A/N: Wow.an update. I didn't see this coming. I'm so sorry. I kind of lost
track of what I was going to do and then I became lazy and totally forgot
about what I wanted to do. Then school started. Yikes. However, I'm almost
back on track so I should be able to start things up again and finish this
off sooner or later. Hopefully sooner than later. So there ^_^. Akurei
Hikari: thank you and hopefully Fuuma talking isn't too fearful. Chibi-
y4kuza: you're questions will be answered soon enough. But we do find out
some of Fuuma's thoughts. Thank you for the reviews. Well, enjoy.
*****
"Talk? You. Want. To. Talk. What could we possibly talk about? At this ungodly hour in the morning what could we possibly comprehend?"
Something inside of me has snapped. The pain from our conversation earlier has made its self-present and I quickly rub my eyes not daring to let the tears out. However, Fuuma has already noticed and I can see sorrow in his eyes.
I sigh.
"I'm sorry.."
"You still seem tired, maybe you should go back to sleep and we can all talk later," Subaru suggests with a strained voice. I know he wants the best for me.
Fuuma nods in agreement.
I sigh again. Then look or more look to the side of Fuuma and speak,
"Will you walk with me to my room?"
Subaru lets out a snicker and Fuuma nods. I know it must have sounded weird having been a comment from out of the blue, but I think about just being in the silence with him. Being in his presence will calm me down at least a bit. The fight we had and everything in between has finally left me rattled.
We get up and walk out of the room, Subaru's snickering being left in the background as we move further and further away from the kitchen and the now cool mugs of tea. A remedy that once could make me warm down to my toes.
We walk in silence, and for the time being the overbearing stillness doesn't bother me. Before I know it we reach the bedroom. We stand staring at each other for what feels like an eternity. His eyes bare into me and make me shift uncomfortable where I stand.
"So.." I begin.
His eyes continue to bare. They make me feel exposed in front of him.
"Do you..would you like to come in? Or you could go back downstairs. Have some tea or something.."I continue. When I'm under a lot of stress I have the tendency to babble.
Fuuma nods and walks into my room, sitting down gracefully on the bed. My bed.
His eyes continue to watch.
I can't take it anymore.
"You hate me don't you? Why are you even here? Is it you rub it in?!"
For a moment a look of utter shock places itself upon his face but just as quickly as it came it's vanished.
"Is that what you think?" Fuuma questions quietly.
"What happened at the hospital, it was you saying goodbye, wasn't it?" I ask.
Tears start to burn my eyes.
"Goodbye.?"
Fuuma stands and in the blink of an eye is pressing his lips hard against mine.
"Goodbye..never. Never, Kamui."
"But, I don't understand.."
Fuuma kisses me again but this time more gently as if he was afraid that I would turn and run off if something suddenly frightened me. I understand, I'd do the same thing too if I had to deal with me.
He pulls back and sits back down on the bed, however, this time he pulls me down with him and we end up sitting next to each other. My hand in his. A smile tugging at his lips.
A door opening and closing from somewhere in the house breaks the silence. A pause is between us and then he speaks,
"You know we need to speak."
"I know.."
"I have to tell you something."
"You do..?"
"I love you, Kamui. What I did before was..well unacceptable. I couldn't help it. We know how I can get and it worsens when I'm under so much stress. I felt like I was watching myself say those things to you. Like it wasn't actually me."
"..Okay"
"I'm not done."
"Oh.."
"I want to help you. I really do. I hate seeing you in pain. You deserve so much better."
I take a breath. I'm not sure what to say. There are so many things and thoughts going through my mind to decide upon. I state the first that comes quickly to mind.
"Did you know that after we first met and when you used "kun" to my name I got excited? It made me happy. Now, well now we're on such a level that we don't even need to think of the usage of suffixes. I'm glad."
A grin.
"So am I, Kamui-*chan*."
I can't help but let a blush appear at that.
The grin gets bigger. I grin at that.
Then I go and ruin the moment.
"Did you hear a door opening or was it closing?"
"I did hear something."
"Do you think Subaru finished his tea and left? Or went and invited someone else to our non-existent tea party."
"You're mad at him for inviting me aren't you?"
"No..I'm just surprised. I never would have thought he'd go and do that. Hell, if he'd go and speak to anyone, I would have thought he'd even go as to far as going and contacting Aiden."
Fuuma flinches at the name.
"But I'm glad! I'm not mad at all. If it wasn't for him then we'd probably not have straightened at least some things out, ne?"
A nod.
"We should go take a look."
I nod.
Fuuma stands and takes my hand helping me up. Once I'm up the hold on my hand tightens. We go quietly downstairs listening for any sign of anything. It's silent as if no one has even step foot into any of the rooms.
As we enter the kitchen I notice that the mugs that once held the cold tea have been cleaned up and everything has been moved to as I had it before. Subaru must have a photographic memory to be able to do that. Even I wouldn't have been able to get things back to the exact spot. That's admirable.
I look at the time. It has gotten late.
"Maybe we should get some rest. It's gotten late."
"Good idea."
With that said, Fuuma swiftly picks me up and carries me up to my bedroom. He gently places me down on the bed and lays down joining me.
