Chapter 12

Starry Night

Esgalmir lay on his bed, thinking. The rift with the other Elves was final; when he'd checked his e-mail, there he'd found the message from Balimar informing him that he'd been declared Unfit. Not quite Outcast, but still a black mark that could not be erased. No more meetings, nothing but the news he had to have, and that would be delivered with such great unease he felt he'd rather not get any at all.

Balimar mentioned he might change the verdict in a few years. Esgalmir absently considered this; did he mean a few human years? Balimar was notoriously inconsistent when he used that word. Half the time he referred to the 365 days used by humans, half the time to the much longer 'year' used by the Elves. Esgalmir realized he didn't really care which one it was. He didn't plan on being here in a year, anyway.

He rolled over and stared through the ceiling, determined not to go over the day's events. Well, no, that wasn't accurate; he determined not to go over the meeting. He did go back to thinking about Sarah, and once again he tried to pinpoint why she seemed different.

The Elves may have been cautious not to have any more to do with humans than was necessary, but even so, a few had gotten the attention of members of the opposite gender, down through the ages. That particularly amusing story back in the 7th century could still set him chuckling, and he himself had had a couple run-ins that prompted moves before he'd planned them. Sarah might be no different, although he thought she was probably younger than most; no, there was something else about her.

He sighed. Since he wasn't going to use the Internet, and he didn't need sleep at the moment, he might try catching a bus out to the countryside and spend tonight looking at the stars. Once a month was far less than he'd like, but all he could manage in this light-polluted city. He raised himself up off the bed and began rummaging around, getting together everything he'd need for the trip.

An hour later found him making his way from the bus stop, a lonely metal stand halfway between the city and one of the more distant neighboring towns. There was still far more artificial illumination than would have been optimal, but at least he was away from any visible lights and the noise of the city. After a few minutes he reached his destination-- a small pond, surrounded by low hills and trees that cut off all but the last hints of technology. He stood looking into the dell for a moment, then smiled, cast off his shoes and walked barefoot to the water's edge. After a moment just standing there, eyes closed, breathing the air, he could almost imagine he was back in the past, before Men covered over the world and trammeled the wild. He opened his eyes and looked up into the night sky.

There he was, the Hunter-- or what he was like now. Through the millennia, even the stars had not remained constant, and Esgalmir recalled another Hunter, another night. Concentrating, he brought back the image of the Hunter he had known and superimposed it on that he saw now. Some of the stars had moved only a little, but his left foot had migrated a good thumb's width over. He smiled sadly and saluted the figure in the sky.

"Brother," he whispered quietly before turning away, looking down into the reflected heavens. This was not really why he had come out here, to reminisce and wish for that which was lost. He had only wanted to see the stars again, to feel some peace and some reason for him remaining here. Slowly, he sank down until he was sitting by the shore-- and now, as his eyes finished acclimating to the night, he realized he was not alone.

A figure sat across the water from him, knees up against his chest and arms wrapped around them. He, too, stared into the firmament, motionless but for the wind stirring his hair. Esgalmir peered closer and realized it was a woman. An Elf, actually. Malfinien, to be exact. He wasn't really surprised, but she seemed to remain unaware of his presence. He'd rather it stayed that way and looked back into the sky, seeking the one he'd learned from the Dwarves: the Forge. He found it and repeated the trick he'd done with the Hunter, sighing again at the difference all those years made. Then Malfinien spoke.

"Firlaith?"

"No." Esgalmir didn't want to talk to any other Elf, not now. Especially since Malfinien had just stiffened at the sound of his voice.

"Esgalmir." Almost an accusation. He nodded, though she didn't look towards him. He almost thought she might just get up and leave, but she remained there and he looked back up at the sky.

After a moment she spoke again, in Elvish now. {I got Balimar's letter.} Esgalmir stayed silent. {I'm sorry.}

{I am too,} agreed Esgalmir after a moment. He waited for another statement, another accusation or complaint, but she made none.

{I don't really think-- that,} he added when he decided she wasn't going to say anything else. She did turn and look at him then.

{Don't you?} He searched his thoughts for a minute.

{No,} he replied finally. {I don't. But if it weren't for the chance held out by the ferry, the chance of the Straight Road, I might almost mean it.} She kept looking at him. {Why are you here?} he asked; her gaze was slightly uncomfortable. She might have smiled then, he couldn't be sure.

{Same reason you are. The stars.} Esgalmir nodded; he hadn't really expected anything else.

{What will you do? About Lewis?} She groaned slightly. {Sorry-- you came out here to avoid thinking about that, didn't you?}

{Well, that was in my mind, too,} she admitted. {For all his worry and pessimism, Firlaith is right: about the Straight Road, and about doing anything in general. Most of the other Elves think like he does, too, even Balimar.}

{What do you think?} Esgalmir asked. Malfinien sighed and looked away again. Esgalmir waited for several minutes without a response. {Well?} he asked, slightly impatiently.

Another sigh. {I think we have outstayed our time here. When the Wise left, they left because they knew what was coming and is now come-- our Middle-Earth is all but vanished. We should have left then. We should leave while we have this chance, before Lewis dies. But I'm worried-} She abruptly shut up, seeming to remember who she was talking to, and looked over at him. {I'm going back to the city.}

{Goodbye, then.} She nodded, stood and stretched. Esgalmir watched her until she'd vanished over the lip of the dell, then turned back to the sky.

He stayed there all night, finding the constellations he knew, watching the wandering stars. He knew, of course, their true nature; with their far superior vision, Elves had been able to distinguish the planets as such with their naked eyes, and even some of Jupiter's larger moons. The night sky held far more wonders for them than humans could have ever imagined: a sharp-eyed Elf could distinguish a nebula from a double star with ease.

At some point he fell asleep. He awoke with the Sun, an old ability he had never lost, and set off for the bus stop, rubbing his now grass-stained back thoughtfully. It must be about 5 in the morning, and today would be Sunday; no work, and very little to do. Sarah crept unbidden into his mind, and he wondered at that for a moment. The girl was hardly important, since she hadn't figured out his secret; no, today he needed to resume his search for Mark Lewis. Then he remembered he'd wanted Malfinien to help him.

He reached the stop just in time to watch the back of the bus drive away toward town. No harm done; being immortal does tend to render one more patient. He sat down on the bench and considered the problem. Malfinien could not help him by order of Balimar-- or, more accurately, by suggestion of Balimar, but no-one would go against him. However, she also wanted to find the Straight Road. She didn't need him, she could read just as well as he could, but he wanted to DO something, not just waste his time reading Internet sites and talking to teenage girls.

Speaking of doing something-- he decided a nice walk back to the city would be good exercise. Better yet, a run; the bus wouldn't come for another 2 hours, and Elven patience only goes so far. He set off for his apartment at an easy jog; perhaps he'd find some answers in an unexpected place.