Chapter 2 - "Hey! I cook all the time."
Michelangelo and Raphael sat on opposite ends of the couch, each gripping a remote control connected to the X-box April bought them for Christmas. Raph held his eyes fixated at the TV, barely moving as much as a muscle on his face, while Mike's arms and legs had a life of their own, yelling at his player to do better.
"C'mon!" he urged. "Get up! Kick 'im! " But no matter how loud he yelled at the television, he was still having his ass kicked at 'Dead or Alive'.
Raph proudly leaned back in the couch when he won for the ninth time in a row. "Hurts, doesn't it?" He grinned at Mikey.
"It's only cuz you have a guy," Mike blamed, while watching the humiliation of his defeat replay itself in front of them in slow-motion.
"Can't ya just admit that you suck?" Raph snickered.
"I do not!" Michelangelo protested. "The guys are stronger than the girls," he insisted.
"Then why d'ya keep choosin' girls?" Raph countered, sitting himself upright for the next battle.
"Cuz their breasts bounce when they fight," the smaller turtle answered, a dirty smile curving his lips.
"Pervert," Raph mumbled, while choosing his player.
And so they were on to another round of beating Mike senseless, while he kept screaming at the TV for his player to fight back. Leo, who had been trying to read his book for the past thirty minutes, finally gave up and waltzed into the living room.
"What's going on?" he asked, standing behind the couch.
"Mike's loosin'," Raph answered under his concentration, his eyes glued to the screen.
"Really?" Leo's stern features broke into a smile, and he leaned forward on the back of the couch, his head in between his brothers. "What's the matter, Mikey?" he teased. "Not the number one anymore?" The two of them had earlier played the same game, and Michelangelo hadn't exactly been shy to point out his triumph, even performing a little victory dance for the loser (in this case Leo).
"Shut up," Mike hissed, while scooting closer to the television, his knees hitting the table edge in the process. "Ow!" he whined, regretting taking off his pads earlier.
Within the matter of seconds Raphael beat the last of his life out of him, adding another victory to his ego. "Can ya believe that?" he mocked. "Looks like I beat ya again."
"Very funny," Mike frowned, caressing his injured knees. "That one doesn't count."
"Unless ya play with yer knees, I think it does," Raph smiled, coaxing the control into Mike's lap. "Now c'mon, les finish this."
"I don't wanna play anymore," Mike protested, giving back his control to Raph.
"You saying yer givin' up?" Raph smiled evilly, matching Leo's expression.
There was a silent moment where the two brothers held their gazes locked at each other, much like in an old western movie, until Mike finally gave in and retrieved his control.
"Fine," he hissed, choosing yet another big breasted woman.
The fight began and Mike's life shrunk dangerously fast. Raph wasn't even giving him the chance to get back up and defend himself, and while Leo's smile grew wider, Michelangelo's frown deepened.
"Turn that off," Splinter suddenly ordered as he sat down in his chair, none of his sons even turning to glance at him.
"Inna minute," Raph mumbled, focused on beating up the animated half naked woman.
Mike, however, wasn't slow to hurl himself across the coffee table and hit the reset button, saving his ass from yet another beating. "Too bad I didn't get the chance to beat ya up," he smiled from the floor, happily turning off the TV and returning to his seat on the couch.
Leonardo and Raphael frowned, both of them having looked forward to Mike's ego hitting rock bottom.
"Coward," Raph grunted, while Leo stepped over from the back of the couch and sat down in between his siblings.
"Oh, c'mon, Raph," Mikey smiled. "Ya heard Splinter. It was totally outta my hands."
Raph only rolled his eyes in response, not even bothering to answer him.
"Where is Donatello?" Splinter interrupted their bickering.
"In his room," Mikey answered, turning to his master. "I'll get 'im," he offered and flew up from the couch to drag out his brother, who had spent the entire night sulking by his computer, cleaning it from the latest virus attack.
"It's the list, isn't it?" Raph asked, trying to hide his irritation while addressing his sensei.
"It is," Splinter confirmed, a small smile brightening up his face.
Soon the two missing turtles arrived in the living room, with Mike darting towards the couch, hogging the only seat left. Donnie sighed in defeat and sat down on the table, his legs stretched out on the floor. There was a dreadful silence as the four teenagers waited for the court to reveal their sentence, each one hoping they would get off as light as possible.
"I have finished the list," Splinter announced, looking to each one of his sons. "Now, before I pass it around to you, I have a couple of rules that apply to everyone."
The turtles nodded silently, feeling as if a dark cloud hung over their heads - and their heads only, much like in a cartoon.
"You will not watch television unless you have made your beds and cleaned your rooms. I want it done everyday, and I will be very strict." Splinter paused to look at his students, realizing he had their attention in the palm of his paw.
It was a first.
