The Ones we love will never go
Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to Joanne K. Rowling, no money is being made of this, it's just for fun.
Warnings: This will most likely be SLASH with Sirius/Harry pairing eventually, I'm not quite sure, so flamers be gone! I appreciate reviews, but I think that flames are neither helpful nor constructive so LEAVE IT!!! This fic also contains Suicidal!Harry... If there are any mistakes found, I would appreciate to have them noted to me, because this story is un-betaed and english is not my mother tongue!
Rating: The rating is R for adult themes like depression and suicide and, perhaps in the chapters later on, because of sexual interaction. As the story deals with suicide, I want to take the time and tell everyone, who has suicidal thoughts to talk about that with a friend, their parents or anyone else they trust, for suicide isn't the solution for your problems! It will only leave behind the persons which love and care for you hurt and depressed. This fic is NOT meant to play down the topic of suicide and I wish repeat that if you do have suicidal thoughts to tell someone about it you trust and try and sort things out, for there are always people that will care about you and they will help you to solve your problems.
Summary: Set after OotP; if you haven't read the book, don't read it, for I don't want to spoil the end for you! What if Sirius never died in the ministry? What if he had fallen trough a dimension gate? Will he be able to get back to Harry in time to save him from his self-destruction? (I know I suck at summarys, the story will be much better, though ^__~ )
Now, let's start with the story!
Chapter 1: Nothing left but an empty heart
It was a bright and sunny day at number four, Privet Drive. The sun was shining high and the singing of birds could be heard all troughout the streets. Noone would suspect that there was someone not infected by the harmonious atmosphere which had taken over the whole of Little Whinghing. Every now and then one could see a family grilling in their garden or just lying around in the sun talking while other families had taken the opportunity to go and visit the local swimming pool.
At number four, all of the Dursleys were having a barbecue party and had invited some of their friends or rather, some of Dudley's friends, who all seemed to be occupied by the task of eating as much of the steaks, sausages and hamburgers being made by Vernon Dursley as they could stomach without loosing it again. Over the whole scene, Petunia Dursley was hovering around her son, praising him about what a "handsome, young man" he was becoming.
If Harry had been there, he would have had trouble stiffling his laughter, but as he wasn't, no such sound could be heard. Vernon was really glad the boy was up in his room, again, and not disturbing the joyful mood of Dudley's party. Dudley, too, was glad Harry wasn't there for he had a distinct feeling that Harry had been responsible for something really, really unpleasant the last summer, though he couldn't exactly remember what it had been. He stole a quick glance towards the window where he knew was Harry's bedroom only to find the curtains drawn closed and, though he could only suspect, the lights probably out. Inwardly shrugging, he went back to the task of eating. He'd never cared much about Harry's emotional life.
***
In his room, Harry was sitting in dim half-light, just as Dudley previously had assumed. He hadn't switched on the lights all day and the curtains at his window remained closed as he wasn't in the mood to "let the sun intrude upon his life", as he himself had put it. He was lying on his bed, holding the black plush dog he had found while cleaning Dudley's old wardrobe close to his chest. His body was shaken by small tremors every now and then and he was trying not to sob too harshly.
Ever since he had come back, he had hardly smiled, the letters he had to write to the members of the Order were as short as possible while containing enough information not to have them worried and sending someone to look after him. Earlier that day, he had received a letter from Ron and Hermione, telling him that they were both staying at The Burrow and telling about - at least in Harry's opinion - unimportant things like what they had been doing and how things were going in the wizarding world.
In reality, nothing was really important to Harry besides Sirius, whom he saw falling trough the archway over and over again in his dreams, dying right before his eyes. But even when he was awake, his mind would provide him with those pictures and send Harry into another whirlwind of emotions; this would always result in him clutching Padfoot, as he had named the plush dog, to his chest and rocking his body to and fro. It was then when he felt the loss of Sirius the most, tugging at his heart and reminding him of the vast empty space where once Sirius had been in his life. He felt as if everything bad always happened to him, first losing his parents, then having to live with the Dursleys for almost sixteen years, being responsible for someone's death and now for another one, the one of his dear godfather. Not to mention having to endure Draco Malfoy at school and Lord Voldemort trying to kill him since he was born. Life really wasn't good for him.
Though living with the Dursleys now wasn't as bad as before, for they were ignoring him the majority of the time. He couldn't complain about that, but it just left him more time to dwell about his life and most of all, his fault about being responsible for Sirius's death. If he hadn't been so stupid and just listened to Hermione for once, Sirius would still be alive. Or if he had had enough common sense to speak to Snape before that old bat Umbridge had gotten him. There were so many factors which would have prevented from Sirius to die it seemed almost ridiculous that even so he had died in the end. And all of this was alone his, Harry's, fault. He suddenly was feeling really tired and he just wished to lie down and never to wake up again.
