As much as he hated to admit it, they did have a point. He had made clear his opinion of their antics in the club and yet now he had scored the highest in their game.
It had begun when Alex had become more upset. Exhaustion and alcohol had lowered her defences and she had reached a point where composure no longer mattered. He was sure it was an inevitable part of the process and that he no doubt had the sobbing stage to look forward to but right then all he could think about was her and getting her safely home. That his suggestion to do just that would lead to this, he had not known.
The quiet country village was just a few miles in a taxi from the club and the silence of the place was such a relief. The peace was shattered as soon as Freddy made his way through to the lounge and found the stereo but it was still not as loud as the nightclub. He had happily announced that his parents were home but slept safely away from any noise thanks to the immense size of the house and he had then gone off in search of more alcohol.
Freddy's parents had been happy to accommodate two extra houseguests overnight but John wondered what they would make of the four young ladies that had been added to the deal. Then again, if you believed Freddy's claims, his parents were well used to him having various different lady friends tagging along with him whenever he stopped at home.
John smiled in amusement as he watched his brother settling himself down in the lounge between two of Alex's friends. It wasn't long before Max began to complain about the uneven distribution of female company and Scott shrugged his shoulders innocently.
Alex had headed straight for the downstairs cloakroom when they had arrived and John waited by the door to the lounge, wondering whether to check if she was okay.
"What's it gonna be then, mateys?" Freddy wandered back through from the kitchen, his arms laden with bottles of beer. "Pictionary, Charades, Karaoke, Strip Poker?"
His query was met with a torrent of laughter and he grinned merrily. "Okay! Naked it is, then!"
John groaned inwardly and then heard the door beside him unlock. He watched Alex emerge and smiled in greeting. "Better?"
Alex shrugged slightly and frowned as she peered past him into the lounge.
"I'm guessing you're not much in the mood for drinking games, either."
Alex chuckled softly and shook her head.
"Freddy said the back door's open." John shrugged, "To give access to the beer in the garage, apparently."
Alex nodded and followed John out through the kitchen.
The slight chill in the air was refreshing and John sighed as he sank into one of the wooden chairs that sat on the decking behind the house.
"This place is huge." Alex observed and gazed out into the long dark of the garden.
"One of the benefits of your dad being a senior air force officer." John smiled. "My brother says Freddy and his family are kinda local legends."
Alex chuckled softly, "My friends would seem to agree! They've often spoken of their exploits with what seems most of the local squadron!" She shrugged slightly and then became quiet.
John nodded and his smile faded as he watched her for a moment. He could see her features in the light from the kitchen window along from them and he could tell she was again mulling over whatever it was that she had been through. "Do they know why you're not happy?"
Alex closed her eyes and leaned back against her chair, swinging her feet up onto the low table in front of them. She sighed and turned her face away from him.
"Sorry." John added quietly and then glanced back towards the kitchen. "I'm gonna get some coffee – you want some?" He saw her nod an affirmative and he then stood and wandered back along the edge of the lawn. Stepping into the kitchen, he saw his brother at the sink and nodded in greeting.
"Hey, dude!" Scott smiled happily and then continued to rinse out the cloth he held under the cold water. "Kate just kicked over her beer." He explained and hung the cloth over the tap to dry. "It seems I'm the only one sober enough to think of clearing it up. Now I know why Dad and Brains designed the island house without carpets!" "
John smiled, "You old mother hen, you."
Scott shrugged and began back towards the lounge. "You okay?" He turned back at the door and frowned slightly.
"I'm fine!" John chuckled, "Go back and have fun."
"I hope there isn't a call anytime soon – I'm in no fit state to fly!" Scott observed merrily.
"I guess I'll have to, then." John replied and laughed as he heard his brother grumbling something about hell freezing over as he headed out of the kitchen.
"It's a good thing the neighbours are not close – it's getting louder in there by the minute!" John laughed as he wandered back outside and handed Alex her coffee.
Alex nodded and sipped at her drink.
"Then again, from what my brother tells me, the local police turn a blind eye to golden boy in there!"
"Freddy's training to be an astronaut." Alex agreed, "Quite the superstar." She turned to John and frowned suddenly. "Is that how you guys know him?"