"Secondly, I have divided you into pairs for your patrols," the rat continued. "Donatello and Raphael," he turned to the ones mentioned, "you will patrol Sunday, Monday and Tuesday." He noticed the disappointed expressions on their faces. He knew the two of them didn't spend much time together, and he had paired them up for that very reason. Besides that, they usually patrolled the city twice a week, so the extra work they had to perform contributed to their frowns. "Leonardo and Michelangelo," he turned to his sons on the couch. "the two of you will be responsible for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I expect you will work together and do your best."
"Yes, sensei," Leonardo nodded, with a pouting Michelangelo to his left.
"So, we only get Saturday off?" Mike asked, with many hints of disappointment on his voice.
"No," Splinter answered. "The four of you will patrol together on Saturdays. The city appears to be in its worst state on this particular night, and can certainly use the extra help."
"We have to patrol everyday?" Mikey whined, getting tired by just thinking about it.
"By taking turns you will each get the rest you deserve," Splinter simply replied.
"I think I deserve more than just three nights a week," Mike mumbled, earning an elbow from Leo in his side. "What?" he whined, turning to his brother in blue. "I do."
Splinter ignored his lazy student and reached inside the pocket of his kimono, grabbing onto the note everyone already feared. His four sons immediately sobered up once they noticed the piece of paper in his hand, and he had to suppress a smile when addressing them. "I will pass it around to the four of you, so that each person has his chance to choose the chores he thinks he's capable of, and I expect you will be fair to each other when dividing the list."
The four reptiles nodded silently, each staring at the object in his right hand, while imagining the horrible things written on it.
"Is there anyone who would like to begin?" Splinter wondered, his eyes inspecting all four students.
"Me!" Michelangelo chimed, his arm waving in the air to make his point. "I wanna!"
"Very well," Splinter said and rose from his chair. "I am going to retire now, so I trust you will solve this on your own." All four nodded. Splinter handed over the piece of paper to Michelangelo before bidding his sons good night and leaving for his bedroom. The smile he had fought so hard to hide surfaced once his back was turned to his pupils, and he did nothing to stop it.
Michelangelo's brown eyes travelled down the list, while doing his best to hide it from his curious brothers.
"What does it say?" Donatello asked, since he couldn't peek over his brother's shoulder from his position on the table.
"You wait your turn, dude," Mike said, holding the list as close to his face as possible. After a few seconds of reading, he finally spoke up to the others. "Water plants? We don't have any plants:"
"Then what do ya call that green thing over there?" Raph wondered, while pointing to a medium large fern by the foot of the stairs that lead to the main platform.
"There are lots of plants in Splinter's room," Leo informed, while trying to see what else was on the list.
"Well, I've sure never noticed 'em," Mike said, hiding the note from his curious brother.
"That's because you never water them," Donatello pointed out.
"Touché," Mikey said with a smile. "Okay, well that sounds easy enough. Anyone's got a pen?" He looked between his three brothers.
"In my room," Don said and rose to get it.
"What else are ya gonna do?" Raph asked, trying to act as if he wasn't interested.
"Ya think I'll tell you that?" Mike outburst, as if it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard.
"What, don't ya think I'll be able ta read it off that list?" Raph countered, pointing to the piece of paper Michelangelo clutched in his hands.
Before Mike had a chance to answer, Donnie returned with a pencil in his hand. "Here," he said, while handing it to Mikey.
Mike gripped the pen tight in his right hand and hid behind the piece of paper. There, safely protected from his brothers' curious eyes, he picked out the chores he wanted, or didn't hate as much.
"Finished!" he announced with a smile and sat straight up again, now that he didn't have to hide from his siblings anymore.
"Lemme see," Leo said and snatched the note from Mike. He quickly looked it over and noticed the three chores his lazy brother had put his name behind. "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me," he exclaimed while looking up from the list.
"What?" Mike asked with an innocent look on his face, as if he had no idea what Leonardo was talking about.
Leo looked back to the piece of paper in his hand and began reading Mike's choices out loud. "Water plants.. Supply list to April... Morning practise!"
"So?" Mikey asked with a blank look on his face.
"So?" Leo repeated. "You think you, the person that skipped practise because of a supposedly cramp in the leg, is capable of supervising our morning practise?"
"It's not that hard," Michelangelo said, causing Leo's eye ridges to shoot up. "A kick here, a punch there, and a few words of wisdom to keep ya in shape."
"You really think it's that easy?" Leo exclaimed, picturing Mike's five minute session in his mind.
"I think I can do it," Mike replied. "Plus, I picked first, so I don't think it's up to you to decide."
Leo looked to his other brothers for support, only to find none, as Donatello shrugged his shoulders, and Raph smiled happily. "Fine," Leo surrendered and turned back to the turtle in orange. "But you're not writing the supply list."
