Another day. Another fight. I do not know how many battles we have fought. A war is not only a period of suffering and pain, it is also a way of trying to live through each and every day. Of somehow pulling through for the sake of an uncertain tomorrow.
And I try to pretend I am somewhere else, someone else. I want to flee. Only a haze is this battle. Pretend they are not here, not in this castle, not in Hogwarts already. Ignoring the pain in my shoulder, the open bleeding wound. I run through the castle, dodging a spell here and there, ducking, fighting. A girl my age should not have to fight.
"Hermione, I need to tell you, I just wanted to say, well in case we might not survive, I mean if, Hermione I love" and with love on his lips Ron Weasley had died. She had screamed. Why? Why? Why? "Ron" she had wispered. Caressed his red hair, kissed his dead lips. Why should someone die while confessing a love that had been harboured for seven years? Why?
"Hermione, you need to get out of here" pearls of sweat had dripped from Harrys face, desperation in his voice "You need to get the younger ones out of here, you" He had seemed so frantic, the boy, the friend she knew. But much more than that, the saviour of the wizarding world, a teenager, too young to carry the weight of the light side. The weight destiny had made him bear. "No, I will fight." She had made this decision, and she would stand by it. Harry already was gone, had jumped over a fallen chair and thrown another spell at one of the Death Eaters.
"They are coming" a misty eyed Luna was pulling at her sleeve. "The crumple-horned snorkacks are here." But when Hermione looked around, she only saw death and destruction. "They must be" Lunas eyes were bugging out. "They have to come and save us, they simply have to, they" she dissolved into a tirade of sobs. "Why are they not here?" "Avada Kedavra" And she felt the body of Luna Lovegood fall onto the floor like a sack of potatoes.
"Served her right, the little lunatic" the sneering voice of Lucius Malfoy, the murderer of Luna Lovegood. But also of Ron Weasley. Rage blinded her, she seemed to loose all reason. He should pay, he should suffer, that was all that counted, his cruel death. She wanted to kill him with her bare hands. See him choke and…"Crucio" Pain. She fell to the floor, cringing, but she would not cry, Malfoy would not get that satisfaction,he would not see her beg, not her…
"Stupor" the spell was suddenly lifted off her. "Traitor" she heard Malfoy shout. "I knew you were not loyal to the Dark Lord. You will pay. Imperio"
Snapes eyes glazed over. Lucius Malfoy was laughing, the most unpleasent sound she had ever heard. "Kill the girl, Severus." Snape was coming towards her. He seemed much taller, even more intimidating, a real threat. "Kill her" Malfoy was definitely enjoying this. Snapes wand was pointed at her. She feared these black tunnels, depths she could not read or understand, his eyes would be the last things she saw, before. But he stopped. He was trying to shake off the curse, Malfoy still held on him. "What are you waiting for." Malfoy sounded nervous, this was taking too long. "Finish her off now."
"Father" The last words Lucius Malfoy ever heard before he fell, only a stack of black robes mangled with blonde hair remaining. Draco broke down next to him. She never would have thought that the blonde arrogant Slytherin prefect could cry. But he could. And he did.
"You did the right thing, Draco" Snapes voice had lost some of its distance, although the icy coldness had remained. He purposefully ignored her. "I killed father" Draco was still sobbing over the dead body. "Get up now and stop fussing." Snape was getting irritated. He pulled Draco up by the collar. "Watch him, Granger" he hissed at her, before he returned to the battle.
"Hermione" the stuttering voice of Neville Longbottom asked from the floor. "My feet" she closed her eyes. Where were his feet? She felt she was about to throw up. They were lying several feet away. "Sorry, Neville. Stay here." Probably not the most sensible thing to say.
Suddenly everything went quiet. Until she heard a shout, one single scream, louder than she could ever have any human being imagined to scream, and least of all her head of house "Albus" The hall was dead silent. But she needed to see. Needed to actually face the dead body of their headmaster, their leader, their figure of light. Needed to hear the sobs of her normally so controlled Transfigurations professor. Needed to see how she stroked the white hair, closed the blue eyes and gently wrapped the purpur robes around Dumbledores body.
How she stood up, a glimmer in her eyes that she knew too well, that of recklessness, of pure and utter loathing. The look of a woman who had loved and lost and was beyond caring now. Someone who was on the way of trying to stand up to the Dark Lord all by herself, in a vain and desperate attempt to bring back the loved one.
"No, Minerva" The velvet was almost soft, caring, he had lost too. "He has killed Albus, Severus." An explaination for everything she did from now on. "I know" "I want to kill him."
She knew that feeling, the want to do it herself, to just say those two little words and everything would be fine. Or to die in the process of having her revenge. "We will" it was the most open lie she had ever heard, not bothering about conceiling as it normally was the Slytherin way.
McGonagall was still trying to get away from Snape, the desperate glimmer not leaving her eyes. Snape pulled her back, rather rudely, facing her and stating icily "This school needs its headmistress."
