Authors Note: Thanks again for all the reviews. I know people are upset about Buffy acting weak, but you guys have to understand that she has had everything she's ever known ripped away from her. She's not going to be the same after that. No one would. I'm sorry if this makes you guys upset, I really am, but I just feel that this is how Buffy would act in this type of situation. Thanks for the people who support me on this and told me to keep it the way it is. Also, I'm warning you all now though, that I was in a bad mood when I wrote this chapter. I don't know if it shows or not, but just in case it does, and just in case I offend anyone, I'm very sorry.

Chapter Nineteen When Bad News Comes A Knockin'

Things were going good. Which I absolutely hated. I don't think I'll ever be happy. When things are bad I'm in constant worry that the people I care about are going to be hurt. But then when things are good, I know that the worst is about to come. It doesn't matter how many times I mentally scold myself, I still can't enjoy the peace while it lasts. I'm always dreading what's off in the distance. At least I'm not the only one though. Connor and Angel both are on edge, almost begging for a fight.

None of us have been able to leave this house for over a week now. Leon has men on the street twenty four seven, looking for any signs of us. Angel thinks that he's still hurt pretty badly though seeing how he himself is still having trouble even walking around. Although, his pain will be apparently worse then Leon's since he doesn't have the power of Slayers blood to heal away his aches and pains. And believe me when I say when I mentioned I could easily help him out in that situation, the room exploded. I thought Connor was going to have a heart attack at the mere thought of it. And Angel? Well, he just got that far off broody look that I tend to think is so cute, but he didn't come out of it for almost a full day. I keep my mouth shut on these things now.

The three of us have been researching non-stop. None of us really sleep except for Angel, and that's only because I make him since he's still not at his best. We've yet to find a single thing that could help us though. And it's not like we could go out and get books ourselves. No, we have to leave that up to the other people that live in this house. The people that Leon still thinks are on his side. Even then it's risky. Magic and cult books have long since been outlawed. Leon doesn't want people to get any ideas, as Angel so plainly puts it. If you needed a cult book, you have to go to one of the shops in the black-market. And half the time, when somebody goes there, they don't return.

Angel started rubbing his temple and squinting his eyes while reading the pages. "Angel, why don't you try and get some sleep."

"I'm fine." He grumped at me. I swear, he's worse then a child at times.

"Do you have a headache?" He'd been having a lot of those since the fight with Leon. Neither of us can really figure out why. That would be one of the first things you would think would go away. But this was the most persistent pain of them all.

"It's just a small one."

I laid my book down on the table, marking my spot. "Come on, you're going to bed."

"Buffy I'm fine."

"You just told me that you had a headache."

"It's not that bad. Really."

I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him the resolve face that Willow had pulled on me so many times before. "Now."

Connor snorted from the other side of the table.

"What are you laughing at?" Angel glared at his son.

"Oh nothing. I just find it funny how she weighs all of a hundred and twenty pounds, and she's able to get you to do anything she wants."

"That's because she could kick my ass if I don't."

"True."

"Stop talking." I said, trying to be stern. I hated that I had to pull him away from bonding with his son. These last couple days they had barley said anything to each other, but when they did, it was never bad.

Angel sighed. "I don't want to go up there Buffy." He looked up at the ceiling while he said this, softening my resolve. He, for some reason, hated being up in that room by himself. I personally think that it's just his way to stay down here with me, or to get me to come up there with him. He swears up and down though that he finds it creepy up there.

"Fine. You can sleep on the couch." I took his hand and led him to the sofa at the far end of the room, making him lay down, using my lap as a pillow. Within moments he was asleep.

"He's still pretty weak." Connor said from across the room.

I ran my fingers through his hair. "Yeah. I think it's mostly to do with the fact that he hasn't really eaten in the last couple days." Ever since the fight Angel hadn't been hungry. He only sips down a little bit of blood every once in awhile just to humor me. Even then though, he has to practically chock it down.

