ROSE
"Thank you," I said, leaning my head a little deeper into the crook of his shoulder. Dimitri's arm was around me as we sat in the little lounge area of the hotel lobby, two cups of cocoa in hand. Dimitri had found a coffee cart and insisted on a cup before we went to bed. I think he was stalling, and honestly, I was okay with that. I wasn't ready to let the night end either.
Except for the tired-looking man working the front desk, we were alone. The fireplace I had admired earlier crackled in front of us, its gentle heat chasing away the chill from outside. I blew on the steam rising from my cup and tried to take a little sip. It burned at my lips, and I watched in awe as Dimitri managed to drink without even flinching.
He looked down at me, and I noticed the smallest drop of chocolate above his lip. Using my thumb, I brushed it away to reveal the questioning look on his face. "For what?"
"Thanks for making this a night to remember. A good memory," I amended last minute. After all, this night could have been incredibly painful if we had allowed ourselves to think too much. We weren't going to do that, though. Not right now. Thinking and pain were for tomorrow.
He smiled and kissed my forehead, pulling me closer to do so and then refusing to let me go again. "I'd do almost anything for you."
And he really had. He found me a place to stay and a way to get there. He personally took care of me and my needs as I came to terms with reality and prepared to leave the only real home I had ever known up until that point. He orchestrated this entire date for us, including getting me a tattoo he believed I had earned, even if the rest of our world disagreed with him. He did almost everything for me...wait.
"What do you mean 'almost'?"
His laugh momentarily made me forgive and forget the word, but my stubbornness won out.
"I'm not going to resign my promise mark." The way he said it—so plainly as if it should have been obvious—made the idea sting a little more than it should have.
"Why not?" I knew I sounded hurt, so I quickly added, "Not that I'd ever ask you to."
He fell silent for a moment and looked away, staring into the fire intently as he tried to find his next words. When he turned back, there was a bit of shame burnt into his features. I braced myself for pain as he said, "I was tempted to. I still am, if I'm completely honest with myself. I might have even printed off the paperwork and started filling it out without telling you."
My heart stopped. No. He couldn't.
"But," Dimitri continued before I could say anything, "I have to stay, even if I'm not sure I really want to. Someone has to take care of Lissa, and if you can't, I feel like I need to be there in your stead."
I was touched. Dimitri still seemed disappointed for some reason, as if his decision and the reasonings for it weren't good enough. Or maybe he was still questioning if he had made the right decision for himself. I couldn't have been more grateful for his foresight in the matter, however. He was one of the few people I trusted with Lissa's care, and as much as I wanted him with me, I needed him there with her.
"You know me better than I know myself sometimes, Comrade." It might not have been the complete reassurance he probably needed, but it was enough to get a small smile out of him. I tapped his knee, standing as his arms loosened from around me. "Come on. Time to go to bed."
His smile dipped and faded for a moment but turned sly as I gave him a little wink—a clear message that 'bed' didn't mean the night was over. Not by any means.
DIMITRI
The awkwardness that had been growing downstairs seemed to return with full force when we made it back to our room. We had spent the entire evening fighting off the inevitable, but seeing her luggage sitting off to the side of the room was an unavoidable reminder that it was all ending tomorrow morning. I couldn't quite count the hours on a single hand, but it was close enough to make the thought depressing.
I fell heavily into the chair near the window, not ready to call it a night entirely. Rose's fingers gently brushed my arm as she strode past me towards the bathroom. I tried to offer a reassuring smile but failed horribly, earning myself a sad look filled with pity.
As the door closed and once I heard the faucet turn on, I let my head fall forward into my hands, rubbing at the tightness near my temples and trying to wipe the exhaustion from my eyes. I was tired. Physically and mentally. I had been trying to stay strong for Rose through all this, but I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold up the facade. I knew Rose could see me breaking, even though she hadn't called me out on it yet. I was such a hypocrite. How many times have I gotten frustrated at Rose for hiding her feelings from me when she needed support? Even last week, I was begging her to confide in me. The truth was that I was just as bad, if not worse. Who was I supposed to lean on, though? Rose had enough on her plate without me piling on my own worries.
It'd been a while since I'd wished Ivan was here with me. I could really use him now, though. I'd always been able to talk openly to him, and I was really missing his sage (and occasionally crass) advice.
"What am I supposed to do without her?" I asked in a whisper, wondering if he could hear me. I still wasn't sure what the afterlife entailed, but it was comforting to think his spirit was watching over me. Before he could answer, however, the faucet shut off again and I popped back up with a forced look of optimism. I hoped my front was enough to reassure and convince Rose that I was okay.
