A/N: Hey guys! Many, many thanks for your reviews – glad you like it!
Ok, new character arrives in this chapter but it's a plot point, not an excuse to get someone into John's pants! Rest assured, this isn't going to go all rose-tinted and sappy! Trust me!
Oh, and another thing; my tale is relying on a timescale to an extent so, just to clarify, I'm suggesting the incident on T5 happened on a Saturday morning (assuming Alan was picked up for spring break on a Friday afternoon ... but perhaps I've thought about this way too much ... !!).
Usual disclaimer: none of the T'Birds characters or names are mine. They're just being lent to my imagination for a while.
It was a trap. His defences had been compromised through stress and lack of sleep and he had walked straight into an ambush. John sat back against the cushions of the padded bench and frowned in annoyance. The 'few drinks with friends' cover had been blown as soon as they had stepped from the train and met up with Freddy and Max beneath the clock in the busy station and the true plans for the evening had been revealed. Not wanting to prove his brother's theory about him, John had somehow resisted the urge to simply turn and get back onto a train and had followed them into the centre of town.
He had known where this was going. He had walked past several opportunities to get out of this situation and only had himself to blame but it was more fun to place his anger squarely at his brother's feet.
Scott laughed loudly at yet another of Freddy's boorish observations concerning the crowd that mingled around them and tried to ignore the daggers that John was repeatedly throwing his way.
"Okey-dokey!" Max declared merrily as he rejoined them at the table and set a new tray of drinks down between them. "I believe it is my turn to challenge."
"Indeed!" Freddy agreed happily and eagerly grabbed his next drink.
"Do your worst." Scott raised his glass in acknowledgement of the continuing game.
Max took a long mouthful of his beer and frowned in thought. "Where were we up to?" He thought aloud and then suddenly laughed excitedly. "Aha! Phone number." He put down his drink and checked his watch. "Twenty minutes, chaps!" Max leaned back to pull his mobile phone from his trouser pocket and grinned at Scott. "And we will be calling to check authenticity!"
Scott giggled and nodded in agreement. "Up the stakes as much as you like, my friend." He drank down half of his beer and stood quickly. "You will still lose!"
John watched his brother quickly immerse himself into the crowd and disappear from sight.
"What about you, Johnny?" Freddy asked carefully. "You up for this one?"
John shook his head and managed a thin smile. "No, thanks. I'll guard the drinks."
"A noble gesture!" Max nodded gratefully and leapt to his feet in pursuit of Scott.
"You okay?" Freddy paused on the edge of his seat and frowned at John in concern.
John nodded and glanced at the people around them. "You're losing."
"Shit!" Freddy gasped and hurried from the table.
As much as he hated to admit it, watching his brother return victoriously to the table after only a few minutes was amusing. Scott had won every one of their childish challenges thus far and he was in his element. John smiled as he watched his brother sink into his chair and sigh heavily.
"Hey!" Scott grinned happily and pointed at John. "That's more like it, buddy!"
John shrugged his shoulders and allowed the smile to linger for a moment. "You realise it's unfair to let them think they have a chance."
Scott nodded and sipped at his drink. "Maybe. But there'd be no game otherwise."
"But how do they know it's just a game?"
"Freddy invented it!" Scott laughed.
John shook his head, "I don't mean Max and Freddy."
Scott frowned suddenly.
"The women that you're teasing." John continued softly, his smile fading. "Do they know it's all just a game?"
Scott sighed loudly and shook his head. "God, how can we be related?" He groaned, "Will you please just lighten the fuck up?!"
John swallowed back the remark that came to his lips and looked down at his hands.
"It's just fun, John." Scott continued, leaning across the table to glare at John in annoyance. "You remember fun, don't you?"
John glanced up at his brother and decided not to comment. He didn't like the way Scott's tone had suddenly changed and guessed that continuing this train of thought after several beers was unwise.
"Everyone in this place has come here to escape for a while and have fun. We're only doing what everybody else is doing." Scott argued in frustration. "Hell, there's probably packs of girls challenging each other to try and get off with us! It doesn't mean anything."
"Exactly." John agreed quietly, "It's so hollow and empty. I would think you were better than that."
