Sabrina Goes to Hogwarts

Chapter 1: Sorting Sabrina

"Highspell, Sabrina Arwen Kizkitzia Marietta Suellen Angelet Splendora."

It was interesting to watch Professor McGonagall's face as she read from the parchment. With each continuing name, her eyebrows shot higher and higher toward her hairline, and by the time she reached the blessed conclusion her voice was weak and her face had taken a decidedly blue colour.

However, by this time there were few still watching her, as almost all had turned to the heavy oak doors to catch a glimpse of the owner of this exotic name.

A delicate sixteen-year-old stepped prettily past the line of first years, clanking loudly as she walked and the copious items of jewellery adorning her neck, wrists, ears and angles brushed against one another.

Her hair cascaded down her back in luxurious golden ringlets that appeared to cover more of her petite form than did her tight-fitting clothing, which revealed all of her considerable curves.

Bright baby blue eyes peeped happily – if vacantly – through truckloads of sparkly mascara and an enthusiastic grin lit up her beautiful, heavily made-up face.

However, as Sabrina perched herself delicately on the edge of the stool, her expression was marred by a visible amount of apprehension. She hesitated a short moment before, slowly, taking the Hat up in her hands. Dirty, torn and patched - not to mention TOTALLY last millennium - it certainly wasn't something you'd expect to find in any of Sabrina's twelve cases of accessories. With a pained look on her face, Sabrina shut her eyes and carefully positioned the Sorting Hat to rest as stylishly as was possible given the current medium, on her head.

The Hat promptly slipped down to cover her eyes.

Immediately, a hush fell over the Great Hall as the students and teachers awaited the Hat's decision.

The Hufflepuffs braced themselves.

Tense seconds turned into worrying minutes.

One could only wonder what was going on beneath the Hat's brim.

But my dear, Hufflepuff does have its virtues...

Oh, my God. Are you SERIOUS? With my complexion? I am sorry, but; No. Way.

A valid point, my child, but all the same I do believe it to be the house best suited to you.

Sabrina drew a tense breath, and a tiny thought flickered across her mind, barely long enough for the Hat to latch onto it.

I beg your pardon? It queried.

The girl sighed. I was just thinking- Well, look, don't take this the wrong way, hon, but you've been doing this job for, what? Like, a zillion years or something.

It has been some time, The Hat conceded.

Exactly! So, what I mean to say is, you're not exactly current. I mean, when was the last time somebody wore you out into the world?

The Sorting Hat sighed. Does it really show?

Sabrina nodded emphatically. Totally. That brim? Went out of fashion, like, seven centuries ago.

What's wrong with my brim? The Hat demanded self-consciously.

Hey, hey, nothing's wrong with it, sweetie. I think it's kinda cute in a, you know, rustic, medieval, old-fashioned, fugly sorta way...

There seemed nothing else to say to this. Ah.

So, what I'm saying is...

Yellow?

SO not my colour.

Right.

Conversation had begun to spring up around the Hall again, as students turned with shrugs away from the indecisive Hat and back to their companions. In fact, when the shout came fifteen minutes later, it could barely compete with the roaring chatter of students and teachers alike.

"GRYFFINDOR... I say! GRYFFINDOR! I'm done! SHE'S – IN – GRYFFINDOR!"

All talk abruptly stopped, and everybody turned with blank expressions to the petite girl and the very irate Sorting Hat perched on her head.

As the information finally processed, three quarters of the room burst into roaring applause, while the Gryffindors continued to glance around dazedly.

At the far end of the table, Ron turned to Harry and Hermione in wide-eyed shock. "That was a joke, right?" The pair stared at him glumly, the memory of the afternoon's obligatory Hogwarts Express meeting with the girl painfully clear in their memories.

"OH MY GOD! HIIIIII YOU GUYS!" Sabrina squealed as she bounced over to join them. In honour of the occasion, she had turned her hair a shimmering auburn, something which normally would have warranted a detention, however those teachers and prefects who had noticed were either in too much shock, or too relieved that she hadn't been sorted into their house, to concern themselves with this.

"This is soooo cool!" She pronounced as she squeezed herself in between Hermione and Harry. "I totally KNEW I'd be sorted into your house! Ohmigod! I can just TELL we're gonna be the best of friends!"

Notes: Sabrina originated as a role-playing character I created in mockery of the glamorous, multi-super-powered Black/Snape/Dumbledore/Lupin/Potter daughters, sisters and girlfriends that so often populate Harry Potter RPGs.I sent out a couple of applications for various games; in one amusing case, actually being reprimanded for her bio by an administrator who didn't quite grasp the joke. (Incidentally, said administrator's character was in possession of a Special Necklace that glowed when the situation permitted and eyes that changed colour on the basis of emotions.)

If you have half as much fun reading about Sabrina's adventures as I do writing them – Well, then I have twice as much fun writing about them as you do reading them.

Disclaimer: Sabrina is the product of my twisted little imagination and a million Potter!Sues all over the globe. Everything else is the sacred property of Jo Rowling.