Summary and Disclaimer: See chapter 1

A/N: I'm going to put this in the beginning today, because I want to clear a few things up from the reviews now.

To sophianwin: First, thanks so much for the awesome review. Yours is by far the longest and most constructive review that we've ever gotten (on ANY story) and we really want to thank you for that. Now, as to whether this story is a parody or not, to be honest we really don't know. This story is just a way for us to survive the day in school when we're not in classes together, to joke around and have fun. We can't really classify it as a parody or not because none of us really knows where this story will go. But just a warning as to later chapters: there will be come parts that seem very much like a parody, yet still other parts that will be serious and have an actual plotline. So, it's your choice. But either way, I can assure you, the story is entertaining, so keep reading.

As to your reasons why this story COULD be a parody:

1) It was not stated that all five girls were pretty. It was stated that Alyssa is "strikingly beautiful", and Pam is "pretty", while Corinne, physically, was only described as being "a red head", Lindsay, "tall and blond" and Lauren, "blond and blue eyed". Those last three descriptions do not necessarily mean that they are "pretty". (But another thing to remember, is that the female characters are basically based on ourselves, so the person who happened to write this part of the story would probably not call her own character "pretty" unless she wants to come off as conceited to the other writers (which she didn't)). As far as the Mary-Suedom, again, these characters are basically ourselves, so however we portray the characters is how we see each other.

2) The descriptions of the main characters in the beginning of the story would probably be a good way to start off a parody, I'll admit, but it happened to be the style of the author who was writing at the time. The descriptions were kept fairly short, and as the story progresses you will be able to "see" the characters rather than "be told" about them.

3) The girls' reaction to Malfoy, although clichéd, in your opinion, is how our version of him wants to act. As to why he looks at them at all, if you read the later chapters, you should know why. The same for Remus's reaction to the pranks; it's how we picture him at that time.

4) Ahh, the Peter question. This is where we take a little liberty on the borderline parody-ness. It's stated in the beginning that Lindsay pushed him into the vanishing closet, but then in Chapter 5 he reappears. Ok, so they got him out of the closet. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) That's what happens when you have 5 different authors, we may tend to get a bit inconsistent, but it shouldn't ruin the story.

5) Finally, the title. HPOCD was something we made up to call our Sirius obsession with Harry Potter. When we decided to put this story on FanFiction, we had no title, and because I was typing it all and could think of no other title, I used this. Probably sounds better for a parody, but who cares.

Phew. Ok. Next.

Me: Yes, we realize that you're supposed to get Prefects badges in 5th year, not 6th year. It was my fault, a typing error, not a content fault of the authors'. But really, you didn't have to be so rude...

Thanks again to Atomic Muffin for reviewing!

Now, on to the story!

Ch. 6:

That night, in the boy's dormitory:

"Guys, do you think Alyssa wants me back yet?" James whined.

"You sound like a little girl, Prongs," Sirius bit back at him.

"Shut up Padfoot. Like Lauren is totally fawning all over you. She hates you."

"Listen James, Alyssa isn't a good idea. She's like, a... man-eater, or something, and...she knows things....it's why her hair is so big...it's full of secrets!"

James rolled his eyes. "I really think you're overreacting here."

Remus sighed. "Lauren's kind of a bitch and doesn't really like you that much Sirius, and James, Alyssa broke up with you because she felt that one month was 'too close to a fully established relationship' and because she 'couldn't deal with the constant declarations of love-"

James cut him off. "Constant? It was one time!"

"Exactly. She's a marathon dater. She's dated everyone. She dated the Egyptian cow (A/N: Don't ask!) for Christ's sake."

"Too true." Sirius said. "But shall we take a look at your romantic record, or lack thereof, Remus?"

"I have a perfectly fine love life, thank you very much."

"Pining over one girl for six years is not what I'd call 'perfectly fine'," James exclaimed.

"What's up with you and Lindsay, anyway?" Sirius said.

"We're just friends-"

"Yeah, I know the feeling, but my door is still open!" said the Egyptian cow as he randomly passed by.

"WHAT is that guy's problem?" James yelled.

"Who knows?" Remus said.

"Does he even go here?" James yelled again.

"Yeah, he's staying in the 'Heartbroken by Alyssa Henry' ward," Sirius said.

"Oh my god, you're kidding!" James yelled.

"No, they actually built one," Sirius said, being perfectly serious.

"Wow, we really need to meet new people," Remus sighed.

"So, guys, what do you think of Remus?" Lindsay asked when the girl's dormitory had been quiet for quite a while and Corinne was already asleep.

"In what way?" Pam asked curiously.

"Oh, I don't know, any...way."

"No!" Lauren and Alyssa shouted at once.

"What?" asked Lindsay, startled.

"You like him!" they said again, simultaneously.

"No, I don't. I just think he's cool, and wanted to know if you guys think ," she finished lamely.

"Right!" they said again, this time Pam joining in.

"Why didn't you tell me, Lindz?" asked Alyssa.

"Cause there's nothing to tell! There's no tellage necessary whatsoever!" She yelled, getting up. She sighed. "I'm going to the kitchens. I need some chocolate."

"Kitchens? Chocolate???" Corinne yelled, suddenly wide awake, jumping up from her bed and nearly banging her head on the ceiling.

"Yeah, c'mon."

