Chapter 4: Back At Grimmauld Place

A/n: This chapter is a big "THANK YOU" to everyone who has read and reviewed my story, I appreciate all of them. I didn't expect so many people to actually like this story... really. So, this chapter is my (late) Christmas present to all the readers who had to endure the long wait!

I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the other ones and PLEASE write a review, I love getting those! .

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

The journey to the headquarters was long and boring. Harry and Remus made some stops at several petrol stations to buy food and drinks (and to use the toilet), so there wasn't much distraction for either of them. They almost didn't talk for the whole journey for Remus was busy with driving and since the werewolf didn't seem too comfortable with it, Harry let him be. Besides, the silence gave him more time to dwell on his own thoughts about how he was going to handle the rest of the summer and the additional lessons he would be given.

It was late afternoon when they finally arrived at the headquarters. As they exited the car, Harry briefly stared at the dark building with a mix of sadness and anger. He hoped he wouldn't meet Kreacher any time soon, for he didn't think he'd be able to treat him civilly...

"Harry? Are you listening?"

Remus's voice managed to sneak its way through to Harry's mind who started and turned around to face Remus. He was looking at the young Gryffindor with a worried expression on his face and Harry smiled guiltily and asked: "I'm sorry, what were you saying? I wasn't paying attention."

Remus looked at him with a sceptical expression but instead of commenting, Remus simply repeated his statement from a few moments ago.

"I said, what about getting your stuff into the house and get something to eat?"

"Yeah, okay." Harry walked around the car and took his luggage out of the boot of the car and started heaving it towards Grimmauld Place. When Harry and Remus were both standing at the front door, Remus knocked as silently as possible for he obviously wasn't keen on waking Sirius's mother in her portrait.

Only a few moments later, the door was opened and in the doorway stood Tonks with her bright pink hair, smiling at them widely as she let them in. Harry entered the hall and looked around. The house hadn't changed much since last year, only that it didn't seem as deserted as before. With a pang of sadness he remembered how he and his friends had helped cleaning the house together with the Weasleys and Sirius. He felt another pang when he remembered spending Christmas here at the house and how happy Sirius had been at that time and how lonely he had looked when Harry had to leave for Hogwarts.

Harry wished he could have stayed there with Sirius. Shaking him out of his thoughts he turned to face Tonks who was currently welcoming them both back.

"There you both are! I hope the journey wasn't too boring for you two?"

"Well, actually, it was boring AND long, but we made it here without any major accidents," Remus replied kindly. Tonks then turned to greet Harry, who was standing silently next to Remus and had a rather sour expression on his face.

"Welcome back Harry! Glad to see you again. I bet you're hungry, so there's dinner in the kitchen for you both. Oh, and I have a message from Albus for you. He's currently not here, but he'll visit as soon as he can. He wants you to know that your training will start tomorrow..."

Startled, Harry interrupted the young auror: "But I'm not allowed to do magic in the holidays! How..."

"You have a special allowance from the ministry so you'll be able to practise in the summer. Anyway, you'll have Defense against the Dark Arts with Remus here or, if he's not there, with Mad-Eye. Then you'll have Occlumency and Advanced Potions together with Snape. And I'll be teaching you charms and transfigurations," Tonks quickly added when she saw Harry's dark face at the mention of Snape and Potions.

Harry was furious. At that moment he felt nothing but anger towards Dumbledore, the man he had once only showed respect and admiration. This man had managed to turn his summer into an even more terrible time by taking him back to Sirius's house where he would be spending additional time with that greasy git of a potions professor who would like nothing better than to use the time and throw insults at him. And on top of that, he had more Occlumency lessons together with Snape now!

Dumbledore himself had said it would have been better if he had instructed Harry on that subject himself because of the 'tension' between Harry and Snape and now this?

Remus, sensing Harry's change of mood made an attempt to speak to Harry which was quickly blocked as Harry told them he was tired and wanted to go into his room. As Harry stormed up the stairs, Tonks looked at Remus with a worried expression.

"I gather it that he doesn't feel any better since the beginning of the holidays?" she asked quietly.

It was normally not in her cheerful nature to be so quiet and worried, but over the last year, she had taken a liking in Harry and was now extremely worried about his behaviour since it seemed to be so much out of his usual self. Sure, she knew he was extremely upset about Sirirus's death, but Harry just didn't strike her for the type to be so moody and quiet.

Remus sighed before answering. "No. No, he doesn't. Well, it doesn't surprise me, really. He had to watch his own godfather being killed before his very own eyes. What does surprise me is that Albus seems to underestimate what effect the loss of Sirius would have on Harry. And I think..." Remus hesitated before continuing, "...and I think that Harry doesn't trust Albus anymore." Again, the werewolf paused for a moment before speaking again.

