Authors Note: Thank you so much for all the reviews. It really means a lot to me. Sorry it took so long. Schools been pretty stressful lately and I've been trying to catch up on homework and sleep all week long. I hope this was worth the wait though. Enjoy

Chapter Seventeen

Selfish Human Emotions

He's been shaking all night. Connor says that it's from the lack of blood in him, but the way he didn't meet my eyes while answering me, made me think otherwise. After a few minutes of arguing with him, I finally got Angel upstairs and into bed, dressing his wounds. I know it's silly. He's a vampire, he doesn't get infected, but still... seeing him the way he was, to sit back and do nothing... it just wasn't something I couldn't help.

I talked to him soothingly all during the process, trying to keep his mind off of the pain. The cuts in his chest were deep and wide. Every time I even came near to touching the scrapes he would wince in pain, but never once did he cry out. Angel hates to show weakness, even to me.

That's when he fell asleep. After an hour of washing and dressing every single cut and contusion, his eyes drifted shut. At first, relief had flooded over me. I thought it was going to be a pain to get him to go to sleep. I thought for sure he'd want to get back up and head straight out into battle again. That's what the old Angel would have done anyways. But instead an extreme serenity played across his beautiful face, showing the first signs of peace in a long while. The bad vibes that I had been feeling before disappeared once sleep overtook him. I thought that all it was, was me being a worried girlfriend. If I could be considered his girlfriend. Ex girlfriend would probably be the proper term.

Anyways. I left the room in search of a hot shower. I was gone no more then thirty minutes. But by the time I reentered the little sanctuary where my angel lay asleep; he was shaking uncontrollably and had broken out into a cold sweat. I tried to wake him but that just seemed to cause him more pain. So I called for Connor, and that feeling of dread came right along with him as he entered the room.

He, along with other people in this house, people I don't even know, have been telling me that it's just because he lost so much blood today. That he's just having withdrawals, kind of like what a drug addict goes through during detox. I don't know if they think I'm just really stupid or if they think that I'm to worried to come up with anything worse. But I know that they're not telling me something. If it was just a minor little blood withdrawal, then I should be able to wake him.

"Connor, we have to do something." I started again for what has probably been the fifth plea in the last ten minutes.

"Buffy, I told you. It's just a simple blood withdrawal. It's nothing to be worried about."

"Then why am I worried!"

He sighed and rubbed his hands across his face. I wasn't allowing him to go to bed until I knew that Angel was okay.

"It's just something you're... we're going to have to wait out."

I glared at him, staying by Angel's side, holding his hand tightly. "Fine then, if it's just a simple withdrawal, give him blood."

Connor looked at me a little shocked. "What?"

"It's not that difficult Connor. He needs blood, so give it to him."

"There's no way he'd be able to vamp out in this state."

"It's called an IV tube. Ever heard of it? Doctors use them all the time." I started speaking slowly, as if I were talking to some small child. If Connor was anything like his father, this would easily get on his nerves.

"It's not that simple..."

"Why not? Get some tubing, stick it in his vein, then slowly let a blood bag drip into his system. I've seen it done before, why wouldn't it work here?" I was suddenly glad that I used to watch E.R growing up.

"Vampires won't accept things the same way we do. Their blood doesn't flow through their veins. It's just there."

"That still won't make a difference in forcing some blood in."

He looked at me, a decision about something flitting back and fourth in his mind. At least now I knew he was definitely lying, that something more was going on.

"I don't know what happened between you and your father. It's not my place. But I'm not going to stand by and not do a damn thing when he's lying her like this!" I starred into his bloodshot eyes, daring him to move. "So help me God, if you don't tell me what the hell is going on, I promise you that the pain that he's feeling now, will be nothing compared to what I'll do to you." He rolled his eyes at what he must have thought an empty threat. "You think I'm joking? Just try me."

He looked away and started pacing the room back and fourth, leaving everything silent with the exception of the occasional moan heard from Angel. I never once took my eyes from him, just followed him from one side of the room to the other while keeping a tight hold on Angel's hand, hoping to give him some semblance of comfort.

"I'm not supposed to tell you." He said finally.

"Why not?" My tone was harsh and bitter. Angel was lying here, dying, and he was worried about letting out a secret?

"He told me not to." He gestured to Angel's shaking form.

"Yeah, well he's not strong enough to do anything about it if you do."