Corinne immediately shot out of bed and followed Lindsay out of the dormitory.

They walked silently for a few seconds until Corinne suddenly said, "So, wait, you like Remus?"

"I thought you were asleep!"

"I was. But sometimes I hear things even in my sleep."

"Oh, yes, a very rare gift," Lindsay said, smiling.

"I always thought so," Corinne said seriously. "So are we really going for chocolate? I like chocolate..." she said, then went into a short daydream about the orgasmic effects of chocolate.

"Yes, I know, Corinneyness."

"You want to go see Remus, don't you?" Corinne said, snapping back to reality (sort of).

"No-"

"You know, there's no rule about girls going into boys' dorms, just boys going into girls' dorms."

"No, see, there are those rules, because Alyssa and Lauren say no, it's obviously not allowed."

"It's not allowed because Alyssa and Lauren said no?"

"Well, you know, Alyssa is really like the other half of my brain, and even if I thought I liked him, which I don't, she doesn't like the idea...am I making sense or am I just being blonde..?"

"But you don't know that she doesn't like the idea! And you like him, don't lie!"

"Nu-uh," Lindsay said, "Lys doesn't like the idea, did you not hear the loud NO? And this conversation means nothing because even if I did like him, there's no way he likes me."

"Are you kidding? Have you SEEN him around you lately?"

"Hey guys, did you get any chocolate? I suddenly got a craving," Alyssa said, appearing from around a corner. "So Lindz has a crush on Lupin? Yea, I 'overheard' the entire convo. I don't have a problem with him, per se, I just don't think he uses enough hair care products."

"But who cares?" Corinne practically shouted. "Ok, so maybe this IS Remus Lupin, who doesn't do his hair, and reads like 3,000 page Transfiguration books for fun, and uses words like 'ruckus' in everyday conversation-"

"Whoa, when did he do that?" Alyssa asked.

"That's not the point," Corinne said, waving Alyssa off quickly. "The point is, that he has been in love with Lindz for so long, and we're not doing anything about it!"

"Ah, so true. I thought it was a bit strange that he didn't openly like someone for six years. I thought either he was gay or he had an unrequited crush on me," Alyssa smiled.

"Not everyone fits into those two groups, Lys," Corinne said, grinning.

"Ok! OK!," Lindsay interrupted, "but none of this proves that he likes me! He really could be gay! We have no way of knowing!"

Just then, out of no where, because that's how things happen in this school, James and Sirius showed up.

"So, the blonde likes Remus. That's convenient, seeing as he likes her," Sirius said.

Lindsay freaked out because of the obvious violation of privacy. Corinne and Alyssa just turned around and grinned evilly, "See!"

"But what if he's just gay and doesn't know it yet? I mean, c'mon, look at George, look at Josh, I tend to attract men of the homosexual variety," Lindsay said, still not convinced.

"Well, we're not going to disagree with you!" Sirius said.

"Sirius!" Corinne yelled.

"C'mon, what guy reads as much as he does?"

The three girls gave him disgusted looks, not believing his stupidity.

"So anyway," said James, wanting to talk about something important: himself, "Alyssa. I miss you, I haven't seen you, how are you feeling?"

Of course, the Egyptian cow walked by and yelled, "Sorry, buddy, tried that too, it just doesn't work."

"WHO ARE YOU? Do you even GO HERE??"

"No, he lives in the-" Corinne started.

"Yea, I know, the 'I was an idiot and managed to lose Alyssa' ward. I'll be there soon."

"Oh, you mean they haven't moved you already?"

"Lys, that was so mean," said Lindsay, "And true..."

"So, Corinne and Lindsay, I need your help...with...um... something. Can you come with me?" Sirius said, trying to be inconspicuous, but failing miserably.

"You can't leave me here with himmmmm," Alyssa fake-whined.

"Oh, Alyssa, you know you want me."

"If I wanted you, I wouldn't have broken up with you!" Alyssa retorted. She turned around, and caught up with her friends, who were only a few steps away, wanting to hear the conversation between Alyssa and James.

Once they were all out of earshot of the guys, Lindsay and Corinne both pounced on the short brunette.

"What's your problem?"

"You know you still like him!"

"Just get back with him already!"

"Guys, just shut up! I need to work this out on my own, and I can't with you ragging on my all the time! Like you're so much better than me, Lindz! Don't tell me that you never realized before now that you liked Remus!"

"I didn't! I wasn't really sure-"

"And you!" Alyssa continued, turning toward Corinne.

"What me?" she asked, putting on her best innocent face.

Alyssa just looked at her, with eyes that made Corinne think that she did know exactly what Corinne was hiding.

"Do you really want me to say it? Cause I know everything. You've been very snake-like lately.."

"Alyssa no-"

"What do you mean?" Lindsay asked, completely lost.

"So don't pull shit on me for being closed with my feelings! Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe, I'm afraid of getting attached to someone and getting hurt? Maybe that's why I have my strict no-commitment rule? So both of you shut up, you're just as stupid as I am!" And with that, Alyssa stormed out of sight before either of the other girls could get a word in.

Lindsay and Corinne stared at each other for a few seconds, silently, and before Lindsay could ask what the accusations were about, Corinne sped off in the opposite direction.

Lindsay noticed the direction Corinne was headed, then the mention of snakes, and something clicked. "Oh, shit..."