Hey everyone! Here is the next chapter, I am so sorry that It took me so long to post it. I have been so incredibly busy with school that I just haven't had the time. I hurried up and got this written because I have my high school football game to go to today! I hope you like this chapter. Let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything from the Newsies movie. I wish I did, but I sadly don't. So I will just have to stick with my character, Hanna. Who belongs entirely to me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The next two days went by rather quickly. Everything just seemed so natural as I got back into the familiar rhythm of how things worked. With the help of Racetrack I had begun eating more often and spent most of my time just worrying about getting my strength back up. Now that Olivia knew where I was staying she would come by every day to visit and we would talk up on the roof. Booker also began showing up every day and I welcomed his company. He would sell the morning addition in Brooklyn and then come to Manhattan to sell the evening papers.
Everything in the Lodging House seemed to be back to normal. Except the small fact that every other day, Jack would leave and make is annual trip to Brooklyn. I asked him how everything was going over there and he told me that there was nothing to worry about. Spot hadn't heard anything from Queens yet, it seems like they were just hanging low for a little. But Jack didn't believe for a second that they had backed down and he warned Spot to keep an eye open because they were planning something.
Everything was going by so fast that I completely forgot that Medda's party was today. I was really exhausted from a late poker game the night before, so I refused to get up when Race pounded on the door for me to wake up. But being as persistent as he was, he opened the door and jumped on my bed. "Get off me Race!" I grumbled.
"Ya gotta wake up!" He said laughing as he shook me some more.
"Why?" I asked irritated.
"Because Medda's party's today." When he said this, I moaned and sat up.
"I completely forgot about that," I replied, yawning. "But why are you waking me up so early? The party isn't till tonight."
"I wan't ya ta come sellin wit me today. It would be good ta get ya up an out of da Lodging House." I glared at him and then nodded my head.
Sometimes I couldn't figure out just why Racetrack cared so much about what I did or didn't do. But then other times I was so incredibly gratefully for his concern. Over the time that I had spent with the newsies, Race had become like my temporary older brother, even though he was the same age as me. It was strange to me to have someone who was concerned about my well being, because all my life I had been a loner. But even people who have spent there entire lives taking care of themselves, needs help every once in awhile. Just the satisfaction of knowing that someone out there would be there to help them, even if they didn't ask for it.
"Alright, I'll go." I said exasperatedly, as I stood up and walked over to my dresser. Racetrack lounged out on my bed with a triumphant expression on his face.
"I heard your goin wit Booker to da party tonight," He stated but I knew it was directed more as a question.
"Yeah, I am." I replied as I rummaged around in my dresser for a dress to wear. Recently I hadn't been as concerned about my looks and really didn't care to much about what I looked like. Everyone around here had seen me at my worst and even with a little effort I could look far better than that.
"Do you like him?" Race asked after a short pause. Even though I knew the question was coming I still didn't want to answer it.
"Yes," I replied calmly.
"Den dis isn't just sum plan ta make Spot angry," He asked curiously.
I took a deep breath and turned around. "No, it most certainly is not. Booker is a very good friend of mine and he cares about me very much. Why, all of a sudden, does everything I do or say have to be somehow connected with Spot Conlon! He doesn't control my life and the decisions that I make."
"But you still love him," He stated as he looked into my eyes. I felt very vulnerable, as if he could see right through me and tell exactly what was in my heart.
I realized then, that I had been holding my breath and I let it out deeply. Then looked back at my friend. "Spot made his decision Race and I've made mine. Its very hard to move on with my life when everyone I know is still stuck in the past."
"Why do ya always have ta give up without a fight?" Race asked me.
"I'm not giving up!" I said defensively. "You should know far better than I do that Spot is a very strong and solitary person, Race. He does what he wants and looks out for himself above anything. Most people say he's cold hearted, but he's not really. Spot believes that if he doesn't care about anything or anyone, then there is no chance of him getting hurt. He's invincible, the almighty Spot Conlon. But I hurt him Race, really badly and he will never forgive me for that. So I'm not giving up, I'm moving on. Because there is no chance of ever going back again."
