He was ashamed to admit it but it was a long time before he grew close to Deeks. Trusted Deeks. Hell, it took Siderov threatening his wife before he realised that, hey, Deeks belonged. And Deeks had managed to get himself tortured before Sam realised that.

Deeks just seemed to have extremely bad luck when it came to him. First, he appeared when Dom had been gone long enough that they were starting to lose hope. Then, when Dom died Deeks came back to them but Sam couldn't stick it because Dom wasn't going to come back to them and he was grieving and he'd lost too many people and he didn't need someone new to walk into his life just to leave it again. So, he didn't give Deeks the chance to do that.

Of course, things with Mo started to go down and he didn't have time to get to know Deeks. So, he didn't. It was incredibly easy when the man quickly busied himself with seeing how far he could annoy Kensi before she snapped. Sam had almost been eager to see it happen. Unfortunately, this turned out to be some sort of weird-ass game the two younger team mates liked playing. It was a part of their flirtationship (and yes, that was just as weird spoken out loud as it was written down). But, hey, if Kensi was busy with him then Sam didn't have to be. One younger man was enough for him to be looking out for and it wasn't Deeks. Deeks didn't need that sort of protection. He was safe where he was because he was with them.

And then he wasn't. Deeks got shot. Sam had been furious. He might not have been the closest to Deeks but nobody hurt his team. Nobody. Even that whole incident didn't make him suddenly be friends with the guy. Respect him a bit more? Sure. Annoyed with tradecraft? Definitely. And he fixed that. Made sure that that sort of thing wasn't going to happen again. At least Deeks was receptive to his training. Listened well and was quick on the uptake. Sam actually quite liked teaching him.

Until he pulled that stunt with his phone and Sam's bag. Which he still figured out. How on earth had Deeks managed it? All his good feelings about training the guy had quickly evaporated at that.

He could still work with the guy without caring for him. He could still be loyal to him because he was a part of the team, not because he was Deeks. And, begrudgingly, he would respect his skills because he helped them get the job done. And, he begrudgingly thought this, the guy did balance out Kensi, which was an admirable trait. Very few men could do that. And it was fun to tease him.

Sam had been planning on trying to get a bit closer to Deeks. He had. For the good of the team. Feeling secure in the people around you were very important. But he just couldn't seem to catch a break.

The whole business with Tahir Khaled had put him on edge and kept him there for weeks, months even. It did not make him receptive to strengthening relationships. It had even made him a little short-tempered with Kensi, never mind Deeks.

Their relationship ebbed and flowed, more ebbing than flowing if he was being honest with himself but when it was flowing it was good. Well, good enough. There was nothing malicious between them. They just didn't gel. Chalk and cheese, that's what their personalities were like. And there was nothing wrong with that. It took all kinds to make a world.

And then Mike Renko had died. Been murdered. By someone who was after his partner. Both were unacceptable. Renko had been a friend. Too many of his friends had died in this line of work.

Renko's death had made Sam even less likely to put up with Deeks' nonsense. He just couldn't deal with another guy who liked joking around. He couldn't. The hurt was too raw. So, he pushed Deeks away. It was fairly easy; Deeks was good at picking up social cues and knew he was hurting. That they were all grieving but seemed to toe the line more with Sam. Pity he couldn't do that all the time.

Sometimes Sam thought that Deeks didn't know how annoying he was. And he was annoying. Had he mentioned about them having pretty much opposite personalities? Because they certainly did. He didn't think Deeks took anything seriously and it drove him mad. He kept a handle on it though, knowing it was how Deeks worked and he did get results.

It seemed that just as he was getting into some sort of a groove with Deeks, starting to come round to his personality, something happened. Something bad. And this was the worst thing that could ever happen.

Sam wasn't proud of how he acted during the Siderov case. Especially towards Deeks. But it was Michelle. She was constantly in danger and he didn't like it. He had to put up with it though which meant he was always ready to spring into action. Meaning he was less willing to deal with Deeks.

Which was not good. Bad even. He knew that. He just couldn't help himself. Deeks was an easy target. Something that he was never going to forgive himself for. Not after what Deeks did for him.

He saved Michelle. Literally. There was no way that any of them would have survived if it wasn't for him. Deeks was a hero in his books. And what did he get for his troubles? Tortured. That's right tortured. That's what Sam was never going to forgive himself for. Ever.

The only good thing that came out of this (except Michelle not getting murdered, of course) was that he no longer just thought of Deeks as theirs. He wasn't just a member of the team any more. He was one of Sam's people. And he took proper care of his people.

So yes, Deeks didn't exactly grow on Sam. Or, maybe he did and he was just too stupid to figure that out until someone tried to yank him away. Nope. Wasn't going to happen. He was going to hold onto these roots.

Hold on and not let go.