by: Sam Lincoln
Rating: PG
Summary: A hyperspace accident throws Bastila and Revan into a galaxy of intrigue. Whatever happend to happily ever after?
Spoilers: If you haven't finished the game you'll be damn lost.
Trouble: Chapter EighteenRevan stared out of the Ebon Hawk's cockpit and into the inky dark of deep space. Bastila walked into the cockpit and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You don't have to do this you know. We could always change course and find somewhere to hide."
Revan turned around and looked at Bastila. "And go where? Is there anywhere in the galaxy that's safe from Palpatine?"
"There's always Rakata," Bastila pointed out. "It's not on any star charts and if we reactivate the disruptor field no star ship can even get close to the planet. We could wait out Palpatine there, together."
Revan reached up and lifted Bastila's arms from his shoulder. He caught her hands in his. "You don't know how much I want that, but it's not for me. Bastila, I have to do this."
Bastila pulled away from Revan. "Why?" She demanded. "Why does it have to be you? Revan, this isn't our fight. This isn't even our time. Yoda and the others have a plan. Haven't we done our part for the galaxy?" Bastila paused. "Or is that it, you think you still have to atone for Darth Revan's crimes."
Revan shook his head,. "That's not it, not entirely at least."
"You cannot undo who you are Revan," Bastila said gently.
"You're really one to talk," Revan snapped. "There hasn't been a day since you came back to the light that you haven't gone on about atonement or redemption."
Bastila frowned, "And I thought you had moved past such petty thoughts, but now I see the truth. You were masking your own insecurities to appear strong for me. Well I don't need your help anymore Revan so you can stop hiding your emotions from yourself. You see Revan, I learned something on Rakata. We can't live our lives looking for forgiveness, or atonement. We each did horrible things when we were under the Dark Side's sway. There is no way we can undo the damage that we did or bring back the people who died because of our actions."
"You have a hell of a way of motivating a person," Revan grumbled.
"Hear me out," Bastila pleaded.
"No, you don't understand," Revan barked. "The Force has given me a second chance, even though I don't deserve it. I owe it to the Force, and the rest of the galaxy, to dedicate myself to driving back the Dark Side. This is my charge."
"Oh get over yourself!" Bastila snapped. "The galaxy doesn't revolve around you, nor has it ever. Do you truly think you could have defeated Malak without the help of Jolee, Carth, Mission, and all the rest? Do you honestly think that if you were to vanish that Palpatine would establish an Empire that will rule for millennia? Because if you do I have news for you Revan, you're wrong."
"This isn't some ego-trip," Revan shot back. "No one else is willing to do what needs to be done. Yoda and the rest of Council are so ossified that they've pinned their hopes on a boy who barely comprehends what he is capable of, let alone the nature of the Force. They should be out there, confronting Palpatine head on, not hiding behind Anakin like a bunch of scared tachs," Revan fumed. "And if they're not willing to do what is necessary then it's up to me to save them from themselves!"
Bastila coolly regarded Revan, "Is that what you really think?"
"Yes!" Revan shouted. "No..." he sighed. "I just can't do it Bastila. I cannot sit by and let Palpatine win. I've fought too hard to see the Sith victorious now."
"Even though Yoda says that Palpatine will lose in the end?"
"That's cold comfort to the people Palpatine will kill before he's defeated," Revan countered. "I know I'm risking a lot doing this, I'm not that big a fool, but I can't walk away from this fight. This might not have started out being our time, but it's where we are now and the way I see it that makes it our time as much as anyone else."
Bastila reached out and cupped Revan's face in her hands. "Revan do you deep down in your soul believe that this is the right thing to do?"
Revan nodded, "I do Bastila, l really do."
She leaned forward and kissed Revan on the lips. "Then that's good enough for me."
"But don't you have reservations about taking the fight to Palpatine?"
"I do, but I'm yours Revan, I'll follow you to the depths of hell if I have to. I won't let you face this fight alone. Besides I want another shot at Palpatine's apprentice." She smiled grimly.
"You do know that this is likely to be a suicide mission," Revan warned Bastila. He held out his arms and she fell into his embrace.
