Disclaimer: I own nothing! But that's alright. It gives me something to
dream about! Anyway I finally remembered what Aoshi's sword style was;
Kodachi Ryu or also known as the Kempo Style
Introduction
[i] A wise man once told me, that only the wounded seek out the blood of another. Only those who lost their hearts thrive upon the sword's cry. Their tears only shed by the screams of the many slaughtered. I wonder, if the sword can scream, why can't they? [/i]
Chapter 5 Enshrouded Perfidy
I remember awaking to the sound of hissing from a fire. My eyes flickered open, and I tried to gain focus as I stared at the dancing flames of the fire. When they did come into clear, I realized it was indeed a fire. I could not remember, when I departed from reality....
The pelting of the rain was overpowering, and I remember only curling up into a timid ball while I wept. I guess...I must have fallen asleep. As I tried to sit up, I felt a bind on my arm, and as I gazed at my forearm, I saw much to my demise a bandage wrapped firmly around it. I also became aware, that those bandages were thick carmine. I didn't recall getting that wound; the Batosi had laid no hand upon me. As my hand slid across my face, I saw that there was a bandage on the wound that Aoshi had given me. Now, I distinctly remember ripping Aoshi's bandage off after I ran from the diner. What was going on?
I was fearful. I did not know, who had made this fire, who was here, and who had mended my wounds. I was suspicious, my first reaction, was that someone kind had found me. But maybe, this was all an elusive trap. I remained motionless, like a broken china doll that had fallen from a shelf, shattered. My heart felt so weak, I wanted to be home, or Hikaru's home, and the closest thing I had.
I flashbacked to the diner, laughing with Miss Tae; I flashed back, remembering Aoshi's face. His face so composite and distressed, I had betrayed him.... and he knew of my wrongs. I recollected Sanouske's face as well, a deep hurt, and a dormant anger...I remember him, clenching his fists, I remembered, my screaming, I remembered running...only running.
It felt like I was dead. Everything hurt so bad, that now everything was numbed; I could not even feel my own heartbeat. My fingers would clench and unclench themselves against my own will, as if trying to keep me conscious. I realized, that draped across my damp and battered self, was a thick animal skinned jacket. I realized now, how warm it was, like being grasped in your father's arms. My eyes darted about trying to see where I was. From the ground, all that was visible was the, the mudded road I laid on, and the bottoms of many spruce and cherry blossom trees.
"I see you are awake girl" I heard a pubertal voice call out. My eyes darted around, but I could not find this boys voice. I remained silent, hoping, praying this was all a nightmare. "I know you're awake. I can see you flinch."
I still remained silent. I was not fully sure if this boy would be my ally or an enemy. He could easily be a worker of the Batosi. I remained silent, but could feel myself trembling with fear and anxiety.
"Would you please calm yourself An, you're beginning to worry me"
I felt something inside of my tug at my heart. Only one person ever called me An.... but it couldn't be...in the middle of nowhere? Was that really Tai I heard?
"You know my name?" I asked dumbly, the figure had not yet made himself visible to me. I tried to sit up, but felt the piercing pain in my arm and face.
"Don't strain yourself An! I only just found you a short while ago" A boy came running out between groves of cherry blossom trees with a wolf at his feet. I remembered last night, hearing a wolf cry out...I thought it was a pack... the boy came over to me, and sat me up very delicately.
At last I looked at his face, and I could feel a flow of tears break out. I actually pinched myself, to make sure I was hallucinating. I lifted my hand and placed it on his cheek, rubbing it tenderly, feeling his flesh. The dog sat in front of us, and I watched as his tail swished every calmly back and forth.
"Tai....it really is you. Please tell me its you"
I saw his face crumble with a joy and sorrow.
"Of course it is I. I am sorry that it took me so long to find you" He brought me inward and crushed me with his many hugs. I felt him cry too as he rested his head on my shoulder. "God Anju-san, I finally found you. It really is you."
"Tai. I am so sorry. I came back, I looked for you; but Imperialists raided the house, and I fled with Aoshi to this town...I've been worried sick about you"
"I know. I was practicing in the dojo like you told me, and then I heard Kip barking. I went outside, and in the sky was the thickest haze of smoke. My instincts told me it was they, so I quickly packed all I could. I'm sorry Anju, I did not have time to write a note, and I could already hear the Imperialists coming from a distance. I ran so far. I've been hiding in these groves since then.
Last night, I was hunting with Kip, and I heard a woman scream. From the corner of my eye, I saw your figure dashing by, and that manslayer behind you. I was totally shocked to see it was you Anju-san, but I was even more surprised to see you in this condition. I heard you two talk, and when he was gone I heard you crying out for someone. I didn't understand who it was, and then like that, you collapsed, I couldn't reach you. It was as if you were in your own world Anju. You were in complete shock. I don't know what was wrong with you when you were talking to that manslayer; it was like you were another person. You really scared me Anju-san. I couldn't even call you my sister then."
I looked at Tai softly. In only 5 days, had I never seen him blossom into a great man. I knew he was only 15, but already he stood tall, even for a boy who was terrified. I hugged him tight,
"I am sorry. There is so much I must tell you. So much has happened, Meiko, mother, father they're...."
"I know Anju, I know, I could only suspect the worse when I saw the Shinomori's mansion go up in flames"
"Have you walked all this far?"
"Yeah, I guess I was too petrified to feel the distance and strain. Besides, I had Kip with me, he kept me going"
I allowed my hand to slide down onto Kip's head, and I stroked him slowly. I watched as his tail continued a repetitive beat "Thump, thump, thump...."
"Tai, I am so grateful to see you. Buddha heard my prayers that night. I am so proud of you, father would be most happy with you. You truly have grown into a man"
I watched Tai blush and rub the back of his head.
"Awww Sister you're embarrassing me" After his remark, we both fell into a laughing spree. It was nice to laugh; it was a way to vent off all our anxiety. I had never been happier. I finally had my brother and my dog back. The two things of my past I thought I would forever lose. "Anju, I think it is time I get you back to your guardian's estate."
