It felt like it had taken hours to navigate the Quad and the dorm hallways to reach Tara's room. A long journey of fumbling kisses and stares full of longing that had finally brought them here. Where they belonged. Where it had all started. Willow smiled and felt a contented sigh escape her as she took in the familiar dorm room. The dark walls and tiny lights, the wonderful smells of tea and jasmine and Tara. She closed her eyes and let it transport her to another time. Before. When everything between them was awkward and true. Their first clumsy kiss and I-love-you's that weren't anymore. She had rewritten that. They had rewritten it together. The kiss. But still no I love you'. She would have to correct that
All thought left her mind as Tara's mouth descended on her own in a clumsy but demanding kiss. Willow smiled into the difference of it. The newness of this mouth that should have been so familiar.
"S-sorry," Tara pulled back abruptly, her head beginning to duck with insecurity. "Is that o-okay if I ?"
Willow pulled her in to silence that perfect mouth with hot kisses and was surprised to find herself pushed forcefully against the door, Tara's body pressed against her, her hands moving under the redhead's t-shirt, hiking up her skirt.
"Oh my God!" Willow finally managed, gasping for air as Tara's mouth moved to her neck and finally to her stomach.
And they were definitely going to have to move to the bed or she was going to fall over and injure them both. But one quick glance told her the bed was covered in books. Lots of them. Heavy, leather-bound tomes that the redhead knew instinctively were magic-related.
That's going to take way too long to move, she thought absently as the heat of Tara's mouth made its slow progress over her stomach. Her knees were growing weak as the blonde pulled her skirt up around her waist.
And she was struck again by the differences between her memories of this time and the exquisite heat of now. This Tara was unrestrained andshe gasped as she felt the warmth of the blonde's mouth descend again
And where the hell did she learn to do she gasped again. That?!? We didn't do that until
She slid down the door as the wet heat of Tara's mouth moved against the fabric between her legs. And then caught herself. Risking another glance at the bed she had just decided to move to the floor when something caught her eye. Something familiar and completely unexpected. A woodcut of the device that had started everything. She froze immediately. It was a déjà vu, but more than that because she knew that somehow this had all happened before, like a memory just out of reach, a word unspoken on the tip of her tongue. A memory of this room. This Tara.
The Tara from this time who believed that the redhead was the same shy hacker geek and sidekick to the Slayer. The Willow who belonged here in this now. That girl who was not a liar. Not a murderer or a power-addicted witch. Yet. She felt the guilt and shame crushing down on her in terrible waves. She was lying to Tara again and it had to stop.
How many times can I fail you
Now. She had to tell her now even if it ruined everything. Even though it would take every ounce of her strength because the heat between her legs was undeniable
"Tara," she gently pulled the blonde's face up to meet her own. "I need to tell you " she smiled, gasping for air, "we need to talk.about earlier." Willow leaned in to place a gentle kiss on the blonde's lips, but was surprised to feel her pull away.
"Oh! S-sorry.I knowI mean, I know it was j-just" Willow watched as the blonde backed away, her shoulders hunching in shame as her eyes again found the floor.
You idiot! Be careful what you say here. You went from shy, geeky hetero friend to lesbian sex fiend in a matter of hours and she has no idea
"No, no, no! No!" She took the blonde's hands in her own and bent to find blue eyes. "That's not the kind of talk I mean."
The blonde backed away again and looked at the floor, her hair hiding her eyes again. "It's okayWillow I mean, I kn-know there'sOz,"
"No! No Oz." Willow shook her head emphatically. "This is so not about him." She took a deep breath as her eyes wandered over the room's contents landing finally on the open texts. That talk would have to wait. There was something more important that needed to be said. Corrected. Because she had said it beforethen. In that other past the I love you's had come first before even a kiss and she knew that Tara needed to hear it desperately. So she brought her hands up to cup the blonde's face, gently bringing her face up to her own. "Okay, I thought there was only one talk that needed to happen, but apparently there are two because I've been so busy withum, other things that I" the redhead couldn't help but smile at her own nervous rambling. Like I'm channeling Old Willow. "So this officially begins the talk where I tell you that I'm absolutely, totally in love with you Tara Maclay."
Blue eyes finally met her own, brimming with tears and Willow released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. "Really?" The blonde's hesitant question brought an enormous smile to the redhead's lips. All of this doubt and uncertainty that Tara had somehow managed to overcome. She found herself wondering exactly when that transition had happened. Was it after they turned her father away or had it been a subtle change over weeks and months. A slow, comfortable slide into the confident woman Tara would become. And she loved them both — the shy, sweet girl of the past who stood before her and the strong, take-charge woman she had lost. She would always love them both.