"He's gone longer without eating before. Don't worry about it."

"Too late." I don't know how many times Connor has told me not to worry about Angel. He should have learned by now that I'll always worry. A part of me thinks that I even worried about him while I was up in heaven. I know that's silly, but I don't think that that feeling of protection will ever really leave me. Not when it comes to Angel at least. Even after we had broken up I was constantly worrying about him. Something most ex girlfriends wouldn't be caught dead doing.

"I'll never get it."

"Get what?"

"Why you love him." He said plainly. "He's a vampire. The one thing in the world that you're supposed to be destined to kill, and yet you love him."

I smiled. "I do. I don't know why I do. God knows we've had our rough patches. But I still love him. No matter what he feels about me, I'll always love him."

"I don't think you'll have to ever worry about him falling out of love with you. The way he looks at you… you're his world."

"Not all of it." Connor rolled his eyes. "Roll your eyes all you want, but he's your father. He loves you more then anything in this world Connor. If he had to choose between you and me, he'd chose you. Despite the way you treat him, you're the one thing in this world that has kept him fighting for as long as he has. Without you, he'd be by Leon's side right now. Probably be his right hand man. There's no doubt in my mind."

"Maybe." He said shrugging his shoulders like it was nothing.

"Say what you want. But you know it's true. I think that's why you've stuck around all this time. You could have hopped a bus to another city any time you wanted before the whole thing with Leon, but you didn't."

"You wouldn't leave him either if you saw what I had seen. No matter how much you hated him." He said bitterly.

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing. I wouldn't want to taint your perfect image of you're savior."

"I know enough about Angel's past already. I don't think anything you say is going to change my views of him."

"They would mine."

"You're not me."

He slammed his book shut and pushed back from the table. "You know what? I'm going to go upstairs and catch some shut eye myself. I'm suddenly feeling tired."

"Night." I said quietly.

"Yeah, whatever." With that he left the room, slamming the study doors behind him. The sound of the door caused Angel to stir and look at it glassy eyed.

"What was that all about?" He asked groggily.

I looked down at him and smiled. "Nothing. He's just tired, that's all."

He looked at me warily. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Go back to sleep." I tried to coax him back into slumber, but he held firm. "I'm not going to tell you so you may as well forget it."

"He's my son, I have every right to know."

"He's also not a little boy anymore."

"He never really was."

"Point being," I cut him off from any other further discussion. "He's an adult. He should be able to make his own decisions."

"Yes he should. But that doesn't mean I can't know what just happened between you two."

"Angel…"

"Buffy."

"I'm not telling you. If you want to know so bad, ask him. It's his business to tell you what he wants you to know, not mine."

Angel looked at me, searching for the answer he wanted, but I held firm. "Fine." He grumbled as he got up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to ask my son what just happened."

"Angel…"

"No," He smiled thinly. "You just said that if I really wanted to know what was going on, to go ask him. That's what I'm doing."

"I didn't mean now." I yelled after him as he went after Connor. Shaking my head I got up and went back to my research. I was only able to get about three minutes into it though when I slammed the book shut, much like what Connor had previously done. The little question of what had happened between Angel and Connor had been nagging at the back of my mind since day one. After all this time, it was finally surfacing, begging me to snoop and find out what had happened. For some reason I hatted that I didn't know this. This little… well, maybe not too little… aspect of my ex boyfriends life was killing me.

Without even realizing it, I had walked upstairs and was standing in front of Connors door, hand posed to turn the knob and go in. "Buffy, stop this." I scolded myself. I was about to turn around and go back downstairs when I heard the voices from inside the room.

"Leave her out of this Connor. She has nothing to do with Buffy and I." Angel's voice came from within.

"Oh really? Then why do you get jumpy every time I mention her?"

"Maybe because that's an aspect of my life I'm trying to forget at the moment." He growled.