I really wish I'd be dead. If it hadn't been for me, my parents, Sirius and Cedric would still be alive. Who am I kidding? If I had never been born, Voldemort would never had a reason to kill my parents. Maybe I should erase my presence from this earth, I'd just do everyone a favour!
Startled at the last one of his thoughts, Harry jerked his head up. Did he just think that? No, surely not. But as he tried to convince himself that they all would miss him and he couldn't leave them alone to fight Voldemort, the result of his thoughts buried itself deep inside his brain, temporarily forgotten but there nevertheless, ready to come again if the pain would be growing stronger again...
***
Agonisingly slowly, Sirius came back to consciousness. His body was aching and he felt a dull throbbing in the middle of his chest. As he sat up, he noticed he was still clutching his wand in his hand. Confused, he started to look around to find out where he was. But as he took in the scene of his new surroundings, he couldn't see a sign that there was really something alive there but himself. He blinked, he was sitting on a wide meadow, where occasionally trees where growing, some alone, some in a small group of three or four. A few hundred miles away, he could see a few hills surrounding the place where he had landed.
Frowning, he tried to remember what had happened. He could remember of being it with the Stupefy Curse and falling trough something but other than that, there was nothing. Suddenly, his eyes widened, alarmed. Harry! What had happened to him? Was he alright? Then the whole scene of the fight with the Death Eaters came flowing back to his mind. Again he frowned, was he dead and this something like heaven? But he certainly felt alive, he was breathing and his heart was beating fast. Also, the dull pain in his body hadn't subsided, he felt like always.
Well, except perhaps, that he hadn't the slightest idea of what was going on right now and where he had gotten himself into. Figuring that the best way of finding a way out of this would be to get up and see if he could find something, somebody who could help him in this situation. He took a closer look around. What was startling him the most was that there wasn't the slightest sign of life around him; all in all, the landscape around him looked rather depressing, not exactly a place where he would like to be.
Then, he noticed something slightly out of place. Across the plain, he could easily spot a tree that seemed to be higher and bigger than all the other trees, almost making it look like a small hill. Confused about why he hadn't seen it earlier, he noticed that if looked at the tree from the ground, it seemed to melt into the background which was consisting of the hills he had seen earlier. The tree also "disappeared" more easily, for all the tress where barley lighter referring to their colour than a stone , each one sporting a gloomy grey.
Coming to the conclusion that this was certainly the best opportunity he had, he started walking towards the strange tree, not knowing what he should expect from the whole event.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, everything belongs to Joanne K. Rowling, no money is being made of this, it's just for fun.
Warnings: This will most likely be SLASH with Sirius/Harry pairing eventually, I'm not quite sure, so flamers be gone! I appreciate reviews, but I think that flames are neither helpful nor constructive so LEAVE IT!!! This fic also contains Suicidal!Harry... If there are any mistakes found, I would appreciate to have them noted to me, because this story is un-betaed and english is not my mother tongue!
Rating: The rating is R for adult themes like depression and suicide and, perhaps in the chapters later on, because of sexual interaction. As the story deals with suicide, I want to take the time and tell everyone, who has suicidal thoughts to talk about that with a friend, their parents or anyone else they trust, for suicide isn't the solution for your problems! It will only leave behind the persons which love and care for you hurt and depressed. This fic is NOT meant to play down the topic of suicide and I wish repeat that if you do have suicidal thoughts to tell someone about it you trust and try and sort things out, for there are always people that will care about you and they will help you to solve your problems.
Summary: Set after OotP; if you haven't read the book, don't read it, for I don't want to spoil the end for you! What if Sirius never died in the ministry? What if he had fallen trough a dimension gate? Will he be able to get back to Harry in time to save him from his self-destruction? (I know I suck at summarys, the story will be much better, though ^__~ )
Now, let's start with the story!
Chapter 1: Nothing left but an empty heart
It was a bright and sunny day at number four, Privet Drive. The sun was shining high and the singing of birds could be heard all troughout the streets. Noone would suspect that there was someone not infected by the harmonious atmosphere which had taken over the whole of Little Whinghing. Every now and then one could see a family grilling in their garden or just lying around in the sun talking while other families had taken the opportunity to go and visit the local swimming pool.
At number four, all of the Dursleys were having a barbecue party and had invited some of their friends or rather, some of Dudley's friends, who all seemed to be occupied by the task of eating as much of the steaks, sausages and hamburgers being made by Vernon Dursley as they could stomach without loosing it again. Over the whole scene, Petunia Dursley was hovering around her son, praising him about what a "handsome, young man" he was becoming.
If Harry had been there, he would have had trouble stiffling his laughter, but as he wasn't, no such sound could be heard. Vernon was really glad the boy was up in his room, again, and not disturbing the joyful mood of Dudley's party. Dudley, too, was glad Harry wasn't there for he had a distinct feeling that Harry had been responsible for something really, really unpleasant the last summer, though he couldn't exactly remember what it had been. He stole a quick glance towards the window where he knew was Harry's bedroom only to find the curtains drawn closed and, though he could only suspect, the lights probably out. Inwardly shrugging, he went back to the task of eating. He'd never cared much about Harry's emotional life.
