"I thought I'd lost you."

The Slayer held her breath as she watched the scene unfold in front of her. Watched the two women connect in that way that made everything around them seem insignificant. Unimportant. Including herself. And it was, she realized for the first time, everything in the universe was insignificant in the face of a moment like this. Slaying, demons, death. Everything. And all of Tara and Willow's moments had been like this. Before.

A tear rolled down one cheek, surprising the Slayer.

Why didn't I see this before?

Because you didn't want to. Because you're the queen of denial.

As Willow slid one cheek along Tara's in a move that was slow and sensual, Buffy inhaled sharply.

And you shouldn't be seeing this now. Hello, hot and heavy lesbian sex scene is definitely in the making and you're still in the room!

Buffy quietly backed away closed the door to their dorm room and stood in the hall unsure of what to do. Should she wait to make sure that Willow was alright? Make sure that in a fit of grief and rage she didn't go black magic.

An image of Willow wrapped in on herself in grief slipped into her mind and she realized with a wave of guilt that she had never seen her best friend cry for Tara. The redhead hadn't even mentioned her lost love since her return. Not once. They had all carefully stepped around the issue, assuring themselves that it was best for Willow. That she had moved on with the help of whatever counseling she had received in England, but Buffy saw now with terrible clarity that she had been wrong. They all had. Willow would never move beyond Tara.

And I didn't do anything for her. Willow is my best friendwhat am I saying? She's more than that, she's like my soul mate in a totally platonic, never-gonna-have-sex kinda wayand I couldn't even let her cry.

Because that was the Scooby way. Somehow, at some point a rule had been written that they would all suffer in silence. And they had. Making their way through terrible loss and grief and because there were more important things to worry about. And there was always something. New apocalypses, new evil. Always something more important and they were all paying for it.

Emotionally retarded, she thought with a smile. Dawn had accused her of being emotionally retarded a month after Tara's death because she hadn't cried at the funeral. She hadn't cried for Tara at all. The teenager was rightas usual. And she was all alone in the future somewhere. Alone with Faith and that device.

The unmistakable sounds of Tara and Willow's love-making finally filtered through her senses. She felt a deep flush across her cheeks and laughed at her own discomfort.

Why does this make me all uncomfortable? Yep, emotionally retarded. That's me.

With a sigh she pulled on her jacket and quietly locked the door. There was certainly no reason for her to stay. Now that it was the two of them again. They were all they had ever needed.

She wiped the tears roughly from her face.

Okay, what's the plan? What am I doing? Oh yeah. Demon device. Checking the house for it.

Another loud moan from inside and her stomach turned over uncomfortably.

Now.

****

"Buffy! I'm home!" Dawn slammed the door behind her and dropped her backpack heavily onto the floor.

"Hello?" she yelled again hopefully. Dawn didn't have to explore to know that the house was empty. The sound of it, the terrible emptiness of being alone was so familiar, she knew its awful echoes by heart.

"Willow?" she asked quietly, tentatively and was thankful when there was no reply. She hadn't told anyone, but she was still scared of the redhead and hated to be left alone with her. There was so much they couldn't say to each other.

"Great. I don't know why I bother being on time ever," she muttered angrily and made her way up the well-worn staircase. "I could have stayed and had cool eggs with Rain, but no." That was so like Buffy. Everyone had to work on her schedule. Everyone else had to do what she wanted, when she wanted it. But if she was late and ruined everyone else's plans that was okay.

"Because Buffy's so much more important than me or anyone else."

Dawn paused as she rounded the corner and found herself in front of Tara's photo. Looking around guiltily, she brought her fingers to her lips and touched them to the glass carefully. "Sorry I thought that about Willow, Tara, I justwell, you know" she trailed off unsure of how to finish the statement and knowing that she didn't have to. Tara had always known.

With another long sigh she made her way down the hall, stopping to check Buffy's room. The bed was made, the room was tidy and clean. No Buffy. And no clues as to where she was or when she'd be back. Nothing new.

"Guess I should've checked the frig," she mumbled and headed back into the hallway toward the stairs, but something stopped her. Movement out of the corner of her eye. Movement where it shouldn't be in that room at the end of the hall that had been her mother's and then Tara's and Willow's and now, finally was just a guestroom. The guestroom that Willow slept in. The room she hadn't been in since that day she had spent with Tara's body.