She had changed into one of my old t-shirts, the hem of it reaching mid-thigh on her. Her hair was pulled up now into a messy knot on top of her hair. She had washed her face and every trace of makeup, including the lip gloss she wore without fail, was gone. She had been absolutely stunning tonight, but there was something special about seeing her wear nothing but a smile. That smile was the most beautiful thing in the world to me.
I'd seen so many variations of her smile tonight, but when she walked closer to me with a knowing smirk on her lips, I knew this was what I would remember for the rest of my life. I would remember her face clean and eyes bright, looking at me in a way that made my heart soar long before I ever wanted to admit to myself that this woman could affect me. I'd remember the wisps of wet hair at her temples and how they reminded me of every day we had fought and worked together in the gym, all while we unknowingly trained ourselves to rely on one another in ways we never imagined or intended. And I always remember that blush, the gorgeous blush that seemed reserved for me and only me, just like her love. My own love for her had somehow become all-consuming, often more than I could put into words. I prayed that her heart knew, and maybe that pretty little blush was her way of saying she loved me too.
"Come here," I said, reaching out. The moment Rose's hand touched mine, I pulled her into my lap, cherishing her giggling laugh as I did so. "You're so beautiful," I whispered, touching my lips to her forehead, then her nose, and then giving her a sweet little kiss.
Her warm sigh rushed over my cheek as she relaxed into me, and I couldn't help but kiss her again. This time, I didn't let her pull away. Instead, I chased her, demanding more until the kiss became something much deeper than the sweet nothings that I had offered her earlier. The heat began to rise between us, as did the hunger.
Her hips rolled into mine, encouraging me further as we slowly fell into the rhythm that had become so uniquely ours. I gripped her hips, forcing her down on my lap so she could feel just how much I desired, wanted, and needed her. She moaned, replying in that same want. Just like that, the world around us was forgotten.
My palms slid from her hips to her ass, pulling her closer as I slipped my hands under her shirt and started to tug it up. She let me go for just a heartbeat, allowing me to toss it aside before meeting me halfway across the divide between us. I only tasted her mouth for a moment before needing her skin. My lips brushed across her cheek and towards that sensitive little spot behind her ear.
"Dear God, Roza," I breathed, voice husky with lust. "What have you done to me."
She pulled back with a dangerous glint in her eye. "Only what you've done to me, Comrade."
Almost as if to prove a point, she started fingering the buttons of my shirt, trying to work them between the small, insistent pecks that I demanded from her. Impatient, I started helping her, ready to rip the thing to pieces if it didn't come off within the next few seconds. Blissfully, her hands were on my chest a moment later. I relished the way her fingers roamed over me, almost as if she was unable to content herself in just one place for long. I could certainly sympathize.
I pulled down the cups of her bra, eager to nuzzle more than just the lace covering her breasts when she stopped me.
My hands stilled immediately, and when she began to pull away, I let her go without complaint or struggle. Roza's body was her own. Even though we had already been together several times, I would never push her into anything she didn't want. Especially when I suddenly realized she was about to offer me.
She slowly slid off my lap, settling herself between my open knees while never saying a word or taking her eyes off mine. I was speechless, completely captivated by the image of her kneeling there before me and looking at me like I was some god to be worshiped. It wasn't until she traced a scalding path across my abs that I found my voice again.
"You don't have to do this," I insisted. I didn't want Rose to feel like she had to prove herself to me. Even worse, I didn't want some sense of misplaced gratitude to pressure her into something like this. "Really, Rose, I -."
"I want to," her declaration cut me off. "Please. At least once before I leave."
I nodded, losing my fight between the look in her eyes and her hands at my belt. The moment I was left open to her and the air, my apprehension morphed into heady excitement, and I swallowed down that urgency as she regarded me. She drew a hiss from me as her fingertips slowly, delicately, and agonizingly skimmed over that sensitive skin for the first time. She leaned forward, practically entranced in her study. I had to force my eyes open to watch as she bit her lip and traced me as carefully as she had traced the lines of the tattoo on my chest earlier.
Our tattoos were now covered by bandages, but I could still see the compass in my mind, a delicate rose blossom in the center. I'd never wanted any tattoos other than what was required for my profession, but Roza had gotten under my skin and it only seemed fitting that she stay there, at least metaphorically. My Rose, my Roza—she was my everything. When she met my gaze, I felt like maybe I was her everything, too. I reached forward, cupping her cheek in my palm, unable to tell her how much I loved her with my heart in my throat and my body in her hands, but loving her just the same. When she blushed, I swept my thumb over the silent reply.
Before I could brace myself, her head dipped and I felt the warm heat of her tongue on me. My eyes rolled back, and I arched up into her. It was all I could do to keep from begging her for more while she licked me firmly from base to tip, her tongue following the pulsing veins like a road map. When she paused, leaving me panting and gripping the chair while her hot breath teased the head of my cock, I finally turned to her in wild desperation.