"I know that," Bastila replied and she nestled in close to Revan. "I suppose part of me always figured that this was to be our fate. We're both fighters, champions if you want to sound egotistical, and there will always be something to fight. The quiet life isn't for us."
"In the end though it's not the result that matters, but that you fought the good fight," Revan agreed. "And who knows, we might make it out of this mess yet, did you expect to survive the Star Forge?"
"Not like we did," Bastila admitted. "Of course I had other intentions at the time. But this time is different, isn't it?"
Revan nodded somberly, "Yeah, I think it is. Still sure you want to stay with me?"
Bastila smiled. "More than ever." She hesitated and her face colored slightly. "Revan, you know that...that thing we talked about before."
Revan nodded, "Yeah, sure." He thought he knew, but he wasn't quite sure, however judging by Bastila's trepidation at broaching the topic he didn't want to admit to any ignorance for fear of spooking her, especially if it was what he thought she was taking about.
"I think...I think now is the right time," she said in a quiet voice.
"Now? Are you sure?" Revan asked. He tried to keep the surprise out of his voice, but failed.
"Well if your right, and we are flying off to our doom then I'd like to at least once," Bastila replied. She then smiled coyly. "The most important reason though is that I love you and this is what people in love do. Can we have one night where we're just a pair of normal people and not engaged in galaxy-spanning conflict?" Bastila reached up and kissed Revan with more passion than he could remember. She pulled away from the stunned Jedi and sashayed out of the cockpit. "Are you coming?" She asked over her shoulder.
Revan nodded dumbly and followed Bastila out of the cockpit. He paused in the lounge when he caught sight of HK. "T3, Bastila and I are turning in for the night. Could you keep an eye on things in the cockpit?" The droid twittered it's understanding and rolled off. "HK, you can just switch off, there's nothing for you to do."
"Query: Master are you sure? Your pulse seems higher than normal, and you appear a little flushed."
"Switch off HK," Revan said in a threatening voice.
"Compliance: As you request Master, switching off." The droids orange eyes dimmed.
Revan turned and ran towards the crew quarters. "What took you so long?" Bastila demanded as Revan approached the turn in the corridor that lead into the sleeping area.
"I had to deal with the droids," Revan explained. "I wouldn't want them to interrupt us at an inopportune moment."
"Enough excuses, get in here." Bastila's bare arm shot out of the doorway and dragged Revan into the room. He put up no resistance.
Revan woke up when he felt a familiar presence in the Force. He looked over in the bunk and saw that Bastila was still asleep next to him. "About time you woke up," the gruff voice of Jolee Bindo said. Revan's head snapped around and he saw the blue outline of his old friend. "And it's also about time the two of you finally figured out what people in love are supposed to do."
"Jolee? Is that you?" Revan asked quietly to not wake Bastila.
"Of course it's me," Jolee said indignantly. "Who were you expecting? Darth Malak?"
"Why are you here?" Revan asked as he swung himself out of the bunk.
"Gah, put some pants on! I'm not here to look at that. Though I guess this proves that Bastila loves you for your mind." The spectral Jedi chuckled.
Revan fished his clothes out from the tangled pile that littered the floor. "Like you're one to talk old man."
"Humph, care to see how wrong you are?" Jolee asked as he reached for his belt buckle.
"That is the last thing I ever want to see," Revan said quickly. "So how long have you been here?"
"Oh long enough," Jolee said pointedly. "You know, if you want any tips I picked up more than a few tricks in my time."
"Jolee, don't take this the wrong way, but if I ever need help from a ghost with my love life it's time for me to become a ghost as well."
"Fine, just ignore the sage advice from your elders. It isn't like you paid attention to me when I was alive."
"I'm happy to see you again Jolee, but I repeat, why are you here?" Revan asked as he finished buckling his belt.
"Oh I don't know, make any galaxy altering decisions lately?"
Revan motioned for Jolee to follow him out of the crew quarters. "So that's it, you're here to try and talk me out of this confrontation with Palpatine?"
"No, when have I ever tried to talk you out of anything. You've got a head as hard as Alderaanian marble, and you're as stubborn as a Wookie. I'm just here to talk to you."