"Really." She whispered against Tara's lips. "Love you. Always have. Always will." She kissed her lightly and pulled back to study the changing lines of Tara's face as she finally allowed herself to believe. "And want you too," she kissed her again feeling the blonde's lips turn up in a smile against her own. "Gods, like every second," another lingering kiss. "So don't ever" Tara sighed against her lips, "worry'cause Tara kisses always good."
Willow felt the cement set of her shoulders soften as Tara deepened the kiss, her cool fingers exploring her neck, smoothing away the tension. Her lips pulled away gently and Willow forced her eyes open to find a shy smile on the blonde's face.
"I love you so much Willow," blue eyes moved over her face, the blonde's smile fading slightly as her eyes became unfocused. Willow took a deep breath to steady herself knowing Tara was reading her again. She felt it this time. Felt the blonde's energy like a warm breeze blowing around her. Through her.
"What do you see Tara?"
The blond witch jumped slightly, startled out of her thoughts. "N-nothing."
Willow took her hands in her own and squeezed them slightly. "It's okay. You can tell me," she began gently and waved at the air around her. "Thisis kind of the other thing I wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh" the blonde began and faltered, a deep line forming between her eyebrows as she studied the space around them. There was a long silence and she willed herself to stay silent. To give Tara the room she needed to say what had to be said. "It's justyour aura" the blonde trailed off and looked left before smiling slightly. "Y-your aura was the first thing I noticed about you. So beautiful." Tara's smile brightened as she reached out to touch red hair tentatively. "Like a halo of sunshine, with these veins of white and g-green running through it," Tara's face scrunched in concentration as she struggled to articulate the indescribable. "Kind of like this explosion of liquid, fiery marble." Blue eyes returned to meet her own for a moment and the smile faded.
"But?" Willow prodded gently.
"Did something h-happen to you?"
Willow just nodded and waited. That was so like Tara. She had obviously seen something terrible in her aura. Something dark, but her only concern was for Willow. She steeled herself for what was coming. Was this the moment then when it ended? When the spell was broken?
"B-because" the blonde touched her face gently, "now there are v-veins ofdarkness," she frowned in concentration, "every-w-where" she trailed off, her mouth snapping shut as if she was afraid to say more.
"I know." She placed her hand over Tara's where the fingers rested lightly on her cheek. "But you don't have to worry, I'd never hurt you."
Tara's face twisted with confusion as she looked deeply into green eyes and cupped the redhead's face in both hands. "I'm not worried for me Willow. I'm worried for you."
She felt the tightening in her throat, the burning in her eyes as the tears began to cloud her vision. But the grief would have to wait. There was too much that needed to be said before it was all taken away. Because it would be eventually. It always was.
She looked deep into blue and began. "Tar-" but her voice broke again around that word. Inhaling deeply, she averted her eyes and found them returning to the open text on the bed. The device. She turned and pulled Tara with her to stand over the illustration. "HowI mean, why are you researching this?"
Tara looked at the open book before turning again to search her eyes and Willow could see the confusion there. The concern. But there was something else overpowering everything. The blonde would wait for her to find her way to the explanation because she trusted her. With everything. Willow fought back another sob and pushed herself back to the present.
"I don't know. I was res-searching something and it just seemed so familiar and s-sad," she rolled her eyes, an embarrassed smile twisting across her features. "I know it's s-silly"
"No it's not cause that's why I'm here," she felt her forehead furrowing at the implications of this coincidence'. Tara's hunches were never to be taken lightly and there was her own overwhelming sense of déjà vu. "I mean, literally, that's why I'm here, but I don't know much about it." She squinted at the small text under the woodcut, but could only make out the words Occum's Heart -- mythical demon device.'
Guess it's not so mythical she thought with a rueful smile. She scanned the other books strewn across the comforter and found that they were all familiar texts on demons.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I'm not this Willow" she trailed off as the blonde's face twisted with confusion and concern. Be careful. Be careful what you say. You could lose her again so easily "I know it sounds insane or like a really bad movie, but Buffy and I are here from the future." Willow looked down at the illustration and continued, "it was thisdevice. There were two words on the back." She shrugged. "Buffy said them by mistake and now we're stuck here. I'm sorry I should have told you before" she trailed off, squeezing Tara's hand sure that it was the last time she would be able to touch the blonde. She had betrayed her. Made love to her under false pretenses. She wasn't this Willow.