I scrunched my brow in confusion, the thoughts of going back downstairs and not interfering skipping out of my mind in an instant.

"Forget huh? Is that what you tell yourself you're doing? Forgetting?"

I creaked the door open a fraction, having to at least get a tiny glimpse of what was going on. Connor was leaning against a heavy oak desk on the far side of the room, his arms crossed over one another, quirking an eyebrow up at his father.

Angel on the other hand was closer to the door, so much that I could see the blinding anger written on his face, see his hands clenching at his side, and see the glares that he was currently giving to his son.

"You're not forgetting, dad. You're merely ignoring."

"You sound like your mother so much at times that if I didn't know better, I'd think she'd raise you. Although, she very well could have seeing how she was in hell all the while you were."

"Don't talk to me about my mother."

"Then don't talk to me about the past." He growled right back at him.

"I'm not. I'm talking about the present. You know, the one where you had spent every single night up until a little while ago screwing some two bit whore into the wall." In an instant Angel was on him, pressing his son back against the desk.

"Do you really want to take me right now?"

Connor laughed as much as he could with Angel nearly crushing his windpipes. "The question is, do you?" He croaked up, trying to gasp for what little air he could.

I threw open the door. "Alright, this pissing contest is officially over."

"Stay out of this Buffy." Angel said, not letting go of Connor.

"Let him go." I stated.

"You have no idea what this is about, so stay out."

"I know more then you think." I held my ground.

"Really? So listening in for a few minutes at the door has suddenly given you a valid insight to my life?"

That caught me off guard. "You knew?"

"I'm a vampire. The smell of a slayer is pretty hard to miss."

I mentally kicked myself for not realizing that earlier. "Alright, so I have no idea what you two are fighting about, but I'm not leaving here until you let him go."

"Fine," He let go of him and backed up a few steps. "Now go." Connor glared at Angel, holding his throat. But I knew that no permanent damage had been done, Connor wasn't even gasping for air. Angel had spent years knowing how much pressure it would take to crush somebody's windpipe, there was never any danger of him going to far by accident in this situation. That's what scared me, if he had killed Connor, or hurt him anymore then he already had, it wouldn't have been by accident.

Dark bruises were already forming on Connors throat, in the shape of fingers. I marched up to Angel and grabbed his arm, swinging him around to face me. "What the hell do you think you were doing?" I hissed.

"None of your business, now go." He remained calm with me, but I could see the fire that was lit just under the surface of his calm exterior. I glanced towards Connor, who was openly glaring daggers at his father.

"No." I said simply.

"No?" Angel laughed. "Buffy, do you really think that you'd be able to stop me if I decided I wanted you gone?"

"Do you really think you'd ever lay a hand on me without getting your ass kicked?"

Angel was silent, knowing that I had just called his bluff. I was determined to find out what the hell had happened between the two of them in the matter of minutes that they were talking, to make Angel want to kill his own son. "Now, what the hell are you two doing?"

Angel rolled his eyes and started walking out of the room. "I don't need this."

"SIT. Down." I ordered, my hands firmly on my hips. "Somebody better tell me what the hell is going on before I get testy." I looked back and fourth from each of the boys. Connor was now sitting on the desks surface, and Angel on the bed. "What ? No volunteers?" Neither answered me. "Fine, I'll start by asking the questions. Angel, why did you attack him?"

"It's…."

"If you say that it's none of my business I swear to god I'll come over their and rip your fangs out one by one. Now answer the damn question."

He glared at me defiantly. He could be just as stubborn as I could when he really wanted to be. "Fine," I turned to Connor instead, hoping that he'd give up some information. "Connor?"

Connor smirked. "You know that girl that you saw him with that one night? The hooker?" My eyes darkened at the mention of her.

"Connor, don't." Angel stood up from his position on the bed.

I turned on him. "Shut up Angel. You had your chance to talk and you refused. Now its Connors turn." Angel remained standing. "Continue." I said to Connor.