"What?" Mike outburst. "But that's totally my area. Don't tell me I don't eat the most."
"He's got a point there," Donnie agreed, and then turned to Mike. "But think about what we'll look like if you feed us. We have to stay in shape, y'know."
"And that's why I'm also responsible for morning practise," Michelangelo explained, thinking the solution was obvious.
"Nuh uh," Leo disagreed. "I'm not folding on this one, Mike. We can't have you buy our food. It's just not possible."
"Fine," Mike pouted and crossed his arms. "So what am I suppose to do if I can't do that?"
Leo turned back to the list, his eyes quickly scanning it. "How about feeding Klunk and cleaning his litter box."
"What?" Mike frowned. "But why? That's so lame."
"Cuz it's your cat," Raph reminded him. "I sure as hell ain't cleaning up his shit."
"So Klunk it is," Leo decided, while snatching the pencil from a cranky Mike to rearrange the list. After having picked out the chores he wanted, he looked up from the list to the others. "So who's next?"
"Me," Don said and reached for the two items. After Leo handed them over to him, he immediately tuned in to his 'unreachable mode.' He closely read over the list, several times, before tightening his hold on the pen and scrabbling down his name on the note. Once he was finished, he passed it on to Raphael.
Raph pessimistically grabbed the pen and paper, before observing what was written on it. "Whatta hell's this?" he outburst and looked up from the piece of paper. "I don't get to choose anything!"
"Whaddid'ya think, dude?" Mike smiled. "You're the last one to the party."
"So?" Raph said. "Look, there's no way I'm cleaning the bathroom, doing dinner and dishes..." he looked back to the note in his hands before continuing. "..and makin' breakfast?"
"Well, I'm sorry, Raph," Leo said. "But I don't think anyone's up for trading. We've all got our share."
"Like hell ya do," Raph hissed and turned back to the list. "I mean, look at Donnie." He angrily pointed to the piece of paper. "Supply list, putting everything in place.. and takin' out the trash, I mean c'mon!" He looked at Leo, who didn't seem to care that much.
"What?" Mike suddenly complained. "Donnie get to do the groceries?"
"And what about Mike?" Raph angrily pointed to turtle at the opposite end of the couch. "Why can't he cook?"
"Hey! I cook all the time," Mikey defended himself.
"Oh yeah?" Raph questioned. "Well I don't think orderin' pizza qualifies."
"Okay," Donatello spoke up. "So what if I switch my 'cleaning up the lair' for something of yours?" he offered.
This got Raph thinking. "I'll give ya breakfast," he decided, after checking the list again.
"What? Breakfast.. b-but I can't cook," Donnie whined.
"How hard can it be to make a couple a' sandwiches?"
"So why don't you do it then?" Don argued.
"Because I don't wanna get up that early," Raphael said, simply.
"Well neither do I."
"It was you who offered ta switch," Raph reminded his purple wearing brother.
"Fine," Don agreed, seeing no way out.
Raphael smiled and returned to the list, updating it with the pencil gripped in his right hand.
"So what do we got ?" Leonardo asked when he was finished.
Raph returned to the list and read it word for word to the others.
"Breakfast and dishes - Donnie.
Responsible for morning practise - Mikey.
Polish weapons - Leo.
Lunch and dishes - Leo.
Water plants - Mikey.
Feed Klunk and clean his litter box - Mikey.
Clean bathtub and toilet - me.
Supply list to April, and pick up groceries at her apartment - Donnie.
Wipe and sweep - Leo.
Put everything in its rightful place - me.
Dinner and dishes - me.
Take out the trash - Donnie."
"Well that sounds fair enough," Leo said and reached for the list.
"Ya really think Splinter does all this stuff?" Mikey wondered. His three brothers turned to look at him. "I mean, I've never seen him wiping the floor."
"It's clean, isn't it?" Leo said, feeling the need to stand up for their father.
"Well, yeah.." Mike agreed. "But, I mean, c'mon Leo.. polish weapons? I don't know if you've noticed, but my chucks ain't that shiny."
"That's because you don't polish them," Leo replied, noticing Donatello and Raphael brightening up at the argument.
"Well neither does he," Michelangelo pointed out.
"That's not the point, Mikey," Leonardo said and rose from the couch. "This is about us helping out more and learning to take responsibility."
"Seriously, Leo, you don't think he's getting the least bit off at this?" Mike curiously looked at his brother with a wicked smile curving his lips.
"No," Leo answered. "I don't."
The three turtles then watched as their leader went inside the kitchen sub-car to put the note on the fridge. They shared a quiet smile in the oldest turtle's absence. They all knew Splinter enjoyed this more than he let onto, and even though Leo wouldn't admit it to their faces, he knew it, too.
This list wasn't just about taking responsibility. Splinter was teaching them a lesson, a taking a vacation while doing it.