"So you're both back in time in your old bodies?" Which wasn't what she was expecting at all so she nodded quietly and waited. "Where's the H-heart?"
Willow smiled as she studied the blonde's look of deep concentration. "I'm thinking it's probably still in the future, that it just triggered the spell. But I have no idea what the spell doesexcept for the obvious."
"So that's why all the d-darkness then," the blonde's brow was still furrowed in concentration. "because it's a demon spell."
And it would have been so easy to agree. To lie. But she wasn't going to be that girl again. "No," her eyes dropped immediately to the floor in shame and she felt her fingers grow colder in Tara's hot grip. "Tara, I can't tell you everything, but" she swallowed past a lump in her throat and took a deep breath to steady herself. "Terrible things happenedare going to happen," the blonde nodded her understanding and she forced herself to go on. "And I do terrible things. Really awful things Tara," a tear slipped down her cheek. "Evil, unforgivable things,' she finished quietly.
There was another long silence as the two of them stood holding hands.
"W-was it me?" Her head immediately snapped up to face the blonde. "I mean, because if I hurt anyone" she was nearly hysterical, desperate as her eyes roamed over the redhead's face. "you need to tell me so I w-won't."
Willow stood staring at her trying to understand the sudden turn. She had been expecting anger and hurt at her painful admission, but this
She studied the blonde's features, the fear and desperation that were growing with every moment and it all fell into place with a nearly audible click. The texts, the terrible future she had described. This Tara still believed she was a demon, believed that she would inevitably bring pain and suffering to anyone who loved her.
"No! It was all me. Completely me and that's" she paused momentarily unsure of how much to give away. Would it change things? You've already changed everything! "You're not a demon Tara," she finally said forcefully, holding blue eyes steady with her own. Blue eyes clouded with doubt.
"No Willow, you don't understand I" Tara began, shaking her head violently.
"You're not," she interrupted softly. "It was all a lie. Your father told you that to control you. To keep you from becoming more powerful than him."
"No, that's not p-possible. I mean, how do you"
She smoothed golden hair behind one ear and held her face with one shaky hand. "There's a kind of a demon test' she began and then realized she was going to have to go into detail about Spike and changed direction. "I, uh, can't tell you how I know, but I do know this." She brought another hand up to cup the blonde's face. "Tara, you are the purest soul I've ever met. Believe me, there's no demon in you anywhere.
"So I'm not?"
Tears clouded her vision as she watched Tara struggle with the weight of it all. The terrible knowledge that the man she trusted and feared most, the man who should have protected her was a liar. Had made her hate herself and fear the future.
"No, baby," she murmured gently stroking Tara's hair, loving the silk of it pouring through her fingers and then pulled her into her arms. "Absolutely no demon in there anywhere. Just beautiful, brilliant, wonderful Tara." The scent of jasmine and sandalwood washed over her as she nuzzled into golden hair and fell into the all of Tara.
And suddenly it was there in the room with them. Magic. Deep and dark and powerful tearing at the fabric of reality with a searing cold.
No!
Not yet.
She reached down into herself again to stop it. The magic. But it was deeper this time and stronger and she thought she felt something familiar in it. Something that seemed to speak her name in that other language that told time in millennia. And then the black.
***
"So if it's just some big dumb demon looking for his heart what's with all the end of the world' stuff?"
Dawn studied the darkened features of the Slayer who walked briskly beside her, an enormous axe and broadsword resting on one shoulder. Faith had grown silent as they walked away from the Magic Box, her eyes rapidly scanning the growing dark.
"I mean, it doesn't sound so apocalyptic to me," she continued hoping for a response, but Faith just shrugged.
"Probably just Cordelia being a Drama Queen as usual," the Slayer finally offered without breaking stride and shifted the weapons from one shoulder to another.
Her memories of Cordelia were dim and vague evoking a strange mixture of terror and awe. And oddly, images of very short skirts. She looked up to find that they were entering the cemetery and stopped.
Faith turned immediately to face her. "What?"
"This is the cemetery."
"Yeah?"
"And it's dark."
"Yeah, it kind of does that at night," Faith offered glibly and Dawn rolled her eyes. She had definitely walked right into that one.
"Why are we here?"
The Slayer scowled and brought the weapons off her shoulder to rest on the ground in one graceful motion.