"But it wasn't your fault," Race said.
"Spot doesn't know that, he only knows what he saw." I said sadly.
"Just get Booker to tell him that it wasn't your fault," Race suggested.
"He won't listen," I replied.
"Then make him listen!"
"And how exactly do you suggest I do that Race. Spot doesn't even want to see my face, let alone hear what I have to say." I explained as I walked over and sat down in the chair by the window.
"He loves you," Race said flatly. "Everyone who knows him can see it."
"No, he used to love me!" I replied quietly as I looked at the people walking by outside my bedroom window.
Race stood up and walked over to the door, "He still does and he'll realize it one of des' days. Now get dressed, we gots papes ta sell."
I sat there staring at the closed door for a few minutes after Race had left. Was he right? Did Spot still love me or was I just fooling myself? All I knew was that I didn't really have time to think about it and I stood up off the bed once more. I pulled on a simple white skirt and blouse. It had a thick yellow ribbon that was tied around my waist. I knew that I had more clothes than I needed, but they were the only possessions that I had left from my old life and I didn't have the heart to get rid of any of them.
After I left my room and cleaned up a bit, Racetrack and I left for the distribution center. We made it there just as the circulation bell rang. We were at the back of the line but Race didn't care. He asked me if I wanted to sell some myself and I refused.
"I have some money saved up still. You need it more than I do." He nodded his head in agreement.
So I walked beside him calmly as we made our way around the streets of Manhattan. The sound of the chatter and the noise of the newsies yelling out the headlines, whether they were correct or not, had become rather soothing to me. I don't know if it had anything to do with just the simple fact that I had become so accustomed to the way my life was that everything just seemed to blend together.
I no longer felt like I was living. I just felt like I was walking around in a body that no longer belong to me. It made me sad to think that I could look at moments such as this where nothing out of the ordinary happens and consider it one of the best days that I have had in weeks. I had grown to prepare myself for the worst, because even though things were going good. Somehow in the back of my mind I knew that it was just going to get worse.
"Ya wanna stop at Tibby's for lunch?" Race asked as we walked down the crowded sidewalk towards the old restaurant.
I nodded my head and agreed. "Alright," I said with a melancholy tone to my voice. Racetrack looked over at me and raised an eyebrow, wondering at my sudden change of attitude. But he didn't say anything, he just shrugged his shoulders and walked inside. I think he had become accustomed to my strange change in behavior.
I stepped over the threshold and looked around the room. There were many newsies sitting around talking and a few old men smoking cigars in the corner booth. Many of them yelled greetings to us as we walked over to a booth sitting below a long window. I smiled as I acknowledged each of them in turn but then my heart turned cold when I met a pair of icy blue eyes.
The bright smile faded off my face and I looked away. Spot Conlon was sitting with a few of his Brooklyn pals and he stopped drinking when I walked into the building. We stared at each other for a few moments and I could feel the hatred in his glare, penetrate through my skin.
I felt a cold sweat come over me and I had to fight to control my hands from shaking. With all the will that I had, I forced myself to look away. I held my head high as I walked passed Spot and joined Race at the table. I could see him glare at me out of the corner of my eye and I just tried as hard as I could to ignore it. I refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing how broken I was.
Racetrack looked up at me concerned, as he leaned over the table and said softly. "Are you alright?"
I looked up at him, took a deep breath and then sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine."
I don't think Race fully believed me when I said I was alright, but there was nothing else I could do. My mind kept wondering back to Spots face and the look he had given me when I walked in. His eyes were blazing with furry, but I was the only one who saw the hurt that lingered deep down within him. It smashed my heart into thousands of tiny peaces when I realize that I was the cause of it. Even though I somehow knew that it was just as much of his fault for not listening, as it was mine.