And McGonagall understood. She nodded, admitting defeat. "Fine, Severus. You won." Snape still looked at her suspiciously. "I can take care of myself." Her voice was wavering, but her rational mind had taken over again.
"What are you waiting for, you idiots" Hermione heard Bellatrix Lestrange shout. "They lost the muggle-loving-fool, they are utterly helpless now. Use your chances!" She was laughing manically when the "Avada Kedavra" hit her.
Hermione shuddered as she saw the dead golden eyes of Remus Lupin who still had his wand pointed towards the dead woman. He kept staring at her in a way that ensured Hermione that he had never killed before. But then he grinned, not the sad kind of smile he used to display, but a twisted, sickening grin that looked out of place on his ashen face. "For Sirius "he whispered.
"I will face him!" "No Harry, no. You are too weak." "He killed Dumbledore." A sentence that seemed to expain everything, each deed that was done from now on. Ginny was trying to hold her boyfriend on the spot. "She is right" Hermione told him. "If you face him now, you loose." "I have to try!" "No" she stated "not today. Tomorrow maybe." It was her last word. And amazingly enough it had an effect. Ginny gave her a grateful glance. A stab of jealousy hit her. Maybe they only had another day for their love, but it was more than Ron and she would ever have.
Clonk, clonk, clonk. "Stop gossiping and get back to the fight" the raspy voice of Mad-Eye ordered. "Now, leave them Alastor" how could Tonks keep her cheerful demeanor? "They are just children" Shacklebolt reminded softly.
"We are not!" the Weasley twins seemed deadly offended. As if to prove they jumped in the way of Peter Pettigrew.
"No, he is mine." How could such a warm and welcoming voice have grown so unfeeling? The dead had remained in Remus Lupins eyes. "Now Remus, you would not kill your old friend, would you?" But Hermione knew that there was no use of appalling to Lupins conscience any longer. And Pettigrew should have known that too, as he was hit by Lupins "Avada Kedavra". If possible the indifference in his eyes went even deeper as he limped off.
She felt so tired, they all did. The sun was setting now. The only relief was the knowledge of the enemies who had been killed or wounded too. A world in which the death of a foe was welcomed, a time in which the only thing more wished for was the living of a friend.
"Traitor" the hisses of the Death Eaters that drew nearer could be heard. The only thing more detested than an enemy being a colleague who had betrayed them. Snape faced them with his usual frown, the cold and icy mask of not caring, of almost welcoming death, if it only embraced some of his enemies too. "Crucio" "Stupor" "Imperio" "Crucio" "Expelliarimus" No death curse for now. Too fast to follow who cast which spell. "We need to help him" she whispered. And she hated the way some of the students did not seem convinced. How they even hesitated to aid him, because he was their cruel, heartless Potions Teacher.
But then the fight broke fully out again, although Voldemort seemed to have gone into hiding for today. All kinds of curses flew from Death Eaters to students to teachers to Order Members.
"Avada Kedavra" the seering green flame was gliding towards Snape, sweeping through the air as a deadly bullet, when someone threw herself onto Snape and both of them landed on the floor rather unelegantly. Snape cursed towards the earth as McGonagall stood up again, her hair having fallen out of her tight bun and being surprisingly long and curly. "This school needs a deputy-headmaster too." She stated before cursing at Nott.
"Crucio" again that endless pain shot through her. "Avada Kedavra" the arrogant boys voice had gotten more certain, more sure of himself. Having killed once eased the barrier of scruple one had. Still she was grateful, even if it was towards Malfoy. "I think Snape was wrong, you seem to be good at taking care of yourself." He grinned. "You bet, Mudblood" but it was not said in an unkind sort of way.
"Molly, stop, please." Arthur Weasley tried getting his wife off Gregory Goyle Senior. She was squarely sitting on his broad stomach and kept hitting him into the face with her fists. It would have looked funny, had it not been for the tears that kept streaming down her face and the blood all over her hands. Had it not been for Percys dead body that was lying next to the scene. Hermione understood Molly Weasley much better than Arthur.
"He killed my son" she kept screaming. Nothing can be more terrifying than a mother who has lost her child. "Molly" Arthurs reasoning was lost on her "remember we have five other children who need us" his voice was broken and hoarse. His wife finally let go of the bloodied pulp that was Gregory Goyle Senior. They embraced in a way that was so sad, lost and intimate, that Hermione felt like an intruder and turned her head.
"Enough" the demanding voice of the Dark Lord caused the fighting to cease. "For today." One could hear the smugness in his voice. "Until tomorrow." And like dogs who had been taken back onto the leash, the Death Eaters stopped their doings and retreated together with their master.
And the injured, forlorn creatures that were the fighters for the light gathered up in what had remained of the great hall. "We have survived today" she whispered to herself. "Wait until tomorrow!" Snape sneered.