"You will stay with us at the estate Tai. I will not settle for anything less. I will even pay for your room and board if I must."
"Anju-san, are you certain it is your right to give me permission?"
"I have already told Hikaru I will be paying for any extra expenses that come our way. She is a retired widow, and her husband was a politician, she is finically stable. But I shall still pay, it is only honorable."
He rolled his eyes "Even in times of crisis and war, you are still able to remain honorable. I truly envy you for that sister." He finally released me as I rested up against a tree. "You can walk right?"
"Of course" Slowly, very slowly I stood up. For a moment, I had to balance out and regain my barring. But soon enough I was off. "Let's go. I want to go.... home...I guess" Tai and I both had a moment of silence. We both felt the same way, Hikaru's Estate was not home, and it never would be, but what else was out there for us?
It took us nearly half the day to return back to town. I only stopped at Raijuta's, knowing there I was at least safe so we could take a break. I slumped down and sighed as Tai and I sat down in front of Raijuta. Raijuta said nothing, but could clearly understand the excruciating journey we had been on. He slid us both a small cup of warm sake, and bowls filled with freshly steamed rice. We both bowed graciously and ate slowly. After a while, Raijuta finally nodded and spoke.
"Without words did I realize that you are Tai Anju's brother. She has been searching for you. The wounds, and dampness I will not be addressing for I figure that this is part of your own story. But Anju, I do have a gift for you"
"A gift Raijuta?"
"Your sword my dear. I know I said I'd have it in a week but I finished it early. See I did it in 4 days, am I not the best swords maker around?"
I could only laugh and nod "The best in the world"
He quickly stood and disappeared into another room rummaging around for my sword. Tai glanced me and whispered softly
"A sword Anju?"
"I will explain more of this later Tai. For now, just understand it is for my protection"
Tai opened his mouth to ask more, but closed it as Raijuta returned. He gently placed the sword and sheath in my hands. I placed the sheath on my belt and drew the sword out before me. I examined it closely, and I could see Raijuta's fine craftsmanship. The blade was sleek and thin, but tough, made of the finest materials. The hilt was made of a durable and had a somewhat padded property.
"Clearly this is your best sword yet Raijuta."
"Only the best for my darling"
I felt my throat tighten before I asked my final question
"Raijuta sir, where is Sanouske?"
"Sanouske?" he looked at me puzzled "Well he and Miss Tae followed Lord Aoshi back up to Miss Hikaru's estate where they decided to wait for you of course. Miss Tae had to work pretty hard to keep Aoshi and Sanouske away from each other. She told them that you little Anju would explain everything to them when you returned. What was even harder, was keeping that hotheaded Aoshi fella from going on after you. That Miss Tae sure is brave."
"Yes.... braver then I'll ever be..." I replied quietly staring down at my hands. Look at all the trouble I have caused everyone. I most certainly had ruined my chances at working with Tae. I wanted to cry and sob again, but I tried so hard to be brave. I looked up to see that Tai was squeezing my hand. The look in his eye, so serious, as if something said in our discussion had made him tense and upset.
"Anju, it is alright to be afraid. No one is ever fearless." Tai told me slowly, nodding his head reassuringly.
"The boy is right Anju. Now I suggest you get a move on, those boys have probably destroyed the place by now." Raijuta threw his head back and laughed.
"Right. Thank you Raijuta. You are truly and admirable friend" I stood and bowed and Tai followed after me. We slowly began our walk to the dojo.
My stomach felt like a python had wrapped its scaly self around it constricting me and making my nerves run loose. My palms were extremely clammy. My right hand was put in a sling, thanks to Tai's quick thinking. My left arm just fell limp at my side, swinging with my pace.
Tai kept staring at me, and I knew in his mind he had many questions to ask me. For a while, I tried to ignore him, but soon I let out an aggravated sigh
"What is it Tai? Just ask your questions!"
"Anju-San, since when were you a samurai woman?"
"Remember five years ago, when you were ten, I went away for three years? I went to be trained by sword master Hiko"
I felt my heart tug again; Tai was unaware that I was not his real biological sister. He did not know, that Hiko was my real father. I felt so horrible, I am a betrayer, and slowly I was destroying all who were around me.
"Oh. Now I understand sister. I would ask you who these barbaric boys are, but I figure I will see them soon enough. Aoshi, he sounds familiar who is he?"
"He is the one mother and father wanted me to marry. In remembrance for our parents, we will follow on in the ceremony and we will be married in a month or so, depending on the fall of the new moon"
"I am happy for you sister. And I am sure our parents are very pleased with your honorable decision"
Our parents...OUR PARENTS.... oh my poor Tai if you only knew how foolish you were. If you only knew how horrible and retched of a person I really was, then you wouldn't be so pleased. There is so much I promised I would tell him. And right now, I wondered if Aoshi even wanted me back anymore.
The rest of our walk was in silence. I believe that Tai could sense my harrowing pains. No matter how many times I wanted to turn away, it seemed that my feet were firmly set on moving forward. Kip took up the rear; he had been sleeping outside of Raijuta's shop. Raijuta had a thing about dogs, but it was a long story he told me when I was younger.
For a moment, I showed Tai the temple and the bell. He silently said his prayer, most likely for our parents and grandmother Meiko. Myself, I prayed for my parents and Meiko, but I also prayed for their guidance. Please, do not let me make the same mistake; please do not let me loose all that is dear that I love. If I were to lose Tai from his anger, or Aoshi, or anyone, I would genuinely have nothing to live for.
When we arrived at Hikaru's front door. I still stood there, my hand extended in a fist to knock, but I couldn't. It shook there, mid air, for a very long time. I looked to Tai, and I saw him nod and smile reassuringly, and finally I let my hand fall upon the door, giving it three solid knocks, soon after I heard footsteps coming to the door.