"I think that he should tell you what she did to him…. What he did to her…" He added as an afterthought. "That's what love is all about, isn't it? Sharing. Making sure there are no secrets between the two. I'm just looking out for my father's best interests."

"Right." I said sarcastically. I turned to Angel. "Anything you want to add?"

He looked me dead in the eye, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. He was pissed, I knew that much, but I wasn't quite sure what this was all about. It had to be more then just the sex part; I knew that he had slept with this girl. So why would he attack his son to keep him quite on something that I already knew about. There was much more to the story then I was even thinking. Without a word Angel turned on his heal and walked out of the room. A few moments later I hear the door slam at the end of the hall.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. "Sorry." Connors voice came from behind me. 'You shouldn't have seen that. I just thought…"

"Oh don't give me the sob story about how you thought that it would be the best thing to do. That's not even a blip on your radar screen. You just want to piss him off and only God knows why." I slumped onto the bed.

"He tried to kill me!"

"Connor, if he wanted to kill you, you'd be dead. I'd be dragging your bony ass down stairs at the moment, caring you to the incinerator."

"That doesn't even worry you? He knowingly hurt another human and you're telling me that you're not upset by this what so ever?"

I laughed bitterly. "Upset doesn't even come close to what I'm feeling right now. I used to have him figured out. But now, now his life is so screwed up that he's willing to hurt his own child just to keep me from finding out about something. That fact alone scares the hell out of me. I keep wondering what it is that he possible could have done that would make him think that he has to do something like that. I'm scared out of my mind for him. He's been so lost for so long, I don't know what he'll do anymore, and I don't think I know how to get him back."

Connor was silent, knowing that I was right.

"I love him so much. He's all I have left in this world, and right now it looks like I'm going to lose him." Not a single strand of emotion laced my voice.

"That girl needs help." He said after a moment.

"What?"

"The hooker, she needs help."

"Does Angel know about this?"

"Yeah. That's why we were fighting. He wants to go and help her, but not tell you a single thing about it. He wanted me to cover for him while he goes and deals with it all."

I shook my head and stood up. "And you said no." He didn't answer me so I just left. Slowly I walked down the hall towards Angel's room, the room that I was beginning to think of as ours. I opened it up cautiously, only to find him in the corner of the room in an overstuffed chair brooding.

"Can I interrupt?" I asked quietly.

"I don't see why not."

I walked over and sat on the arm. "Connor didn't tell me what ever it was that you're trying to hide." He stayed emotionless. "I was hoping though that you would." Still he didn't speak, didn't even move. "Angel, I know whoever this woman is, that she needs help. I also know that you want to help her."

"Want isn't necessarily the word I'd use. More like obligated."

I leaned over and ran my hands through his hair until he turned towards me. "How long would you be gone?" His brow scrunched in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"How long would it take for you to do whatever it is that you need to do?"

His mouth hung open as he looked at me. "You're going to let me go?"

I laughed slightly, trying to hide the anger at the thought of him going to aid this woman brought to me. "I don't own you Angel. I can't stop you from doing something."

"If you don't want me to go Buffy, I won't."

I wanted to scream for him to stay, tell him that he wasn't allowed to even step a foot towards her. But I didn't, I just stayed silent.

He sighed and pulled me down into his lap so I was straddling him. Kissing me gently on the cheek he buried himself into my neck. "Please." Came his muffled words. "It'll only be a couple days. I swear. There's nothing between her and I anymore. But this is something that I have to do."

I pulled away from him and made him look at me. "I'm not going to lie. I don't want you to go. I pretty much want to tear this girl into pieces. But I know that it's important to you. And that means, that I have to let you do this, no matter how much it kills me to say it."

He smiled softly at me. "I love you. You know that right."

I leaned my head against his. "Just come back to me." And at that moment I knew that the tiny nagging felling I had been having, the one where I knew that something bad was going to happen, it was about to explode.