Disclaimer: We do not own Lord of the Rings and we do not own Shania Twain's "That Don't Impress Me Much." Please let us know what you think of the song parody.

Keebler's Song

Yeah, I realize the elves taught you how to track,
But couldn't you give the hobbits just a little slack?
You think you're a king
You order me around
If you don't stop, I'll beat you down to the ground.
Oh, you think you're royal
Oh, with your sword, Anduril
Ok, so you're the heir of Isildur.
That don't impress me much.
So you got the beard, but have you got the touch?
Don't get me wrong, I think you'll rule all right,
But not while keeping Arwen warm in the middle of the night.
That sickens me so much.

I never knew a guy who'd wash three times a day
And always brushed his hair…he must be gay
And those couple of braids, half-hidden behind your ears
You've had them for what? A couple thousand years?
Oh, you think you're pretty.
Oh, Aragorn agrees.
Ok, so you killed an oliphaunt.
That don't impress Gimli much.
You say you know reality, but I think you've lost touch.
Don't get me wrong, I think your clothes look good,
But do us a favor, darling, lose the hood.
That disturbs me so much.

You're one of those guys who likes to ride his pony
You keep your sister out of battle to hog all the glory
I can't believe you wear you helmet at night.
Now come on, soldier, tell me, you must be joshing right?
Oh, you think you're good with spears.
Oh, your conceit brings me to tears.
Ok, you haven't fallen off your horse yet.

(song stops)
Actually…
(song starts back)

That impresses us much.
Yeah, you've got the moves, plus you've got the touch.
You can't get us wrong, 'cause you know that we're right,
And we're begging you to keep our friend, Brittany, warm at night.
'Cause you impress us both much.
We think you're so cool, and we admire your butt.
That may sound wrong, but Brittany says we're right.
She must be kept warm on those long, cold, Rohan nights.
You impress us oh so much.

So great idea, huh?...right?
Oh c'mon!
But you impress us!
Oh yeah!
It impresses us!

(song ends)

All right, all right, we'll stop stalking you.

A/N: this has been revised so it hopefully won't be as confusing. Thank you so much for your reviews (and don't be shy to tell us that it sucks. We're big girls, we can handle a lil rejection. :-) )