It was Miss Tae who answered the door. She looked at me in disbelief, examining me from top to bottom, she stared at my scarped and ripped close, and she gazed at my busted arm and battered face. She then looked to Tai, and for a moment was perplexed but smiled, as she saw realized who he was. She only bowed slightly and pushed the door open and stood aside like a waitress
"Well, Tai Akira, and welcome home miss Anju."
Slowly we both stepped through the threshold, and I knew then that this was another moment I could not turn back from. There was an omniscience knowing, and I stood there waiting. Miss Tae guided us the dining room, and as she slid the door open, there in the room was Hikaru, Aoshi, and Sanouske.
Sano sat in the back corner his arms across his chest folded resting on his elbows. His head was drooped slightly; I was unable to see his face. Hikaru sat the table completely poised, as if waiting for me and knowing I would return. Aoshi had been pacing and forth in the room. All three of them looked up to see me in the door; I saw smiles and eyes that sparkled with relief. But within those eyes I also saw a flaming anger.
Aoshi was the first to run up and approach me. He began to scoop me up into the air, but stopped when he saw my broken arm and battered face. He gently put me down and looked at me afraid
"Anju what happened to you?"
Sano quickly got up and stood next to Aoshi his arms still crossed. He seemed very choler still, and I wish for once I could have a moment of sympathy. He opened his mouth to speak, and at first said nothing, but when his eyes fell on Tai he grew even angrier
"And who the hell is this guy? Did he do this to you Anju?" He quickly grabbed Tai by the shirt and lifted him off the ground. I could see Tai squirm with fear and confusion as Sano raised an arm. I quickly dashed and slapped Sano harder then I ever had. He put down Tai and looked at me his hand shaking as it wobbled up to his face.
"How dare you, even try to lay a finger on my brother! How dare you try to harm, what I love most, and what I've been searching for all this time? Do you know that he was the one who saved me? He was the one who fixed my arm! Sano, you let your anger cloud your judgment, if you ever come near him like that again.... I'll...."
I realized then I was crying, and sadder then I was angry with Sano. Sano looked at me, and his face weakened as he drooped it.
"Anju...I'm...I'm so sorry. I was just so worried and...."
"Sano...I'm sorry..." He looked up at me confused, but I could only feel my tears falling down my face. I felt my legs buckle, and down to the floor I sank crying. "I'm sorry everyone, I've been so horrible and wretched, I've betrayed you all. I don't deserve forgiveness, I don't deserve to even ask for your forgiveness...."
I felt Aunt Hikaru take my hand and stroke it gently
"My dear you have obviously had a long journey. Please let us first get you into proper clothing, and some for your brother too"
She quickly took our hands. She dropped me off in my bedroom and took Tai into an attic loft where she had kept clothes from her grandson. Within moments Tai and I returned, at least now somewhat courtly. I bowed and thanked her quietly and us three returned to the dining hall. When we entered, I saw Aoshi and Sano sitting on opposite ends of the table and Miss Tae waiting for us in the doorway.
Miss Tae only gently came up to me, and making sure not to touch my broken arm hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek.
'Dear, these two may be upset, but they love you both very much. Tell them all that is troubling your heart, and I am sure they will understand."
"I believe that Tai and I will wait out here with Miss Tae. We will go and find a proper place for your elegantly beautiful dog, what did you call him Kip dear?" She asked addressing Tai
"Yes Kip is our wolf's name. He is part wolf. And I am grateful to you for allowing my dog and I to stay on your estate. I was worried with Anju and Aoshi already being here, you would want two more mouths to feed."
'Tai let me tell you. I've been a mother, an aunt, and a grandmother for a very long time. I am blessed to have all this life in the house again. If you understand I lack proper bedrooms, but there is a loft in the barn, and I will most definitely bring you blankets and proper clothings. There is even a make shit shower there, usually for the horses, but works the same. Consider it, your own private apartment. As long as you don't do anything to upset the horses, I will allow you to move materials around and furbish it to your liking."
I smiled as I saw Tai's eyes glisten as a proud boy tried to hold back his tears.
'I am eternally in your debt, not only do I get food, shelter, and clothing but I get to stay here with my sister. Thank you so much Hikaru. Really Thank You"
He shook her hand and she laughed. The three of them departed for the barn, and I stood outside the dining hall. I took a few deep breaths thinking to myself, if Tai could be this brave, than I could be too. And with that final thought I slid the door open and stood there before them.
Aoshi looked up at me, with those eyes I felt I could always melt into. His eyes, to my suspicion, were holding back their own tears. Sano's eyes were stern but in a way relieved. I quietly sat down at the head of the table staring down at my hands. They both said nothing, and after clearing my through I quietly replied
"Who wants to begin the yelling at me first?"
"We would never yell at you Anju. Even if we were angry," Sano said all too coolly. Aoshi nodded in agreement. "Though I do have a few questions for you.... like what happened to you"
I let out a long sigh and flexed my fingers. "I took off running....just running until I got lost in the forest. When I actually realized I was lost, he appeared..."
'You mean Tai?"
I shook my head closing my eyes a little and opened them again. "No the....the manslayer....The Batosi had found me"
"No..." Aoshi looked at me startled and he wanted to hug me, thanking the gods I was still alive, but didn't; only knowing Sano was here.
"Hold everything. You mean you came face to face with Kenshin the Batosi and lived?"
"I have met him before Sano...we ran into each other the night our families were murdered....I am, trained under the same style as he is....I am....the unknown other who mastered the Hiten Mitserugi."
Sano looked at me baffled. "But, you did not fight him?"
'No.... I too have...my problems with power. It is said, when you achieve your ultimate best, you become infatuated with victory and destruction but...I have been able to suppress it, for the sake of my family, especially Tai. But...that night...it returned, I could feel my old self vanishing before me, and I became the same as him...a ruthless killer...I hate myself...for being that monster...."
I shook my head slowly pounding against the table "I hate myself.... but The Batosi left me, saying he would return, I had somehow, psyched him out so to speak...and then I lost consciousness. When I awoke, Tai had found me and already tended to my wounds. And here I am now. I know I do not deserve either of your forgiveness.... but...I can't help but ask for it anyway"
"I figure you Anju-san. Sanouske and I spoke about why you were so upset in the Akabeko. I am...shocked, but after I saw what you did, and how you spoke to him and said your no's and regret, I know that came from your heart. Matters of the Batosi, you and I should discuss at a later hour..."
