak for me!"

They finished and began clapping and squealing.

After lunch Hermione was walking Harry towards the airport, so he could go get Neville and he was humming. He stopped and said, "Well, heartbreak for you actually."

Hermione turned at him, pulled his ring off, and said, "All right, you made your point." She gave him back his ring. "Now go get you're family and I'll talk to you at the turn of the century, when I've forgiven you."

Harry smiled and said, "Oh, Hermione, it would have never worked out, you know."

"Yeah, because it was dishonest..."

"Different temperaments. Look, tell him you love him. Bite the bullet!" He began walking away. He turned around at the door as to wave and Hermione called, "What will he do?"

He walked back and said, "He'll choose Kim. You'll stand beside her at the wedding. Kiss him good-bye and go home. That's what you came here to do, so do it."

He bent down and kissed her and she smiled as he walked through the doors to go back to London.

A/N: HOLA! YAY! That was my fave chappie! Yeah I know it's long though. -shrug- OH! AND The song I Say A Little Prayer belongs to Dionne Warwick, though I LOVE that part of the movie . . . and the song! But! Toodles!