John nodded.
"Hang on!" Alex gasped, "Scientist? Do you work for NASA?"
"Yeah." John smiled.
"Cool!" Alex enthused and turned to face him. "Are you working on deep space stuff?"
John paused for a moment and sipped at his drink.
"Oh," Alex groaned slightly, "Sorry. Is it 'classified'?"
John nodded and shrugged his shoulders, glad that she had presented his escape but also disappointed not to be able to tell her the truth.
Alex leaned back in her chair and gazed up at the sky. "That's amazing … I bet you know loads of cool stuff about stars."
John laughed and nodded slightly as he followed her gaze skyward.
The occasional gap in the low cloud allowed a glimpse of the stars above them and Alex sighed loudly. "You can't see many stars from London, the city is too bright."
"True." John smiled, "But you still only see about a tenth of the stars from Earth, even if you're somewhere remote."
"D'you have one of those massive telescopes?"
John nodded and then frowned as he suddenly wondered whether the powerful lens that his father had bought him several Christmases ago had survived the explosion.
"Do they know who did it?" Alex asked quietly and watched his frown deepen. "The people that attacked your lab – have they been caught?"
"Yeah." John sighed and closed his eyes.
"That's good." Alex muttered and looked back up at the overcast sky. "The man that attacked me will never face charges."
John heard the slight tremble in her voice and held his breath.
"He's mentally ill and they said he didn't know what he was doing." Alex continued huskily, "But I could see in his face that he knew exactly what he was doing … I see it every time I close my eyes."
John turned to look at her and saw the thin glistening line that the tear running down the side on her face had left.
"It was nearly a week ago but I remember it like it only just happened."
John nodded and his heart raced as he realised that he could still even now smell the fumes of the burning station.
"He'd escaped from a local hospital and we were sent to section him. The staff at the hospital said he'd threatened them and had made it clear that he wanted to punish his mother for having had him admitted in the first place." Alex shuddered and hugged her arms around her chest. "It takes time to get a section order and we guessed we'd be too late by the time we got to his mum's house but …"
John slowly sat upright and placed his coffee on the table, ready to move closer to her at the first sign that she wanted him to.
"We had no idea …" Alex continued quietly, "All we knew was that we needed to apprehend him." She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. "He'd cut her throat."
John moved to the edge of his seat and frowned in concern. Her body language said stay back but he so wanted to comfort her somehow.
"I couldn't see what was wrong at first … she was sat there in front of the TV … and with the dark jumper she was wearing you couldn't tell that - " Alex couldn't hold back the sob that came to her tight throat and she sat forward, letting her face fall into her hands.
John stood quickly and stepped closer to her. He leaned down and draped one arm gently across her shoulders.
"No!" Alex shrugged him away and leapt from her chair. She jumped down from the decking and walked a few paces into the relative darkness of the garden.
John watched her shoulders shaking as she cried and thought perhaps he ought to go inside and leave her alone for a while.
"I tried to help her." Alex continued between sobs. "But it was too late. And then suddenly he was there. From nowhere he was beside me and he grabbed me. Oh god! There was nothing I could do! He was too strong! Oh god!"
John bit his lip hesitantly and then sighed as he slowly walked out across the grass towards her. He saw her glance in his direction and paused a short distance from her.
Alex took a deep breath and tried to force herself to calm down. She hugged her arms around her chest again and shook her head as fresh tears began to fall.
John watched her for a moment and then took a careful step closer. "Have you talked to anyone about what happened?"
Alex shook her head slowly. "The shrink at work knows the report details but … I was afraid that if I started telling him all this that …" She shrugged slightly, "And my parents would freak – my dad hates the job I do anyway. I guess I could talk to my colleagues but I've not been stationed there long …"
Suddenly John pieced together the details and his heart began to race as he realised she was a police officer. Afraid that he and Scott would be exposed, his only thought was to go inside and warn his brother but then he watched Alex fighting back tears and couldn't believe that she could be a threat. He edged a little nearer and shrugged his shoulders. "What about your friends."
Alex avoided his gaze as she glanced back at the house and suddenly smiled. "They wouldn't understand."