I looked at Aoshi and smiled. My eyes glistened with happiness and joy, but my happiness was interrupted...
"Well I don't forgive you," Sanouske replied "I waited all this time for you, the one I loved, and you come here with a fiancé. You do not tell me right away about it. Your only concern Tai, what am I chopped sushi?"
"Sano...I tried to tell you...but I was weak. I am weak..."
"Oh enough with this petty self sympathy. Look you are weak! You're worthless, petty, wretched girl and I wish to love you no more! If you know you're weak then DO something about it! I'm not going to sit on this sympathy train any longer. I don't know why I ever loved you, and I hope that Batosi comes and he opens your eyes. You're not a little kid anymore, where you can be easily forgiven, we can't fight like once were like carefree adolescence. You're 17 now, and I'm 18. I have feelings, and I always did. I never forgot that day I had to watch you disappear back to your old life! And I'll never forget seeing Aoshi storm into the diner looking for you! You lied to me! You had Miss Tae even lie to me! You're a selfish bitch and I hope that manslayer kills you and everything you love!"
"Don't say that Sanouske!" Aoshi screamed banging his hand on the table as well "You can't mean that! Can't you see how upset and regretful she is? Would you really wish death to Tai, the only family she has left? Would you really wish death to me, someone who just fell in love with Anju just as you did? Could you really, wish death to yourself?"
"What? Death to myself? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Are you that blind Sanouske? Can't you see how much she loves you? She loves you as daringly as she does her brother Tai. It is not her fault she cannot love you in a relationship manner. But can't you see that the love and concern you two have for each other is just as special and just as important as a relationship between a woman and her spouse? You two are best friends. You know each other inside out, why do you have to downsize that special gift? You know as well as I do that Anju would fight till her own death to protect you! Why Sano? WHY ARE YOU SO BLIND?!"
Sanouske stood there paralyzed. Sano, he seemed entranced, as if finally Aoshi's words and all that I felt were finally getting through to him. Sano covered his mouth with his hand, realizing and regretting what he had said. He stood there, wobbling to a degree, and he shivered slightly and looked over at me. I stared at him with tears in my eyes, my face worn and tired.
His face was tacit, and I could understand, no words were needed for one of us to understand the other. But slowly, he removed his hand and took a step back, as if afraid of the very words he had shot out at me.
"Anju I am sorry...." He turned and walked out the door. "I know why I love you, and I am sorry that I was so stupid to forget. I fell in love with you, because you carried the world on your shoulders, caring only for other's needs, and never for your own. You are truly an angel. I won't stop loving you the way I do, but I have now come to appreciate how unique or friendship is. Please, I give you both my blessing. I hope you are both happy together." With that he disappeared down the hallway, and as Aoshi looked around for him, he found it hopeless, it seemed as if Aoshi had vanished...
Aoshi sat back down next to me and wrapped his arm around me as I rested my eyes.
"I really thought I had lost you this time Anju. I was so worried, it was arduous to keep my emotions and tears locked inside. But Hikaru kept telling me, that you would return, she said, you had lost something. When I asked her if it was your brother she only shook her head. She said that was only part of the larger picture. Tell me Anju, did you find what you had lost?"
"I did Aoshi. I found myself. But there is so much I must say. I must tell Tai...so many things...I have betrayed him much, and so unknowingly...I feel sometimes, that I should just die at the knees of that Batosi"
"Anju, if you died at his knees, your brother would be sad. We would all be sad. The world itself would grow dim, without its star shining so bright. Now come, let me take you to our room."
He slowly picked me up, like he always did. But tonight, he seemed extra cautious. It appeared to me, that he felt, or believed, that if he let me go this time, he might never get me back again. I had so much to tell him, and I was eager to tell Tai the truths, but I was so decrepit. Aoshi reassured me that I had all the time in the world to tell him, and that now, I needed my sleep, and so did Tai.
"Your brother Tai, seems very fond of you. He looks up to you, you know that right?"
"I know...but it is who looks to him. He has a very courageous heart, so easy to accept and understand things. He is so loving and gentle...so much like a hero"
"He had a great role model. Your are the most compassionate person I have ever met in my entire life." Aoshi arrived at our room and gently tucked me in under the covers. For a while he sat beside the bed and stroked my cheek and looked down at my arm. "I am so sorry you have been injured, I wish I could have helped you"
I nodded slowly and stared at the ceiling. "I was lost within an abyss of my own emotions. Pain was no longer a factor as the strain from my heart was too overpowering. This injury to my hand, I cannot even remember how I got it. I just remember running. I realize now that running from my problems only increases the stress and anxiety that is placed upon not only me but also the loved ones around me. I can be so selfish and misleading....I grow so tired so easily now...and I am afraid I am losing control of the monster that lays dormant beneath my skin and flesh. I don't want to hurt anyone by mistake, because of my blindness. I don't won't to hurt people anymore, I may not take their lives, but I feel I've already hurt too many"
"Anju-san, people make mistakes. Sometimes we grow too upset, and we just need time to straighten out the path before us. We all understand that this has been the hardest challenge you have indeed ever faced. Our parents' dead, Sanouske, Tai, the Batosi, even me. We all played a factor in your breakdown yesterday. It's okay..."
"I'm afraid.... I'm afraid of who I am. I am afraid of who I will become. I don't even know who I was or am anymore"
He rubbed my hand softly as he kissed it gently.
"There is nothing to fear. I will protect. I promise I will never leave your side again. I wait for the day we are finally one, finally husband and wife. Anju-San, you are my sun and stars, without you, I am incomplete. I love you."