She looked proud, emboldened by my reaction. Seeing the fire in her eyes left me with the sudden realization that I wasn't some god she was worshiping. No. Never. Instead, I was the mere mortal offering myself up as a sacrifice for the goddess. I could die at her hands right now and still praise her name in sincere devotion with my very last breath.
And her name was indeed a prayer on my lips. As she took me into her mouth, slowly at first and then deeper with every single pass, I chanted her name. Any trepidation she might have had was quickly banished, overpowered by a glorious enthusiasm that left me breathless.
I felt her shift, and her hand began to stroke me in tandem with her tongue. I didn't think it was possible to feel so much brutal pleasure, but she somehow managed it. The air in my lungs stuttered, making me dizzy and clouding my vision as I neglected anything and everything except that feeling of her around me. My heart raced, beating only for her.
My hands tangled in her hair, pulling at the tie of her bun until the dark locks fell over her shoulder before I wound them through my fingers. God, I loved her hair. And her lips. And that goddamn wicked tongue that teased me. I forced myself to stay still rather than try to greedily add to my own bliss.
It was only when her nails dug into my leg that my restraint slipped and I thrusted forward unintentionally. She gasped, pulling away as she tried to gather herself again. I didn't mean to gag her, and her cough pulled me back from the brink. I had an apology on my tongue, but I forgot it the moment I met her wide stare—a stare that was filled with blazing hunger.
She returned with a vengeance, throwing caution to the wind and driving me over the line of my self-control. Her moans as I started carefully working myself in and out of her eager mouth only spurred me on further. I began to lose myself completely, slowly dying as I felt heaven approach.
Before I could fall completely, I pushed her off me, jarring us both from the sudden lack of contact. She looked surprised, but I was up and pulling her into my arms a second later, searing her lips to mine in a deep kiss that promised to repay her pleasure in kind.
ROSE
"You okay?" I asked, breaking my lips from his just enough to get the words out. It was the first thing either of us had said since I had put my lips around him for the first time. I felt high off the experience, but he seemed practically crazed.
"Yeah." His reply nipped at my lips and cheeks. "I just need you so bad."
I felt his nails cut across my back as his hands tore at my bra, but even once it was unclasped, it didn't fall. We were pressed so close together that it was impossible. I was only able to toss it aside when he shoved me back on the bed. His eyes stalked me like a predator watching its prey, and I moved back instinctively. Even though I knew that the knots in my stomach were only in anticipation of the thrill to come, the feeling was nerve-wracking just the same.
His body shifted the bed as he prowled after me and my breath quickened. I felt hunted—trapped—but I was a willing victim to him. His hands grasped my ankles, once pressed close together in false modesty but now ripped apart in his hunger as he threw one foot over his shoulder and began kissing and nipping down my leg. When I squirmed, he pinned my hips to still me and hold me hostage. However, nothing could quite keep me steady when his lips finished their hot path across my inner thigh and, with the desperate groan of a starving man, his tongue dipped into me for a taste.
My hands pulled at the sheets as I cried out, begging both for mercy and for more. He was relentless, his mouth managing miraculous things. I had always heard that oral was incredible, but 'incredible' wasn't nearly good enough to describe what he was doing to me. I felt the tip of his tongue circle my clit before gently biting down on it. That little bit of pain mixed with pleasure was more than I could handle. My back bowed off the bed, and I did my best to suppress the desperate sound of bliss until it came out in one long, drawn-out moan. His answering growl vibrated through me and left me shuddering under his mouth.
He watched me from between my parted legs as he feasted on me, eyeing me with a dark passion that was as heart-stopping as it was thrilling. His heavy gaze warned of what was to come, and my chest rose and fell in anticipation. I wanted to know more. Do more. Feel more. Only Dimitri could give that to me.
After what felt like an eternity, he began to move up my body. His teeth grazed across my hip. He nuzzled his cheek against my stomach. He kissed the valley between my breasts before sucking one nipple into his mouth until it tightened and peaked. He smiled as I bit my lip to hold back a little whimper before he blew a fan of hot breath over the sensitive bud. Sexy asshole knew what he was doing to me and was enjoying himself too much.
I tangled my fingers in his long hair, tugging gently until his face was even with mine. I was done with his teasing, and apparently, so was he. There were no more taunting little pecks meant to drive me crazy, just an all-consuming fire of a kiss that plunged us both into insanity. I could taste myself on his tongue, and it was surprising how hot that made me feel. He kissed me just as fiercely above as he had below, leaving me breathless and dizzy until I had to pull back a moment so that I could catch my breath. Dimitri took the opportunity to kiss the little hollow behind my ear before whispering something that nearly pushed me over the edge.
