Issues by SLynn
Disclaimer: I own only the thoughts in my head and the characters you don't recognize.
Chapter 3: Dreams
As soon as Grissom knew that Nick had left to take Greg home he pulled Catherine and Warrick into his office.
"Greg was pretty shaken tonight," Catherine started conversationally enough "I hope you didn't berate him too much."
"No," Grissom said as he closed the door behind them and walked back over to his desk "But that is what this is about. I'm putting you two as lead on this case. Greg and Nick are both off of it."
"Griss," Warrick started "he can do it. You don't have to worry. I was freaked out at that scene but Greg will pull through, give him a chance."
"I have no doubts that normally he would."
"What do you mean normally?" Catherine asked.
"This goes no further then this room. I'm telling you this only because you're going to find out during the course of the investigation and for no other reason."
He now had their complete undivided attention.
"Greg knew the victim."
"Oh," Catherine let out, quickly covering her mouth with her hand. She couldn't imagine it. It had been hard enough to see, but to think if it had been an acquaintance, a friend, maybe more then that. She just couldn't imagine. "I've never…"
"Because he's never told any of us. The victim, Laura Sanchez, is Dr. Laura Sanchez. He's been having regular sessions with her for eight months."
"Cancer specialist?" Warrick asked hopefully. 'Sessions' didn't sound like a word Grissom would use in place of appointment.
"Psychiatrist."
"And you didn't know?" Catherine asked, feeling the weight of the situation.
Grissom shook his head.
"He told you just now, tonight?" Warrick asked again, this time less hopeful.
This time he nodded.
"Well, you can't fire him," Catherine started.
"It's not my decision."
"How serious is this? I mean, I know he should have told you sooner, but they'll have to cut him some slack, right? Look what he's been going through." Warrick continued to question.
"That's for a review board to decide."
"Did you tell him there would be a review board?" Catherine asked, knowing the answer.
"No. I don't think he realized how serious his confession was."
"You don't have to report it," Warrick suggested. "I mean this and his attempt last year, it's not going to look good. They're not going to let him back out in the field with a gun if they think he's still suicidal."
"Just because he's seeing a therapist doesn't mean he's suicidal," Catherine defended.
Grissom and Warrick wanted to agree with her, but couldn't.
"I have to report it," Grissom said flatly. "It's going to come up anyways; it should count in his favor that he at least told me now instead of staying on the case."
"But it might now come up," Catherine argued.
"No, this murder was personal. Someone went through a lot of effort, had some real issues with Dr. Sanchez. The obvious place to start looking for who are her patients."
"Please tell me you don't think…"
"Of course I don't think Greg was involved," Grissom interrupted Warrick before he could finish the thought himself "but I want him ruled out immediately. I don't want anyone else thinking it. As soon as Al nails down a time of death I want you two to get Greg's alibi down for the record."
They both nodded in agreement.
"I'm calling him in early tomorrow; you can talk to him when I'm done."
Sara had been shocked.
She'd listened intently to what Greg had told her. How he'd been seeing Dr. Sanchez twice a week for around eight months. That he was still on anti-depressants and that Dr. Sanchez thought that it wasn't just the chemotherapy. She was treating him as bipolar.
None of it had been easy to hear but she'd listened and kept quiet. She'd kept her word and hadn't argued or confronted him about it in any way. Obviously he was going some where with this and they'd have time later to talk it through. Or yell, because it did make her angry.
Sara had listened and couldn't help thinking that Greg didn't trust her. That he'd been telling a stranger more about his life then he'd told her. She might have taken the news better if he had been sleeping with her. Sex she understood. It was a physical need, a biological need. This smacked more of betrayal because it wasn't about that. It was about emotion and feeling. It was about something intangible and that much more mysterious. Over and over she wondered what they had talked about, what he could tell this other woman that he couldn't tell her.