I felt his lips dampen mine for a moment and he smiled as he played with my hair. With his hand he slowly shut my eyes, whispering for me to sleep and relax. He stayed by my side all night, stroking my hand as I left contently. I could only hear his soft lulling voice as he continued whispering to me..."I love you"
Introduction
[i] A wise man once told me, that only the wounded seek out the blood of another. Only those who lost their hearts thrive upon the sword's cry. Their tears only shed by the screams of the many slaughtered. I wonder, if the sword can scream, why can't they? [/i]
Chapter 5 Enshrouded Perfidy
I remember awaking to the sound of hissing from a fire. My eyes flickered open, and I tried to gain focus as I stared at the dancing flames of the fire. When they did come into clear, I realized it was indeed a fire. I could not remember, when I departed from reality....
The pelting of the rain was overpowering, and I remember only curling up into a timid ball while I wept. I guess...I must have fallen asleep. As I tried to sit up, I felt a bind on my arm, and as I gazed at my forearm, I saw much to my demise a bandage wrapped firmly around it. I also became aware, that those bandages were thick carmine. I didn't recall getting that wound; the Batosi had laid no hand upon me. As my hand slid across my face, I saw that there was a bandage on the wound that Aoshi had given me. Now, I distinctly remember ripping Aoshi's bandage off after I ran from the diner. What was going on?
I was fearful. I did not know, who had made this fire, who was here, and who had mended my wounds. I was suspicious, my first reaction, was that someone kind had found me. But maybe, this was all an elusive trap. I remained motionless, like a broken china doll that had fallen from a shelf, shattered. My heart felt so weak, I wanted to be home, or Hikaru's home, and the closest thing I had.
I flashbacked to the diner, laughing with Miss Tae; I flashed back, remembering Aoshi's face. His face so composite and distressed, I had betrayed him.... and he knew of my wrongs. I recollected Sanouske's face as well, a deep hurt, and a dormant anger...I remember him, clenching his fists, I remembered, my screaming, I remembered running...only running.
It felt like I was dead. Everything hurt so bad, that now everything was numbed; I could not even feel my own heartbeat. My fingers would clench and unclench themselves against my own will, as if trying to keep me conscious. I realized, that draped across my damp and battered self, was a thick animal skinned jacket. I realized now, how warm it was, like being grasped in your father's arms. My eyes darted about trying to see where I was. From the ground, all that was visible was the, the mudded road I laid on, and the bottoms of many spruce and cherry blossom trees.
"I see you are awake girl" I heard a pubertal voice call out. My eyes darted around, but I could not find this boys voice. I remained silent, hoping, praying this was all a nightmare. "I know you're awake. I can see you flinch."
I still remained silent. I was not fully sure if this boy would be my ally or an enemy. He could easily be a worker of the Batosi. I remained silent, but could feel myself trembling with fear and anxiety.
"Would you please calm yourself An, you're beginning to worry me"
I felt something inside of my tug at my heart. Only one person ever called me An.... but it couldn't be...in the middle of nowhere? Was that really Tai I heard?
"You know my name?" I asked dumbly, the figure had not yet made himself visible to me. I tried to sit up, but felt the piercing pain in my arm and face.
"Don't strain yourself An! I only just found you a short while ago" A boy came running out between groves of cherry blossom trees with a wolf at his feet. I remembered last night, hearing a wolf cry out...I thought it was a pack... the boy came over to me, and sat me up very delicately.
At last I looked at his face, and I could feel a flow of tears break out. I actually pinched myself, to make sure I was hallucinating. I lifted my hand and placed it on his cheek, rubbing it tenderly, feeling his flesh. The dog sat in front of us, and I watched as his tail swished every calmly back and forth.
"Tai....it really is you. Please tell me its you"
I saw his face crumble with a joy and sorrow.
"Of course it is I. I am sorry that it took me so long to find you" He brought me inward and crushed me with his many hugs. I felt him cry too as he rested his head on my shoulder. "God Anju-san, I finally found you. It really is you."
"Tai. I am so sorry. I came back, I looked for you; but Imperialists raided the house, and I fled with Aoshi to this town...I've been worried sick about you"
"I know. I was practicing in the dojo like you told me, and then I heard Kip barking. I went outside, and in the sky was the thickest haze of smoke. My instincts told me it was they, so I quickly packed all I could. I'm sorry Anju, I did not have time to write a note, and I could already hear the Imperialists coming from a distance. I ran so far. I've been hiding in these groves since then.
Last night, I was hunting with Kip, and I heard a woman scream. From the corner of my eye, I saw your figure dashing by, and that manslayer behind you. I was totally shocked to see it was you Anju-san, but I was even more surprised to see you in this condition. I heard you two talk, and when he was gone I heard you crying out for someone. I didn't understand who it was, and then like that, you collapsed, I couldn't reach you. It was as if you were in your own world Anju. You were in complete shock. I don't know what was wrong with you when you were talking to that manslayer; it was like you were another person. You really scared me Anju-san. I couldn't even call you my sister then."
I looked at Tai softly. In only 5 days, had I never seen him blossom into a great man. I knew he was only 15, but already he stood tall, even for a boy who was terrified. I hugged him tight,
"I am sorry. There is so much I must tell you. So much has happened, Meiko, mother, father they're...."
"I know Anju, I know, I could only suspect the worse when I saw the Shinomori's mansion go up in flames"
"Have you walked all this far?"
"Yeah, I guess I was too petrified to feel the distance and strain. Besides, I had Kip with me, he kept me going"
I allowed my hand to slide down onto Kip's head, and I stroked him slowly. I watched as his tail continued a repetitive beat "Thump, thump, thump...."
"Tai, I am so grateful to see you. Buddha heard my prayers that night. I am so proud of you, father would be most happy with you. You truly have grown into a man"
I watched Tai blush and rub the back of his head.
"Awww Sister you're embarrassing me" After his remark, we both fell into a laughing spree. It was nice to laugh; it was a way to vent off all our anxiety. I had never been happier. I finally had my brother and my dog back. The two things of my past I thought I would forever lose. "Anju, I think it is time I get you back to your guardian's estate."