Yet in a way I think that I was just feeling angry at myself because I was tired of running away from my problems. I felt like a coward for hiding behind my friends rather than facing my fears. But I had run away from Brooklyn not because I was scared but because Spot intimidated me. Not only was he the first boy that I had ever truly loved, but he was the first person who had loved me in return and now because of one stupid accident that should never have happened, he hated me.
For a few moments I couldn't understand why he had come to Manhattan so early. I looked up at Race and sighed. "Do I really have to go to this party tonight?" I asked. He looked up at me over his glass of water and nodded.
"Yeah doll, a bets, a bet and der' aint no backin out now." I smiled weakly, trying to play off any of the emotion that boiled inside me.
"Fine, have it your way." I replied.
Race could tell by my change in behavior that I wasn't at all comfortable sitting in the diner with Spot Conlon only two booths down from us. So he finished his drink quickly and we stood up to leave. A few of the Brooklyn boys looked up at me and sneered. They probably knew everything that had happened by now and I don't know how much Spot was open enough to tell them. Although I still felt slightly guilty because I thought that I was having problems, I didn't even want to think of the hell that Booker was going through. But from the few times he had stopped by to visit me, he didn't seem to upset. He just mentioned casually one day that Spot had yet to talk to him and he was just waiting for the day that he would finally snap.
I stared firmly at Racetrack and held strong once more as I walked passed Spot's table and out the door. I had never been more thankful to feel the cool breeze blowing against my face. There was something about the fresh air that temporarily carried all of my problems away. It didn't take us long to make it back to the Lodging House and I decided to sit out and talk with Mush a little, while we were waiting for everyone to return.
Finally the sun started to set and it was time to get ready for the party. I had already picked out the dress that I was going to wear, a few days before and couldn't wait to see the looks on the boys faces when I showed them. It was one of my favorite casual dresses that I used to wear around my house when there was a guest staying who I wanted to impress. It was made of burgundy silk and trimmed with velvet and white lace. All of my dresses had be tailored to fit me perfectly and the sleeves were long and draped delicately over my shoulders. I decided to pull my hair back into a rather intricate design and weave it with ribbon. I knew Booker would arrive for me in an hour, so I had to quicken my pace. I put on a bit of blush and my skin was so pale that I didn't need any powder. When I finally finished I stood back and looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn't help but smile appraisingly.
If I was being forced to go to this party, I wasn't going to just stand around and let the night go to waist. I would have a good time and for once, let my problems slip away. If Spot wanted to be stubborn and not listen to me, then I would show him what he's missing. Like I had said before, I refuse to just sit around and wait for him to make up his mind. I absolutely will not go crawling back to him like some kind of worthless dog.
I am going to go to this party with a very good friend, who cares about me very dearly. I will laugh and I will have fun, forgetting about everything and everyone that has ever hurt me. Tonight I will focus on me and nobody else.
I heard that familiar nock on the door and I took a deep breath before I told Race to come in. He opened the door and walked inside. When he saw me he stopped and his eyes grew wide. "Wow, ya look great!" Racetrack replied after a few minutes of gawking at me.
I think I had shocked him so much because it had been almost to two months since he had last seen me look this nice. I smiled slightly, feeling the heat rush to my face. "Thank you. Its not to…overdone, is it?" I asked. Knowing that I would be going to a party with a bunch of poor children. But Racetrack just shook his head and laughed.
"No, its good ta see ya back ta ya old ways again. It wasn't healthy, da way ya was living before." I nodded my head and walked over to him.
"I know," I said and then surprisingly I reached over and hugged him. Race fidgeted uncomfortably but hugged me in return.
"What was dat for?" He asked when I pulled away.
I just laughed and patted him on the shoulder. "For helping me."
"Ya deserve it. Now come on Booker's waitin." He took my hand and we walked out into the bunk room.