"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Scott demanded angrily, "Listen, I know you've been through a shitty time but I was there, dude – I know how close we came to - " He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. "The way I see it, we can either grow from it … or let it consume us … and, personally, I'm not gonna let that sick fuck get one over on me!"
John looked back up at Scott and watched him for a moment, letting his brother's words settle in his confused thoughts.
Scott held his brother's steady gaze and his heart sank as he suddenly noticed the dark patches under John's eyes and the heaviness of his shoulders. "God, John … what happened before we got there …?" He groaned softly, "Why d'you freak like that when you went back to Thunderbird 5?"
John gasped and looked about them worriedly. Hoards of people danced and chatted as they edged past their table and suddenly it seemed to him that any one of them could be a threat.
"John?" Scott urged and followed his gaze to watch the people around them. "Oh, I wouldn't worry." He chuckled softly, "It's too loud for people to hear us and, even if they did, everyone's totally too drunk to remember anything we might say!"
John turned back to Scott and frowned in concern. "How can you be sure?"
"I just am." Scott shrugged.
John's frown grew and he sighed in dismay. "I wish I had your confidence …"
Scott watched the sorrow that seemed to settle on John's pale face and suddenly he wished he had not dragged him out here. He began to realise that perhaps the loud club was exactly what John did not need right now and he tried to think of a way to make amends. His deliberation lasted all of a few moments, for Freddy and Max then came bursting back to the table and breathlessly declared their successes.
"Sorry, boys." John offered as merrily as he could, "Stud-muffin here has wiped the floor with you yet again."
"Stud-muffin?!" Scott laughed in delight and then turned to see his friends glaring at him in annoyance. "Stud-muffin." He shrugged and sighed happily.
It was somewhere in between the sixth and seventh round of drinks that John discovered he could sink back against the seat and simply let the noise of his surroundings wash over him. His brother and his friends were off mingling amid the crowd and apparently attempting to break as many hearts as they possibly could in one evening. He couldn't blame them really; it wasn't their fault that they were so attractive. John frowned as he wondered whether he should actually be thinking such a thing and he tried to clear his mind of all notion that his brother was damned hot.
He still thought the games that Scott and his friends were playing were childish but the odd thing was that he was becoming tempted to join in. It would no doubt amuse Scott if his brother suddenly threw caution into the wind and went wild but there was also the possibility that he would never hear the end of it. John frowned and tried to weigh up in his mind the consequences of giving in to his intrigue and ignoring the sensible side of his nature for a moment.
It must be the painkillers. There was a distant memory somewhere in his woozy mind that alcohol did not mix well with Codeine and he wondered if the damage might be permanent. Not that it would be so bad to feel so chilled out all the time; to finally not have any worries about anything; to in fact be able to think about spaceships exploding without any change of pace in his steady pulse.
John frowned as suddenly he recalled what his father had told him about painkillers. He shuddered and his mind was abruptly pulled back to the present and the reality of his situation. John took a deep breath and rubbed at his tired eyes. He looked up into the crowd and contemplated getting up to go and find Scott. It must be getting late now and they ought to get back and sober up in case they were needed.
He had noticed her a while ago. His determination not to join in with his brother's escapades had made him try to ignore her but, though he had avoided looking in her direction since their first glance at each other, he was aware that she was still there.
John turned to look across the club and saw that she was facing away from him. He allowed himself a moment to watch her as she listened to the animated chatter of the group she was sat with and he was again aware of how familiar her demeanour seemed. Her body language almost mirrored his own and he could tell even from this distance that she wanted to be here just as much as he did. Suddenly he was intrigued and he wondered why sometimes she seemed so very sad. He was lost in his musing for a moment and it took him a while to realise that she had turned and was now watching him. His heart slammed into his chest as all at once he saw that she knew he had been staring and he thought she glared a warning before she turned away from him.
Oh shit. How long had he been blatantly staring? John closed his eyes and groaned inwardly. When he looked back up, he saw that she had moved and he quickly searched the crowd for her face. His eyes soon rested on a familiar form at the bar and before he knew what he was doing he was standing and heading towards her. Despite the warning signals clanging at the back of his mind, he had to explain that he wasn't the person she took him for and he had not meant to stare.