"You will stay with us at the estate Tai. I will not settle for anything less. I will even pay for your room and board if I must."
"Anju-san, are you certain it is your right to give me permission?"
"I have already told Hikaru I will be paying for any extra expenses that come our way. She is a retired widow, and her husband was a politician, she is finically stable. But I shall still pay, it is only honorable."
He rolled his eyes "Even in times of crisis and war, you are still able to remain honorable. I truly envy you for that sister." He finally released me as I rested up against a tree. "You can walk right?"
"Of course" Slowly, very slowly I stood up. For a moment, I had to balance out and regain my barring. But soon enough I was off. "Let's go. I want to go.... home...I guess" Tai and I both had a moment of silence. We both felt the same way, Hikaru's Estate was not home, and it never would be, but what else was out there for us?
It took us nearly half the day to return back to town. I only stopped at Raijuta's, knowing there I was at least safe so we could take a break. I slumped down and sighed as Tai and I sat down in front of Raijuta. Raijuta said nothing, but could clearly understand the excruciating journey we had been on. He slid us both a small cup of warm sake, and bowls filled with freshly steamed rice. We both bowed graciously and ate slowly. After a while, Raijuta finally nodded and spoke.
"Without words did I realize that you are Tai Anju's brother. She has been searching for you. The wounds, and dampness I will not be addressing for I figure that this is part of your own story. But Anju, I do have a gift for you"
"A gift Raijuta?"
"Your sword my dear. I know I said I'd have it in a week but I finished it early. See I did it in 4 days, am I not the best swords maker around?"
I could only laugh and nod "The best in the world"
He quickly stood and disappeared into another room rummaging around for my sword. Tai glanced me and whispered softly
"A sword Anju?"
"I will explain more of this later Tai. For now, just understand it is for my protection"
Tai opened his mouth to ask more, but closed it as Raijuta returned. He gently placed the sword and sheath in my hands. I placed the sheath on my belt and drew the sword out before me. I examined it closely, and I could see Raijuta's fine craftsmanship. The blade was sleek and thin, but tough, made of the finest materials. The hilt was made of a durable and had a somewhat padded property.
"Clearly this is your best sword yet Raijuta."
"Only the best for my darling"
I felt my throat tighten before I asked my final question
"Raijuta sir, where is Sanouske?"
"Sanouske?" he looked at me puzzled "Well he and Miss Tae followed Lord Aoshi back up to Miss Hikaru's estate where they decided to wait for you of course. Miss Tae had to work pretty hard to keep Aoshi and Sanouske away from each other. She told them that you little Anju would explain everything to them when you returned. What was even harder, was keeping that hotheaded Aoshi fella from going on after you. That Miss Tae sure is brave."
"Yes.... braver then I'll ever be..." I replied quietly staring down at my hands. Look at all the trouble I have caused everyone. I most certainly had ruined my chances at working with Tae. I wanted to cry and sob again, but I tried so hard to be brave. I looked up to see that Tai was squeezing my hand. The look in his eye, so serious, as if something said in our discussion had made him tense and upset.
"Anju, it is alright to be afraid. No one is ever fearless." Tai told me slowly, nodding his head reassuringly.
"The boy is right Anju. Now I suggest you get a move on, those boys have probably destroyed the place by now." Raijuta threw his head back and laughed.
"Right. Thank you Raijuta. You are truly and admirable friend" I stood and bowed and Tai followed after me. We slowly began our walk to the dojo.
My stomach felt like a python had wrapped its scaly self around it constricting me and making my nerves run loose. My palms were extremely clammy. My right hand was put in a sling, thanks to Tai's quick thinking. My left arm just fell limp at my side, swinging with my pace.
Tai kept staring at me, and I knew in his mind he had many questions to ask me. For a while, I tried to ignore him, but soon I let out an aggravated sigh
"What is it Tai? Just ask your questions!"
"Anju-San, since when were you a samurai woman?"
"Remember five years ago, when you were ten, I went away for three years? I went to be trained by sword master Hiko"
I felt my heart tug again; Tai was unaware that I was not his real biological sister. He did not know, that Hiko was my real father. I felt so horrible, I am a betrayer, and slowly I was destroying all who were around me.
"Oh. Now I understand sister. I would ask you who these barbaric boys are, but I figure I will see them soon enough. Aoshi, he sounds familiar who is he?"
"He is the one mother and father wanted me to marry. In remembrance for our parents, we will follow on in the ceremony and we will be married in a month or so, depending on the fall of the new moon"
"I am happy for you sister. And I am sure our parents are very pleased with your honorable decision"
Our parents...OUR PARENTS.... oh my poor Tai if you only knew how foolish you were. If you only knew how horrible and retched of a person I really was, then you wouldn't be so pleased. There is so much I promised I would tell him. And right now, I wondered if Aoshi even wanted me back anymore.
The rest of our walk was in silence. I believe that Tai could sense my harrowing pains. No matter how many times I wanted to turn away, it seemed that my feet were firmly set on moving forward. Kip took up the rear; he had been sleeping outside of Raijuta's shop. Raijuta had a thing about dogs, but it was a long story he told me when I was younger.
For a moment, I showed Tai the temple and the bell. He silently said his prayer, most likely for our parents and grandmother Meiko. Myself, I prayed for my parents and Meiko, but I also prayed for their guidance. Please, do not let me make the same mistake; please do not let me loose all that is dear that I love. If I were to lose Tai from his anger, or Aoshi, or anyone, I would genuinely have nothing to live for.
When we arrived at Hikaru's front door. I still stood there, my hand extended in a fist to knock, but I couldn't. It shook there, mid air, for a very long time. I looked to Tai, and I saw him nod and smile reassuringly, and finally I let my hand fall upon the door, giving it three solid knocks, soon after I heard footsteps coming to the door.
It was Miss Tae who answered the door. She looked at me in disbelief, examining me from top to bottom, she stared at my scarped and ripped close, and she gazed at my busted arm and battered face. She then looked to Tai, and for a moment was perplexed but smiled, as she saw realized who he was. She only bowed slightly and pushed the door open and stood aside like a waitress
"Well, Tai Akira, and welcome home miss Anju."
