Where Do We Go From Here?

Chapter 2; These Words Are My Diary Screaming Out Loud

Toby seemed to be the most brave when we walked into Jimmy's hospital room almost two weeks after he had been shot in the back by Rick. Jimmy had been conscious for a good five days now. They had moved him out of intensive care to a private room in the hospital. He could wake up and talk easily now, or at least, that's what mom had said. Mom went to go see Jimmy the first day he could talk. Mrs. Brooks had been a close friend of my mother's since college. Jimmy's mother had a hard time walking away from the office even in the wake of tragedy, so my mother was doing all she could do to help out Jimmy, which meant she visited him nearly every day.

I had heard a rumor at school that Hazel had been so shocked the first day she saw Jimmy in the hospital that she decided to never step foot in the hospital again. She wouldn't talk about Jimmy. I'm sure it was the wires and the pain that made her feel so scared and helpless. When I visited Terry that one time with Paige and Spinner, I freaked out because I saw that she was stronger than me. She had to be. She was enduring pain when I could barely wake up and go to school. Somehow it had a deep affect on my mind, and I remember walking away crying. I had no doubt in my mind that had happened to Hazel, so I was shocked to see her in Jimmy's hospital room.

"Hazel?" My mouth escaped her name, as she got up from the chair next to Jimmy's bed, and walked out. She didn't look me in the eye, or say Hi. She seemed upset about something. I'm sure it wasn't Jimmy's condition. My mom said that the doctor had said that Jimmy's condition was miraculous, and I knew Jimmy was a miracle all to himself. He was one of those tough guys, ever since I had known him. I had a feeling no gun shot would ever destroy him. He wasn't destroyed by our first break up unlike me. In fact, he was more destroyed by the fact that I was stupid enough to take ecstasy than anything. Jimmy was as soul who cared about the people around him the most. I had a feeling it came from the fact that his parents were never home. He learned that you had to show people you cared for them in that way. In fact, when Terry was first hurt, I remember her telling me that Jimmy said he'd protect her. That's why Degrassi was so stunned by Rick shooting Jimmy. Jimmy was supposed to be the guy to the rescue, not the one who needed rescuing.

Jimmy noticed me first. "Ashley?" He seemed shock to see me, but truth be told, I hadn't said much of anything to him since ninth grade. I bet I seemed like the last person to come and visit him. He then noticed Toby, too. "Wow, Toby?" He looked at some flowers near his bed. There was a card in bold print that I could see from where I was standing. The card said: 'love, the Kerwins and Toby' I knew mom had sent it, and signed it herself. The neat handwriting was nothing near the scribbles of my stepbrother or the slanted mess that was my handwriting. I also knew it had to be all her because I was certain I didn't send any flowers to Jimmy. I had only considered it. Toby went up to Jimmy's bed side and gripped the rail next to him. I was left to sit in the chair. I gave Jimmy a smile. I felt tears welling in my eyes.

Toby said something first, "Jimmy… I'm so sorry," tears were in his eyes, too. Over the past two weeks, I had gotten to understand that my little step-brother thought that Rick's shooting everyone was his fault. He was friends with Rick, and helped convinced Emma to be nice to him. Sometimes at night, I could hear him pacing around, yelling, "It's all my fault!" I had never seen anyone with more guilt.

Jimmy gave a strong smile to Toby. "How's it going, short stuff?" Jimmy used to call Toby that all the time when we were going out. It brought a smile to my slightly tear stained face. "What about you, Ash? Did you turn this all into one big drama poem?" He never liked any of my poetry, or at least the ones that I wrote when I was severely depressed and gothic. I could still remember how he had made fun of my poem about Yolanda. I was really interested… How did Jimmy stay all smiles in a case like this?

"I wrote a song, but it's definitely better than what Yolanda would have realized." I nodded my head, while I giggled a bit. I hadn't let out giggles since the shooting, actually, probably since eighth grade. I grew up before ninth grade, and when I grew up, I'm pretty sure I lost my sense of humor. While I joked, Toby walked away.

"Ash. Jimmy. I got to get some air." I knew he didn't like hospitals. He was braver than me when it came to coming here, but all of the wires hooked up probably scared him. I felt sympathy for him, so I motioned towards him to go with him, so he wouldn't be alone. He shook his head. "I just need to walk, Ashley. I'll be fine." He walked out of the door. I looked at Jimmy.

"You two get along a lot better now." Jimmy commented. If one thing about the shooting was true, I got closer to my baby brother. We talked a lot at night. He'd talk about all these things I missed out on during the day. We'd end up talking about Jimmy, sometimes. We usually talked over homework. He would help me with math, and I'd help him with English. I nodded. "Ash," Jimmy looked out the window. For all the times me and Jimmy had talked after our second break up, it was not with eye contact. I was used to his eye's being focused on something else. "It's good you came."

I gave a warm smile, and then slipped a hand up to his. His hand was cold. "What was that about Hazel?" He shook his head. "You two broke up, didn't you?" He nodded. I could read Jimmy like a book if I needed to. My grip tightened a bit.

"Ash, why did you and Toby come here to visit me?" He asked. "I thought you two would be the last ones here. I was surprised when your mom said you two seemed so upset." He turned his head and looked at me. It sent shivers up my spine.

"We still care for you, Jimmy," he nodded while I spoke softly. My hands went up as I stood up, and stroked his hair. "Sure we've long not been a couple… and you ignored Toby for a while." I lost control of my voice. I was crying. I was lucky Jimmy was okay.

There's this part of me that thinks I never stopped loving him.

Author Notes

I guess I get got cliffhanger happy. I thought this was a good place to end. I'm really thankful for everyone who decided to review and give me their input. As always, reviews are appreciated.

This chapter was named after a line in Anna Nalick's song "Breath 2AM."