John sought a gap in the crowd beside the bar and managed to catch the attention of one of the staff. The bottled water he bought was icy cold and helped clear his muzzy head. No more alcohol, he promised himself and turned to see if she was still there.
"Hello."
John froze. She was standing right beside him, a slight smile of what might have been apprehension pulling at her lips.
"You look like you're loving this place about as much as I am." She continued, her smile growing and a slight shrug of her shoulders conveying some degree of uneasiness.
John swallowed hard and managed a brief nod. "My friends dragged me here."
"Me, too." She sighed loudly, "I was promised that all my problems would be solved by vodka and mind-numbingly loud music!"
John laughed gently, "You got suckered in by that line too, huh?"
She nodded and rolled her eyes in exaggerated annoyance before then frowning up at him in interest. "American?"
"You got me." John smiled.
"It's hard to tell sometimes," She explained, "American, Canadian, Irish … whatever you chose, you might offend someone!"
"I guess."
"You live here?" She continued.
John shook his head, "Visiting friends. You?"
"Same. I live in London." She sighed, "But probably not for much longer." She looked down at the bottled beer in her hand and became serious for a moment.
John allowed his gaze to move around her form now that she wasn't looking at him and their close proximity allowed him to see more detail. Her short hair was not one colour but many tones of dark browns and reds. The smart shirt and trousers she wore were more modest than those of most of the other women in the place yet clung attractively to her figure, allowing the slightest glimpse of cleavage and he wondered if this was intentional. She had a faint scar on her forehead that he suddenly wanted to know more about and he found himself imagining what she might do at work with her slender but undecorated fingers.
"Have you ever - " she looked back up at him suddenly and paused as she noticed him studying her. "What …?" She asked carefully.
"Nothing." John replied quickly and smiled down at her, his heart thudding against his chest as a gentle frown settled over her dark eyes. "I was just imagining how smug my friends are going to be now that I'm glad I came."
Her face relaxed into a warm smile and she nodded her thanks at the compliment.
"Was that too much?" John continued, "I'm not exactly a pro at this."
She nodded with enthusiasm, "Which in itself is refreshing." She shrugged and glanced around them, "It's not so bad, I guess, it's just - " she gasped suddenly as someone collided into her back and almost sent her toppling forwards.
"Sorry!" The man laughed and raised his hands in apology. He grabbed her shoulder to steady her and smiled down at her. "On second thoughts," He slurred in amusement, "I'm not sorry at all! Hello, pretty!"
"Get off!" She demanded angrily and shrugged free of his grip.
"Ooh, get you!" The man grinned in delight and moved closer to her, "You're a feisty one! I bet you're a good f - " he was abruptly silenced as her fist suddenly met with his jaw and he stared at her in horror. After a moment, his shock became anger and he advanced towards her again.
John stepped forward to assist her and then watched in amusement and approval as the sleezy man's pride – and possibly one of his teeth – was knocked out of him with another swift blow to his jaw and he collapsed unceremoniously to the floor.
"Piss off, creep!" She spat furiously and watched him crawl quickly away from her.
John laughed and noticed the people around them were equally impressed with her swift solution. He turned to congratulate her and frowned as he watched her leaning heavily on the bar, a brief flash of pain crossing her face. "You okay?" he urged worriedly and moved closer to her, somewhat warily after her recent display of strength.
She nodded and smiled unconvincingly up at him. "I just need some air."
It had been raining again and an icy dampness hung in the alley beside the club. John shivered slightly and shoved his hands into his jeans pocket as he matched her slow pacing.
"I shouldn't have done that." She said softly, her voice suddenly seeming loud in the quiet alley. She looked down at her right hand and flexed her already bruising fingers.
John smiled slightly. "But did it make you feel better?"
"Yeah!" She laughed suddenly and glanced up at him. "Or, for a moment, anyway."
"Then it was worth it." John offered lightly, "It was good to watch." He added in amusement. "Maybe I should try it?"