"He said you'll just do something stupid."

"Kind of like what I'm going to do to you in about five seconds if you don't blab?" My voice was light and cheery, but had the perfect hint of underlined dark meaning playing in the background. Giving Connor just the effect I wanted.

"He's dying."

"Kinda figured that one." It didn't mean though that the words didn't shock me though. I just got back to this world, just got back to Angel, and now suddenly the fates were taking him away. Why is it that nobody seems to want us together? Why must we always be ripped apart? I would really like someone to explain this to me because I sure as hell don't get it. "Now, tell me how to fix it."

"You can't."

"Wanna bet?"

"Buffy, the only way to fix this is to..." He trailed off, trying to gather his words.

"Is to what?" I yelled impatiently.

"The order of Arelius, Angel's a part of that Order. He was the only vamp that walked away from Leon..."

"You're telling me things I already know."

"Would you just listen?" He yelled impatiently.

"I'm all ears."

"Good. Now, since Angel's a part of the Order and Leon is a part of the Order, they're both connected. They're both decedents of the same blood line, they both have the same blood running through their system."

"You're just repeating yourself here which is kind of making me cranky."

"I'm trying to make a point!" He shouted angrily. Good, at least someone else was starting to become close to what I was feeling at the moment.

"Which is?"

"Leon and Angel are connected. There for one dies, the other one dies."

I starred at him. No thought, no emotion went across my mind except for shock. "You're lying."

"I wish I were."

"No you don't! You hate him! This is all some sort of plan for you to get him out of your life or something!"

"Buffy, stop acting irrational."

"Irrational? Irrational! Connor, the man I love is dying and you're sitting here acting like Mr. Stoic and Calm! How is that irrational?"

"I may have some problems with him, but that doesn't mean that I think he deserves to die!"

"Bull shit! You've been waiting for an opportunity like this to come up since day one!"

"Do you really think I'm that heartless?"

"Right now? YES!"

He shook his head and laughed bitterly. "Think what ever you want. Fact of the matter is that Angel is going to have to die for this world to even start getting better. For him to get rid of the pain." He flopped down into a chair. "Welcome to my world."

I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from breaking down and sobbing. Angel was going to die. It was the only way. I knew that. It didn't mean that I wanted to admit it, but deep down I knew that if things were to start getting better in this world, Leon would have to go. In the end, it would mean that Angel have to die along side him.

"I don't accept that."

"You're gonna have too. We all had too. Angel even had too."

"How long have you known." The first tear slipped out.

"Since the beginning. Angel and Leon got in this huge fight, both of them hurting each other pretty badly. It wasn't until awhile later that we found out that every wound they inflicted on the other one, it would show up on their own body, almost like they were inflicting the scars on themselves." He couldn't meat my eyes anymore. In truth, I was glad for that. His eyes were so much like his fathers that I don't think I could bare it if I saw them.

"So... so why now? Why didn't you just..." I couldn't finish my sentence. I was surprised that I could still even talk with the tears that were chocking up my throat.

"Why not off him in the beginning? Believe me, we thought of that. Angel was the first to even suggest it. But it wouldn't work. The moment Leon found out about their little... problem, he cast a spell. Anything that happens to Angel, any cut or bruise, it won't affect Leon. He made it so that anything that happens to Angel would just happen to Angel, but anything that happened to himself... Angel would feel it too. That's how we always know when Leon's hurt, because Angel feels everything he does."

I nodded my head dumbly, not quite sure how I was supposed to react to this. Was I supposed to go outside and scream, kill everything and anyone that got in my way? Or was I supposed to accept this? My eyes grew wide and my head shot up.

"Leon can't die though. He's immortal. That means Angel's not dying. He can't die." I looked at Connor in absolute hope. Begging him almost to give me this. Give me that tiny little ray of hope that I needed at the moment.

But it didn't come.

"Not yet." He whispered it. I know he didn't want me to hear it but I did.

"What aren't you telling me?" I asked desperately, not caring that the tears were flowing over and onto the hand that grasped desperately at Angels.

"Angel hurt Leon pretty badly tonight. He then staked him to the ground. If you look on his shoulders, there should be some pretty large holes there."

I turned slowly and with a shaky hand, brushed the side of his open shirt away. A large cut in the shape of a point rested on his shoulder. The skin around it was aggravated and red.

