Shaman Idol
A/N: I wanted to do a Shaman Idol, like American Idol shamanized! Guess who the judges are? Nheh, and the contestants?
Let's just say that our favorite idol might pop up as well….Ren Hung?
Disclaimer: 'Tis a pity that I do not own Shaman King…
"We're the X-Laws and…" introduced Meene.
"We live in a Yellow Submarine!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Denbat and Venstar cheerfully.
They whipped out their sparkling guitars, and began to play and sing "Yellow Submarine," whilst the ever-drunken Marco and Lyserg moonwalked in the fog-machine augmented background, all the while giggling like schoolgirls.
While the X-Laws attempted to impress the Hanagumi with their riches and special effects, a different band caught Macchi's eyes….
Two tall Native American men and an old woman were selling..erm—goods…whilst playing ravishing, melodical songs on their beaded guitars that had drawn a small, noisy crowd to the unsuspecting dealers…
But before Macchi could reach the dynamic trio, the security reached them first.
Tamao, and Rio, had reached them before her, and had begun to escort the group off of the premises for peddling drugs of many kinds.
"No Miss, I'm afraid you don't understand…these are Native American HEALING devices and powders and leaves…REALLY, I swear!!" said the attractive, taller man.
"That-a doesn't-a cut-a-it-a!" yelled the Mexican counterpart of Ryu, "You-a are-a Native-a American-a who-a speaks-a Japanese-a and-a has-a name-a that-a sounds-a Italian-a! It's-a not-a gonna cut-a it-a!"
Silva smiled, leading both Karim and Goldva to smile as well, and push their goods in front of Rio's chiseled face, leading Tamao to grimace and sweatdrop.
"Well, you sound like a Mexican on crack, boy." commented the old woman in a cracking voice, close to the brink of laughter.
Rio grinned ear-to-ear and took quite kindly the drugs that Goldva pushed into his nose, and went off to become world-class gypsies with them, he said he had found his Best Place, and was happy…
And…that was the day, that Tamao went bad.
She began dressing in clothing that made her look as if she were Miss Nancy from Read or Die, and donned dark sunglasses, and a cigarette lingered constantly in her mouth…
Every male she would pass, she would harshly kick in the pants, and every female she would pass, she would say was fat and give her an eating disorder…And, well, for the inbetweens, she did both. A nice way to solve things, as she said.
The Hanagumi were worried, and even more so for the fact that they had allowed the X-Laws to perform live on the Idol stage for nearly three days, and so kicked the X-Laws off of the stage, and had the kindly janitor, Yohmei, sweep them away.
"So, now Mari says for the next people to come up on the stage, so come up, okay? If you don't I will have Chuck eat you." said Mari, smiling viciously.
Silently and dramatically, a metal cage lowered down onto the stage, and bubblegum pop music began to blare…The cage lowered itself all the way down…and a wildly dancing figure inside began to sing….
And it was…
IRON MAIDEN JEANNE?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Dressed in sexy red and black leather, with a whalebone corset that accentuated her clothing, adorned with spiked collars and crosses all about her, was the supposedly angelic Iron Maiden Jeanne, belly-dancing her little heart out!
Marco and Lyserg jeered at the sight of their dear Iron Maiden suddenly turning Britney Spears on them, and began to cheer wildly while brandishing broken rum bottles high in the air with a war cry of, "Shake it honey!"
The other X-Laws, peacefully sleeping under the stage where Yohmei had swept them, were cheering for the just-blossomed maiden in their dreams.
She began to sing even louder, and the song played out as this..
To the tune of Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend (A/N: Why yes, I do have all of Miss Monroe's movies, why do you ask? Really they are funny, and some of them are so sweet, please watch Miss Monroe's movies, she's like a super movie myth! HAHA! Take that, Liz Taylor! Marilyn was a MYTH, and you are but a LEGEND!!)
A kiss on the hand may be, quite continental, but torture is a girl's best friend…trumpets blow
A kiss may be grand, but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat…or help you electrocute that rat!
Girls grow old, and men..grow cold, and we all lose our charm in the end!
But circle or square
shapes, Iron Maiden's don't lose their shape!
Torture is a
girl's best friend…!
There may come a time when a, nun needs a lawyer, but torture is a girl's best friend…trumpets
There may come a time, when a, hard-boiled victim may not want to tell..
So use that mace to send him to hell!
He's your guy, when stocks are high, but beware, when they start to descend…
It's then when
those louses go back to their spouses!
Torture is a girl's best
friend! trumpets
…I've heard of affairs that are, strictly platonic, but torture is a girl's best friend! trumpets
But I think affairs where you, must keep one tied up, are better bets…
If little dogs get big bagettes!
...Time rolls on, and youth is gone…
And you can't straighten up, when you bend…
But pointy or shiny, Iron Maiden's don't lose their shape!
Torture is a girl's best friend!
BIG trumpets blowing
Torture...Torture…I don't-a-mean kindness…
BIG trumpets, again
Torture is a…
Torture…
Torture is a girl's…
HUGE trumpets BLOWING
Best friend!
Jeanne ended her pretty warbling, and the room erupted into applause, mostly the X-Laws, however, an audience is an audience, correct?
The Hanagumi, in a moment of ignorance on Macchi's part, passed Jeanne into the Semi-Finals along with Lyserg and Marco, but said the wrong thing upon her acceptance, "Yeah…yeah, whatever, the albino chick passes…" and thus caused the pretty nun to kill about another third of the unfortunate audience.
"This is no fun…I thought we were gonna get cars like on Oprah…." whined a stupid no name who looked somewhat like Ryu.
Tamao, who had turned bad, (as the authoress recalls…00) ran over to Ryu as if she were Éclair from Kiddy Grade, and beat him into a bloody, mess of a man, and sent him to a prison cafeteria far, far, away where Harris the Mailman from Harvest Moon64 was being detained for attaching a bomb to a letter, and was eaten by him, respectively.
Tamao swung her nightstick recklessly, and suddenly heard a high-pitched whining sound invade her sensitive ears, and soon it invaded everyone else's as well…
And suddenly, a face appeared on the huge panoramic screen that graced the wall behind the stage, and the face belonged to none other than…
Ann!
A/N: Alas, yet another cliffhanger, forgive me. Please R&R next chapter, thank you for reviewing me, both THE-PIT-MONSTER, whose stories are absolutely hilarious, I would like to work on a collaboration story with you, THE-PIT-MONSTER, wouldn't it be funny?! And, ShiningStarAngel, thank you for enjoying Magician Faust's magic shows, there will be more of him next chapter, and he will show up frequently after that…
Because…
After all…
He is my favorite character, and I am subject to bias on occasion.
Next time! Why has Ann taken over cable television? And we shall see more of Yoh, Anna, and Hana, as well as our favorite magician and a few more auditions in…
SHAMAN IDOL!!!
JA NE
Neko-Neko Faust VIIII