"When I went to catch him, he was sitting outside of his uncle's house. He didn't seem to have expected me and when I told him that I asked Albus for it, you could actually see his face darken, if just the slightest bit." Remus ran his hand trough his hair as he turned his face towards Tonks who had been listening closely; then, he shook his head and said: "Maybe I'm just imagining things. It's been a long drive there and back again and I'm tired."

Remus went to leave as well when Tonks called his name out. Remus turned again and the pink-haired woman started wringing her hands before she finally said: "...you can talk to me if you want. ...and Harry as well...if you ever...I mean..." – "I know. Thank you."

As soon as Harry had reached his room, he had thrown himself on his bed, still fuming about Dumbledore's behaviour and the prospect of having to endure Snape's presence for the rest of the holidays. At this rate, he'd rather spend the summer with the Dursleys than here. At least, they didn't snap insults at him every time he got a potion wrong.

Harry looked around the room. It was the same one he had lived in the last year and he was immediately confronted with the returning of the now familiar feelings of sadness and guilt. Harry abruptly stood up and searched through his trunk until he had found what he was looking for. He pulled Padfoot out of his trunk, feeling the soft material between his carressing fingers. It was almost frightening how much this plush dog resembled the dog his godfather had always turned into.

Although the fur was softer than the real Padfoot's, it was as long and tousled as it had been when the animagus had transformed. Even the plush dog's eyes where the same shade of deep blue as Sirius's were, although Sirius's had been much more brighter. Harry again felt tears well up in his eyes when he thought about his godfather's animagus form. He remembered when Sirius had taken him to the station and had started running after the train, barking and waving its tail. Harry had to smile at that memory, but it was almost immediately ruined at the much less happier memory of the fight in the ministry.

Oh yes, Harry had tried to move on and not to think of the night in which he had lost his godfather, but had found himself unable to. Each and every time he thought about Sirius, his mind provided him with pictures of his godfather's death. He took Padfoot over to the windowsill where he sat down and clutched the plush dog to his chest.

As he looked outside over the village, Harry felt strangely empty, as if someone had drained his very being out of him. Like there was nothing left of him but the shell of his body. The scenery outside his window looked strangely unreal to him, as if it was an illusion that wasn't really there. His tears fell from his eyes on Padfoot but either didn't Harry notice or he was too wrapped up in his contemplations to wipe them away.

Suddenly, he had the urge to just jump out of the window and end his misery for he didn't know if it was worth living... no, existing in a world where you had lost the persons that had been the most important ones in your life.

'I'd do everyone a favour if I just stopped my existence. Even Dumbledore's stupid prophecy would have been fulfilled. My friends wouldn't need to always worry about me and Voldemort would be overjoyed...not that I would want to do him a favour, but that side-effect would be inevitable. The same there goes for Snape. Well, it seems there wouldn't be a single person that wouldn't...benefit...from my death.'

While he sat there, lost in his thoughts, he gradually became sleepier until his eyes closed and sleep overtook him. This was how Remus finally found him when he entered Harry's rooms, wanting to talk to Harry about his obvious anger towards Dumbledore.

Remus didn't know how long he had stood there, watching Harry after he had put him into his bed, figuring the windowsill wasn't exactly the most comfortable place to sleep. But the one thing that had him frozen next to Harry's bed was the black plush dog he had found in his arms and which currently was tucked firmly between Harry's arms.

Remus Lupin was by no means stupid and he didn't miss the similarities between this plush dog and Sirius's animagus form. He didn't know if he should speak to Harry about this or not, considering the Gryffindor's already dark and snappish mood. Finally, he just opted for making a little small talk with Harry during lunch in hopes that he could extract some information out of the boy without approaching the subject directly, knowing full well that Harry hated to be questioned on anything concerning his person.

It wasn't the best mood in which ex-professor Remus Lupin finally left Harry's room, his feelings telling him there were to be far more problems for all of them lying ahead.

A/N: Well, there you are… Here's another chapter, although it's not really finished. I'm suffering from severe writer's block, because this chapter should have some more plot concerning Harry being taught by Snape, but it just didn't work out.

I'm really really sorry it took so long. I'm just having lots of stress, because I'm in my last school year, preparing for my final exam, I don't have any idea what I should do after that and the deadline for singing in is continually running low. AND I will need my own car as soon as I start my studies, so I will have to get a job or two to get all the money together

So you see, there's some minor chaos at home and always so much to do… Still, I want to finish this story, as soon as I can!

THANKS for all those who reviewed and encouraged me to keep going!