"And if I change my mind so much the better?" Revan asked as he walked into the cockpit of the Ebon Hawk and settled into the pilot's chair.
"I didn't say that now did I?" Jolee replied. "I am curious though, are you willing to pay the price to do what needs to be done?"
"Of course I am," Revan said defensively. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."
"But do you know what the price is?" Jolee asked. "You think you do, but you don't."
"You're the one who's joined the Force, you tell me."
"She's asleep in the next room," Jolee said quietly.
"What, Bastila?"
"Always were sharp as a tack. Yes Bastila, who did you think I was talking about, the Hapan Queen?"
"You'd better explain yourself Jolee," Revan said in a threatening voice.
"Your challenging Palpatine like this throws everything you have with Bastila into jeopardy. Not the least of which being the very real chance one or both of you will die."
"You don't think I know that?" Revan shot back.
"Apparently you don't because you're still going through with this. Has it even occurred to you what might happen to Bastila if you die, or turn to the Dark Side? You two are linked in ways you're only just coming to comprehend. Now I know you don't give a mynock's ass about your own life, but what about hers?"
"She's a Jedi," Revan replied. "She'll do what she has to, regardless."
"And what about you? Will you do what you have to if she falls on this fool's errand?"
"I've done it once before," Revan growled.
"Yes, you did, but could you do it again, now?" Jolee arched an eyebrow to emphasis his point.
"I'm still fully capable of making hard decisions Jolee,'' Revan said sternly.
"I know you are kid, but there's a difference between making a hard decision and cutting down the woman you love. And don't talk to me about the Star Forge. You didn't really know what it meant to be in love then."
"You're right, I didn't know," Revan admitted. "But do you know what, I'd fight all the more harder to get her back now because I'd know the woman I love would be trapped by the Dark Side."
"And if you couldn't free her? If she refused to turn back to the light?"
"I'm not you Jolee, and Bastila is not Nayama." Revan winced when he realized what he said. "Jolee, I'm sorry."
Jolee sighed, "No kid, don't be. I'm dead and gone there's no reason to hold anything back. Look, what happened between Nayama and I was our own personal hell, but don't fool yourself into believing it can't happen to you."
"I know that," Revan snapped. "It's kept me up nights worrying about it, but I can tell you this much. I won't repeat your mistakes old man."
"Of course you won't," Jolee huffed. "You're perfectly adept at making your own, all new mistakes."
Revan smiled at Jolee's quip. "I know the risks," he said in a quieter voice. "And so does Bastila. We just have to rely on each other to stay clear of the Dark Side."
"And if you can pull that off I'll be amazed," Jolee responded. "You're headed for dark waters Revan. Make no mistake of that. Palpatine isn't some young buck Jedi with a head full of Dark Side like Malak. He's a full-fledged Sith Lord, as evil as they come. You've never faced anyone remotely like him. As ruthless bastards go he gives Exar Kun a run for his money."
"I know that," Revan said. "It doesn't change a thing." Revan paused "If you were here..."
"I am here!" Jolee grumped.
"You know what I mean. If you were alive, would you be telling me to hold back, or would you be at my side?"
"Well I was never much of a Jedi," Jolee allowed.
"You're ducking the question," Revan accused Jolee.
"I am? I thought I was trying to explain why you're supposed to do as I say, not as I do."
Revan smiled. "I've missed you old man."
"Yeah, yeah, don't get all mushy on me," Jolee groused. "But it is good too see you too. Look, just promise me you won't go all Dark Side, or something equally stupid like getting yourself killed. You've got too much to live for to join me right now."
Revan nodded, "Now that I can do." Revan paused. "So, what's it like being dead?"
"Always the direct sort weren't you," Jolee quipped. "It's a lot like being old. Nobody younger than you pays any attention to what you have to say."
"Have you...have you seen your wife?" Revan asked gently.
Jolee's face fell. "Nayama wasn't, she wasn't at peace with herself when she died. It prevented her spirit from becoming one with the Force. As best I can tell she's out there, lost, like the ghost of Ajunta Pall. I've looked for her, but the extent of what I can do is pretty limited." Jolee waved a hand through the wall to emphasize his point.