Wrapping his arms tightly around me, Fuuma's breath becomes even as he slowly drifts off with me in his arms. I softly kiss his lips and snuggle into the embrace as I let sleep overcome me.
My hope has returned. Has returned in him.
*****
*****
"Talk? You. Want. To. Talk. What could we possibly talk about? At this ungodly hour in the morning what could we possibly comprehend?"
Something inside of me has snapped. The pain from our conversation earlier has made its self-present and I quickly rub my eyes not daring to let the tears out. However, Fuuma has already noticed and I can see sorrow in his eyes.
I sigh.
"I'm sorry.."
"You still seem tired, maybe you should go back to sleep and we can all talk later," Subaru suggests with a strained voice. I know he wants the best for me.
Fuuma nods in agreement.
I sigh again. Then look or more look to the side of Fuuma and speak,
"Will you walk with me to my room?"
Subaru lets out a snicker and Fuuma nods. I know it must have sounded weird having been a comment from out of the blue, but I think about just being in the silence with him. Being in his presence will calm me down at least a bit. The fight we had and everything in between has finally left me rattled.
We get up and walk out of the room, Subaru's snickering being left in the background as we move further and further away from the kitchen and the now cool mugs of tea. A remedy that once could make me warm down to my toes.
We walk in silence, and for the time being the overbearing stillness doesn't bother me. Before I know it we reach the bedroom. We stand staring at each other for what feels like an eternity. His eyes bare into me and make me shift uncomfortable where I stand.
"So.." I begin.
His eyes continue to bare. They make me feel exposed in front of him.
"Do you..would you like to come in? Or you could go back downstairs. Have some tea or something.."I continue. When I'm under a lot of stress I have the tendency to babble.
Fuuma nods and walks into my room, sitting down gracefully on the bed. My bed.
His eyes continue to watch.
I can't take it anymore.
"You hate me don't you? Why are you even here? Is it you rub it in?!"
For a moment a look of utter shock places itself upon his face but just as quickly as it came it's vanished.
"Is that what you think?" Fuuma questions quietly.
"What happened at the hospital, it was you saying goodbye, wasn't it?" I ask.
Tears start to burn my eyes.
"Goodbye.?"
Fuuma stands and in the blink of an eye is pressing his lips hard against mine.
"Goodbye..never. Never, Kamui."
"But, I don't understand.."
Fuuma kisses me again but this time more gently as if he was afraid that I would turn and run off if something suddenly frightened me. I understand, I'd do the same thing too if I had to deal with me.
He pulls back and sits back down on the bed, however, this time he pulls me down with him and we end up sitting next to each other. My hand in his. A smile tugging at his lips.
A door opening and closing from somewhere in the house breaks the silence. A pause is between us and then he speaks,
"You know we need to speak."
"I know.."
"I have to tell you something."
"You do..?"
"I love you, Kamui. What I did before was..well unacceptable. I couldn't help it. We know how I can get and it worsens when I'm under so much stress. I felt like I was watching myself say those things to you. Like it wasn't actually me."
"..Okay"
"I'm not done."
"Oh.."
"I want to help you. I really do. I hate seeing you in pain. You deserve so much better."
I take a breath. I'm not sure what to say. There are so many things and thoughts going through my mind to decide upon. I state the first that comes quickly to mind.
"Did you know that after we first met and when you used "kun" to my name I got excited? It made me happy. Now, well now we're on such a level that we don't even need to think of the usage of suffixes. I'm glad."
A grin.
"So am I, Kamui-*chan*."
I can't help but let a blush appear at that.
The grin gets bigger. I grin at that.
Then I go and ruin the moment.
"Did you hear a door opening or was it closing?"
"I did hear something."
"Do you think Subaru finished his tea and left? Or went and invited someone else to our non-existent tea party."
"You're mad at him for inviting me aren't you?"
"No..I'm just surprised. I never would have thought he'd go and do that. Hell, if he'd go and speak to anyone, I would have thought he'd even go as to far as going and contacting Aiden."
Fuuma flinches at the name.
"But I'm glad! I'm not mad at all. If it wasn't for him then we'd probably not have straightened at least some things out, ne?"
A nod.
"We should go take a look."
I nod.
Fuuma stands and takes my hand helping me up. Once I'm up the hold on my hand tightens. We go quietly downstairs listening for any sign of anything. It's silent as if no one has even step foot into any of the rooms.
As we enter the kitchen I notice that the mugs that once held the cold tea have been cleaned up and everything has been moved to as I had it before. Subaru must have a photographic memory to be able to do that. Even I wouldn't have been able to get things back to the exact spot. That's admirable.
I look at the time. It has gotten late.
"Maybe we should get some rest. It's gotten late."
"Good idea."
With that said, Fuuma swiftly picks me up and carries me up to my bedroom. He gently places me down on the bed and lays down joining me.
Wrapping his arms tightly around me, Fuuma's breath becomes even as he slowly drifts off with me in his arms. I softly kiss his lips and snuggle into the embrace as I let sleep overcome me.
My hope has returned. Has returned in him.
*****