A/N I just wanted to say THANKS to everybody who'sbeen reviewing. you guys are great. I didn't think that anyone was going to like this story at first,but you guys have made me keep writing!! Oh, and I promise to update more. Heehee sorry about that.

Chapter Twelve: I Hate Myself for Losing You

This was the second time Ryan Atwood sat next to Marissa's body in a hospital. Only, the first time, she had actually been conscious. Now, he sometimes had to put an ear next to her nose to check and make sure she was breathing. He and Seth had brought her in about an hour before and had watched in horror as they pumped her stomach-oh wasn't that a pretty picture- and then were shooed off into a waiting room. Also, unlike before, no one else had been there except Ryan and Seth, sitting next to each other in those uncomfortable chairs, pretending to read magazines. He knew Seth was pretending because he had picked up a copy of Seventeen and began flipping through it. Ryan had shaken his head and leaned back against the hard back of the chair. His leg shook, as did Seth's and Seth brought his right thumbnail up to his mouth in the most unattractive way and began chewing on it.

"That's gross, Seth," Ryan had said, trying to make a joke. Seth threw him a sidelong glance and continued biting his nail. "You do realize that you're reading Seventeen, don't you?" Seth just shrugged, making Ryan a tad bit nervous as to why his talkative friend wasn't talking.

"Seth, it's okay." Seth looked at him. Ryan nodded as if to prove his point.

Seth sighed. "It's just... she's put you through so much. And... I hate that she keeps doing it to you." Ryan smiled at him and patted him on the back. "And it really bothers me that you think it's your fault," he whispered this last line, making Ryan cast his eyes down. Seth looked at him.

"It's not your fault, Ryan."

"If I wouldn't have left, this never would have happened."

Seth sighed and ran ahand through his curly brown hair. "Look, you had to leave because you had to leave.Even I got over that."

Ryan snickered. "Yeah, because I came back."

Seth rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I just think if she couldn't handle it, then maybe she doesn't deserve you. You don't have to take her shit, Ryan." Seth flinched after he had said this, ashe figured Ryan was either going to punch him or yell at him. Instead, Ryan just sighed and copied Seth's earlier movement of running his hand through his own hair.

"I know," he said quietly. "It's just... I think that I actually love her and I don't want anything to happen to her." Ryan looked at Seth with such sorrow in his eyes that he could do nothing but pull him into a hug. Ryan felt surprised, but patted his hands on Seth's back.

"Sorry. You just looked so sad." Seth pulled back and gave him a small smile. Ryan punched him in the shoulder. "You don't have to take my shit, Seth."

Seth gave hima mock confused look. "Of course I do. Who else would?"

Ryan looked at him and feigned being hurt. "That's nice Seth. A real sentimental streak you got there." Seth just shrugged and laughed. Then the nurse had come in and told them that Marissa could have one vistor. Which was exactly why Ryan was now sitting across from her, watching her breathe, looking at her pale skin. He reached out and moved a piece of hair from her face and sighed.

"That's nice Cohen. My best friend almost kills herself-again- and you're sleeping," Summer said quietly to herself as she kicked Seth in the foot. Seth woke up with a jump and looked blindly around the room, his eyes focusing on Summer- actually they focused more on Summer's low-cut top.

"Well hello there, Summer. That's very nice attire to wear to a hospital," Seth said this jokingly, but his smile vanished when he saw the red streaks down her face.

"Oh, baby, come here," he said softly. Summer walked to him and sat in the chair that had been occupied by Ryan. She rested her head on his shoulder and let him stroke her hair as she let the tears fall again. Ryan had called her earlier with the bad news and she couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it. She, along with everyone else, had thought Marissa was getting better. Obviously, she wasn't. That was when she wondered about Ryan.

"How is he," she asked, lifting her tear-stained face up to look at Seth. Seth softly ran the pad of his thumb across her cheek.

"He's alright, I guess. He thinks it's his fault." Summer's heart broke when she heard this.

"Is he in there with her?" she asked, an idea forming in her head.

"Yeah. But the nurse Nazi said there could only be one per room." Summer looked at him with a wry smile. "Have I ever let a nurse Nazi keep me from something?" Seth considered it. "No, Summer, no you haven't." She laughed lightly and stood up slowly. "I think I'm going to go have a little talk with Mr. Atwood," she said and walked to the nurses desk to find out what room Marissa was in.