"I wouldn't recommend it!" She chuckled and shook her throbbing hand. She folded her arms and frowned suddenly.
"No," John agreed gently, "I can remember one time when my brother - " he stopped as he saw her unfold her arms and stare in dismay at the dark matter on her fingers. "What the hell?!" He demanded frantically and stepped closer to examine her hand.
"It's okay." She sighed and smiled thinly up at him. "I think I just pulled a few stitches." She lifted her left arm carefully and peered at the small glistening patch on the side of her shirt. "I'm fine."
John frowned in horror at the blood and then slowly looked up into her face. "What happened?"
She swallowed hard and shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it." She husked and then cleared her throat. "It's nothing … really …"
"You should see a doctor." John offered.
"I've seen several." She laughed suddenly, "They sewed me up and one told me I was unfit to work." Her smile faded and she looked down at the drying blood on her fingertips. "Not that I could even if I wanted to …"
John watched her in silence and suddenly found his reaction on returning to the station playing over in his mind. Maybe that was it. Maybe he had sensed that she was hurting much as he was. Maybe people who have been through a traumatic experience give off some sort of unconscious sign. Maybe he ought to stay off the painkillers.
"It's not how I thought it would be." She continued suddenly and looked up into John's concerned face. "I thought you were supposed to have some great epiphany when you faced death."
John swallowed back the lump that had suddenly caught in his throat and shrugged his shoulders. "I guess it depends on what you believe in." He replied softly, "But … no … there's no sudden clarity … no great answer … it's just … nothing." He watched her begin to realise that he knew what he was talking about and saw the relief that pulled at her lips but then she seemed to be afraid of the notion and she stepped away from him.
"It's cold out here, I'm going back."
John watched her turn away from him and then closed his eyes. His mind was filled with the memory of seeing his own blood smeared on his gloves and the pain of the deep gash between his shoulders. Suddenly he could smell the burning station and hear the shrill wailing of the sirens. He could remember floating helplessly and gasping for the slightest quantity of oxygen in the hot, stale air.
"There you are!"
John opened his eyes and frowned in confusion as he slowly orientated himself back into the present.
"Dude!" Scott laughed and jogged down the alley towards John. "I've been looking everywhere for you!" He then seemed to notice the woman walking away from John and watched her in intrigue for a moment. "I thought maybe you'd had enough and bailed on us – you could have told me you were simply upping the game!"
"Scott!" John cautioned quickly and shook his head.
Scott's smile faded as he neared them and now sensed the uneasy atmosphere. He looked from the woman to his brother and shook his head in confusion.
"We both needed some air." John explained quietly. "I was just talking with - " He frowned suddenly as he realised that he had no idea who she was and he groaned as he watched her turn out of the alley and disappear from view.
Scott watched his brother in silence for a moment and then suddenly gave a gentle laugh. "I get it … you pretend to be all holier than thou and give me shit for having fun and then you sneak outside with a hot brunette!"
"We were only talking." John urged.
"Okay, okay!" Scott raised his hands in defence, "Whatever you say, bro'!"
John sighed in annoyance and moved past Scott to head back into the club.
"I'm sorry." Scott called after him.
John halted and turned back to look at Scott's suddenly sombre expression.
Scott wandered over to John and shrugged his shoulders. "I had a moment of realisation while I was taking a piss and suddenly saw what a dick I've been."
John frowned at his brother and then suddenly laughed. "While you were taking a piss?!"
Scott grinned sheepishly, "I've been drinking, dude!" He chuckled at himself and then again became serious. "Do you want to leave?"
"I guess," John replied honestly and took a deep breath.
"It's your brain, isn't it."
"What?"
Scott shrugged and stepped closer to John. "You use it too much."
John laughed in amusement and then suddenly understood where his brother was coming from; thinking and brooding had not helped so far, maybe it was time to see if the Scott Tracy coping method was more effective. "Come on," He placed his hand on Scott's shoulder and guided him back towards the club. "I think the beer is working: the hot brunette intrigues me."
"Okay!" Scott enthused merrily, "Lets go see if she has any hot friends."
