A Rite to a Kiss

By Ikki-chan and Great Genius Silver

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Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion. Yet.

Ikari: TT Don't call me that!

Silver: Oh, shush you. I still gave you top billing. (dusts off fic) For the love of Belldandy, boy! What have you been DOING all this time? Would it kill you to sit down at a keyboard?!

Ikari: ...if I say yes, can I get out of this?

Silver: (thwacks Ikari with a harisen) Bad author! (turns to the readers and smiles demurely) We're sorry about the delay, folks. It won't happen again...(death glares at Ikari)...will it, Ikki-chan?

Ikari: (meeps) Well….

thwack thwack thwack

Ikari: (on the floor, bleeding) ….no…..

Silver: Good.

Enjoy the fic, minna!

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Shinji took one look at Asuka…

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Argh… I was having such a good dream too…"

Shinji Ikari turned off the alarm and rolled back to sleep. "I wonder what Asuka was really going to wear… maybe some lingerie from La Pearla…"

"WHAT….DID…. YOU…. JUST…. SAY????!!!!!!!!"

Asuka's fist came down like a N2 bomb and smashed into Shinji's face. "You HENTAI!!! Since when did I ever tell you to fantasize about me! Especially me in lingerie from La Pearla!"

"Owww! Stop it Asuka! It was only a dream! I'm sorry! Gomen ne!"

Asuka stopped her whaling spree. "Humph. Serves you right to fantasize about me. Only a sick pervert would ever think that way."

"Like you would look good in La Pearla, Asuka. Only a real girl would look nice in that…"

"Arghhh…….. WHY YOU DAMN BASTARD!"

From the outside, Yui continued to cook breakfast for Shinji, ignoring the clamor from her son's room.

"Are you going to stop that dear?" asked Gendou.

"And ruin all the fun between them? Never." Grinned Yui.

"You are just plain evil dear."

After a couple of aggressive minutes of pelting, kicking and endless cries for help, Asuka finally discontinued her rampage on Shinji and collapsed upon his bruised and beaten body.

"Why… are you…. so evil, Asuka?" Wheezed Shinji.

"Because you are a dumb baka…" Shinji's eyes caught Asuka's. They stared at each other. Their faces started to close in. Maybe it was because they were both tired, or a strong magnetic force was forcing their faces together, but as they started getting closer and closer, 5 in, 4 in, 3 in, 2 in, 1.5 in, 1 in, .5 in….

Yui Ikari opened the door. "Shinji, dear. Breakfast is ready…. Oh my! Am I interrupting something? "

"Ahh! Mrs. Ikari! This doesn't look like what it seems! Uhh…. We were just… just… Hey! Why is there a giant panda behind you with a video camera?!

"I'm sorry. This is Mr. Saotome. He's our guest for today."

Silver: CUT, CUT, CUT!!!!!!!grinds her teeth Ikki-chan… Why is Ranma Saotome's father in this fic?!

Ikari: Uhhh… I thought it would be a great idea to add a giant panda filming the cute, lovey dovey scene.

Silver: Baka! (Takes out harisen) thwack thwack

"So what were you two doing?" asked Yui.

Asuka quickly got up and started to leave the room. "Nothing Mrs. Ikari," said a blushing Asuka.

"Sigh. Children these days; they can't even come out and tell their true feelings," mumbled Yui.

"What did you say mom?"

Oh, nothing son. Go get dressed for school now."

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Asuka waited patiently for Shinji outside the house. Sigh. What happened? I used to be such the tough person I was. What happened? Maybe because of the baka-hentai's wimpy personality rubbing off on me. But then again, maybe I'm just growing soft for that idiot. Sigh. I wonder what his lips would feel like… She blushed.

Shinji prodded Asuka for the billionth time. "Is anyone in there? Earth to Asuka, the president wants his convertible back… huh? Hey Asuka, why are you blushing?"

Shinji's voice awoke her out of her stupor. "What?! What do you want?"

"Asuka, I've been calling your name for 5 minutes and now you notice. We are already late to school."

"What?!"

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"Hikari"

"Here"

"Touji"

"Yo"

"Don't yo me!" yelled Misato Katsuragi as she threw a pen a 2x4 at him.

"Ahhh!!!!!" The 2x4 nearly hit Touji as he ducked, hitting a fellow classmate and knocking him out for the rest of the day.

"Shinji"

"…"

"Shinji…. WHERE THE HELL IS SHINJI?! AND WHERE THE HELL IS ASUKA?!"

Class: "…………………."

Misato grinned. I think I know where they are, those devious children…."

Kensuke turned around to Touji, "Man, Misato is one sick and perverted person…"

"Mr. Aida… NO TALKING IN CLASS!" yelled Misato as the globe she threw smashed in front of Kensuke's desk, knocking out another student.

The door slid open. Shinji and Asuka came running in. "Sorry we are late Ms. Katsuragi." Gasped both of them.

"It's ok. Knowing you two, you guys can have as much time as you guys need. Just don't come in late all the time. wink"

"What are you talking about Misato?"

"You know what I mean, you guys coming in all sweaty and such," giggled Misato.

"GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER MISATO! WE ARE NO LIKE THAT!" yelled the blushing duo.

"Oh, you two. Don't feign modesty. I know what is exactly going …."

"NO YOU DON'T MISATO!"

"Awww. Spoilsports. Now take your seats. We'll talk about this later." Misato pulled Shinji to a corner. "I'll give you some pointers you stud."

"But…But…"

"Just listen to me Shinji. It looks like you don't give her enough action, if you catch my drift." Whispered Misato.

"We haven't done anything of the sort!" Yelled an angry Shinji.

"Really?! Poor Shinji. But don't you worry. I'll help."

"But…but…"

"No 'buts', now go to your seat.

Shinji gave up and silently walked back to his seat.

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A few hours later…

Shinji yawned as Misato continued talking. He had ceased paying attention long ago and was instead playing tic-tac-toe with himself on a scrap of paper.

"...And it is because I have such faith in you all that I am putting you in complete control of the class musical!" Misato concluded, clapping her hands delightedly.

The clap startled Shinji out of his tic-tac-toe-induced stupor. He sat up straighter, looking around in confusion.

"Huh?"

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A class musical? What has Katsuragi been drinking? What will the class come up with? What will Misato give to Shinji? What will happen between Shinji and Asuka? Will Silver ever leave me alone? thwack Stay tuned to the next episode of A Rite To A Kiss!

Ikari: There. It's done. I finally updated after god knows how long.

Silver: Now write the next chapter!

Ikari: You slave-driver.

Silver: How dare you! thwack

Ikari: Ahhhhhh!!!!

Till next time,

Ja ne!