I was thankful that all of the boys were downstairs and I waited for Racetrack to grab his hat before we started walking down the steps. I could hear most of the boys jumping around and making noises. But I was shocked to hear everything go silent when I stepped down into the entryway.
I smiled brilliantly, as I got the reaction that I had been looking for. The boys stood there staring at me, as if it was the first time that they had ever saw me. I knew it was because they had grown to consider me basically one of the guys. So to finally be reminded that I was a decent looking young women, startled them. Booker just smiled and walked over to me.
"Ya look beautiful!" He said as he kissed me on the cheek.
"Thank you," I said gratefully. I was happy that at least somebody in the room had the will to speak.
Finally most of the boys snapped out of it and walked over. "Hey Dollface, ya clean up real good." Blink said winking at me. I just shoved him playfully in the arm.
"Yeah, no wonda ya had so many guy's chasin afta ya. I woulda joined dem, if I didn't have a goil watin for me." A quarky dark haired boy replied from the far right corner of the room.
"I am shore ya would Fetch," I said laughing. "Now what are we standing around here for when there's a party to go to?"
The boys agreed and a few of them cheered loudly as we made our way out the door. It was getting dark as we walked the damp streets of Manhattan. We could easily maneuver our way to the theater because most of the people were in there houses eating dinner. We could hear our voices echoing against the brick buildings that towered above us. Finally we arrived at our destination.
Boys were crowding into the theater from every direction. Because when Medda threw a party, newsies from every neighborhood showed up. I looked around and caught a few stares aimed in my direction. But I wasn't afraid like I normally was, today I craved the attention. I was in such a daze that I didn't even notice that Booker had my hand. When we finally got inside we took a seat up by the stage, at a table with Mush, Blink and Skittery. I knew that Race wanted to sit with Jack, but that would also mean that we would have to sit with Spot as well. So I took a seat with Booker and let Race go with Jack. He looked rather cautious about the decision but I finally convinced him that I would be alright.
The boys and I sat and talked for a little before the lights went down and the music started. Medda looked wonderful, like she always did and the boys watched transfixed as she sang. I was surprised to hear myself singing along with a few of the songs that I had listened to for the short time that I had taken up working at the theater.
I felt very bad because of how nice it had been for Medda to give me a job like she had and how irresponsible it was for me to have run out. But I knew in the back of my head that I wouldn't be doing any more spontaneous adventures and I would finally get my act together, if fate allowed it.
When Medda finally finished singing, some of the more smaller acts came on. A bunch of the boys re-arranged some of the tables so that there was room to dance and the rest of them sat around playing poker like they always do. From talking to one of the waitresses that I used to work with, I found out that Olivia had the night off and that she should be showing up anytime. This made me even more ecstatic because I knew that I would have all of my closest friends with me.
Even though I was having the time of my life, I still couldn't control myself and found my eyes wondering over to Spots table. But never once did he look up at me in return. So I would just shrug it off and turn to talk to my friends
again.
Sometimes I felt like I was using Booker. Like the only reason I had asked to be his date was to get back at Spot. But now that Spot wasn't even paying attention, something felt like it was missing. Booker reached over and held my hand in his. I looked up at him in surprise but smiled softly. I knew I could have pulled my hand away just then. I could have told him that we were only friends and that was all we could ever be. But he looked so happy that I couldn't hurt him like that. I was already to far into the lie to go back on my word.
I was starting to get uncomfortable in my situation and was incredibly relieved when I saw Olivia walk through the door. She had on a lovely yellow and white dress. "Excuse me for a second." I said to the guys at my table. They didn't seem to really notice because they were in the middle of a heated debate.
I weaved my way through the throng of young men, who were eyeing me up rather distastefully. Finally I made it through and wrapped my arms around Olivia. "I'm so glad you came!"
Olivia just laughed and smiled at me. "Well ya didn't think that I was going to leave ya here by yourself, did ya?"