It was inevitable. With the mood that Max and Freddy were in, none of the female crowd would be able to escape their charm. John made his way back through the hot, smoky club and sought out the table where he had first seen her. He smiled merrily as he saw her sitting back with her friends but as he moved closer he then saw two familiar figures sat amongst them.
"Wahey! Johnny-babes!" Freddy called out happily and waved in greeting.
John managed a smile in return and swallowed hard as he reached the table and noticed her trying to avoid his gaze.
"Another pilot?" One of the girls asked in interest as she looked John up and down.
"No, Johnny here is a scientist." Freddy replied, "He's better with his brains than his hands."
John was sure he heard a groan of dismay move through the table of women and he frowned slightly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable under their scrutiny.
"Dudes!" Scott declared in delight as he arrived on the scene.
John watched in amusement as all female attention instantly moved to his brother and Max and Freddy sighed in dismay.
"That's it, then." Freddy groaned, "Back to insignificance we crawl."
"You're old and boring anyway, Forrester!" One of the girls giggled.
"Yeah, English fly-boys were last year." Another agreed, "Been there, done that."
Scott raised his eyebrows in interest and looked around at the group. "You guys know each other?"
Freddy nodded eagerly, "We had a good thing going, too."
"Says you!" Three of the women laughed together.
Freddy feigned offence and turned away from them with a scoff.
"Oh, they're only teasing!" Max assured and then frowned worriedly, "Aren't you?"
The three women between Max and Freddy laughed and nodded in reassurance. Their attention then turned back to Scott and John and they regarded them in interest.
"Scott, John," Freddy offered, "Meet Paula, Kate, Leanne and - " he shrugged slightly as he looked towards the woman sitting at the end of the bench.
"Alex." Kate added helpfully.
John held his breath and glanced quickly at her. She smiled a polite greeting towards him and his brother and then turned her attention back to her bottle of beer.
"So, Scott …" Paula smiled up at him. "Are American pilots as much fun as our boys?"
Max groaned loudly and rolled his eyes. "Oh, just pretend you're English will you, Scott!"
"Yeah! Piss off Tracy!" Freddy agreed with a sigh, "We were here first!"
Scott laughed and smiled in greeting at the women that were openly admiring him. He then recognised the quieter of the group and glanced at John. "Actually, John was."
"Ha!" Freddy scoffed in disbelief, "I thought he wasn't playing."
John closed his eyes and prayed that the ground would open up and consume him. He so did not want to be associated with their childish escapades right now and was sure he could feel disappointment coming from her.
"How far d'you get then, Johnny-whizz-kid?" Max asked in amusement. "As I recall, you had some serious catching up to do."
Scott could sense the discomfort coming from his brother and he shook his head slowly, "Leave it, Max." He warned softly and stepped closer to John.
"Thought as much," Freddy added with a chuckle, "Girls don't go for brooding any more, Johnny – they want action." He grinned in delight as the women around him giggled mischievously.
"Shy, quiet type, eh?" Leanne smiled up at John and then leaned forward to peer along the table, "Sounds just right for you, Alex."
John opened his eyes and watched her shrug a reply. She then stood and, with a brief glance in his direction, walked off into the crowd.
"Ugh, she's so miserable tonight!" Paula groaned.
"I'm worried about her." Kate countered.
John watched Alex's friends and wondered if they had any idea why she was evidently not herself. He peered out across the dance floor and tried to spot her among the mass of people.
"Go on." Scott urged quietly.
John spun round and saw his brother smiling fondly at him. He frowned in confusion and shook his head.
"Dude, you've spent far too much time alone!" Scott laughed softly and nodded in the direction she had gone. "That look so meant 'follow me'."
"It did?" John's frown deepened and he turned to peer again into the crowd.
"Dude!" Scott laughed gently and gave John a careful nudge forward. "Don't analyse it – just go! I'll keep these guys off your tail."
John smiled suddenly and glanced back at the table of women. "Wow … you'd really sacrifice yourself like that?"
"Smart ass!" Scott grinned and shoved John a little harder. "Get going."