***
In his room, Harry was sitting in dim half-light, just as Dudley previously had assumed. He hadn't switched on the lights all day and the curtains at his window remained closed as he wasn't in the mood to "let the sun intrude upon his life", as he himself had put it. He was lying on his bed, holding the black plush dog he had found while cleaning Dudley's old wardrobe close to his chest. His body was shaken by small tremors every now and then and he was trying not to sob too harshly.
Ever since he had come back, he had hardly smiled, the letters he had to write to the members of the Order were as short as possible while containing enough information not to have them worried and sending someone to look after him. Earlier that day, he had received a letter from Ron and Hermione, telling him that they were both staying at The Burrow and telling about - at least in Harry's opinion - unimportant things like what they had been doing and how things were going in the wizarding world.
In reality, nothing was really important to Harry besides Sirius, whom he saw falling trough the archway over and over again in his dreams, dying right before his eyes. But even when he was awake, his mind would provide him with those pictures and send Harry into another whirlwind of emotions; this would always result in him clutching Padfoot, as he had named the plush dog, to his chest and rocking his body to and fro. It was then when he felt the loss of Sirius the most, tugging at his heart and reminding him of the vast empty space where once Sirius had been in his life. He felt as if everything bad always happened to him, first losing his parents, then having to live with the Dursleys for almost sixteen years, being responsible for someone's death and now for another one, the one of his dear godfather. Not to mention having to endure Draco Malfoy at school and Lord Voldemort trying to kill him since he was born. Life really wasn't good for him.
Though living with the Dursleys now wasn't as bad as before, for they were ignoring him the majority of the time. He couldn't complain about that, but it just left him more time to dwell about his life and most of all, his fault about being responsible for Sirius's death. If he hadn't been so stupid and just listened to Hermione for once, Sirius would still be alive. Or if he had had enough common sense to speak to Snape before that old bat Umbridge had gotten him. There were so many factors which would have prevented from Sirius to die it seemed almost ridiculous that even so he had died in the end. And all of this was alone his, Harry's, fault. He suddenly was feeling really tired and he just wished to lie down and never to wake up again.
I really wish I'd be dead. If it hadn't been for me, my parents, Sirius and Cedric would still be alive. Who am I kidding? If I had never been born, Voldemort would never had a reason to kill my parents. Maybe I should erase my presence from this earth, I'd just do everyone a favour!
Startled at the last one of his thoughts, Harry jerked his head up. Did he just think that? No, surely not. But as he tried to convince himself that they all would miss him and he couldn't leave them alone to fight Voldemort, the result of his thoughts buried itself deep inside his brain, temporarily forgotten but there nevertheless, ready to come again if the pain would be growing stronger again...
***
Agonisingly slowly, Sirius came back to consciousness. His body was aching and he felt a dull throbbing in the middle of his chest. As he sat up, he noticed he was still clutching his wand in his hand. Confused, he started to look around to find out where he was. But as he took in the scene of his new surroundings, he couldn't see a sign that there was really something alive there but himself. He blinked, he was sitting on a wide meadow, where occasionally trees where growing, some alone, some in a small group of three or four. A few hundred miles away, he could see a few hills surrounding the place where he had landed.
Frowning, he tried to remember what had happened. He could remember of being it with the Stupefy Curse and falling trough something but other than that, there was nothing. Suddenly, his eyes widened, alarmed. Harry! What had happened to him? Was he alright? Then the whole scene of the fight with the Death Eaters came flowing back to his mind. Again he frowned, was he dead and this something like heaven? But he certainly felt alive, he was breathing and his heart was beating fast. Also, the dull pain in his body hadn't subsided, he felt like always.
Well, except perhaps, that he hadn't the slightest idea of what was going on right now and where he had gotten himself into. Figuring that the best way of finding a way out of this would be to get up and see if he could find something, somebody who could help him in this situation. He took a closer look around. What was startling him the most was that there wasn't the slightest sign of life around him; all in all, the landscape around him looked rather depressing, not exactly a place where he would like to be.
Then, he noticed something slightly out of place. Across the plain, he could easily spot a tree that seemed to be higher and bigger than all the other trees, almost making it look like a small hill. Confused about why he hadn't seen it earlier, he noticed that if looked at the tree from the ground, it seemed to melt into the background which was consisting of the hills he had seen earlier. The tree also "disappeared" more easily, for all the tress where barley lighter referring to their colour than a stone , each one sporting a gloomy grey.
Coming to the conclusion that this was certainly the best opportunity he had, he started walking towards the strange tree, not knowing what he should expect from the whole event.