"Is this a trick question? Cause I thought, you know, you being Buffy's little sis that you would know the drill." Dawn stood speechless. Was it possible that Faith was going to take her with her on Patrol again? "See, me Slayer," Faith pounded a fist against her chest in her best Cave-Slayer imitation and Dawn again rolled her eyes, "theyuh, are vampires." She flipped the broadsword once effortlessly and handed the teenager the hilt before motioning dramatically toward the arched stone gateway. "And we slay."
She said we,' Dawn thought with growing excitement and rolled the leather grip of the sword in her hands. But Buffy would kill her. No, Buffy would kill Faith and then never let her leave the house again. That was what had almost happened the last time. Except for the Faith-murdering part. But this Buffy would definitely kill Faith and probably send her to some convent school in the Swiss Alps or something.
But Buffy isn't hereand the world's gonna end anyway so who cares.
"So what's the plan? Am I like your backup? Shouldn't I have a stake?"
Faith shook her head and hefted the axe onto her shoulder again. "Too easy to miss with a stake and that'll just piss them off. Just stay out of the way. But if one of them gets by me, start swinging."
Dawn nodded wildly, too excited by the prospect of actually getting to go on Patrol to admit that she didn't have any idea how to use a sword.
"So I have to cut their heads off"she began but stopped as the Slayer turned and began walking in long very un-Buffy strides toward the cemetery.
"Forget about that. Hack off an arm or a leg and they'll probably leave you alone long enough for me to dust em," she said over her shoulder and Dawn struggled after her. She could hear the smile in Faith's voice, could almost feel her excitement. Buffy acted like she was going off to clean toilets when she went on Patrol, but Faith obviously loved it. Everything about it. And who wouldn't, Dawn thought shaking her head, testing the weight of the sword in her hands. This was so freakin' cool!
They walked purposefully through the labyrinth of dimly lit paths finally stopping at a fresh grave.
"Now what?" Dawn whispered loudly and watched a predatory smile cross the dark Slayer's face as she studied the grave and the cemetery around them.
"Now we wait for the fun to start."
"Fun," Dawn murmured with a smile and stared at the loose dirt covering the grave in front of them. "But shouldn't we be at home, you know, in case this Vra'al guy shows up for his heart or whatever?"
Faith scowled and seemed to consider her question briefly, "Someone's gotta slay and if the VD's right, Red can handle anything," she looked to her left suddenly before continuing obviously distracted. "And I'm thinking I don't want to be around if she does." Faith smiled wistfully, "She never liked me much."
"Oh yeah," Dawn shifted the leather grip in her now-sweaty grip. If Willow really had gone all dark magic-y again, she didn't want to be around her either. Or even on the same continent. "So do you think" she began but was cut off by a quick signal from Faith, her hand palm-down in the familiar gesture for silence that Buffy used when she was was being bossy Colonel Buffy.
She turned the sword grip in her hands again as Faith stepped between her and the dark woods behind them. "Here kitty kitty." Silence. "Don't make me come get you," she continued in a disturbing parody of an angry parent and Dawn understood with a chill that Faith sensed a vampire out there somewhere.
"No worries Slayer, just came to talk to Little Bit." A familiar figure emerged from the darkness clad in a long black coat with peroxided hair, his hands held palm up in surrender. Dawn felt the sword slip from her grip and fall to the ground with a dull thud as a violent mix of emotions ran through her. Her first impulse was to run to him. He would help them. And he probably knew things. It was a demon thing after all. And he had always protected her. But then she remembered Buffy broken and bruised and the terrible conversation she wasn't supposed to hear.
"Go away Spike," she growled and stepped up to stand even with Faith, surprised at the angry tone of her own voice.
The vampire actually looked surprised. And hurt. He stared for a few moments and then tried again, his voice soft and gentle, "Look, I know I"
"You tried to rape my sister!" She didn't say it. She would never have said it. It was torn out of her in one violent spasm of grief and anger that hit Spike like a physical blow. He staggered back slightly and his mouth closed around whatever he had come to say.
"What?"
Faith. The hair on the back of her neck stood on end as she turned to the Dark Slayer and saw the flash of fury in those dark eyes. This was the Faith they all feared. She understood it now. The dark and the power and the terrible wounded thing at the base of it all. And she knew without any doubt that she was looking into the face of death.
Oh god!
"Faith, no" but it was too late. The Slayer moved like a shadow, faster than Buffy, faster than anything she had ever seen. A rush of motion that swept Spike up effortlessly in a screaming tornado of anger and pinned him against an enormous tree. She saw the stake pull back in a long arc and pause for what seemed like an hour, but must have only been a fraction of a second. "No!" And then the blur and hiss of it as the Slayer brought it home.