After several minutes of squeezing through the writhing bodies on the dance floor and peering around at the hundreds of faces among the crowded bar, John decided that Scott had got it wrong and she had in fact simply left. He sighed and began to wonder how hard it would be for Penelope to locate her. He had a clear image of her face in his mind and he now knew part of her name, it wouldn't be impossible. Of course, he would have to endure the inevitable questioning and perhaps teasing that asking Penny to help might create but he had an idea that it might just be worth it.
"I want to apologise for my friends."
John smiled and turned slowly to see her standing behind him. "Don't." He shrugged, "They're no worse than mine."
Alex nodded and stepped closer to him. "They're just having fun. Any other time, I'd be joining in but …"
"Not tonight." John offered softly.
Alex shook her head slowly.
"What would you rather do tonight?" John smiled.
"Snuggle up in my pj's," Alex laughed gently, "Watch a soppy old movie and have a hot chocolate."
"Ah," John nodded, "It's like that, is it?"
"No, it's worse than that," Alex's smile faded suddenly, "But there's not much that anyone can do about that."
John watched her suddenly fighting back tears and moved closer to her. He reached out timidly and placed his hand on her arm, suddenly remembering that she could floor him if he made a wrong move. "Can't help you right now with the movie or chocolate." He began carefully, "But I can snuggle pretty well."
Alex laughed briefly and her face then crumpled as she fell against him and threw her arms around his waist.
John closed his eyes and held her tightly against him. She buried her face into his neck and even amid the commotion of the packed dance floor he could hear her crying gently. He leaned his cheek against the top of her head and gently stroked his hands up and down her back.
"Sorry." Alex whispered after a moment.
John shook his head slowly.
"Not quite the first impression one wishes to make." She continued and leaned back from him, her hands moving to rest at his hips as she stepped away slightly.
"That's debatable." John smiled.
"Thanks," Alex nodded, "I've just … it's been tough lately and – oh, you don't want to hear this!"
"Try me." John countered and then laughed gently, "Not that it's actually very easy to hear you in here!"
Alex nodded in agreement and glanced around them. "I'm surprised it's this
busy, mid-week." She shrugged slightly.
"Wasn't there a football thing tonight?" John frowned, recalling having seen Parker settled happily in front of the immense TV in the games room when he and Scott had left.
"Probably," Alex nodded and rolled her eyes. "There usually is." She smiled up at him and then frowned slightly. "Is it bleached?"
John laughed and nodded an affirmative.
"It's cool!" Alex enthused, "In this light, it's almost glowing!"
John laughed again and reached up to try and pull a piece of his fringe into his vision.
"So, you're not in the air force – like the other guys?"
John shook his head and combed his fingers through his hair.
"What are you a scientist of?"
"Space." John replied. It was so easy to lie, so easy to let their cover story roll off of his tongue. But tonight it felt wrong.
Alex raised her eyebrows and nodded in approval. "Exciting stuff!"
"I guess." John shrugged.
"Sorry," Alex sighed, "You don't like talking shop?"
John smiled thinly, "What about you? What do you do?"
Alex looked away from him and then nodded towards a group of men that had just descended onto the dance floor. "There's our answer." She smiled and watched them waving their team scarves in the air in celebration.
John watched her for a moment and was suddenly aware of every inch of her body that touched his; the gentle weight of her hands on his hips and the sweet smell of the styling products in her hair. "I know what it's like, Alex."
Alex slowly turned back to him, her eyes filled with apprehension as she waited for him to continue.
"A few days ago there was an attack on my lab." John offered quietly, his heart pounding in his ears, "Some crazy radicals who wanted to make a statement or something but … I was caught up in the explosion and then the people that came to help me got trapped." He swallowed back the lump in his throat and watched the horror in her face fade as she began to realise what he was telling her. "I know what it's like to think that you might die … to relive that feeling every waking moment … and to know that nothing will ever be as it was."
Alex closed her eyes and tears trickled down her flushed cheeks. She nodded in agreement and slowly leaned towards him, slipping her arms tightly back around his waist.
"It's okay …" John nestled his face into her hair and sighed loudly. "It'll be okay."
"How?" Alex husked.
"I don't know." John replied quietly, blinking away his own tears as he hugged her tighter against him. "I just don't know."