Slowly we both stepped through the threshold, and I knew then that this was another moment I could not turn back from. There was an omniscience knowing, and I stood there waiting. Miss Tae guided us the dining room, and as she slid the door open, there in the room was Hikaru, Aoshi, and Sanouske.
Sano sat in the back corner his arms across his chest folded resting on his elbows. His head was drooped slightly; I was unable to see his face. Hikaru sat the table completely poised, as if waiting for me and knowing I would return. Aoshi had been pacing and forth in the room. All three of them looked up to see me in the door; I saw smiles and eyes that sparkled with relief. But within those eyes I also saw a flaming anger.
Aoshi was the first to run up and approach me. He began to scoop me up into the air, but stopped when he saw my broken arm and battered face. He gently put me down and looked at me afraid
"Anju what happened to you?"
Sano quickly got up and stood next to Aoshi his arms still crossed. He seemed very choler still, and I wish for once I could have a moment of sympathy. He opened his mouth to speak, and at first said nothing, but when his eyes fell on Tai he grew even angrier
"And who the hell is this guy? Did he do this to you Anju?" He quickly grabbed Tai by the shirt and lifted him off the ground. I could see Tai squirm with fear and confusion as Sano raised an arm. I quickly dashed and slapped Sano harder then I ever had. He put down Tai and looked at me his hand shaking as it wobbled up to his face.
"How dare you, even try to lay a finger on my brother! How dare you try to harm, what I love most, and what I've been searching for all this time? Do you know that he was the one who saved me? He was the one who fixed my arm! Sano, you let your anger cloud your judgment, if you ever come near him like that again.... I'll...."
I realized then I was crying, and sadder then I was angry with Sano. Sano looked at me, and his face weakened as he drooped it.
"Anju...I'm...I'm so sorry. I was just so worried and...."
"Sano...I'm sorry..." He looked up at me confused, but I could only feel my tears falling down my face. I felt my legs buckle, and down to the floor I sank crying. "I'm sorry everyone, I've been so horrible and wretched, I've betrayed you all. I don't deserve forgiveness, I don't deserve to even ask for your forgiveness...."
I felt Aunt Hikaru take my hand and stroke it gently
"My dear you have obviously had a long journey. Please let us first get you into proper clothing, and some for your brother too"
She quickly took our hands. She dropped me off in my bedroom and took Tai into an attic loft where she had kept clothes from her grandson. Within moments Tai and I returned, at least now somewhat courtly. I bowed and thanked her quietly and us three returned to the dining hall. When we entered, I saw Aoshi and Sano sitting on opposite ends of the table and Miss Tae waiting for us in the doorway.
Miss Tae only gently came up to me, and making sure not to touch my broken arm hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek.
'Dear, these two may be upset, but they love you both very much. Tell them all that is troubling your heart, and I am sure they will understand."
"I believe that Tai and I will wait out here with Miss Tae. We will go and find a proper place for your elegantly beautiful dog, what did you call him Kip dear?" She asked addressing Tai
"Yes Kip is our wolf's name. He is part wolf. And I am grateful to you for allowing my dog and I to stay on your estate. I was worried with Anju and Aoshi already being here, you would want two more mouths to feed."
'Tai let me tell you. I've been a mother, an aunt, and a grandmother for a very long time. I am blessed to have all this life in the house again. If you understand I lack proper bedrooms, but there is a loft in the barn, and I will most definitely bring you blankets and proper clothings. There is even a make shit shower there, usually for the horses, but works the same. Consider it, your own private apartment. As long as you don't do anything to upset the horses, I will allow you to move materials around and furbish it to your liking."
I smiled as I saw Tai's eyes glisten as a proud boy tried to hold back his tears.
'I am eternally in your debt, not only do I get food, shelter, and clothing but I get to stay here with my sister. Thank you so much Hikaru. Really Thank You"
He shook her hand and she laughed. The three of them departed for the barn, and I stood outside the dining hall. I took a few deep breaths thinking to myself, if Tai could be this brave, than I could be too. And with that final thought I slid the door open and stood there before them.
Aoshi looked up at me, with those eyes I felt I could always melt into. His eyes, to my suspicion, were holding back their own tears. Sano's eyes were stern but in a way relieved. I quietly sat down at the head of the table staring down at my hands. They both said nothing, and after clearing my through I quietly replied
"Who wants to begin the yelling at me first?"
"We would never yell at you Anju. Even if we were angry," Sano said all too coolly. Aoshi nodded in agreement. "Though I do have a few questions for you.... like what happened to you"
I let out a long sigh and flexed my fingers. "I took off running....just running until I got lost in the forest. When I actually realized I was lost, he appeared..."
'You mean Tai?"
I shook my head closing my eyes a little and opened them again. "No the....the manslayer....The Batosi had found me"
"No..." Aoshi looked at me startled and he wanted to hug me, thanking the gods I was still alive, but didn't; only knowing Sano was here.
"Hold everything. You mean you came face to face with Kenshin the Batosi and lived?"
"I have met him before Sano...we ran into each other the night our families were murdered....I am, trained under the same style as he is....I am....the unknown other who mastered the Hiten Mitserugi."
Sano looked at me baffled. "But, you did not fight him?"
'No.... I too have...my problems with power. It is said, when you achieve your ultimate best, you become infatuated with victory and destruction but...I have been able to suppress it, for the sake of my family, especially Tai. But...that night...it returned, I could feel my old self vanishing before me, and I became the same as him...a ruthless killer...I hate myself...for being that monster...."
I shook my head slowly pounding against the table "I hate myself.... but The Batosi left me, saying he would return, I had somehow, psyched him out so to speak...and then I lost consciousness. When I awoke, Tai had found me and already tended to my wounds. And here I am now. I know I do not deserve either of your forgiveness.... but...I can't help but ask for it anyway"
"I figure you Anju-san. Sanouske and I spoke about why you were so upset in the Akabeko. I am...shocked, but after I saw what you did, and how you spoke to him and said your no's and regret, I know that came from your heart. Matters of the Batosi, you and I should discuss at a later hour..."