She knew how much I was dreading coming to this party and the trouble that I always ended up getting myself into. Olivia was one of the only people who knew everything about what I was feeling and I was so grateful that she would take time out of her way to stay with me. "So, anything traumatizing happen yet?"
I laughed, "No, not yet." She smiled as we began walking back to my designated table. Booker looked up and smiled at us when we returned. Blink stood up and let Olivia sit, while he grabbed another chair from the table beside us.
We started talking about many random and unimportant topics, such as the Delancy brothers and what the headline was going to be like the next day. Soon the night was wearing away and I had found that I was enjoying myself rather tremendously. Race would appear every now and then to check on me, but then would leave when he knew that I was fine.
Even though I was having fun somehow I knew that nothing good lasts forever. We were in the middle of a card game when I heard a rather high pitched, familiar laugh, coming from behind me. Something in my head told me not to pay attention but my intuition took control. I turned around to look and immediately wished I hadn't.
The laugh had come from none other than Rose, who had mysteriously showed up sometime during the night. She was sitting on Spots lap at the table and was laughing at something he had said. His arm was around her waste and I could tell by his behavior that he was drunk. Race and Jack just continued on with the game, trying not to pay attention to what was going on. But I felt like someone had smashed my head into a brick wall, when I watched Spot lean in and kiss her.
That was all I could watch as I turn my head around quickly. I looked down at the cards in my hand and didn't dare look up. I knew that the rest of my table had saw and I could feel there eyes on me. They were waiting to see how I would react to what we had just witnessed.
I just sat there for a few minutes doing nothing at all. I couldn't even remember who's turn it was in the game. All I could think of was how betrayed and hurt I felt. I didn't even notice that my hands were shaking slightly. Suddenly I couldn't take it any more, I sat my cards down on the table and got to my feet. "Excuse me." I said to the boys, without looking into there eyes and headed towards the bathroom. I heard another chair pull out and I knew that Olivia was following me.
A few people looked at me angrily as I shoved passed them. Finally I made it to the door on the opposite side of the room. When I walked inside, I was happy to see that it was empty. I walked over and sat down on a red bench that was up against the wall to my right. I leaned my head on the brick behind me and sighed.
I heard the bathroom door open and the soft footsteps of Olivia as she walked over and kneeled down in front of me. "Are you alright?" I heard her say softly.
I nodded my head in a silent reply, but never looked up. When I finally did, I hated the pity I saw in her eyes. "I'm fine, really. It just…It just hurts." I said while trying not to cry.
"I know," Olivia replied sadly. "But its not your fault."
"It is my fault. I am getting what I deserve." I said staunchly.
"Nobody deserves this," Olivia said. "This wasn't your fault and don't let anybody convince ya otherwise."
I didn't answer her but I looked into her eyes and said. "Could we please leave?"
She nodded her head and helped me to my feet. I fixed myself up a bit in the mirror before we walked out the door and over to the boys. They were still staring at me questioningly. Olivia decided to speak, "Were done for da night. So were gunna head back to da lodging house. I'm gunna stay the night also, if ya don't mind."
"Nah, we don't mind." Blink said.
"Could ya tell Race that were leaving." They nodded there head in agreement.
I turned around quickly, wanting to get out of that place as fast as possible. I couldn't take seeing Spot or hearing the fake laugh of Rose any longer. Knowing that he was with another girl was killing me inside. I knew that I had done basically the same thing to him, by inviting Booker to come in the first place. But I never would have purposely kissed another boy or done anything that would hurt Spot like he had just hurt me. I knew that I half expected him to show up with another girl. Because he had to much pride to show up alone. But why did he have to go with her.
Thank you to ALL of my reviewers! Since I am kinda behind I am not going to post responses to my reviews in this chapter. Thank you all so much for your support and to all of those new reviewers, I am so happy that you decided to read my story. It means a lot to me. Thanks!