"I'm sorry Jolee, I know that must be hard for you."
"Oh save your tears, I made my peace with what happened to Nayama long ago."
"Revan," Bastila called out. "Who are you talking to? It sounds like..." Bastila walked into the cockpit wearing nothing but a bed sheet. "Jolee Bindo!" She said in amazement when she saw the ghost of the old Jedi.
"Hello Bastila, I'm glad to see you finally took my advice." Jolee chuckled as a faint blush crept up Bastila's face.
"What advice was that?" Revan asked.
"He suggested I change my hair style," Bastila said quickly and brushed her hair which was out of its customary twin ponytails.
"Yes, I did tell you that didn't I?" Jolee mused thoughtfully. "But that wasn't the advice I was thinking about. Remember Rakata, after the medal ceremony?"
"Jolee this is hardly the time."
Revan smiled, there was nothing he liked more than teasing the Jedi Princess. "No I think this is exactly the time."
"I just said that she shouldn't be afraid of the two of you getting...you known, more physical. I said she'd like it and from the looks of things I was right."
It took all of Revan's willpower to keep from laughing at the thought of Jolee explaining the facts of life to a clearly mortified Bastila. "I would've liked to have heard that," he said.
"No you wouldn't," Bastila insisted. "Jolee, are you here for any reason other than tormenting me?"
"Yeah, torment Revan as well, I'm a ghost after all, tormenting the living is what I do," Jolee laughed. "By the way, nice outfit, it's a welcome change from those Jedi robes you were always wear."
Bastila looked down at her makeshift toga and her blush deepened even further. "I wasn't expecting guests," she said lamely. "So are you here to talk some sense into Revan?"
"You of all people should know that's not possible," Jolee quipped. "You'd have better luck shaving a Wookie." Jolee sighed. "Well, it's been fun, but I can't stay much longer. Truth be told I'm not even supposed to be here talking to you, it's against the rules."
"Since when has Jolee Bindo been one to follow the rules?" Revan asked light-heartedly.
"I'm here aren't I? Anyway, you two kids take care of yourselves. And remember what I said Revan, don't get yourself killed fighting Palpatine. Your kids would hold it against you." As Jolee vanished he chuckled at the incredulous looks on Bastila and Revan's faces.
"Damn you old man! Why do you always have to get the last word in," Revan groused to the empty space where Jolee' ghost stood.
"Revan, did you hear what he said?" Bastila asked in astonishment.
Revan nodded somberly, "Yeah, I did. It is the natural byproduct of what we were doing you know."
"I know that," Bastila snapped. "I guess I never gave it much thought."
"And now?"
"Now..." Bastila's voice trailed off. In her mind she saw a vision of her, Revan, and their child, a girl with hair like hers and Revan's eyes, sitting around a table. Revan was trying to get the girl, his daughter, to eat something out of a bowl, and the girl was refusing. Bastila saw herself laughing when the girl used the Force to dump the contents of the bowl over Revan's head.
"Bastila? Are you still there?" Revan asked.
Bastila's attention snapped back to the here and now. "Sorry, I was just..." She was unsure if she should mention what she had seen to Revan. It might have been a Force-inspired vision, or it might have been her own wishful thinking. "Thinking, I was just thinking. What do think about what Jolee said?" She asked to stall for time.
"I think we're about to head into a fight with the Dark Lord of the Sith. We can't let ourselves be distracted by things that might come to pass."
It was the finality in Revan's voice that crystallized the decision for Bastila. Try as she might she could not get the face of the girl with Revan's eyes out of her mind. "No Revan, you're wrong. This is precisely the time to talk about this. People say they fight for concepts and ideas like freedom or the Republic, but in reality that's not why they fight. They're fighting to protect more concrete things, like their home, their friends, their family. Even you Revan, at the Star Forge, you weren't fighting to save the galaxy, you were fighting to save me, and don't deny it."
Revan nodded, "Sure any general knows that their soldiers fight best that way."
"Well let me give you something concrete to live for." Bastila reached out and touched Revan's face. She closed her eyes and forced the image of their child into Revan's mind. "Do you understand now?" She asked.
Revan stared into Bastila's eyes. "Do you really want that?" He asked quietly.