Okay, think like a Slayer. What would Buffy do? She'd tell you to get your ass out of the houseso, what would Faith do?

Dawn smiled and wiped her palms on her jeans, preparing herself for the walk down the hall. Movement. But there was no one in the house and no sound. The teenager's skin felt electric, the hair on the back of her neck standing up uncomfortably. And she knew she should leave, should find her sister and let the Slayer investigate, but she didn't. She looked once to the smiling photo of Tara and took a deep breath to steady herself before walking quietly toward that room.

It seemed to take forever to reach that dark room. The shades were still drawn, leaving it in shadow, but there seemed to be something moving inside. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and crept forward. The first thing she saw was the laptop. The screen was cracked and flickering an eerie green. Then the burn marks and the glass. Black soot scored the walls in large areas and broken glass from the window reflected back the laptop's flicker. And there was a shimmer in the air, like light projected without a screen. She thought she saw a familiar silhouette and blonde hair out of the corner of her eye.

"Tara?" And she could swear she smelled it — jasmine.

But when she turned to look there was nothing. She stepped carefully into the room knowing that she shouldn't, knowing with every cell in her body that something had happened here. Something powerful and dangerous. But if Tara was here it couldn't be bad, right?

Think Tara thoughts. Tara will protect me. Tara will protect me

Then she saw it and her stomach turned over — the shattered window. The bullet that had ended everything and taken Tara and Willow away from her. And a silver object on the floor that didn't belong, that feltwrong.

"Oh God, oh God," she brought a hand to her mouth to stop herself, but she couldn't because she knew that Buffy was gone. There was magic in this room. Magic and Willow. And Buffy would never have allowed that to happen.

"No," She whispered, but it was drowned out by a wail in the distance. A long, low ghostly scream of anguish that she knew without thinking was Willow.

Buffy's gone. Willow went dark magic and took her with her. And the bullet

I'm alone. I'm all alone. Again.

"No!" the word was torn out of her in an anguished scream.

She felt as much as heard the house shake under the impact of something powerful, but she couldn't move. Her eyes traveled over the ruined room searching for evidence to verify what she already knew. Buffy's gone.

"I'm alone, I'm alone" she muttered softly.

"Dawn!" The voice was familiar and loud as it echoed through the house. It was big and insistent and real, not the ghostly wails that reverberated around her in the small space of that room.

"Dawn, what the fuck happened?" The voice was now right behind her, but she couldn't move. Until she felt the warm weight of a hand on her shoulder gently turning her. "Where's Buffy?"

Faith.

The Slayer pushed pass her into the room, stake in hand and Dawn studied her back as she assessed the danger, and felt a choking sob of relief work its way into her throat. Because it was so familiar, the strong set of her shoulders and her fighting posture. It was familiar and real and she was there with Dawn.

"Faith?" The teenager finally croaked. The Slayer turned to her, her face full of concern.

"Are you okay?" Faith moved toward her and Dawn watched her eyes as they checked for any sign of injury. And she knew she shouldn't break, knew she should be tough and strong like the Dark Slayer, but she couldn't. Not now. So she threw her arms around her and cried into the rough leather jacket. They stood that way for several moments in an awkward embrace, Faith tense in her arms. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she felt the Slayer's arms close around her stiffly.

"It's okay D, it's okay" the Slayer whispered and patted her back clumsily. "We'll find her. I promise."

"I'm alone," she cried into Faith's shoulder. "They're gone and I'm alone again," she continued, her voice rapidly disintegrating into hysterical tears.

Faith pulled back slowly and held her face between two strong callused hands.

"No you're not." She wiped the tears carefully from the teenager's face, her jaw clenched tight as she stared with barely restrained fury into Dawn's eyes. "You're not fucking alone!" The Slayer closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her movements immediately reminding Dawn of Tara's meditation techniques. And then dark eyes flashed at her familiar and wild. "I'm not leaving. Okay?"

And Dawn knew that she could trust the Dark Slayer, despite everything she had heard, all the looks and whispered accusations. She knew it in the way she knew that Tara was still with her. The way she knew without a doubt that Willow and Buffy were gone.

"Okay."