John sighed inwardly, relieved that his brother was apparently safe from dropping them in it.
"And I think it's better that they don't know …" Alex resumed, "It's nice to be with them without worrying what they'll think of me or them feeling sorry for me or …"
"Or trying to help." John offered.
Alex nodded and then suddenly laughed softly. "And fuck knows why I'm now telling this to someone I don't even know."
"Maybe that's just it," John said quietly, "Maybe it's easier to talk to a stranger."
Alex turned slowly and looked into his concerned face. "Or maybe it's because you said you knew…"
John nodded slowly, "I do."
Alex wiped her wet cheeks with her hands and sniffed weakly. "So … do you know what will make it go away?"
John groaned as he watched her face begin to crumple again and, throwing aside his caution, he quickly crossed the distance between them to wrap his arms around her. He closed his eyes as she buried her face into his neck and cried bitterly. He held her tightly and Alex sobbed against him until her throat became hoarse.
After a while she slowly began to calm again and he instinctively pressed his lips against her clammy forehead to soothe her. The gesture brought a gentle moan of appreciation from her and he closed his eyes as he tried to ignore how sensual the moment suddenly seemed.
"I don't remember being dragged into the bedroom," Alex mumbled into the collar of his shirt, "I must have hit my head because what happened is hazy but … but I can remember him showing me the knife and knowing that there was nothing I could do to stop him."
John's heart thudded against his chest as suddenly a similar memory of watching the readouts on a computer tracking the fast approach of a missile filled his thoughts. He shook his head to clear away the image and leaned his cheek against Alex's head. "Don't you wear vests?" He frowned.
Alex nodded. "That didn't stop him. He ran his hands over it, smiling at me while he searched for the edge of the Kevlar and then grinning as he slid the knife into the gap." She shuddered at the memory and slid her hands around his waist to hug him against her. "And all the time telling me that I only had myself to blame … that I had it coming."
"An eye for an eye, Mr. Tracy."
John held his breath as he remembered seeing the malice in the eyes that smiled down at them from the monitor. He'd looked away. Unlike his brothers and his father, he was too tired and sore to glare defiantly back at the man that taunted them.
"The other guys then rushed in and pulled him off me. It took them only a few seconds to react but it seemed like forever." Alex groaned and pressed her face further into John's neck. "And then I couldn't breathe. I think shock was preventing me from feeling pain but lying there gasping for breath was just horrible." She shivered slightly and pulled him closer against her. "I can remember thinking then that it was the end … that no one knew I was hurt … they were all busy with getting him secured … I tried to call out but I couldn't … and all I could do was pray that they wouldn't leave me there."
"Waiting for a rescue that will never come."
John held her tightly and recalled the station lurching violently as all remaining power was cut off and they began to fall towards an inevitable impact with the atmosphere. Then there was the nauseating dizziness from breathing too much carbon dioxide and the involuntary gasping for the slightest bit of air. His legs felt weak and suddenly he was unsure who was supporting whom in this tight embrace.
"How do you get over something like that?" Alex asked quietly, "How the fuck are you supposed to go on when nothing will ever be the same?"
"I don't know." John replied honestly, fighting back against his own tears.
"I went back to work to get some stuff and … god … I can't even look at my uniform without …" She clutched him against her and groaned softly.
John swallowed back the bile in his throat as he recalled his reaction on returning to the station and further tears stung the back of his eyelids.
"Maybe that's it, then." Alex sighed, "I'll have to find something else to do. I can't go back there."
Suddenly extracts of various things that Scott had shouted at him began to merge together in John's mind. He smiled thinly as he realised that, despite his reluctance to admit that his brother was right, he knew that there was a lot of truth in what he had said. He then frowned as Alex seemed to relax against him and he could sense her yielding to the fear and exhaustion. "No." He said firmly and stepped back from her, gently pulling her arms free from his waist. "No, that's exactly what we must not do!"
Alex lifted her head and gasped as she read the anger in his eyes as being directed towards her.
"If we give in, they win." John explained firmly and then saw the confusion on her face. He smiled and slid his hands up onto her shoulders. "If I don't go back to the st- the lab, if you don't go back to work, then we'll be doing exactly what those fuckers want."