"Yes Revan, I do. I want a family."
"You know any child of ours is going to be Force-sensitive," Revan pointed out. "It's hard to have a family if your children are Padawans in the Jedi Order."
"The Jedi won't get them," Bastila said defiantly. "I won't put them through that. The feelings of separations, loss and abandonment. We can train them. You said it yourself. Your implanted memories of a stable childhood helped you resist the Dark Side."
"Them?" Revan asked. "A moment ago you said you hadn't given it any thought and now you're at multiple kids."
"I don't know, maybe it's some buried maternal instinct, but I knew I wanted this as soon as Jolee mentioned it."
"Do you think maybe you're trying to recreate your own family, before you joined the Order?" Revan asked.
"Why are you so dead set against this?" Bastila asked, her exasperation with Revan showing through.
"I'm not, believe me I'm not. There's nothing I want more." Revan raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. "It's just look at the galaxy, it's not safe for a Force-sensitive child."
"All the more reason for you to make it safe," Bastila pointed out. "Revan, you've talked about fighting Palpatine for the good of the galaxy and the good of the Republic. How about fighting Palpatine for the good of your children to be."
Revan raised an eyebrow. "Laying it on a little thick aren't you?" he quipped.
"Revan, be serious," Bastila scolded.
"I am serious, could you have been anymore melodramatic? Think of the children," Revan said dramatically as he held his forearm up to his head as if to deflect some imaginary blow.
"Oh why must you always mock me?" Bastila cried out in frustration and she reached out to slap Revan's arm. The sudden motion dislodged the sheet she had wrapped around her and it slipped to the floor. Bastila turned pink with embarrassment when she realized what happened.
"Well what do you know. When you blush it goes all the way down," Revan quipped.
"Revan!" Bastila said sternly as she gathered the blanket back around her. "That is hardly a proper thing to say."
"What can I say, I'm hardly a proper sort of guy."
"You don't have to remind me of that," Bastila groused.
"I'm sorry I mocked you," Revan allowed when he saw the look of hurt in Bastila's eyes. "But you have to admit that was pretty over the top."
Bastila chuckled ruefully. "It was, wasn't it? But I meant it. I saw us, as a family, and it felt to so good to have a future that wasn't and endless grind of bloodshed and death. I haven't felt that way in a very long time, and I want you to know that feeling Revan."
Revan nodded, "I understand that Bastila, and you don't know how much I want to just run off to Rakata with you and leave the galaxy to its own devices," Revan stopped and sighed. "But I can't, we can't. It's not who we are. We're the ones who ride out and face the darkness."
Bastila crossed her arms over her chest. "Revan, this isn't the last stand of Mandalore."
"And I don't think it is," Revan said calmly.
"Good, so we're in agreement."
Revan stood up and hugged Bastila to him. "I'm still going through with this you know."
"I know," Bastila murmured into Revan's chest.
"But that doesn't mean I think this is going to be a suicide mission, and if you want a family then I guess the only thing I can do is make sure the galaxy is as safe as possible."
"So you're planning on living just for me?" Bastila asked, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
"No," Revan admitted. "I want a future too. Just not right now. I don't want to give up being able to do this just yet." Revan reached down and pulled the sheet off of Bastila. "Are you feeling tired?" He asked Bastila as he swept her up into his arms.
"Not in the slightest," Bastila replied before kissing Revan.
-to be continued-
Author's Notes: So yeah, here's chapter 18. Pretty much wrote itself over the course of two day's work, which was odd since lately it's been like pulling teeth getting even a sentence written. It's really hard writing romance without it becoming overly sentimental goo, I think I managed to keep it out of the realm of crap-fest but it was a close thing. Originally my idea was for the chapter to have three or four parts with interludes featuring Yoda and Windu, Obi-Wan and Anakin, or Palpatine and Dooku; but the beginning and end on the Ebon Hawk came together so well that there wasn't a need for the middle sections. Chapter 19 is on the march, Revan and Palpatine debate Force theology on Korriban. Thanks for reading and reviewing. And go read "Struggle" by Yggi, if you aren't all ready, that's quality writing there.
-sam 11/28/2004