All of her initial feelings of hurt and jealousy quickly gave way when Greg told her about that night. Dr. Sanchez had been murdered and he could still see it in his head. He'd doubted he'd ever get the image out of his head. Sara had done everything she could to calm him and comfort him, eventually getting him to agree upon rest, but it hadn't been easy. And she certainly wasn't going to sleep that night.
Instead, after she was certain he'd finally dozed off, she lay awake and thought it all over.
Sara was beginning to think there were a lot of things she didn't know about Greg. True, he'd never been called shy but that didn't mean anything. Greg talked, but not about things that mattered. In the time they'd been together, they'd had maybe three real conversations about serious issues. Not that she pressed for these talks herself, in a lot of ways they were more alike then she'd ever thought. Withdrawn or reclusive, either word could accurately describe them both. The difference was he was better at hiding it then she was. Much better.
He'd only slept for about two hours fitfully before he jerked out of slumber.
"Sara?" Greg called out loudly, sitting upright and searching the room.
"I'm right here," she answered, touching his arm gently. Despite not sleeping herself, she had turned off the lights.
Greg took her hand in both of his and brought it quickly to his lips before swinging his long legs onto the floor.
"You okay?" she asked, crawling up behind him and rubbing his back. He sat there for a moment, head in hands, elbows on knees.
"Yeah, fine. I'm going to get something to drink."
Sara watched in silence as he left the room, wondering not for the first time that evening exactly what Greg was thinking.
In the bathroom, Greg ran the cold water and splashed it on his face. He'd expected nightmares. Knew they'd happen he just hadn't expected them to be so bad. Greg had never had vivid dreams before, even when he was sick or scared. But tonight he had and they'd seemed so real. Too real.
He hadn't even thought sleep would be possible that night, but somehow it had taken him. Greg had felt a little better telling Sara the truth. Lying wasn't something he was good at, but technically he hadn't really lied to her. She knew he was going to appointments all those times, she'd just assumed it was group therapy. Greg had never corrected that false notion. And as for the anti-depressants, well with all the drugs he was already on, she'd probably never noticed the additional bottle and that wasn't the sort of thing you discussed.
Greg knew he was rationalizing, trying to build up a defense in his head for the fight that would come. None of it sounded good enough even to him, what would she say? Sara had been true to her word, heard him out and held off, but he could feel the tension.
He continued to splash the water on his face as the nightmare resurfaced fresh in his mind. As he rubbed the palms of his hands across his eyes in a desperate attempt to make it stop, but it wouldn't. It was so clear. Like reliving it but only worse.
Worse because this time as he walked through the house he was alone. It was still lit with candles, but now he could smell them. He hadn't placed it at the time, maybe hadn't really smelt them at all, but now the room smelled like sandalwood. Dark and foreboding.
In his dream Greg found himself slowly propelled towards that room. He hadn't wanted to go, every part of him screamed out against it, but still he went. He stood in front of it for what could have been eons, hand on doorknob, waiting.
When he finally did open it the room before him was just like he'd seen except there was no blood. There was no blood and it was no longer Dr. Sanchez. It was Sara.
He'd screamed, knew he had, upon waking up and now he was still fighting off that image a hundred times worse then the real thing.
Greg stood at the sink, trying to keep from shaking. Trying to keep from vomiting again. Not wanting to leave.
It was tomorrow. She'd promised him till now. They were both awake, they'd made it through the night and now she'd want to talk. Sara would want explanations. Answers he probably couldn't give because he didn't know them himself.
He should have told her long before now. Now it was too late. Now he was going to lose her and he didn't think he could take that. Just like the dream, it scared him.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! This is off to a semi-slow start. A few notes about 'Happy' – Greg and Sara were not supposed to be an official couple for this story. They were supposed to be together, much like they had been throughout that story, but not actually together. When I started the last chapter I knew how it should end, but then mid-way through there was a fight. There was no avoiding the fight, it almost wrote itself, but I knew because of it they would either have to break it off completely or finally decide to take a chance. I said before that I did have her walking out for good, but that would have left this story in a big mess. As you're going to see in a few chapters, their relationship is going to play a bigger part in this story.