I looked at Aoshi and smiled. My eyes glistened with happiness and joy, but my happiness was interrupted...
"Well I don't forgive you," Sanouske replied "I waited all this time for you, the one I loved, and you come here with a fiancé. You do not tell me right away about it. Your only concern Tai, what am I chopped sushi?"
"Sano...I tried to tell you...but I was weak. I am weak..."
"Oh enough with this petty self sympathy. Look you are weak! You're worthless, petty, wretched girl and I wish to love you no more! If you know you're weak then DO something about it! I'm not going to sit on this sympathy train any longer. I don't know why I ever loved you, and I hope that Batosi comes and he opens your eyes. You're not a little kid anymore, where you can be easily forgiven, we can't fight like once were like carefree adolescence. You're 17 now, and I'm 18. I have feelings, and I always did. I never forgot that day I had to watch you disappear back to your old life! And I'll never forget seeing Aoshi storm into the diner looking for you! You lied to me! You had Miss Tae even lie to me! You're a selfish bitch and I hope that manslayer kills you and everything you love!"
"Don't say that Sanouske!" Aoshi screamed banging his hand on the table as well "You can't mean that! Can't you see how upset and regretful she is? Would you really wish death to Tai, the only family she has left? Would you really wish death to me, someone who just fell in love with Anju just as you did? Could you really, wish death to yourself?"
"What? Death to myself? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Are you that blind Sanouske? Can't you see how much she loves you? She loves you as daringly as she does her brother Tai. It is not her fault she cannot love you in a relationship manner. But can't you see that the love and concern you two have for each other is just as special and just as important as a relationship between a woman and her spouse? You two are best friends. You know each other inside out, why do you have to downsize that special gift? You know as well as I do that Anju would fight till her own death to protect you! Why Sano? WHY ARE YOU SO BLIND?!"
Sanouske stood there paralyzed. Sano, he seemed entranced, as if finally Aoshi's words and all that I felt were finally getting through to him. Sano covered his mouth with his hand, realizing and regretting what he had said. He stood there, wobbling to a degree, and he shivered slightly and looked over at me. I stared at him with tears in my eyes, my face worn and tired.
His face was tacit, and I could understand, no words were needed for one of us to understand the other. But slowly, he removed his hand and took a step back, as if afraid of the very words he had shot out at me.
"Anju I am sorry...." He turned and walked out the door. "I know why I love you, and I am sorry that I was so stupid to forget. I fell in love with you, because you carried the world on your shoulders, caring only for other's needs, and never for your own. You are truly an angel. I won't stop loving you the way I do, but I have now come to appreciate how unique or friendship is. Please, I give you both my blessing. I hope you are both happy together." With that he disappeared down the hallway, and as Aoshi looked around for him, he found it hopeless, it seemed as if Aoshi had vanished...
Aoshi sat back down next to me and wrapped his arm around me as I rested my eyes.
"I really thought I had lost you this time Anju. I was so worried, it was arduous to keep my emotions and tears locked inside. But Hikaru kept telling me, that you would return, she said, you had lost something. When I asked her if it was your brother she only shook her head. She said that was only part of the larger picture. Tell me Anju, did you find what you had lost?"
"I did Aoshi. I found myself. But there is so much I must say. I must tell Tai...so many things...I have betrayed him much, and so unknowingly...I feel sometimes, that I should just die at the knees of that Batosi"
"Anju, if you died at his knees, your brother would be sad. We would all be sad. The world itself would grow dim, without its star shining so bright. Now come, let me take you to our room."
He slowly picked me up, like he always did. But tonight, he seemed extra cautious. It appeared to me, that he felt, or believed, that if he let me go this time, he might never get me back again. I had so much to tell him, and I was eager to tell Tai the truths, but I was so decrepit. Aoshi reassured me that I had all the time in the world to tell him, and that now, I needed my sleep, and so did Tai.
"Your brother Tai, seems very fond of you. He looks up to you, you know that right?"
"I know...but it is who looks to him. He has a very courageous heart, so easy to accept and understand things. He is so loving and gentle...so much like a hero"
"He had a great role model. Your are the most compassionate person I have ever met in my entire life." Aoshi arrived at our room and gently tucked me in under the covers. For a while he sat beside the bed and stroked my cheek and looked down at my arm. "I am so sorry you have been injured, I wish I could have helped you"
I nodded slowly and stared at the ceiling. "I was lost within an abyss of my own emotions. Pain was no longer a factor as the strain from my heart was too overpowering. This injury to my hand, I cannot even remember how I got it. I just remember running. I realize now that running from my problems only increases the stress and anxiety that is placed upon not only me but also the loved ones around me. I can be so selfish and misleading....I grow so tired so easily now...and I am afraid I am losing control of the monster that lays dormant beneath my skin and flesh. I don't want to hurt anyone by mistake, because of my blindness. I don't won't to hurt people anymore, I may not take their lives, but I feel I've already hurt too many"
"Anju-san, people make mistakes. Sometimes we grow too upset, and we just need time to straighten out the path before us. We all understand that this has been the hardest challenge you have indeed ever faced. Our parents' dead, Sanouske, Tai, the Batosi, even me. We all played a factor in your breakdown yesterday. It's okay..."
"I'm afraid.... I'm afraid of who I am. I am afraid of who I will become. I don't even know who I was or am anymore"
He rubbed my hand softly as he kissed it gently.
"There is nothing to fear. I will protect. I promise I will never leave your side again. I wait for the day we are finally one, finally husband and wife. Anju-San, you are my sun and stars, without you, I am incomplete. I love you."
I felt his lips dampen mine for a moment and he smiled as he played with my hair. With his hand he slowly shut my eyes, whispering for me to sleep and relax. He stayed by my side all night, stroking my hand as I left contently. I could only hear his soft lulling voice as he continued whispering to me..."I love you"