"I need you, Roza," He whispered, shifting so that his cock was precariously aligned with me. "I need to be inside you. I need to feel you fall apart. I want you to come for me. I want you to come on me. Come, Roza. Come for me."
He pressed into me slowly, only allowing me a moment to adjust to the fullness before pulling back and thrusting so hard into me that it shifted the bed slightly. He didn't stop there, though. He thrusted again and again, growling as he filled me and made me shudder around him.
"That's it, baby," he groaned as I tried not to scream. "Let me feel it."
Up until now, Dimitri had proved to be a careful lover. Not slow or gentle, exactly, but patient and focused on my comfort and pleasure. Now though, as he growled against my lips, I could almost see a more animalistic part of him. One that demanded as much as it gave. I loved it. It took my pleasure to the edge of where pain might have begun without totally throwing me over the edge. Still, I could see the horizon and the drop almost looked inviting as long as I had him to catch me when I fell.
I wanted more of this Dimitri. I wanted more of his wild passion that I now realized he had held back from me before.
He slowed after a few minutes, almost as if he'd sated his initial hunger and could now savor what was between us. He rocked slow and deep, keeping one hand on my hip to hold me in place as he took what he needed from me. His face tucked into my neck, and I tilted back to give him the most possible space to explore as his lips drew salacious words over my skin. After such wildness, the now tame rhythm between us made me purr.
Every little moment from there on out seemed like our last. Each one was treated with reverence. They were sacred. From the way he kissed my shoulder to the way I let my fingers run over his chest. We were memorizing everything.
Eventually, with his thrusts still slow and steady, he looked me in the eyes and I could see something—some words or declaration or even apology, waiting there on his lips just trying to find a way out.
"You are mine," he finally managed. The way he said it made the words seem less territorial and more like a vow. Like he was promising to be there for me even when I was gone, to protect me even when it seemed impossible, and to love me when everything looked hopeless. "You're mine," he repeated, still driving sensuously into me and making me sigh. "And I'm yours. Forever. I'm yours forever, Roza."
I looked at him in awe, letting his words, that promise, sink in until I saw his emotions slip from dedication to some slight worry.
'Say it,' his eyes pleaded.
"Forever," I promised in return, giving him the same devotion he gave me. "I'm yours and you're mine."
Those measured thrusts into me slowed, almost to a complete stop. The sound of our breathing echoed between us, and then I heard the words that, in a few weeks, I'd be able to repeat back to him almost perfectly.
"я люблю тебя."
Without warning, his lips came down hard and demanding on my own, pressing me into the pillow and stealing my breath. A pleasure-filled cry tore through me, brought on by the way his hips lunged roughly into me. The tenderness was gone and the desperation set in for both of us. As soon as I got my bearings, I was bucking back up into him as fervently as he was into me.
My hands clawed at his back, surely leaving scars to remember me by, at least for a few days. He bit down on my shoulder, and I relished in the pain that was so much easier to bear than what I felt in my heart. My voice cried out with every fucking movement because it felt so good—but I was crying too, because life hurt so damn much.
Soon I was on the brink. My voice was hoarse with his name. He was growling something foreign into my ear, and instinctively, I knew he was cursing, both in pleasure and in pain.
Then we released it all. Him first, and then me as his last deep plunge took me down with him. We gave up the heartache and the happiness and just held on to each other as if one of us might disappear. Tomorrow, one of us would.
He whispered that phrase from before, over and over into my hair where I knew he was hiding his grief. I took comfort in what he was saying. Even if I couldn't understand the words, I knew their meaning.
"I know," I answered, stroking his back to soothe us both as tears left streaks down my cheeks. "I love you, too. Forever."
Author's Note
*sigh* Bittersweet moments.
I'm going to be traveling for the next two weeks so there won't be any updates to This Is Not Goodbye. Sorry guys. I will be writing off and on during my trip, but I don't want to promise updates that I can't deliver. I do have an (NSFW) one-shot planned for next week so keep an eye out for that. I'm also hoping to revamp and repost one of my previous one-shots at some point too. If you are looking for other stories to check out while I'm away, I'd recommend "Snakes in the Grass" or "Love Eternal" from Alice-Roza (FF). I've also been enjoying "Light Up My Life" from Scotty1994 (FF/Ao3) because I am 100% in love with soulmate stories. Looking for something a bit more heavy? Check out "Temper Me in Fire" by Voldobaby (FF/Ao3). She's been writing longer than I have and this is her premier story. It has over 70 chapters, is still updating, and is top-quality storytelling.
Question of the Week: What is your favorite fanfic you've ever read?
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