"There's no way Leon would be able to get himself... unstaked for lack of a better word, without help. And since all his lackey's are out searching the cities for us, it's highly likely that he's still there. When Angel talked to me earlier... he told me..." Connor stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to get the words that he needed to say out. "About an hour ago we sent four men to go and try to receive Leon's body. If they succeed, we can make him tell us how to get to the Slayers he's holding and then.... If we get the slayers out of the way we can stake Leon and this will all be over with."

Horror marked my already red face. "That's it? You're just going to torture Leon until he tells you where the slayers are and then you're going to kill them?"

"Basically, yeah."

"What the hell is wrong with you? These are innocent girls we're talking about here!"

"Innocent girls that hold the key to a better world! We take out a couple lives, then we save millions."

"No. There has to be another way. You can't just kill them! You can't just kill him!" I motioned back to Angel.

"Buffy, we're at the end of our rope here. What else are we supposed to do?"

"Anything but this! Angel and those girls don't deserve this."

"Don't you mean you don't deserve this?" He starred me down.

"What?"

"All I'm hearing Buffy, is how much you don't want Angel to die. Not for his sake, not to end his pain or the pain of others, but because you want him here. If Angel dies, we could save the lives of millions. Hell, he even wants us to kill him! But that doesn't matter to you. All that you care about is keeping your boyfriend alive so you can lean on him for support."

I starred at him, my blood boiling at the sound of his words, and that genetic sneer. "You selfish son of a bitch."

"I think it's the other way around here."

I stood up, leaving Angel's side for the first time, and slapped him. "How dare you start to talk about what I'm feeling! You have no idea what's going through my mind right now! I have sacrificed Angel's life and my own for this damned world. Yes, I don't want Angel to die because I do need him. But the world needs him too, and if it does come down to it, to the point where we have no other way, then I'll let it happen. I'll hold his hand until his ashes seep through my fingers. All I'm asking for is to try and find another way. He's been fighting for years, giving everything he can for the people of this city. He deserves to be around to see the sun back again, to see people laughing and actually being happy for once. Look for another damn way Connor. Don't just give up because it seems like the fastest way to get what you want. You get rid of Angel, and these people are going to have one less person to save their sorry asses every night. Don't condemn him to death for something that he has no control over."

"Oh don't give me the sob story on how much he deserves to be happy..."

"He does! Can't you see that? Everything he's done since he's gotten his soul has been for everyone but him. There isn't a more selfless man in this world. There has to be another way to kill Leon that doesn't involve killing these slayers and resulting in Angel's death. I've learned that there is always another way. Leon isn't as smart as you people think he is. He's a bad guy. He's going to slip up eventually and when he does we'll take advantage of it, and I can guarantee you that the only one that will die that night is him. Not Angel, not the slayers, not you or me. But Leon. Because he's the one that deserves to die. All the crap that the Powers That Be have put us through, well it's about to pay off."

He looked at me strangely. Almost as if he'd never seen something like me before. I guess a woman standing up for what they believe in isn't common in this world. Either that or Connor has never been shown up before.

"It doesn't matter what you say." He spoke after a moment, a hint of regret tingeing his voice from hearing my words. "They're already after Leon. The plan's set in motion."

"So what. Capture Leon and bring him back here. That's fine. Once he's here, we'll form a plan. That is if they even get here. Leon's men are roaming the city; I don't think your boys are going to make it back here alive." Angel obviously wasn't a in on that little part of the plan. He would never be so stupid as to letting them bring Leon back here with all the vampires roaming the streets, looking for us.

"Look, I don't agree with your plan. I think we should kill Leon as fast as possible before it backfires. Angel did to."

"Yeah well Angel's comatose right now, so what he wants doesn't matter."

Connor ignored me and continued. "Let's just say though that I considered what you just said. Decided to try and look for another way. The others aren't going to like it and I highly doubt they'll go along with it. Knowing them, they'll take matters into their own hand. Every man and woman out there is going to see it one way and one way only. That you're just being selfish."

I took a deep breath, trying to control my anger. "I may want to keep him alive for selfish reasons, I'm not denying that. But if I have to, if it turns out to be the only way, I'll kill him. I won't even hesitate."

We were standing almost nose to nose by the time I had finished. I breathed in and out deeply.

"Good." Angel's voice came floating from the bed behind me.