Alex's frown faded as she let his words sink in and she nodded slowly.
"We can't let them beat us." John urged.
"No." Alex smiled suddenly and took a deep breath. "No. And we bloody well won't!" She laughed softly and reached up to place her hands on John's arms. "We'll show them!"
"We bloody well will!" John chuckled.
"Don't be taking the piss!" Alex warned merrily, "Or you'll be eating grass!"
John nodded and raised his hands in apology.
"Oh crap!" Alex then groaned, "You know what all this means?"
"No? What?"
"Our friends really were right to drag us out to that club." Alex sighed.
John smiled down at her and shrugged his shoulders. "They don't have to know that."
"True." Alex chuckled, "It can be our secret." She smiled up at him and then shivered slightly. "It's bloody cold out here!" She folded her arms and then frowned in concern.
John watched her as she pulled her fingers free from under her arm and saw the watery blood smeared on her fingers. "Surely it should have healed by now?" he asked in concern.
Alex shrugged slightly. "I suppose." She lifted her shirt and tried to examine the wound. Walking back towards the kitchen, she leaned into the light that shone through the open door but she still couldn't quite see and she groaned in annoyance.
John followed her and his frown grew as he saw the sutured gash and the extensive bruising around it.
"That bad, is it?" Alex smiled up at his horrified expression and then her face became sincere. "They had to make it worse to repair it, apparently. And they stuck bloody great tubes in to drain stuff and – ugh! – I don't want to think about it."
John shuddered and realised how lucky he had been. The painful gash between his shoulders was deep and Onaha had wanted him to be seen properly in a mainland ER but even then, before the nightmares had started, he had not wanted to get back into one of the rockets. He had insisted that Brains had enough experience of patching them up over the years and she had eventually relented.
"I guess, if stuff needs to come out then it's better that it does." Alex mumbled, still struggling to angle her body in order to look at the wound.
"Maybe you should cover it in case it gets dirt in it." John glanced towards the kitchen, "Freddy's mom must have something."
Alex followed him back inside the house and sat down at the kitchen table while John searched the cupboards.
"Aha!" John slid out the first aid box and searched through the contents. He grabbed some kitchen towel and knelt down beside her.
"You don't have to do this – I can go to the bathroom and do it."
"You can't see it." John countered.
"In the mirror I can!" Alex laughed.
"Yeah, but that's all backwards and sideways and shit." John smiled, "This won't take a second."
Alex held her breath as John gently cleaned up the blood that had oozed from the lower edge of the wound. His touch was far more delicate than that of the doctors in the hospital and his soft fingers seemed to tingle against her skin.
John sat back on his heels with a satisfied sigh and admired his handiwork. He smiled up at Alex and saw that she had closed her eyes and a gentle frown had settled over her eyes. He cut a length of dressing strip from the roll and carefully covered the wound, lightly pressing the edges of the plaster down, suddenly noticing that the black lace of her bra could just be seen beneath the folds of her shirt. "There." He stood quickly and packed away the remaining contents of the first aid kit.
Alex lowered her shirt and slowly looked up at him.
John smiled thinly and then glanced in the direction of the lounge "It's gone worryingly quiet in there – maybe we should go check on the others."
"Yeah." Alex stood and followed him across the kitchen. She suddenly paused as they neared the door and she reached out to take hold of his arm.
John gasped slightly as Alex pulled him to a halt and he turned to face her. He held his breath as she quickly stepped closer to him and gently reached up to slip her hand around his neck. He let her pull his head down towards her and closed his eyes as their mouths met.
As quickly as she had approached him, Alex pulled back and her slight sigh washed across John's mouth. "I … I don't know why I did that." She whispered.
John smiled and placed a hand on her cheek, his thumb gently stroking the still damp skin of her tearstained face. "I think I do." He husked.
Alex leaned back from him and reached up to gently pull his hand from her face. "I just wanted to thank you." She smiled thinly up at him and shrugged her shoulders slightly.
John nodded slowly and tried to ignore the reaction that their closeness was causing. His head was spinning dizzily but he somehow held back the groan of disappointment that came to his throat as Alex then moved away from him and headed out of the kitchen.